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CHAPTER 21

"Colonel, is it convenient to review the patients with you now?" He was used to her observing the niceties of command language, but something about her tone filled him with a sense of unease, which a glance at her face, confirmed was fully justified. She was devoid of colour and her features appeared pinched.

"What is it, Grace? What's happened?" His concern over-rode his usual care for the outward observance of protocols.

"Nothing, Sir; nothing to concern you." Her voice was clipped and tense.

"I beg to differ. Something most definitely does concern me."

"Sir, walls often have ears," Grace whispered.

He nodded, as he followed her lead, and said, "Come, Matron; do take a seat by the stove where it's warm. Have you had tea?" He placed his hand in the small of her back and guided her towards the armchairs at the back of the room.

She sat down and shook her head, acknowledging that she had not had a drink, and he busied himself with making a pot for them both, all the while covertly watching her, while she clearly struggled with something, which had shaken her. As he did so, he recalled that she had been due to see Sister Quayle and he felt certain she was behind Grace's obvious distress. He placed the cups on the small table and drew his chair closer to hers, so that they were not overheard.

"Sweetheart, tell me what's happened." He reassuringly took her hand in both his, as he leant forward to close the distance between them and to obscure his action from anyone trying to look in.

Grace looked up and her eyes shone with unshed tears as she poured out what had transpired between Sister Quayle and herself. Roland's expression changed from concern to barely controlled rage; his face was like thunder, both for the insults Grace had endured on his behalf, and also because he had not been there to protect her.

"How dare she! Damn her to hell, the venomous witch. Her so-called friends would do well to tend to their work and to keep their noses out of other people's business. The young woman, to whom they refer, can only be my god-daughter, Tilly, who is training to be a nurse in London. You didn't believe that I was…." His voice trailed off as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it with such reverence that the tears, which she had held in check, finally spilled over and ran down her face, splashing onto, and staining, the material of his trousers. He raised his hands to her cheeks and wiped them away.

"No Roland, I didn't believe any such thing. I knew their interpretation was not true, but I am so alone here, vulnerable and anxious because of our situation. I know what I feel for you and usually that is enough, but in the face of this morning's onslaught, I felt under great pressure because you and I have to love in secret and that means I can say very little when we are directly attacked, as I believe we have been today. Nothing she said to me changes my feelings for you in any way, but I am so in love with you that I am terrified of losing you. I have invested my entire being in this relationship and I have nothing in reserve to fall back on; so, yes, I am vulnerable and she knows very well how to chip away at a weakness. My love for you is both my strength, but also my Achilles heel."

"Shhh..you will not lose me, my love. I'm yours."

"That woman tries to taint whatever is good & pure. I know you are married, but I love you so; I cannot help myself. Roland, if I did have your child, it would never be a bastard in my eyes, nor I believe in yours."

At this, her tears fell again.

"Grace, sweetheart, you have not broken that which was not already shattered. If I had met you when I was young, instead of Hetty, my life would have been rich in blessings, because I would have married for love, but I did not know you then. Hetty and I were ill matched from the start, as you know. She no more wanted me than I her, but where I tried for appearance sake, she would not, and the hollowness of our marriage has been the talk of many a London salon and officers' club for years. I'm surprised Sister Quayle's "friends" haven't heard about it. You have done me an incalculable good, my darling. I now know what it is to love and be loved. I could have gone my whole life without knowing the joy of reaching the pinnacle of mutual desire. I regret nothing, Grace, save that we have to wait until I can resolve my so-called marital situation. Grace, my darling, I would never see you hurt or place you in jeopardy. God knows how much I love you. I would walk away from all of this if I could, if this damned conflict was finished, and take you with me. The only thing I fear is losing you. There has never been another woman or pretty face to turn my head except the one here in front of me. My passion for you grows with each day that passes. I see you and I want you more than I believed it possible for a man to want a woman. You have stolen my senses and I can barely think straight. If we had a child, it would be created by love and I would count myself blessed to be a parent with you. Let Margaret Quayle do her worst; I'll make her wish she'd never been born, if she causes you any further anxiety. Know this, Grace Carter: I shall marry you; know this with every part of you. I shall not rest until you are mine. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, Roland; forever, yes!"

"So, my darling, dry your tears. We are rich in ways she never will be. Does she deserve our anger or our pity?"

"Our pity."

"Precisely. Now, are you ready to pass the pikes, one more time, for my sake?"

"Always: as long as I don't risk losing you."

"You won't. Colonel Purbright has ordered us to attend a medical briefing at headquarters; heads of field hospitals and nursing teams only."

Grace's face registered her incredulity at this opportunity and the response, which would likely greet it, given this morning's exchange.

"His orders: not our design. People can think what they want, but the background is watertight and all adds up. So what do you say?"

"Yes, Roland, a thousand times, yes, if we can have some time away from here. But where shall we stay? We can't stop in the same room. Women and men are segregated."

"You need not worry about that. I had worked out that you might say "yes" to an order from on high and things have fallen nicely into place. By the time I telephoned the nearest hotel, which Purbright has virtually requisitioned, to make arrangements for us, they said that they were fully booked. The concierge was most helpful, however, when I explained the circumstances and has made alternative provision for us at a small guest house, which his cousin owns. I have booked the two rooms, but we need only use one, if that is what you would like. They are already paid for. We'll see each other and be able to sit together all day at headquarters. There's even a formal dinner afterwards, but our situation means we shall be able to leave early, without attracting adverse attention. Added to which, there are so many people attending this and the men will separate off for their port and cigars in any case, that we can leave quietly at that time. We are the only people staying at the guest house, so we shall be able to be together. I also thought that you and I might take a couple of days leave afterwards."

Grace's eyes widened. "How?"

"Well, my angel, Purbright has signed off a leave pass for me, as I haven't had any time off in nearly fifteen months. I told him I had some personal matters, which required attention. I can sign off your leave to see "an old friend" so, as far as the hospital team is concerned, we'll be taking advantage of the opportunity to have some rest, apart from each other in totally different places, and they need know nothing else."

"Oh God. What if we're discovered?"

"We won't be & now I'll tell you why. We shall be picked up from the guest house by the valet of my oldest and, with the exception of you, my angel, my closest friend, Philippe Mouret. We shall be spending our leave as guests of Philippe and his wife, Annette. You will love it at their house; it is not far from Rouen, but quiet and off the beaten track. I have told them all about you and they want to get to know you. They are my friends, not Hetty's. If we are spotted, well clearly my "matters" fell through and you asked me to join you, and your friend, because we were both unencumbered, rather than waste my leave."

"That sounds like a dream come true."

"So you say 'yes'?"

"Yes!"

He took Grace's hand and raised it to his lips.

"When do we go, Roland?"

"Next weekend"

"That soon?"

"You know Purbright. Once he's made up his mind on something, he moves fast."

Grace smiled up at Roland, all her emotional worries forgotten. He loved her and they would be together, not just next weekend, but the moment he was free.

"I love you with everything I am, Roland."

"And you know I adore you, my darling. Trust me to make things right. I cannot conceive of a life without you. We are joined here." His hand covered the space just to the left of her breastbone. She raised her hand and pressed its palm over the corresponding area of his chest, all the time looking deep into his eyes.

The emotional connection between them was tangible; it ran as a current, pulling them inexorably with it towards the future, a shared future. Neither wanted to break the protective spell, which they had cast about themselves. To those who believed in such things it was as if there was a powerful magic at work, its origins in responses as ancient as time itself. These two saw nothing beyond each other and a driving force to be one, against which nothing could stand. It was meant to be, preordained, transcending conventional logic and laws, an emotional perfection of reciprocal feelings bound about by raw need. They were hopeless in the path of a storm whose energy was, at one and the same time, their anchor against the worst the world of men could conjure. Roland bent his head down towards Grace's hand, which reached up to gently touch his jaw. He looked into eyes, whose unfathomable depths of love held his gaze seemingly for an eternity. His hand clasped hers to his chest and she could feel the steady thrum of his heart beat against her fingers. In the distance the sound of an order being barked broke the still within his office and they woke as if from a trance. Grace's voice came as a whisper.

"I must go to the pharmacy to check the stock levels. We used so much yesterday evening and I need to assess what we need, rather than what Soper wants."

"I don't want you to go, but you must, I know. I'll visit the ward at 3pm."

"The men will be pleased to see you, Sir."

"Only the men?"

"No, you know not only the men."

"Who else then, Matron?"

"Your staff, Colonel," Grace said smiling from beneath half lowered lids.

"And any member of staff in particular?"

"I think so, Sir; in fact I know so."

"And after my ward round would this member of staff walk along the beach with me do you think, before it gets totally dark?"

"I think she might."

"Ah; it's a 'she'"

"Are you surprised by that, Sir?"

"No. I rather hoped it would be a 'she'.

Did you? Any particular reason, Sir? I have to maintain discipline amongst my nurses. It isn't possible to watch them all the time, but I had hoped that rather than leading them astray, I could turn to you when a firmer approach was needed."

He smiled broadly as he verbally played with her, "You know that you can rely on my firmness whenever you require it, Matron Carter."

Her voice grew huskier as she replied, "And you can count on my compliance at all times, Colonel Brett, as you well know."

He quickly pulled her to him and stole a kiss, leaving her breathless. "I assuredly do. Until later, my love."

Grace left his office looking considerably happier than when she had arrived. After she had gone, Roland paced around for a while, marvelling at his ability to make such a positive difference. All his life he had wanted to feel there was someone, who needed him as much as Grace clearly did. That he felt an equal need for her was more than he could have hoped for. It was overwhelming. He wanted to do so much with her to make up for lost time. Philippe had always been his confidant and, when he had told him of his love for Grace, Philippe had immediately offered Roland the use of his home as a place where they could be free to love without reservation or hindrance.

Roland could not believe his luck when Purbright's order to attend the medical briefing had arrived. He would have all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday with her and they would arrive back on Monday. He had asked Philippe if he could have Saturday evening alone with Grace and his friend had readily agreed. All he wanted was to be able to hold her, make love, sleep and wake next to her in a bed big enough for two. He had planned to walk in the gardens, rich in their autumnal colours, like an ordinary couple. That was all he wanted; to openly walk arm in arm with her, to hold and kiss her for the world to see that they were in love, to forget that they were part of the machinery of war and just to exist as human beings and not service numbers or ranks. He had determined to give her a token of his love; something she could keep close to her. It formed part of his plans for them. Philippe also had his part to play. Roland smiled to himself at the thought, but for now he would content himself with a walk on the beach later that day.