Wide awake

With the X-men

The phone ringing in Storm's office came as a relief. Finally she would get an update about how Alex was doing. Maze had called her to tell her that Alex had survived the operation, but there were still so many things that could be wrong. All day she had been playing the messenger to everyone. It had come to the point where they had cancelled all classes around noon so it was less demanding on the already understaffed teachers. Rogue did her best to keep up with everything, but she could hardly be both Tatiana and herself. Fortunately Belamie had taken over the cooking while the other teachers were watching the students, but classes had become impossible. So Storm was desperately hoping for good news.

'Hello?'

'Storm, thank god. It's a complete madhouse here.' That was definitely not good news.

'Tatiana? What is going on?'

'It's Alex, she didn't recognise any of us, except for Logan. She hit me and Maze with a plasma grenade. Oh, god, Maze!' Tatiana saw her friend laying passed out against the wall. He had managed to catch himself a bit with his telekinesis, but it wasn't enough to fully stop him and he had hit his head against the wall.

'Tatiana?'

'He's okay, just passed out. There's no blood. He must have gotten up before I did and chased her. Alex didn't recognise us, but there was more wrong with her. She was certain I was administering the cure to her, and she wouldn't even believe Logan. I don't know what happened after that, but… Ah!'

'Tatiana? Tatiana!' But Tatiana had dropped her phone and ran over to Logan, who was lying on his stomach on the floor.

'Logan, Logan!' There were six large knives sticking out of his back, but he did respond to her calling his name. She started pulling them out carefully, one by one. Who could have possibly done this? It couldn't have been, Alex, could it? Finally Logan woke up.

'Lex-,' he began, but he didn't finish his sentence.

'Logan, what happened?' Logan suddenly snapped back into focus.

'Storm, we need to call Storm.'

'I have her on the phone,' Tatiana quickly retrieved it and passed it on to Logan.

'Tatiana!' Storm had no idea what had happened and she was now panicking.

'It's Logan,' came the gruffy voice from the other side. Storm released a breath of relief.

'Thank the Lord, you're okay. What happened?'

'Alex happened. She knocked all of us out and nearly killed Maze.'

'Where is she? Is she okay?'

'I don't know, she's completely out of it. Didn't recognise any of us.'

'What happened?'

'She came from the surgery running away from Tatiana.

Alex came running at Logan and he released a sigh of relief at seeing she was fine, Tatiana had been taking her sweet time. 'Logan!'

'Lex!' he held her tightly. Never had he been more scared of losing her. He hadn't even been able to see her this time. He had seen her fighting for her life, but this was different, this was so very different. And as Maze had said, he was terrified she wouldn't recognise him anymore. Fortunately she did.

'Are you okay?' Maze asked after Logan had put Alex back on her feet.

'Yes, I'm fine,' but Logan could see there was something off. She was different.

'That's good,' Maze said with a smile. Tatiana came out of the surgery room. She was looking slightly dishelved as she ran over to Maze.

'Logan, hold her still!' Logan didn't understand why, but a few words from Alex explained everything.

'You know them?!' She seemed most shocked at this. He had to help her. She would never trust them again if he didn't explain this to her right away.

'Yes, and you do too,' he explained. 'That's Tatiana and Maze. Tatiana takes care of you when you're injured and Maze taught you how to use a sword.' He could see some flickering of a memory in her eyes, but it was gone before he could properly see it.

'She's trying to give me the cure.' Wait, what? Logan's eyes flicked over at the syringe that Tatiana was holding. A light blue liquid was in it. How could Alex think that this was the cure?

'No, she's not, Alex. She takes care of you, why would she give you the cure?'

'I recognised it! If she gives me that I'll die!' It was true that the cure could kill Alex at the moment. With her kind of injuries and level of healing powers she would not have been alive without her mutation. But there was definitely something wrong with Alex at the moment. He would have to play the one angle she would be able to believe, him. That was the only point she believed right now and he couldn't do anything but reassure her.

'Listen, Alex, I will not let anyone hurt you, but you can trust them.' But even this didn't reach Alex as she took a step away. She was scared and he had just something wrong. He was about to say something, but the look in her eyes showed him she was not going to buy anything at this moment. She didn't trust him. Suddenly she snapped and he couldn't stop her before she threw a plasma grenade at Maze and Tatiana.

'Alex!' but when she turned back to him he knew that it was over as the Japanese apology rolled over her tongue.

'Gomen ne, Logan,' and with that her diamond fist collided with his stomach and he was thrown back against the wall. He tried to get up, but at that moment he was slammed against the wall again with one of her plasma grenades and he lost consciousness for a moment. When he came to again he saw Maze run down the stairs. Immediately he went after him and raced down the stairs. He watched Maze and Alex on the ground. Alex was the first one to get up, and he saw the anger form on her face.

'Omai!'

'Alex, stop this! You need to get back, you're not healthy,' but Alex jumped away from him.

'Omai, omai koroshite iru!' Everyone in the lobby gasped as she tackled Maze to the ground. Logan pushed himself as hard as he could to get to her as Maze was starting to bleed severely.

'Alex!' The rage was only getting worse as she looked at him. She was trapped in Japanese again and he had no idea what she yelled at him. But there was more wrong than just her speaking Japanese. She wasn't responding to anything they said. She was not at all realising how severe her condition was. She was fighting a battle and somehow they had turned into her enemies. It was even different from when he had met her. She was completely exposed.

'Alex, we have to get back, you need to calm down!' This seemed to reach Alex.

'Sou desu ne,' within a second she stood in front of him, but then it became clear she had no intention of coming with him. It was the opposite as the grabbed his wrist: 'Ikimashou!' Logan could barely hold them back. Her speed was dragging him forward, despite the fact that he was a lot stronger.

But at that point Maze grabbed his shoulder: 'Get back to the room right now!' Alex turned around and screamed. Sparks running all over her body and her arm becoming pure diamond, Logan knew what was going to happen, but before he could warn Maze she had already struck. Never had she hit that hard. Maze was propelled to the other side of the lobby and even Logan was brought down to his knees with her only grazing his shoulder. And then something hit his back.

'Otousan!' By now he knew that she was addressing him with this and she wanted to speak further, but he stopped her without getting up since she was kneeling next to him.

'Lex, you're ill. Your mind is foggy and you're doing things you normally wouldn't do. But we can help you, we can make you better. You just need to remember.' Tears were welling up in her eyes and he thought had finally gotten through to her when he felt something sharp in his back. A second one. Knives? A third and fourth? Someone was throwing knives? Two more knives and Logan was struggling to stay conscious, they had hit deep.

'Iie!' Alex screamed as his body hit the ground. But she got herself together quickly as she turned and ran outside at mutant speed. He just saw a glimpse of a blond haired woman leaving right after her before he lost consciousness.

'After that I think she got on my motorcycle, but I have no idea where she would be heading.' Silence fell for a moment as Storm tried to get a hold of herself after having heard this. She put the phone to her chest for a second and took a deep breath. This was the hardest call she had had to make in a long time. She felt it aching in her heart and bursting in her eyes. A single tear escaped her eye and rolled down over her cheek as she closed her eyes for a second. She swallowed, took a deep breath and put the phone back against her ear.

'Logan, get Tatiana and Maze and get back to the mansion.'

'But what about Alex?!'

Still, Storm didn't budge and stayed firm: 'There is nothing we can do now. And you're needed here.'

'I'm not going to leave her! She needs us and she's all alone-.'

'She's not the only one who needs you!' It took Storm everything to not burst into tears as she was breaking her own heart with her actions. Never had she given up on a single mutant. Never had she left anyone behind. She had lost many, but never in a way like this. Never had she left them behind, told her friends to not go after someone. If it had been just her she would have chased that girl to the very ends of the world to wrap her in her arms and never let her go, but life went on and this was the truth. They were needed elsewhere.

'Storm-,' but if he said another word Storm was sure she would crack and so she stopped him.

'We have no idea where we're going to find Alex, she is a master at running away and we need our staff at the school. And if you like it or not, you're part of that. Alex isn't your only responsibility! Right now you can't do anything for her so I'm ordering you to come back.' Logan didn't know what to do. His chest constricted and he had trouble breathing. He was… He was to give up on Alex? He would have to leave her? He had just gotten her back and he… NO! No, he couldn't! He wouldn't let them take her away from him! He wasn't going to lose her again. He couldn't! He… he…

The phone snapped into a thousand splinters as Logan's grip finally got to strong. No. Not again. Not Alex. Not his daughter. Far away he heard the sounds of people trying to check on him, but it didn't get through to him. Hands on his shoulders, pleading him to return to his senses. But what did it matter? What mattered if she wasn't here to share it with him? Why would anything matter if he was alone in it again? Alex… His Alex. Logan crashed to his knees and supported himself with his hands as finally a constricted sob forced it's way out of his throat. His body shocked as sobs broke him before he finally gave in to his despair. His Alex. His daughter. Taken away from him again.

He couldn't do this again. He couldn't do it. He couldn't live though losing her again. He couldn't… Not again. Not her. Why? Why?! Why couldn't he give up on her? The silence was banging on his ears as if trying to get into his head. But he couldn't accept it. He was a wreck. Never had he felt this broken. Never had he been this broken. Every time he had climbed back up again, but he had never been this low before. After so many years of life, he couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't lose anymore.

What exactly happened after that Logan couldn't remember. It all became a blur. Somewhere he saw the faces of Tatiana and Maze, the tears and their pain, but it was all blocked out. At some point he came back to the mansion and everyone started fussing about him. Logan didn't notice it. Something inside him had just snapped. Her name was overpowering and pounded right through all the walls he had put up. The voices of children asking why she hadn't come home yet.

It took mere days before he finally snapped: 'She is not here and she is not going to be! She's far away where we can't reach her! Now you all just shut up about it!' The rage in Logan scared so many of the children he was almost thrown aback by it himself. But he couldn't take their talking anymore. Them whispering about how much of a wreck he was wi-. Without Alex. Without her, because she wasn't there.

'Is she…' one of Alex' first friends at the academy began. 'Dead?'

'I don't know,' Logan spoke honestly. With those words all bits of rumour about Alex immediately died. No one spoke until suddenly someone stopped behind Logan.

'But that doesn't mean there isn't still a chance that she will come home.' It was Kurt. He had been called in by Storm after Logan's disappearance to stand in and now he had come to terms with being around the students. They weren't scared by him, they admired him and even his appearance was a support for most of the students who had visible mutation. But his role in those past days had been more than just a teacher. His demeanour was so calm and friendly that he was almost a priest in here. All children respected him and he could reach them when no one else could.

'But if she's,' the same girl started. She stopped however at seeing Kurt's smile.

'You all remember her, don't you? Alex is still alive.'

'How do you know?'

'Because God smiles upon her. She will return home when the time comes and there is nothing we can do but wait.' All seemed to understand, looking up at Kurt still. Logan shook his head, but in his heart he thanked Kurt for doing this.

'Do you hear that?' A boy suddenly said.

'An angel?' The voice that drifted through the room truly was nothing short of angelic. The voice of a young child on the first floor. Louisa. This was Louisa singing. They could hear the entire school quiet down just to hear her voice. Innocent as anything it offered some sort of comfort to Logan and he finally understood. He found within himself the patience to wait for Alex. Because there was no way she would have left him forever. She couldn't have. So when the time would come, he would be ready and he would get her back.

'Professor Logan is smiling!' a girl suddenly exclaimed. And indeed, the corners of his mouth had turned up slightly, but just enough to form a light smile.

'That's been a long time,' another student said loudly.

'Should we start running now?' a third joined in.

'You'd better,' Logan spoke as he very slowly got up. The students didn't need to be told twice and scrambled in all directions. Kurt teleported away and Logan was left on his own. His fingers moved on their own accord to the corners of his mouth. That was right. A smile. A single smile had brightened the mood. Surprisingly it had been his smile for a change. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could wait.

And so Logan went back to work. He taught a few classes, did some general jobs around the mansion. Of course he kept track of everything related to where Alex could possibly be, of course she was always in the back of his mind, but he went on. He didn't miss the surprised reactions he got from the other teachers, who had been certain he would completely break down. Maze recovered pretty fast and helped Logan in tracking Alex, but their efforts were fruitless. Still, Kurt's words made sure Logan didn't give up. She wasn't going to be brought down that easily. And right now, he had all eternity to find her.

And so days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into two months. Exactly sixty-four days since Alex had ran away from the hospital, since she had met up with Arania, since she had started her new life. It was comfortable, maybe almost luxurious. Arania could provide anything they needed and more. Alex had a large room all to herself, with a large comfortable bed. The other teenagers were stoked with the arrangements, but Alex couldn't get used to them. She missed her broom cupboard next to Logan's room and so she had crawled into the closet to sleep.

Every night the nightmares plagued her mind. She saw him die over and over again. She saw the face of her father's murderer, she saw him hurt everyone she loved. She saw the faces of those who had tortured her. She'd cry in her sleep and when morning came she would hide the marks on her cheeks. But the worst dreams weren't the nightmares. The ones about the good times were far worse. She'd see vague flashes of people who were nice to her. She saw a house where she had stayed. She saw Logan smiling. She saw herself training and playing. But when she woke up all that would fall to pieces and she'd cry until she had no tears left before getting up and training.

Training was the only way that she got through the days. It occupied her mind. It gave her a purpose and she desperately needed that. She was going to avenge their deaths. All of them. Her mother, her father, Logan. What exactly she was training for she didn't know. Arania hadn't explained into detail what was the plan. Alex was not bothered much by it. She knew they would be fighting for freedom for people like them and that was all that she needed to know.

Still in the nights she was alone and with nothing to occupy her mind, her head was filled with partial memories that patched up such a beautiful feeling that Alex wanted to cherish it forever. To memorise it perfectly in order to keep Logan alive for as long as he was supposed to have been. And so she tossed and turned until she finally had to give in to fatigue only to wake up the next morning after another troubling dream.