Hey everybody!
It's been a while since I've updated two weekends in a row. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Specials thanks to Torple, Tell me you're still you, IrishPotatoes496, Alleyne Happlesful, ARSpunky for your reviews on both chapters (The offense quote from The Fight is one of my favorite ever. I use it in this chapter =)), BeckyRenee (I promise to keep the April/Andy prompts coming), and guests who left such kind reviews. I love reading what you guys have to say. You inspire me to keep writing. Double shoutouts for BeckyRenee for joining the follow/favorite club. Also thanks Uxiea for doing just about everything I think you can do - following/favoriting the story, following/favoriting me, and for favoriting my other fic, 4 Times Ben&Leslie Say Screw It, and One Time They Don't (But Want To). You guys rock!
This is a chapter I've been working on for a while, and it finally just kind of fell together. As always, your reviews, follows, and favorites are cherished! Read on!
"Thanks again for coming with me," Leslie said as she and Ann pulled up to the house.
"Like I'd let you look at houses by yourself," Ann replied as Leslie put the car in park, and they both climbed out into the cool, fall air. "Plus, Ben texted me and asked me to go with you to make sure you don't lease something with a transvestite room." Ann showed Leslie her phone with the text from Ben on the screen as they walked to the front door.
"Ah, trampoline room," Leslie said thinking that Ben really needed to start proofing his texts. "And what Ben doesn't know won't hurt him, okay?"
"Of course," Ann replied as she followed her friend to the front porch where they met Leslie's real estate agent, Martha.
"Hello," Leslie smiled as they stepped onto the front porch. "Martha, this is the wonderful, clever, sexy, and sassy nurse, Ann Perkins."
"You can just call me Ann," Ann attempted a joke as she reached out a hand to shake Martha's. After so many years of knowing Leslie, she still wasn't used to her eccentric introductions.
"Oh, hello," Martha replied, looking confused at a blushing Ann as she shook her hand. "I didn't realize you- I didn't know, I didn't realize this was your partner."
"Partner in crime," Leslie beamed as she nudged Martha's shoulder, her bright, ignorant smile never leaving her face.
"We're not-I'm not-" Ann stuttered. This wasn't the first time someone had mistaken her and Leslie as couple, so she should have been better prepared with a response, but it caught her off guard every time. "I've slept with a lot of men," was all she could manage.
Martha gave what Ann could only interpret as a judgmental stare. "Let's just look at the house, shall we?"
"Yes!" Ann agreed readily. "Let's go look at the house and stop talking."
Martha led them through the master and guest bedrooms and bathrooms as she pointed out features like picture windows and crown molding.
"And this is the living room," Martha explained as she led them into the room. "These are the original hardwood floors. The French doors lead out to a patio, and the archway," she nodded to the far wall, "leads into the dining room.
Leslie nodded, "I love the fireplace," she commented, already thinking of nights she and Ben could spend cuddled on the couch making s'mores.
Martha's cell phone began to ring, and the real estate agent looked down at the number.
"I'm sorry," Martha said, "I have to take this, feel free to keep looking around."
"So what do you think?" Ann asked as Martha left the room. "I mean, this is pretty great, right?"
"I think so," Leslie agreed. "I just need to try to picture Ben here. Can you stand by the window and say something about Star Trek?"
"Um, okay," Ann agreed timidly as she walked over to the window and looked back to Leslie who nodded in encouragement. "Um, I'm Ben and I like Star Trek. Star Trek rocks!" Ann said, doing her best to pretend to be excited over something that Ben would be excited about.
"It's not working," Leslie admitted. "Will you please put on the shirt and tie?" She started digging in her purse to pull out one of Ben's plaid, button-up shirts and a skinny black tie.
"Absolutely not," Ann said as she shook her head to reiterate her point. Ann had already fought and temporarily won this battle three times during the ten-minute drive from Leslie's house to here. "She already thinks I'm batting for the other team," Ann whispered as if Martha might reappear at any minute. "I'm not dressing like a dude."
"I didn't know you played baseball."
"I don't play baseball," Ann sighed in exasperation. "She thinks we're a couple."
"Why do people always think that?" Leslie asked, wrapped up in her thoughts and not at all worried about the implications that having Ann dress up like Ben would have on her already suspicious real estate agent.
Gosh, I don't know, Ann thought. Probably because you ask me to do things like dress up like men. Or maybe it's my lack of boundaries, she wondered. Probably a good combination of both.
"Please, Ann," Leslie begged as she pushed the clothes toward her friend. "Please, please, please! This decision could decide the fate of the rest of our relationship. Did you know that five out of seven couples split because the well-meaning girlfriend picks out the wrong house to lease?"
Ann gave her a questioning stare. "You just made that up, didn't you?"
Leslie ignored her accusation. "Ann, please. This is really big. It'll be for two minutes tops."
Ann sighed. She already knew she would give into Leslie's request eventually. I mean, she had once eaten an entire cheesecake for Leslie, so putting on a shirt and tie wasn't really that big of a deal, and she knew if the shoe was on the other foot, Leslie would be willing to put on a fat suit and go swimming in a pool of pudding for her.
"Fine," Ann reluctantly agreed. "Give me the shirt."
Leslie smiled triumphantly. "Thank you," she said as she thrust the clothes at her. "Okay, put these on, and then stand over by the window. I'll come in, and that'll be it!"
"Alright," Ann said, still hesitant as she took the shirt and started to shrug it on over her top. She silently prayed that Martha's phone call would be long enough to keep her from having to witness this. She buttoned the final button and tucked the shirt into her skinny jeans.
"Are you ready?" Leslie called from the hallway.
"Yeah," Ann called as she took her spot by the window while she finished tucking her tie under her collar. "Wait! Am I still supposed to talk like Ben?"
"Yeah!" Leslie called from the other side of the door.
Ann sighed. "Okay, I'm ready!"
"Hey, honey, I'm home!" Leslie called enthusiastically as she entered the room. "Holy shit!"
"What?" Ann panicked, thinking the only thing to warrant that kind of response out of someone would be a masked murderer standing somewhere in the vicinity.
"You look just like him!" Leslie said as she walked over to her friend.
"I do not," Ann argued.
"Well, I mean, not exactly," Leslie agreed, "His butt is better, no offense. But with your hair pulled back like that, I mean at the right angel."
"Offense. I have an excellent butt," Ann defended. "Can I please take this thing off now?"
"No!" Leslie responded. "I couldn't concentrate. Please, just one more time."
"Fine," Ann said shortly. "You've got one minute."
Leslie skipped out of the room, back into the hallway. "Honey, I'm home!" She called again.
"Oh, Leslie, hello. I was just making some calzones while I watch Star Trek and do some math with these numbers," Ann said with mock enthusiasm in her best Ben voice.
"My gosh, it really is uncanny," Leslie said, going right back to being amazed with Ann's transformation. "You need to think about making this a look permanent."
"You mean like wearing a plaid, button-up shirt and a tie on a regular basis? Out in public? No thanks."
"You look smokin' hot," Leslie commented.
"Thanks," Ann said timidly. "I think. Can I take this off now?"
"No," Leslie responded quickly. "One more time, promise."
Ann threw her hands up in frustration as Leslie once again exited the room. Stupid Ben. Stupid Washington D.C., Ann thought as she paced back and forth in front of the window. She understood that Leslie missed her boyfriend, but she was sure that making her dress up like him wasn't healthy on several different levels. Realizing that Leslie wasn't going to enter until she was in full Ben mode, she called through the room. "I love Leslie Knope! I want to marry Leslie Knope and have her children! And I've got a sexy butt. I've got the sexiest ass in the whole wide-"
Ann turned around but stopped short when she noticed Martha standing at the far entrance of the room, her eyes wide and jaw dropped.
"Oh, um," Ann cleared her voiced and started unbuttoning the men's plaid shirt. "This…this isn't…I've slept with a lot of men..."
Martha simply put her hands innocently in the air and shook her head as if she didn't want to know what was really going on.
"Honey, I'm home!" Leslie called as she walked in on cue.
Ann closed her eyes, trying to figure out exactly how she arrived at this situation. Boundaries, she thought. We've got to start working on boundaries.
There you have it! I love the messes that Ann and Leslie get themselves into. Just so you know, my inspiration for Ann in this chapter was Rashida Jones's character and wardrobe in the movie Our Idiot Brother, which if you haven't seen it, is a pretty great movie.
As always, please read, review, follow, and favorite, and I'll catch you on the flip side!