Chapter 21

Manami comes rushing in, picks up Mahiro from the floor and passes him to me as confusion and panic cross her face. I want to know what's going on I heard Niichan's voice but not Akihiko's . Did he not come home with him? Is Niichan that mad at me for arguing with him earlier that he's come to collect me first?

"Can you take the kids out side for a few minutes?" She asks and I nod, she watches me to be sure I'm moving away.

...What's going on.. am I really just in the way?

Hibiki is trying to open the heavy sliding door for me I help him open it and we are shut out from the warmth of the house. I look down at little Hibiki and I can tell he feels as shut out and cut off as I do. I smile at him and jiggle Mahiro on my hip as he starts to fuss from being taken away from his mother. I look around but there really is nothing out here to distract him with, at least its not cold out here.

I stand there stupidly and look up through the glass as Mahiro keeps fussing and starts to reach for his father on the other side of the glass door. Niichan has Usami close behind him, and it al looks like my brother is dragging the man along like a sullen child. What's wrong with him? He looks out of it, like he's drunk.

Oh he better not be drunk it's not truly night time yet... and he has a kid to look after...he should know better!

Takahashi Leads him to the TV room and shuts the doors, Manami is looking just as bewildered as me and I open the door as she nods at me.

"Isn't it a bit early for him to be drinking?" I grumble at her as I pass the fussing toddler back.

I sit on the red sofa and lift my foot from the ground. It's throbbing again as I didn't get a chance to take any more pain killers while the kids had dinner. Hibiki sits quietly next to me, he's been my shadow since Niichan and Akihiko left just before lunch. He's a very quite child and I feel bad asking him to help with everything but he seams happy to do it and if he decided to run away I would not be able to chase after him so I should be pleased he's being no trouble. Manami is collecting all of the toddlers belongings and looks like she wants to leave soon.

"I don't think he's drunk dear" she says absently to me as her attention is taken away by a muffled noise on the other side of the closed doors.

Hibiki stands up and looks between me and the door nervously, this is undoing all the work I have done today to relive the fear in the boy. He clutches his bear tight to his chest and I share a worried look with Manami. I get passed the toddler again, he snuggles into my arms and rubs his eyes as he starts to get sleepy.

"I'm going to check on them" She says and leaves the room.

"Come and sit up here Hibiki, we can read Echo and Mahiro a story" I say and the child climbs up on the sofa next to me. I open one of the books next to me and I angle it so he can see the pictures. I feel the babys limbs start to relax as he's lulled to sleep by my voice. Hibiki gets closer to me, not quite touching but very close as he's pulled in to the story. I see Manami come back out and shut the door softly and she smiles and nods at me.

Niichan comes out of the room shortly after her and stands with his back to the closed doors. He looks tired and worried, his head is hung low and he puts a hand to his eyes. I look down and continue the story for Hibiki who is now leaning against my arm as he looks at the pictures and listens to the tale.

Niichan comes over to his wife standing next to the sofa and wraps her frame in his arms. She holds him just as tight and mummers a hello to him. I read the last page and look at Hibiki who's looking at the book in my hands. I pass it to him and he takes it and sits next to me again with his bear sitting in his lap he turns the book back to the start and look at the pictures in the book. Maybe reliving the story I jut told him.

"What's going on?" I ask Niichan and he looks at Hibiki and softly shakes his head.

"Niichan, please tell me" I beg and look at the closed doors.

I long to see them burst open and the proud arrogant Akihiko to be standing there telling us all how rude it is to eat commoners curry with out him and if we aren't going to share then our guests should just leave.

But the doors stay closed and the house stays quite. I have had it! I need to know what's going on with Usami... I told Niichan on the phone that I can handle it and that this is the best place for me to be right now and it's time to prove it. I shuffle forward on the couch and Manami takes her sleeping child and she holds him close and rocks him gently.

Niichan goes to stop me and I glare at him angrily "Niichan!" I caution him not to stop me and limp to the door. I stand at them unknown what's in the other side. Niichan is next to me and puts a hand in my shoulder.

"Misaki" He says and I shrug him off but look at him, he sighs and nods "He may not respond to you but try to get through to him" I nod and swallow.

"What happened?" I ask.

"He's shut away from his feelings, I guess today over loaded him and brought back bad memories" I nod again as I open the door and quietly slip into the room.

Akihiko is on the ground with his back to the couch, his knees are pulled up to his chest with his elbows propped up on top of them as he holds his hands over his face effectively shutting the world out. This great man, this beautiful, tall and strong man looks like a child's broken toy.

I limp towards him quietly and kneel down next to him, my hand hovers over his head but I let it drop with out touching him. He reminds me of his son and it is tearing a hole in my chest.

"Akihiko" I call and he makes no indication of even hearing me.

"Akihiko" I try again and touch his shoulder, still nothing.

"Usami... hello..." I try shaking him lightly and he still gives me no reaction.

I look at the closed doors in worry, should I get help?

I sit directly in front of him, being careful to not put pressure on my foot. I need him to look at me, to see I'm here. I call his name a few more times but it's not working... Dose he just need more time?

"... Come on let me help you.. " I whisper to the still room and say the one thing I can think of that will get through to him.

"Usagi... " He stirs a little and I call again "Usagi... move your hands" He lowers his hands away from his face and his hair falls to hide his eyes but is at least doing what I asked him to do.

I reach out and touch the side of his head softly, he leans in to my hand and moves his head so my palm touches his face. His eyes are closed but I feel no tears. I'm not really too surprised I think I have tears enough for the both of us.

"Usagi... look at me" I ask him gently and his lavender eyes open slightly but he makes no move to meet mine "... please" I beg and he finally raises but they look right through me and I'm sure he's not seeing anything, or even knows where he is.

"Usagi... talk to me" I ask but he just blinks at me, again he's looking right through me. I let his face go and he replaces his hands back over his eyes. Shutting me out again.

I sit there and just stare at him, what do I do? If he's like Hibiki I should not touch him too much I could not bear to see him flinch at my touch like little Hibiki dose. So I keep sitting, and he keeps hiding from the world and his pain.

"Do you even know who I am?" I wonder out loud, this is worse then I thought. I don't know what to do. I need help. I get up and turn to leave. Niichan is right, he has shut down.

"Misaki..." I hear him whisper in pain and it pulls on my heart. I turn back to him, he's still on the floor but his hands are away from his face, He's looking my way but I still see blank empty eyes. Come on Usagi we need you to come back to us.

It's going to hurt me to force him to function again but Hibiki needs him.…I need him.

He makes no further movement towards me and wonder if he even called my name or if I imagined it. I feel the tickle of fresh tears on my check. I close my eyes and take a small step backwards, I open them and he's still sitting there looking at me but not seeing still.

I'm sorry, please forgive me...

"I'm going to walk away now... Niichan will take me home... I will stay... only if you ask me" I say to this broken man, it hurts to push him like this but I can't think of anything else to try. He's the only one that can break out of his own hell, he's the only one that can choose to let the feelings in and face the world again.

I wish my tears would stop but I can never make them stop when I need them to. I don't want this watery painful vision of my proud Usagi to be my last. If he can't call out to me, then I will let him go it will prove that I'm am not what he needs. I turn and walk to the closed doors with my back to him I wait... and wait... but I can't keep waiting... I tried and can't push him any more... Its time to leave him, maybe Niichan can help him where I can't.

No sound from behind me. No rush of movement. I close my eyes. Niichan was right after all I am a child who knows nothing, if I can't even help the one man I think I love what use am I?

"I .. I love you Usagi... Good bye" I say quietly and open the door a fraction.

"Misaki?" I hear called from behind me, his voice is low but strong.

I turn towards him to check he was the one that really said it. Clear lavender eyes see me this time... they look at me so worried and hurt that I'm going to walk away. But the are looking at me, not through me.

"Misaki" He calls again and raised up from the floor, he use the furniture to help lift him up like it hurts. He sits on the edge of the sofa and keeps his eyes on me his hand goes to cover his mouth and the other holds his middle. This is a pose I'm sadly getting used to seeing on him, he's thinking of her and trying to stop the pain of the past from overwhelming him. At least he's starting to feel again.

"Don't go... please..." He begs me and I finally rush to his side.

He stays sitting but pulls me into a tight hug and presses his face to my chest. I lean over him and cradle his head and cry silent tears into his hair. It hurt so much not to touch him these last few days and it hurts 100 times more to know that went I finally do touch him - it's because he's in pain.

"Don't go... Misaki... I need you ... more then anyone else ever will... Stay" He pleads to me and I never want to leave him again. I will think of something to tell Niichan later.

"I will stay" I say softy to him and I feel tension leave his shoulders.

His breathing becomes ragged and I rub his back as he clings to me like I'm his anchor, I never thought he would need an anchor he's always been so strong, so sure and always so in charge. I feel hot tears start to soak my shirt as he finally lets the pain be felt and accepted. They don't last long and all to quickly he's pulled him self together. His grip on me loosens and he looks at me with lavender eyes that shine with relief and old hurt.

I bend down and give him a chase kiss on the lips to let him know that I love him even if he's a tear soaked mess. The quick kiss is followed by a deeper kiss and I pull away from him gently. Look at him in the eye and say what I should have said to him years ago.

"I... love you Usagi"

His eyes go wide and his smile creeps into place "and I love you... Probably" he responds to me.

I roll my eyes at his lame jab at me and kiss him lightly again. I hear a throat being cleared loudly from the doorway and we both look at each other in shock and glance over to see the man standing there with his arms crossed and a pissed off look on his face.

I go to move out of Usagi's tight embrace but he will not let me go, and to be honest I don't want to let him go either. He just started to act like himself, I don't want him to go back to being a shell of a man. I see Manami poke her head around the cross man and giggle at us. Hibiki's little face also comes into view by her legs and his eyes go wide.

Oh dear mother and father in heaven please forgive me I fear I have caused Niichan to a lot of bother...