Well, here ya go.(Sorry, but I'm really tired today.)
Disclaimer: Do I ever own anything?
Summery: What if Sanzo was actually a woman? How long will she able to keep it a secret? And how will the others react when they find out? Read what it would be like if Sanzo was actually a woman!
Pairing: Sanzo x Just about everyone
Note: This is just going to be the basic original story in the books, with a few minor changes.
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After Uzume had lured Amaterasu out she was given a new title and higher respect. Now she was known as the Goddess of Mirth and the Dance. She now ether wore her dancing clothes or brighter garments.
Amaterasu had gotten healthier since she came out of the cave, but now she had a slight drinking problem and Tenpou was trying to get her out of the habit(and doing a very bad job at it.). She and Uzume were almost never apart. Amaterasu always kept her near and was way to overprotective of her, always watching her closely.
Tsuki- Yomi returned to Kozen with wounds so intense he had to be bed ridden for a long time, much to his displeasure, but he mostly slept from exhaustion. Although he always had enough energy to annoy Kozen, who seemed more relived, if not more tensed.
With Amaterasu back, most of Amatsu's forces had retreated back to Hell and the sun had returned people were overjoyed and crops were growing twice as well. Yes, everything seemed to be going well, except...
"What's wrong, Uzume?" Amaterasu asked after Uzume had sighed for the 5th time. She went back to her desk job, filing paperwork.
"I'm lonely." said Uzume. She was wearing her usual outfit with violet prayer beads. She was standing on her hands. "Don't get me wrong, you guys are great. I love you, Goku, Tenpou, Kenren, Kozen, and Tsuki... But I miss Homura."
"Homura? The half-god?" blinked Amaterasu as she set a stack of papers down. Uzume nodded.
"Mm-hm. He was my best friend... But he was taken from me, so now I can't see him." she said sadly. "I... I miss him very much." Amaterasu stared at Uzume for a moment.
"So... You and him were close?" she asked. She couldn't keep the envy out of her voice, but luckily Uzume didn't notice.
"Uh-huh. I wish I could see him. I miss him so much it hurts." she said. Amaterasu was quiet then she said,
"Oh, stop moaning. I'll see what I can do to let you see him."
"Really?! Oh, thank you, Ama-chan!!" Uzume exclaimed happily as she hugged her. Amaterasu twitched.
"Just stop hanging around Tsuki- Yomi so much, okay?"
//Meanwhile//
Kozen was just filing her papers like she always did when she noticed something... a few of her papers were missing. She twitched.
'Not again!' she thought angrily as she stomped out of his office. She was very upset. Tsuki was suppose to be resting... Not stealing her paper work! She stomped down the halls(all the other gods getting out of his way), looking like Satin. After a few minutes she saw Tsuki leaning against a tree, holding his papers. He was heavily bandaged. Even one of his eyes were covered by bandages.
"Hm... I wonder how mad Kozen is..." he wondered aloud as he read the papers.
"Oh, she's very mad!" Kozen hissed as she appeared behind him, looking like Medusa/ Satan.
"W-WAAAHHH!!!" screamed Tsuki, looking very, very frighten. "No offense! But you look scarier than Satan!" Kozen looked just like a fire demon with the flames of anger behind her. "Wait! Wait! Before you kill me I have something for you!" Tsuki said as he held out a fan. Kozen blinked as she went back to normal. "It's a harisen! I figured you'd need something like that." said Tsuki as he rubbed his head.
'Not to mention I bet it hurts way less than her fists!' he thought. Kozen stared at the fan for a moment, then whacked Tsuki into the tree with it.
"Yes, it does help. Thank you Tsuki." she said.
'Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?' Tsuki thought with a pulsing lump(Goku&Gojyo: So it was you!!).
"Why are you here? You're suppose to be in the infirmary resting!" Kozen scolded as she laid on Tsuki's chest, exasperated.
"I've rested enough! You know I hate being confined! I'm healed enough. I'm rested enough, now I want to move! Mainly in bed. With you." said Tsuki.
"You're still hurt. You shouldn't push your body too far, or you will die!" scolded Kozen.
"But Kozeeeen! I'm bored! And I'm god. No can die." whined Tsuki. Then he became more serious. "And besides... I'm tired of torturing myself."
"Hm?" said Kozen as he looked up.
"Whenever someone opens the door my heart leaps hoping it's you or Ama-chan, but it almost never is. You're busy with your paper work most of the time, and Ama-chan hates me. And at night... I get all worried thinking it's Susanowa or someone from hell." Tsuki explained. "I told you that me and Ama- chan were close when we were younger. She always used to be near me and tell me everything would be okay. She always cheered me up, and helped me keep my sanity. So... Her hating me... it hurts, ya know? And since I've been fight so many of Amatsu's minions, I'm kinda scared. Heh, silly huh?" Kozen sat up a bit and looked into her lover's face as she held it with her soft hand.
"...I'm sorry I haven't come to visit you. It's just... I'm scared too. You scare me, Tsuki. I was so worried about you. You're so reckless and you never think! You're always putting yourself in such danger and you push yourself until you can't move anymore. I'm scared... That you're going to die, and I won't be able to do a thing for you. Seeing you hurt... Is painful for me. You're the only one who can scare me like this, Tsuki. So take care of yourself better, dammit!" she said as she shook him a little.
Tsuki stared at her in surprise then laughed.
"Okay, Kozen, okay! I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry you. I'll take better care of myself, I promise! But you don't have to worry... I will never die!" he told him.
"You better not. Or I'll bring you back to life and kill you myself." grumbled Kozen as she trapped Tsuki in a deep passionate kiss.
We all had people we loved. Who we wanted to protect. But in the end... They were taken from us because we wanted one thing... Freedom.
//Back to the Present//(AN: I'll finish telling the rest of their past lives as gods as the story goes on.)
Tsuki rubbed his eyes as he sat up with a yawn.
"Oh, man. I must have dozed off." he yawn. "It's already dawn. I bet San-chan and them already made it to town. Lucky! They have a Jeep, and I have to walk! This is no fair at all! Oh, well. Time to start walking again." he said as he stood. Then he stopped. "Oh right. I need a disguise. Let's see... Which one should it be...? Hm. Girl or boy. Well, I'm going to deliver her hormone pills, so it's probably best that I'm a woman. Let's see should I be a blue eyed blonde? Or should I be a stunning red haired green eye? Oh, so many choices, so little time. No wait, that's another saying."
//With Sanzo//
//Later//
"...He's late." Sanzo said as Goku in the background kept saying, 'Hungry!'. Jeep had gotten sick so they had to stay in a town for awhile. They sent Gojyo alone to go shopping, but now he was late.
"Gojyo, you mean? I noticed that myself. Perhaps I should have gone with him, despite my duties here." said Hakkai. Since he found out about Sanzo's secret, he had kept it from the others, although he was a little shy on the inside when talking to her. "I hope he didn't get mixed up in anything."
"Hn. I couldn't care less about Gojyo." said Sanzo as she lit a smoke. Since Hakkai had found out about her being a girl she seemed a little more less tense. Just a little though. "I was wondering why my smokes are late. This is my last Marlboro red, Dammit." Hakkai chuckled a little.
"Perhaps it is time to cut back?" he said. "You're getting as bad as Gojyo with those things."
"Heeey!" interrupted Goku. "I'm hung--"
"Can it, you stupid ape." said Sanzo as she slapped Goku with her fan.
"What th' heck was that for?!" yelled Goku.
"Don't eat Jeep– We need him to travel." Sanzo replied cooly. Suddenly someone knocked at the door.
"Hm? One moment." said Hakkai as he walked over to the door. Then he saw a kid. "Can I help you?" he asked.
//Later//
"Oi. I'm back--" Gojyo started as he entered the room. Then he dropped the bags at the scene before him.
"...It's just like you said, Mister. Those people were bad." said Kingaku as he sat in the arms of a beast. "'A stupid monkey with a stomach for a brain.''A monk with his habit wrapped just a little too tight.' 'A guy who nags you like your mom.' Now all those people you hate are gone." he told Gojyo. "I got rid of them for you. It's my way of thanking you... For all the help you gave me!"
S-son of a bitch. You're fuckin' kidding me.' Gojyo thought.
"What the h-hell?" he said. "You did all this? Then you're... You're a goddamn assassin from Gyumaoh!" he yelled.
"Gyumaoh? I've never heard of--" the boy started.
"Cut the bullshit!" yelled Gojyo as he summoned his weapon. "What the hell did you do to them?!"
"Wait a second. Why are you so angry? You said... You said you didn't..." the boy said, confused. Suddenly the monster went to attack Gojyo.
"Ginkaku! Don't, Ginkaku! This man isn't bad!" Kinkaku yelled. Just then something shot the beast.
"Wha?!" exclaimed Gojyo as the beast roared with pain.
"Ginkaku!"yelled the kid.
"...Oy." said someone suddenly. It was Sanzo! "You think you can play hero by making us the bad guys? You're a goddamn brat." she growled, eyes piercing.
"Sanzo!" yelled Gojyo.
"What? Why are you awake?! I was sure I finished you off!" Kinkaku exclaimed.
"Sanzo! Are you okay?" Gojyo asked her.
"Don't just assume people are dead, nimrod. Especially when it comes to me." Sanzo said as she stood. "But I'm not sure about Hakkai and Goku."
"Huh?"
"Ginkaku!" cried Kinkaku. "Please, please be all right!"
"You. Kid." said Sanzo in a icey voice as she aimed her gun at him. "What are you after? And where'd you get the gourd?"
"B-but I didn't do anything! I was trying to..." the boy cried. Gojyo's eyes widened. Just then the monster grabbed Kinkaku.
"Hey!" yelled Gojyo.
"Dammit!" Sanzo cursed. She was about to shoot the kid when suddenly Gojyo grabbed her wrist.
"You piece of shit priest! You can't just shoot a kid!" he yelled.
"Like hell I can't, you idiot! Back off! Now!" yelled Sanzo. Suddenly the monster jumped out the window. Sanzo tore her arm from Gojyo's grasp and ran towards the window, but it was too late. They were gone. Sanzo clenched her teeth, then punched Gojyo, hard.
"Don't you dare judge me, asshole!" she hissed like a viper, her eyes full of anger. "And what the hell kind of bullshit are you sprouting now? That kid attacked us!" Gojyo looked away from her frightful gaze.
"...Sorry." he said. Sanzo looked away from him as well.
"Start talking, Gojyo." she said in low voice. Then in a louder voice she said, "Was the kid telling the truth? He said you wanted this."
Gojyo stared at her, then told her how he had saved the kid and how he kept bugging him.
"I thought it was a joke. He wouldn't quit asking, so I told him where we're staying." He told her. By now they had moved Goku and Hakkai to the bed. He hit the wall behind him. "Goddammit! What the hell is going on?!" Sanzo was silent. In fact she didn't say something for a long time. "...Say something." said Gojyo.
"'Something'." repeated Sanzo.
"Are you making fun of me?!"
"I will once we've fixed this. Talking to you right now might spread your stupidity." Gojyo twitched with many anime veins.
"So that's it, huh? Fine! Please forgive this unworthy soul! And do enlighten your foolish underling, lord, as to what the blue fuck is going on! Is that okay, Sanzo? Can you divulge, mighty lord?!" he yelled in mocking. Sanzo was quiet.
'He wasn't the only one to let his guard down.' she thought. Then she told Gojyo about how the kid had attacked them and how he had used some mysterious gourd to attack them and some how knock out Hakkai and Goku with it, and how she used a lit cigarette to stay awake.
"The burn kept me conscious until the kid left. Hakkai and Goku weren't so lucky." she said as she looked at her hand.
"This is frickin' insane." said Gojyo as he smoked.
"Look. That gourd separates consciousness from bodies and absorbs people's spirirts. That's what happened to Hakkai and Goku." Sanzo explained. "They're nothing but soulless shells now."
"Wait! Does that mean they're not dead?!" Gojyo asked as he stood.
"I assume so." replied Sanzo. "But since I can't say for sure, it may just be a matter of time." Gojyo grabbed his vest jacket.
"...Hey. Where do you think you're going?" Sanzo asked.
"To wipe my ass, dickweed. We can't do anything without the kid. I'm gonna try and find out where he ran to ." Gojyo replied. He started towards the door.
"Wait." Sanzo called after him as she stood. "I'm going with you."
"San--" Gojyo started, surprised an touched.
"Since you're the king of solo screw ups." she finished. Gojyo twitched after her. "Let's get going."
"...Is today bad luck for Scorpios or somethin'?"
They went to the town bar and asked around about the kid.
"A kid with a monster. Well, I don't know about a kid, but I've heard plenty about a monster." said the bartender as he cleaned a glass. "You know that mountain behind the village? Rumor says a creature showed up in the forest there about a year ago."
"Has it caused any damage?" Sanzo asked as she sipped some beer.
"No one's reported being attacked, if that's what you mean. Still... There have been some strange deaths in these past few months." answered the bartender.
"Strange in what way?" inquired Sanzo.
"Not a trace of injuries. It's like their souls just... left their bodies." the barkeep told her. "I'm not one to talk bad about the dead... So keep this to yourself. All the people who died were people you 'stay away from'. Know what I mean? Everyone's saying it was divine retribution." Gojyo and Sanzo shared a look.
"I think we've heard enough." said Sanzo.
"Thanks, pops. You've been a big help." said Gojyo.
"Hey!" someone suddenly yelled.
"I've been lookin' for yer ass, red!" yelled a punk. "Now I can pay ya back for earlier proper!" Gojyo stared at them.
"...Who are you?"
"Don't play dumb, asshole! Ya did me an injustice this afternoon!"
"Ohh. You were the guys with the balls to try and fight me!" said Gojyo as he finally remembered. "Sorry, but I don't have time to play. Later."
"Y-ya stupid bitch! Ya think we're just gonna let ya walk away?!" the punk yelled. Suddenly a bunch of his friends surrounded him and Sanzo. Sanzo cursed to herself.
"It doesn't matter who we meet. You, Gojyo, are a curse." she growled.
"Thank you for the compliment." said Gojyo.
"Sowing seeds is a choice you make for yourself. But do not sow the ones that become a pain in my ass, dimwit." she growled.
"Gracious me. To think such a thing could come from the mouth of the exalted high priest. Gojyo's moved to tears by his wondrous teachings. Baldie." replied Gojyo. Sanzo aimed her gun at him.
"If you have the guts to try hell, call me that again, cockroach!" she threatened. It wasn't her fault she always cut too much of her hair!
"Maybe I'd be braver with a saucy escort, Cherry-chan." said Gojyo. Sanzo shot at him, but he dodged. "Ha! I've figured out your pattern– You'll never hit me now, Moron!"
"Can't you see I missed on purpose, peabrain?" snarled Sanzo.
"Eat me! I knew from the start of this ass sucking quest we'd never get along!"
"You're telling me? If the three aspects hadn't ordered me to... I wouldn't travel to the bathroom with a demented kappa like you!"
"Ya goddamn punks!" the punks yelled. "Don't ignore th' likes of--"
"Can it." both of them growled as Sanzo punched a punk while Gojyo kicked another. In just a few minutes they kicked all the punks's ass.
"Hunh. We might as well get moving." said Gojyo after they left the bar.
"Checking out the mountain's the only thing to do." said Sanzo.
"And what about Goku and Hakkai?"
"Whatever the case, we can't use Jeep. Carry them piggyback if you have to."
"Damn." cursed Gojyo. "Just my luck. I'm stuck with Mr. Tight ass."
"Give it a rest." sighed Sanzo. "I'll kill you if you get in my way, is all."
"How painfully reliable." said Gojyo, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki watched Sanzo and Gojyo walk away. Today she had long blonde hair and green eyes.
"Well, this should be interesting. Damn. I wish Auntie didn't steal my binoculars, it would be so much easier to spy on them. I feel sorry for Gojyo. Hey, I wonder how he'd feel if he knew Sanzo was a woman... Nah. Sanzo's mad enough at me as it is."
//Back to Sanzo//
"...Hey." said Gojyo after he and Sanzo had been walking for awhile.
"What?" said Sanzo.
"I wanna ask you something."
"Then ask."
"Uh... Climbing the mountain's dandy and all. But do you know where we're going?"
"No."
"You son of a--"
"What? Put those feelers on your head to work."
"They're not antennae, you piece of shit priest!"
They glared at each other, then looked away.
'Waste of skin.' thought Sanzo.
'Arrogant prick.' thought Gojyo as his head band read 'Kill'.
"Screw it." he said as he sat on a stump. "Since we're getting nowhere, we might as well think about this. There's no point in wondering around like idiots."
"Wow. An impressive deduction from you." said Sanzo as she pulled out a smoke. "So think. As hard as I know that is for you. What do you know about this mystery boy?"
"Not much, I can tell you that. I'm pretty sure his name's Kinkaku." replied Gojyo.
"Kinkaku?"
"Right. He said his parents are dead, and... hm. Oh– And he's got a little brother. I think they're suppose to be pretty good friends." hee continued. Sanzo looked thoughtful as she smoked.
"A little brother. Come to think of it... He kept calling that monster by a name. 'Ginkaku'." she said.
"Huh? Wait a sec. You're not saying--" Gojyo started.
"Maybe I am. Think about it." said Sanzo.
"But they look nothing alike." said Gojyo.
"That a pretty decoration, your head. Actually, it's not that pretty."
"Get the hell off my case!" Sanzo ignored him.
"I never said the brother was born like that. Maybe that monster form is a type of transformation. And I'm worried about that kid's crusade against evil." she said. "It sounds like it was indoctrinated into him. All signs point to someone being behind this." Gojyo was silent.
"...Like God?" he finally said.
"What?"
"Now that I think of it... He said he had Kami-sama on his side."
//Meanwhile//
Tsuki walked to the unconscious forms of Goku and Hakkai.
"You know, this is really pathetic boys. I'm counting on you to take care of Sanzo when I'm gone? Ha! She's gonna die, no doubt." she chuckled. Her eyes narrowed a bit. "...I can't stay on this plane forever. One of you is going to have to look after Sanzo when I'm gone. Heaven knows she can't take care of herself." she said sadly as she moved a strain of hair out of Goku's face. "You've grown so much since heaven, kid. But now it's time to grow up and show some manly courage."
//Back to Sanzo//(A/N: Man. Am I the only one to notice that the parts with Tsuki are short and usually mean nothing? Oh well.)
"He said God was with him?" Sanzo asked.
"Or some one calling himself Kami-sama, yeah." said Gojyo as he stood. Then he wrapped a arm around Sanzo's shoulder. "Let's ditch this place, Sanzo-chan. I do believe we're gettin' spied on." Sanzo pushed him away a bit red at his warmth. Thank god he didn't notice.
"Tell somebody who doesn't know." then to the trees she yelled, "Hey! Who the hell is up there?" Something chuckled.
"Hee, hee, hee! How convenient there's only two of you." a demon said. Then they noticed they were surrounded. "We'll send you off to hell smiling... Genjyo Sanzo and Sha Gojyo!" Gojyo sighed.
"Gyumaoh's assassins. Hot damn, do these guys have bad timing." he said.
"And thus it's proven, Gojyo– You are a curse."