This feels filler-y to me, but it's stuff that has to be said. Chapters are short because that's how I roll. I have this and 2 other stories that are actively romping in my brain right now, plus packing up the house for the move – holy cow that's next week! Someone send Emmett over here for the heavy lifting. I could use his laughter too.

I repeat, I will not abandon this story. No worries folks.

Your mood music: Death Cab for Cutie – pretty much the entire Plans CD. I just set it to play and left it going.

I sat there quietly on the ground, lost in thought while their words flowed around me. It was all so pointless, really. We had no direction, no clues, and no decisions could be made. I felt helpless once again, and I hated it.

All of this was supposed to stop when I became a vampire. Everyone – Edward, Charlie, Jake – they all were supposed to be safer once my apparently delicious blood was no longer an issue. And yet, everything was the same. Another threat loomed over me and mine, but at least this time I was as indestructible as the rest of them. More so, since I was still a newborn and had all the benefits of extra strength. This time I wouldn't be watching from the sidelines.

I wasn't foolish enough to mention this. Edward was still kneeling next to me, holding me in his vice like grip as they speculated on the possibilities. I knew what his reaction would be.

I took the opportunity to study the faces of the werewolves, and Jacob in particular. He'd kept his longer hair, just long enough to pull back at the nape of his neck. I wasn't surprised to find how much I'd missed him without even noticing it. Near the end, our relationship had gotten to be so complicated, but before all of that he'd been my best friend, my warm sunshine during my darkest days. It was good to see him again, but I couldn't know if he felt the same way about me. Since his initial shocked reaction, he hadn't even glanced my way.

The meeting broke up, interrupting my perusal of my old friend. I stood quickly as they turned to go. "Jacob," his name was out before I could stop myself.

He stopped walking with his back to me, waving to his companions to continue without him before he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked at the ground.

Edward squeezed my hand gently and I turned to meet his eyes. He nodded in silent support, and turned to go into the house. He couldn't stay with me for this. It was up to me to try to make this work, but I didn't know how to do it. I no longer felt stretched thin between the two most important men in my life, but it didn't make it any easier to try to talk to Jacob. As he'd said before, I loved him. Just not enough to choose him over Edward.

I watched him as his shoulders rose and fell with a huge sigh. The silence between us was nearly palpable.

"What do you want Bella?" his voice was harsh.

"How are you?" I stammered. "Are you okay Jake? Are you happy?"

"I'm making it," he said roughly, still refusing to even look my way.

"Jake, please," I reached out to touch his arm and he flinched away. I fought back a wave of hurt as he pulled farther away. I had no right to any kind of reconciliation, but I had to try. When I'd left him in his room that day, we still wanted to be friends, but maybe it just wouldn't be possible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll stop being so selfish." I turned to go into the house. Obviously my presence was too much. The idea tore my heart, but I'd learned this lesson once already. As painful as it was to let go, it hurt both of us more in the long run when I tried to hang on.

"It's not that Bella," he finally turned to look at me, his eyes fierce with some unrecognizable emotion. "It's just… just…" he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Aw crap Bella! Look at you!" he exploded.

I bowed my head to his anger. I deserved it, deserved any tongue lashing that he gave me. At least I wouldn't cry this time.

"And what are you doing here?" he was exasperated.

My head snapped up at that. What had we just spent the last hour discussing? Didn't he have any kind of understanding of the danger that he was in? Or was he just looking forward to more opportunities to fight. "The guard!" I yelled back.

"Ya but did you have to be here? I mean, come on Bella. Any of you could have told us everything."

If I were still human, I would have been red faced and crying by then. "I'm sorry!" I yelled. "I wanted to see you, all right?" I just wanted to see you!" I clenched my hands into fists and stalked past him across the clearing to sit on a low stump. "And just you wait a minute Jacob Black!" I sprang to my feet again as another thought struck me. "You knew I'd be here and you came anyway, so don't you go blaming me!" My plan to quietly accept his anger evaporated as rage washed over me. He could blame me for being here if he wanted, but he had to accept his part in this as well. As far as I knew, he'd come of his own free will.

Jake stopped in his tracks. He'd been following me across the field. "I wanted to see you too," he mumbled.

"Oh Jake," I sighed dejectedly, my anger extinguished as quickly as it had come over me. "Is it ever going to be easy again?"

He was biting his lip, a habit that he'd more than likely picked up from me. "Probably not."

"There's just too much there isn't there?"

"Yes," he said softly. He raised his head to look at me intently. "Are you happy?"

"Yes." He nodded when I didn't hesitate with my answer. "Aside from the whole bloodlust thing, I'm happy Jake." I reached out unconsciously to touch his arm again, and that time he let me. "I wish…" I let my hand fall.

"I'm mostly happy," he answered. "It's just seeing you again. You still look like Bella."

"I am still Bella."

"But different," he argued. "You're cold, and," he wrinkled his nose. "You kinda reek now."

"Hey!" I couldn't help laughing. "You're talking to me normally now. It can't be that bad."

"Not as bad as the rest of them," he cocked his head toward the house. "It's like you used to smell, only too sweet now. Like fruit candy."

"Fruit candy?" I asked. Why did they always compare me to food?

"Ya, they make it fruit flavored but it doesn't taste like any kind of real fruit. It's too sweet. Like that."

"Well you don't smell so hot yourself," I answered. This conversation wasn't going how I thought it would, but talking was better than yelling.

"Jake? Are we enemies now?"

"Not enemies," he shook his head. "You'll always be my friend Bells. Even if it's hard."

"Me too Jake." I wished I could give him a hug like I used to, but it would be too much. We were friends again, but it was still too raw, too brittle for that kind of thing.

xxxx

"Are you doing okay?" Edward's arms snaked around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I was once again standing and staring out of our window wall. I let my head fall back against him, and breathed in his scent. It was always calming for me.

"Mostly," I answered him honestly. "It's almost like trying to learn to be friends with an ex. Even if that's not exactly the right way to describe this situation." I sighed and turned to wrap my arms around him. "I never had to worry about that kind of thing before, and I don't really know how to do it. And I'm afraid of hurting all of us all over again. I really screwed it up the last time I tried to have both of you in my life."

"Do you want Jacob?" his voice was careful, and I looked at his face to find the mask that he wore when he was trying to hide something.

"Edward Cullen," my voice was sharper than I intended, but I had to continue. "I need you to be honest with me. Even if it makes you feel selfish. Even if you think it's something that I don't want to hear. I don't care what your reason is. You have to tell me. I can't do this if you're holding things back." I was forceful with him, but he needed to understand that there was no other option if we were going to avoid the mistakes from our past.

"Do you regret-"

"NO!" I interrupted him, nearly screaming. "Never," I whispered. "You could ask me every day from now until the end of time and I would give you the same answer. I need you to be sure of me Edward. You can't doubt me. You have to know."

"I do know," he murmured into my hair. "I just needed to hear it again."

"Do you want me to not be friends with Jacob?" I leaned back so I could look into his eyes.

"I want you to be his friend, because it makes you happy," he pulled me close again. "We have more in common than I gave him credit for before, and I know I would want the chance to know you if things had gone differently."

"You have to tell me if I'm hurting you," I mumbled into his shirt.

"I will tell you everything," he agreed, and kissed me deeply.

xxxx

We skulked in the trees at the edge of the forest. "Are you sure Alice?" I asked again.

"It's very definite. Just stay here and we'll see him. He won't see us, you won't attack, and everything will be all right."

I clung to the branch of my tree, and took a deep breath to calm myself. Charlie's scent washed over me. I'd never smelled it before, but I would have known it anywhere. It was the essence of Charlie – kind of warm sea smell, with leather thrown in. As horrible as it is to say, he smelled delicious, but this was Charlie. I wanted to go to him, desperately, but I would hate myself for the rest of eternity if I did. I felt Edward's soothing hand on my hair, and looked at him with a small smile. I was only just beginning to understand everything he had gone through just to be near me. I was excruciating, but at the same time I was proud of myself for being able to be so near him after only a little over 9 months as a vampire. I was no where near ready to be close to humans, but across the road and up a tree seemed to be working fine.

The sun was only just beginning to peek over the horizon when I saw him exit the house. He was wearing his typical off duty flannel shirt and jeans, and stood fumbling with the doorknob for a second before reaching to place the key in its usual spot in the eaves. He bent to pick up his fishing pole, and I smiled as I heard him whistling on his way to the car. He was happy.

I looked at Alice once again as he pulled away. "Alice, could I?" I began. Her eyes were closed, and she held up one finger asking me to wait.

"If you like, it would be fine," she answered after a moment.

"He's going fishing with Billy," Edward said. "He'll be gone all day."

"I don't want that long," I murmured. "I just want to see."

I swiftly crossed the road and unlocked the door, Edward and Alice at my heels. I entered the house and was suddenly hit by a flood of memories. How many movies had I watched with Edward on that couch? How many meals had I cooked in that kitchen? I spotted my latest post card from Denali tacked to the front of the fridge. One of our wedding photos was displayed prominently on the center of the mantle in the living room. Everything else was in order, practically unchanged from my time living with Charlie.

I climbed the steps to my old room, and stopped to stand in the doorway. It had been less than a year since I had slept in that bed, but it was a lifetime ago. I shook my head in wonder at all that had come to pass since then. Edward squeezed by me, going to sit in my old rocking chair. He held his arms out to me, and I grinned as I crossed to sit in his lap.

"Edward?" I asked, turning to press a kiss against his jaw. "Will we ever be able to come visit here when Charlie is home?"

"I'm sure we will, sometime in the next few years, when you can pass for a young looking twenty something," he replied. "You'll have been gone long enough that Charlie will assume your differences come from your age, and you'll be old enough then to control yourself around him. I think it would be possible."

"Good," I replied. "I'd like to spend time here with you legitimately. Keep you overnight in my bed with Charlie's consent," I grinned. "This is part of where it all began, and I'd like to have some solid memories of it."

"I'm sure that can be arranged," he murmured.

"Do you think the Volturi…" I trailed off as Alice appeared in the doorway. I couldn't bring myself to voice the question that lay heavy on my mind.

"I don't see anything like that in his future, Bella," Alice tried to reassure me. "I know things change, and I'm not infallible, but I truly think that Charlie is going to be fine through all of this."

I hoped she was right, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something that I was missing. Something important that I wouldn't remember until it was too late. They knew how Alice's power worked, and if Victoria had been smart enough to not make clear decisions until the end, the Volturi would have no problems following the same strategy. The only thing about that was that it was supposed to be against their rules for humans to know of their existence. Jasper said they wouldn't break their own rules, but I worried all the same. Sitting in his house, rocking in my old chair, made me feel just how fragile his life really was. I would do nearly anything to keep him safe.