Hey everyone. An update although this story is under completed series category. (It IS literally completed with the last chapter 20.)

So, what's this update about? Just like what I promised you, a side story! It's still about what happened in Red Chrysanthemum so I decided to post it in this story :)

This story takes place during the two last chapters and is written from Shiraishi side. I guess some of you still wondering why Shiraishi acted so cold back then.

Disclaimer: You know that tenipuri isn't mine.

Sorry for bad grammar, typo, and OOC-ness.

This is even harder to write than the previous one. Oh Shiraishi, I can't synchronize with you! :(

Ch19,5: Feelings Of White

Why? Why hadn't she told him? Why had she kept everything by herself? Two years... It wasn't a short period of time at all.

Even so, why? Why he hadn't noticed it by himself. She had been always right beside him, smiling and laughing with him, enjoying their middle school life together. He was quite sure that he was the closest guy to her. No, he wasn't sure about it anymore as he didn't know anything about her.

He couldn't have protected her. He couldn't have even noticed what had been happening right in front of his eyes. She had gotten hurt because of him. She had been suffering because she loved him.

It was his fault.

Shiraishi closed his eyes. He could still remember her sobs he had heard from the other side of the closed door back then.

"I'm sorry."

Now he could only hope that his decision wasn't wrong.

Being with him would only cause her suffer more… Then it'll be better if he didn't see her anymore, if he refrained from talking to her anymore. That way nobody would hurt her. That was the best resolution, right?

It was beyond his expectation that she would come by herself and see him.

"Shiraishi, can we have a talk now?"

Shiraishi looked at her, she was different from usual. Her expression… he could see pain in it. Maybe she hated him now, for how cruel he had been to her.

"Sorry, but I'm in the middle of-"

"Please."

He sighed. He knew he couldn't escape, although he really wanted to. "Okay." He answered.

Kouki quickly turned away and walked exiting the club. After handing over his racket, he followed her.

As they arrived at a desolate place, she stopped and he stopped too, a meter away from her. Watching her back, he waited for her to talk… but she said nothing. The the gap of silence between them was very uncomfortable.

"What exactly do you want to talk about?" After several minutes passed he finally asked her.

However, she didn't answer.

He began to feel curious, curious about what she was going to say. At first, judging from her expression earlier, he had thought that she had been going to yell at him or something like that. But it seemed that he was wrong.

Seeing that she was kinda lost in her thought, he called her out. "Kouki-chan?"

He saw a slight of change from her back but she still said nothing. This made him feeling even more uneasy. He couldn't take it anymore. Somehow he should find a way to leave, or else he might…

"If you have nothing to talk about, I'll leave. The class is starting anyway."

He turned away and was about to walked away when he heard Kouki stopped him. He turned around to see her. What he found next was very terrifying. He saw her falling, thanked God he caught her in time before she hit the ground. With one skin contact he realized that her body was so hot. Her fever! He cursed himself. He should have noticed it earlier. How could he act so careless?

Gently stroke her cheek, Shiraishi watched her by the bedside. Her fever wasn't as high as before but her face was still so pale. It was so heartbreaking remembering how her face was used to turn so red every time he had teased her. Actually he had known her feelings to him from a long time ago. He had been just pretending that he hadn't known it, much because he had decided to put his duty as the captain on prior. Everything had been so good back then; she had been even there for him during the national tournament. He had never thought that everything would go so wrong just when he had thought it had been about the time to confess his own feelings.

Captured in his own thought, he almost missed to realize that Kouki was starting to regain her consciousness. Quickly, he stepped backward to make some space between them.

"Geez, you shouldn't have come to school if you haven't fully recovered from your sickness." He said, trying to cover up the fact that he had been really freaked out some moments ago.

She looked at him, "S- Shiraishi?"

Seeing her in that condition was really painful. She was really weak and fragile. He had to use all his strength to fight the strong will to embrace her with all his might.

"You fainted a while ago because of high fever." He said again, trying to be as calm as he could. There was another silence between them and a feeling of uneasy start to creep his mind again. He didn't dare to look at her. He was sure that once he took a glance at her he would lose his mind.

You've made a decision about this, haven't you?

He tried to remind his own self. Hadn't he decided to disappear from her sight? He wasn't the right man for her. He would only hurt her more if he stayed close to her. She should hate him. She should forget him.

"I've put water and medicine on the table next to you," His eyes pinned on the only door. There, once he passed through that door everything would end. "I'd better get going now. I'll also tell your teacher that you're sick." He placed her hand on the door knob. Once he exited this room, once he left this place… This was the best for her, right?

Closing his eyes, he tightened her grip onto the knob…

"Don't go!"

He instantly opened his eyes in surprised hearing her voice. Then the next thing he knew was he found her arms tightly warped around his waist. He felt her warmth against his back as her shirt turned slightly wet.

Tears?

"Please, don't go. Don't leave me," He heard her sobbing. "I'm sorry, Shiraishi. I'm sorry."

Wait, why were she apologizing?

"Please don't hate me."

He didn't hate her. How could he hate her?

"I know I was wrong, I was too selfish. I never thought about your feelings."

No, it was him who was wrong! It was him who had been too selfish. It had been him who had never thought about her feelings.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Why? Why was she asking for forgiveness from someone like him? Why didn't she come to hate him after what he had done to her?

Why?

Why had she born with all the pain just to be with someone like him?

"Then, why do still keep up with me even though you know you'll get hurt?"

"It's because I love you! It's because I love you I don't care how much I got hurt! As long as I can be with you I..."

That was the reason.

"I can't forgive you," He finally said as he gently released her warp. "I can't forgive you as you're not the one who's at fault here. I should be the one who ask for forgiveness…" He turned around and, for the first time, look directly to her. Seeing how much tears she had cried out, he realized he had become nothing but a jerk.

"I… was too full of myself. I couldn't even notice that the most precious girl for me had been suffering for years because of me. I couldn't protect you. I wasn't even there for you when you feel pained." He stopped for a while; touched her cheek and wiped her overflowing tears, hoping that he could have stopped it right away. "I thought… It would be better if I disappeared from your sight. That way you wouldn't get hurt anymore. I know you deserve a better guy who'll never hurt you…"

He knew that everything had been only self-defense.

Which part had been the best for her? It had been actually the best for him.

He had been hurt finding out the truth about how Kouki had been tortured.

He had wanted to run away... so that he hadn't had to see her suffering.

Selfish wasn't it?

He slowly pulled her into his arms and embraced her.

"And yet I still make you cry. Really, I'm the worst."

Now he realized that he had hurt her even more because of his coward acts.

"I'm sorry…"

He knew he couldn't turn back the time. He couldn't change what had happened. He couldn't perfectly heal the entire wound he had caused in her heart, nor could he make her forget the pain.

But this time, if she gave him one more chance…

He promised that he would never ever hurt her again. He would protect her.

He would never let her down.

Cliché?

Well, I hope I didn't make him too OOC. I really don't understand how guys think. FYI I'm a girl =w=;

Please review and tell me your opinion.

Last but not least, I want to thank everyone who's been supporting me writing this story :)

I hope you'll enjoy my next story, whether it'll be another side story (one-shot) for this series, the sequel, or maybe an entire new story.