21. Autumn snow

The sun came up like a giant ball of flame, burning a hole into the dim morning sky. Brilliant shades of orange and red leaked out and drove away the last remnants of night. The new day presented itself in all its glory. That just made it all the more awful.

"Are you ready?" Sasuke asked.

"… … Yes…" Sayuri nodded, heavy-hearted and directed a last, doleful look across the living room of their home. Their things were packed, they had enough provisions for a journey that was twice as long as this one, the fridge was empty, power and water were turned off and-

-she didn't want to go…

"We'll come back…" Sasuke said, as though reading her thoughts and approached his girlfriend. He took her bag out of her hands and hung it over his shoulder, although he was already carrying his own backpack and Mikan. For a moment Sayuri wanted to protest and tell him she could carry it herself, but she didn't think he would listen to her and the words wouldn't come out of her mouth, anyway.

The past days had left her infinitely weary, when this was no way to feel at the moment. They hadn't slept the night. At least she didn't think so. They have been too busy with trying to stock up on happy memories in some odd no man's land between sleeping and waking. Memories that ended up as nothing more than vague half-impressions that dissolved in the light of day. It has been an intensive time and yet she couldn't possibly break it down into its separate parts; couldn't recall any details, but finding her own fear reflected, shared, understood in his touch, until at least parts of it vanished in the silent moments of night. Now the beautiful but unbearably cruel sun brought it all back again.

"Okay," she sighed and tugged at the sleeves of her sweater to pull them all the way over her fingers, but she did not move otherwise.

It were only walls and floors and some random, not even particularly nice or even whole pieces of furniture – only inanimate things and still she would miss this place; their first real home as a family… They hadn't even lived here so long and yet this place was already charged with memories and dreams for the future. None of these had included weathering a war… They had always known that it wouldn't be easy, but never had they reckoned with anything quite like this.

"Then c'mon. It's time," Sasuke said and as Sayuri looked up, she realised that he was already standing in the door, waiting for her to finally come out of her shell and resign herself to the inevitable.

"Okay…" She nodded and filled her lungs with a deep breath of the familiar air to bring some life into her heavy limbs, though what really kept her rooted in place were not her legs but her head. She didn't want to go, but it's not like it mattered. It felt like wading through a thick mire and seemed to take ages, but eventually Sayuri closed up to her boyfriend and reached for his one free hand. He was not to be envied, the poor guy. But he did not complain. Without a word he watched the young mother close her eyes, holding his hand in both of hers now.

This was the last time she could show weakness. Once they set out, she would have to stay strong for her son's and her own sake. Then she could no longer look back, no longer think about how she might never see him again, then she could no longer rely on Sasuke's strength. But if she didn't get a grip on herself, then she would only worry Sasuke and therewith distract him, when it was essential for him to be focussed and level-headed. That meant not even now. For them the first stages of war had already started.

"We'll be late," Sayuri said with a strained smile on her face and forced herself to let go of Sasuke's hand. "Are you sure it's not too heavy?"

"No," Sasuke said and reached for her hand again. "But you're right. We have to go." His dark eyes rested on her for a moment, before he gave a slight nod of the head and led them to the front door.

The sun had already risen, but the air was still chilly and damp. Colourful leaves covered the ground and glistened with moisture, reflecting the pale light of the sun. They didn't even crackle as they walked over them. They were headed for the western part of the village. There Sayuri's group would gather and Sasuke had to go to the assembly hall in the Hokage building, where they would discuss about the latest strategies and the final arrangement of the teams, before setting off themselves.

The longer they walked, the fuller the streets became, but it was no less quiet for that. They, too, did not speak, until they reached the crossroad where their ways would have to part.

"So this is farewell now," Sayuri murmured as they came to a halt at the side of the road.

"I can walk you to the gate," Sasuke said and let his eyes wander over the waves of people, surging down the street.

"Then you'll be late," Sayuri objected and took her shoulder bag from Sasuke. It was terribly heavy, as though she had packed their whole fridge into it. This would be a most unpleasant journey… "It's not far anyway. We'll be fine."

"Hn." Sasuke nodded. "I'll come over as soon as I can and tell you if there's anything new."

"Yes." She gave him a thankful smile and looked at her son in Sasuke's arms. How very similar they were. It only took a single look to know they were father and son and it was easy to tell how proud that made Sasuke. Her smile wavered a little, but did not vanish as she rose on tiptoe and pressed a soft kiss against Sasuke's lips, before taking Mikan out of his arms.

"We won't see daddy for a while, so say bye-bye." She reached for Mikan's hand and waved it at Sasuke.

"Ba-ba-" The small boy laughed and vigorously waved his hands at his father or maybe he was lashing out at an invisible swarm of angry bees. It really was good that he did not understand the meaning of farewell yet.

"Hn." Sasuke smirked and ruffled his son's hair, but then a more serious expression settled upon his features and he rested his hand on the top of Mikan's head. "You're the man now, so look after your mother for me."

"Tze…" Sayuri clicked her tongue and watched Mikan reach for his father's hand and tug it down. "We'll be fine, thank you. Oh, before I forget it…" She reached into her bag and pulled out a blank envelope, she then handed to Sasuke with a smile. "So you won't forget us… Gosh… I'll really miss you… Make sure to end this war quickly and come back to us… So long…"

She had spent all night trying to think about what to say to him when they would part ways and how to say it to him. She had wanted her last words to him to be both encouraging but also cautionary, but most of all hopeful, light-hearted. As though there really was nothing to be afraid of. Well, this was what she came up with and now that the words were out, she realised just how insufficient they were. Not at all how she had meant them to be. But then there probably was no perfect way to do this.

She took a deep breath and turned around, because if she didn't do so now, she doubted she'd be able to do so at all. There was nothing more awful than this whole farewell-thing. Despite her resolution, she didn't get far, though, because even before her foot touched the ground again for step number one away from him, Sasuke pulled her back around and kissed her hard on the lips.

For a moment, a far too brief moment, they forgot about everything around them. They forgot about what had yet to come, forgot that they were in the middle of the street, forgot about the roller coaster ride of the last week. Only as Mikan's hands in their faces reminded them that they were by no means alone, did they break apart and return to reality. It was such an unpleasant place to be at, right now…

Sayuri took a step back and brushed a hand over her mouth. "Sorry for ignoring you, sweetie." She pressed a kiss against Mikan's cheek and gave Sasuke a sheepish smile. "Are you sure you'll have time to visit us?"

"Hn." He nodded.

"Good, then see you around." And as Sayuri turned around to walk away this time, Sasuke did not hold her back. And so she left. Sasuke watched the Uchiha crest on the back of the jacket he had made her wear become smaller and smaller until she disappeared in the distance.

Once they were out of sight, Sasuke remembered the envelope she had given him, still poised in his hand, and opened it. Inside was a photo of them. It was taken in their living room. They were sitting side by side. He had an arm around Sayuri's waist and Mikan was sitting on her lap. Sasuke looked the way he always did, distant, expressionless, maybe bored even, while the two of them were smiling into the camera, Mikan's eyes closed because he blinked at the wrong moment.

The final conference wasn't what you could call informative; it was more like a repetition of everything that has already been discussed in the past week and yet it had consumed half the day. It was late in the afternoon now, but the sky was covered by a thin but consistent layer of clouds. It was a grey, unpleasant day. Not the perfect conditions for travelling, but it was better than the dry heat of the past months and at least it wasn't raining.

It's been an hour now, since they have been dismissed from the meeting and had gathered in groups in different parts of the village, from where the various smaller groups of ninja had set out successively to make travelling easier. They would take different routes, so the time of their arrival at the border between the Land of Frost and the Land of Lightning would vary, which is why Sasuke could afford a small side trip to the Land of Sound, which was practically on the way, anyhow. His team was filled in and they didn't mind. Frankly speaking, he would have rather set out by himself and joined his team again at their destination, but they had to travel in groups of at least three persons in case something happened – almost like back in their Genin days…

The very situation was reminiscent of that time, too. Most of the teams had left the village already, but they were still standing here at the gate, waiting for Kakashi to finally grace them with his presence. He was alone with Sakura though. Neither Sayuri nor Naruto were here. He had been brought away to some secret place no one but the Kage knew about. Sasuke wondered how long it would take the blockhead to realise what was going on around him. If he would realise it at all…

Sasuke was leaning with his back against the wall, surrounding the entire village. Every now and then he lifted his head and cast an impatient glance at the empty street before him. Other than him and Sakura there was no one there. No sign of their sensei. Sakura seemed to be doing the same, though she didn't appear as impatient as she appeared troubled. She has never been good at hiding her emotions, though she has seldom been as quiet about it as she was now. He wasn't a good listener and she knew that. Naruto's presence clearly was missing here. Naruto would have known what to say to ease the mood. Maybe he, too, could find words of encouragement, but he didn't feel like trying. It wasn't his business anyway. What he wanted was to set out, now, and tend to what was his business.

He wondered where they were now. It was rather unlikely that they had reached their destination already. They'd take many breaks and make a camp for the night, so they would most likely arrive in the Land of Sound around tomorrow morning or noon. Depending on when Kakashi finally showed up, they should get there around that time, too. Fifteen minutes. If Kakashi wasn't there by then, he'd set out alone.

"Uhm… Sasuke-kun…?"

The Uchiha cocked his head to the side, his coal eyes drawn to the pink-haired kunoichi who was sitting on the desk of the wooden booth, which was usually manned by Chunin. It was empty now as was nearly every building in the village. Within a single day, Konoha-Gakure had turned into a ghost town.

"Hmm?" He showed her that he was listening and waited for her to carry on, but she didn't. Not right away. Her gaze was fastened on the ground, her legs dangling from the edge of the desk, to and fro like the pendulum of a clock. He could tell by the way she avoided to look at him that she regretted having addressed him. That didn't surprise him, though. He couldn't even remember the last time they had talked to each other when it was not related to a mission.

Though Sasuke could certainly not be regarded as an expert when it came to human nature, he had still hit the nail on the head with his interpretation of Sakura's behaviour. She really did regret having raised her voice and drawn Sasuke's attention to herself.

"Uhm… You think Naruto is okay…?" This was about as far away from what she actually wanted to know as was possible, but she rather talked about Naruto. It was safer since he was something they had in common. After all it has been the blonde who held them together over all these years.

"Hn." Sasuke shrugged and kept watching his team-mate as though he knew that this was not what she had meant to say or maybe she interpreted far too much into these dark, inscrutable eyes of his…Nevertheless she felt the urge to stick to her story and not let him call her bluff.

"I bet he is… In the end he's always okay… right?" Sakura gave a nervous laugh and hopped off the table. She started wandering back and forth, keeping her back to Sasuke most of the time. "I can literally see him make a flashy entrance, once everything is long settled anyhow… He'll be so pissed…" she sighed. "At least if there is anything left when he comes… You think we stand a chance?" she asked and glanced at Sasuke, but one look at his stern face made her avert her emerald eyes again and resume pacing across the paved area before the gate. "Never mind… You're probably sick of being asked that by now… Just because you are somehow related to Madara doesn't make you an expert on him… right?"

Again a nervous laugh and after waiting a moment, in case she wasn't finished yet after all, Sasuke finally responded, "No, I'm not. And I don't know if we have a chance or not."

They didn't yet know enough about Madara's forces to tell for sure.

"I see." She nodded and felt her gaze being drawn to the ground. Her shoulders slumped and her head bent forward just so, as her confidence deflated upon hearing Sasuke's pessimistic opinion about the future. It wasn't much like him. She knew him since they were children and despite his gloomy disposition, he's never been a pessimist; he's never been one to doubt his own skills. And when he already had doubts, then she was a goner. She should have known better than to turn to mister ice cube when looking for words of encouragement. Although he hadn't literally said they had no chance. What he said was that he didn't know what would happen and how should he? He didn't know, she didn't know and neither did anyone else. They were all determined to win but also prepared to die. Same as before every mission. As ninja they learned from the cradle to live under the shadow of death. It was nothing special. In fact, she barely ever thought about it, but now, as she stood here, all prepared to depart her hometown, Sakura became acutely aware that she didn't want to die. This so very obvious notion hit her with such a force and suddenness that for a moment she found it hard to breathe. Though unlike what she told herself it was not the will to live but the fear of dying that swept over her in that instant, threatening to drown her in its wake.

Of course she didn't want to die. Who did? She would cling to life with nails and teeth if necessary. She was too young to die. There were so many things she still wanted to do, places she wanted to see, people she had yet to meet. There was still a whole future, waiting to unfold for her. She didn't even know what love is. Not like the love she's felt for Sasuke, which has been real enough, but always unrequited. She didn't know what it was like to love and be loved in return and she couldn't just die without making that experience.

She had wasted far too much time on Sasuke. She loved him before he even knew who she was. She loved him as he did nothing to even acknowledge her existence. She loved him every single second they spent together. Even when he pushed her away. Even when he told her she was annoying. Even when he left them all behind and burned all the bridges to his old life. His old friends. Her. All this time she has given all her love to him despite knowing that it wasn't returned, despite knowing that it wasn't even appreciated and yet she had gladly given it, because then at least she had known that, although Sasuke could maybe feel no love himself, he had at least her love and however little he cherished it, it was better than nothing. Furthermore, she has been convinced that as long as she just kept loving him, he wasn't lost. The darkness in his heart would not be able to swallow him whole as long as there was her love shedding a tiny glimpse of light upon him.

But as it seems, all her efforts have been in vain. As it seems, he has never been as lost as she had wanted to believe. He never needed the love she had so selflessly thrown after him.

By now she had learned her lesson and given up on him. She was no longer in love with him, but there was so much between them still, so many unresolved things. That is why she felt self-conscious and nervous whenever she was alone with him; why they couldn't just be friends and why she couldn't altogether let go of him and open herself to someone who not only took from her but also knew how to give. Someone who deserved her love.

She's never had the guts to come clean with him and finally close this so very devastating chapter of her life. But hey, they might not even be here tomorrow, so maybe this was her chance to finally find a sense of closure, so she could start into her new future in a hopefully peaceful world without old baggage holding her back. What did she have to lose?

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Hm?"

A deep breath for courage and then she said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Hn." He nodded.

"But it's personal…"

A frown appeared on Sasuke's face, but he did not say anything and waited for Sakura to go on.

"I don't know where to start…" she stammered and looked down at her feet, regretting to have started this, when she heard Sasuke heave an impatient sigh and looked up again.

"Just ask."

Like it was that easy. But she had nothing to lose. What if she'd die tomorrow? She didn't want to take so many unsolved things into the grave with her. And if she didn't die, it would be like starting a new life in a new world and she didn't want these old stories to overshadow her new start.

"Did you know…" she started and could already feel her face burn with shame. She would have to do this quickly like ripping off a band-aid, before her courage deserted her altogether. "When we were kids… Did you know that I was really- in love with you?"

A moment of silence followed her shaky words. A fresh gust of wind blew her short pink hair into her face, but Sakura did not push it away. What she did was hold Sasuke's gaze for longer than she would have thought herself capable of.

"You mentioned it."

That night he left the village and she tried to make him stay by telling him all these things he had already known anyhow. It hadn't mattered to him one bit. Nothing she or anyone else could have said would have made him change his mind. Not after seeing what Naruto was capable of… Seeing how much he had grown… Only now did the irony of the situation occur to him. Naruto who had always fought the hardest to make him return has been one of the main reasons why he had left in the first place.

"I mean really," she repeated with emphasis, "It wasn't just a silly teenage crush. I really, really loved you. And it took a long time to get over you."

So far so good. The first step was taken, which was more than she would have ever dared to hope. Now she only needed to pull through with it. And he was making it easy for her. He was just quietly listening without interrupting her or doing anything that would give away what he was thinking. When she closed her eyes, she could pretend he wasn't even there.

"I've had enough time to get used to the fact that you don't love me, but that you love someone else? I always thought you just couldn't love. From how you always talked about your family, all the things you were willing to do and sacrifice in order to avenge them. I thought maybe you had loved so much in your life already that you had nothing left for someone like me anymore. Someone among the living… And now you are in love and I… I have nothing. No one. I always thought it would be different – I wish it would be different – isn't that selfish?" she asked and looked up at Sasuke, for her eyes had been fastened on the ground before, but his face was devoid of any emotion. Devoid of judgement. She lowered her head again and carried on in a small, tired voice, "It doesn't hurt so much that you don't love me. It hurts that you chose someone else over me when I would have done everything for you. I would have become whoever you wanted me to be."

She would have given herself up for his sake. She would have become whatever it took, given him whatever he needed and more than that, without asking for anything in return. She would have- no, she had loved him with every fibre of her being. What more could he have wanted?

"That's the problem," Sasuke said and buried his hands in his pockets. "I never had any need for a mere puppet."

"Huh?" She twitched briefly, as though an electric current had run through her body. "I see…" Actually she didn't, but that wasn't the point. "If things had been different… you think we could have been happy together?"

"Tze – you really are annoying," he sighed in exasperation, while his words brought a sad smile on Sakura's lips. How much these very words used to hurt her younger self, but now it was nothing but an empty phrase to her, something like the banters Naruto and Sasuke exchanged all the time and they were friends - did that make them friends too?

"Do you really think this is the right time to talk about this?"

"You never know what tomorrow brings…Maybe I won't have another chance to hear your answer."

"Even at the risk that you won't like it?"

"I never expected anything else."

Sasuke's eyes rested on his team-mate for a long moment, before they trailed past her and into the village, but there was still no trace of Kakashi. Oh well…

"No." He shook his head slowly. "Once you had seen me for who I really am you couldn't…"

Her mouth opened to respond, maybe to protest, but he didn't give her a chance to. "Sayuri… she might not look it, but she is strong. Stronger than I give her credit for. She often struggles but… she has seen the worst sides of me and still she stayed…"

That wasn't quite accurate. It's not like she just clung to him like a vine to a tree, letting him treat her like an old doormat. She had threatened to leave him often enough and he could tell that she has been serious about it. Yet she never did because he didn't let her and that was the thing. She made him want to make her stay and at times it made him think that he needed her more than she needed him. He's been able to cut all ties to every single person that ever crossed his path and yet he has never been able to cut her out of his life. Not after he found her. He found her as he's still been immersed in darkness and she in turn helped him find his way back into the light. The light he had almost shut his eyes to for good.

"I would have stayed too," Sakura assured him. "If you had given me a reason to I would."

"How foolish you girls all are." He shook his head. He didn't understand why they all talked like his love was a privilege. He was better than most other men, but nevertheless Sayuri would be better off without him. If she had someone who did not drag her into trouble all the time.

"I don't deserve such devotion," he said and as he looked into Sakura's clear green eyes now, he could see a glimpse of the young girl he left unconscious on a lonely bench seven years ago. Then, from one moment to the next, every trace of that girl was gone again, as though she never existed.

"No, you don't…" she agreed and crossed her arms before her chest, her eyes seeming to just stare through him.

So this was it. Nothing of what he said was really new to her. She had thought of that herself – that and so many other, much crueller things, so maybe it was good after all to have heard the true reason out of his own mouth. She just hasn't been right for him, same as Naruto has never been right for her and that was okay. You couldn't choose the person you love, but what you could do was choose to let go and move on. Open yourself for a new love to step into your life.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The air tasted like rain and she felt free.

"Thank you."

Hidden behind a thick blanket of clouds, the sun climbed into the sky. It wouldn't have made a difference, had it decided to take the day off. And a dismal day it would be. With no miracle to make up for the bad start, this assumption was as good as a certainty, even now at only seven o'clock in the morning. The sky was the colour of soot; a dingy, dirty grey. And even what little light of the sun filtered through the dense cloud cover was kept from reaching the ground by a fine layer of early morning mist. The result was a world draped in grey. It was a perfect concealment for the group of people, travelling to a place that was said to provide them with shelter.

Just a few more hours and they'd be there. Maybe three or four – it depended on how many breaks they took. They weren't as many people as they had been when setting out from Konoha. Their group of evacuees and guards had marched through almost the entire northern part of the Land of Fire yesterday and had made camp as they had been close to the border, so they could still spend the night in familiar and safe territory. Though the circumstances of their whole journey made it hard to even feel remotely safe, regardless of where they were. However now that they had crossed the border to the Land of Sound even less so. Not only because they had now set foot into formerly enemy turf, but also because their group of initially fifty or so people had split now and there were hardly more than thirty left and not even half as many guards – maybe ten or so and with their number being smaller they felt more vulnerable.

Although up until now everything had gone according to plan; there have been no incidents whatsoever. A boring journey, actually. The most exciting thing that happened was the change of guards. Only half an hour ago they've had to part ways with the ninja that have been accompanying them so far and now heavy armoured samurai had taken over for them. They didn't know a thing about samurai. Neither their strength nor their way of fighting, but they sure looked scary, but that didn't mean they were also strong. Everyone could put on a plate-armour and a helmet that made them unrecognisable and arm themselves with swords in all sizes and shapes and still know as much about fighting as an average pig does about flying. Appearances can be deceptive, if not downright fraudulent. But everyone was so concerned about safety at the moment; had there even been the slightest scruples about the samurais' aptitude to protect them, then they wouldn't be here now.

Strong or not, their appearance was definitely frightening and most of the children, especially the younger girls were intimidated, to say the least, while most boys, on the other hand, were exhilarated and some even talked about becoming samurai in the future as well. The really brave ones even tried to engage them in conversations, but only few ever replied.

Despite being so little, Mikan was scared of them, too. Whenever they only passed close to their guards, he became uneasy and wrapped his arms very tightly around his mother's neck. Sayuri was surprised at how much strength there was in these chubby little arms of his. This journey wasn't to his liking at all. At first he has been really excited about all the commotion and seeing so many other infants all around him. After a few hours, however, he had grown accustomed to the situation and instead of being entertained or at least distracted by the ever-changing scenery, he was plain bored and literally furious about his restricted mobility. Whenever they took a break, Sayuri let him down and used that time for some useless stretching exercises, which only reminded her of the pain in her limbs, instead of alleviating it. And since she couldn't possibly take her eyes off him for a single second and always had to hold his hands and walk with him if she didn't want him to throw a tantrum again, she had little to no time for herself (and the crouching she had to do when walking with him was killing her back!)

From time to time she asked Ino, who was fortunately in her group, to look after him or carry him a bit, but not really often. She didn't want to trouble the blonde, who was troubled by the entire situation more than enough as is. Ino wasn't quite the same ever since the news of the war. She had retreated into her shell and did not respond to any attempts at luring her out of it. She didn't talk, unless you directly addressed her and even then she only responded with as little syllables as was possible and most often a simple nod or shake of the head sufficed. It was as though she had given up all hope and was only a shadow of her former self. She was like a walking zombie and that although her body was currently filled with two lives. If Sayuri didn't remind her to eat and drink at regular intervals she wouldn't even do that and sooner than later collapse by the wayside, which turned the Yamanaka into yet another child she had to look after. That was okay though; she would have also done so if Kiba hadn't explicitly asked her to. Just make sure she is okay, is what he said, but that was far easier said than done. It was terribly exhausting to be around Ino at the moment because she felt obliged to act optimistic and cheerful in her presence as to not have her crawl any deeper into her shell.

They had walked most of the way together, but as their group had split, they had gotten separated and quite frankly she wasn't sorry about it. She needed some time alone with her thoughts. Just a little, and then she'd go and search Ino again and shower her with hopeful words and smiles and talk about the future. Soon. Now however, she just didn't feel capable to do so. It was tough to talk about a bright future, when you were immersed in worries about the present.

And so Sayuri was walking in a thoughtful silence. Overhead the sky was draped with heavy black clouds. It was much colder here and getting colder still with every step that took them away from home. She shivered at a gust of chilly air and readjusted Mikan's beanie so it covered his ears, which looked slightly pink already. It didn't help that they were huddled together like a lost flock of sheep and were mostly sheltered from the wind or that they were so many that it should be impossible to feel lonely. Homesickness shouldn't be a problem either, because from the looks of it, some people had taken all their goods and chattels with them and were now groaning under the weight of their worldly possessions. And with their dozen of grim shepherds, surrounding their flock, they should have nothing to fear either. They ought to be fine, but somehow it was hard to feel that way.

They've been on the move since only about two hours today, but Sayuri's arms and back already felt stiff from having to carry her son and their baggage all the time. She couldn't wait to finally reach their destination; their supposed haven of shelter, which was kind of ironic, because they were heading to a former hideout of the enemy. Not one of Akatsuki's though, but Orochimaru's. Back then as Sasuke had returned to Konoha, he had provided them with a list of all of Orochimaru's hideouts he knew about and these past years they had been combed through thoroughly, in the hope of finding something useful there and now it were some of the hideouts themselves which were of use to them.

Sayuri even knew the place they would spend an indefinite amount of time at. She's been there with Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya, a short time after Sasuke left and the first mission to retrieve him failed. As they've still been full of hope that he would come back on his own accord if they only managed to talk to him. They had infiltrated the hideout, forced their way past Orochimaru's subordinates and the most creative of traps, but guess who hasn't been there… It was there that they almost lost hope of ever seeing him again. Had it not been for Naruto, they would have probably abandoned their search altogether and with that abandoned Sasuke, but Naruto never stopped believing. Despite everything. And now they all knew he was right.

Still it were no happy memories she related to the Land of Sound and she doubted the next time would alter her sentiments. Though it probably was a clever choice of location. If Orochimaru considered this place as safe enough, then it should definitely do for their purposes and Sasuke had seemed pleased as he heard where they would stay, so it couldn't be altogether terrible. Although Sasuke's approval spoke for the safety of that place, but said next to nothing about its comfort and seeing as they would probably spent a considerable amount of time there, she hoped it wasn't as much of a dark, dungeon-like cave as she remembered it to be.

No point in thinking about it now. She'd see soon enough, but more importantly she'd see Sasuke soon. They've been separated for little more than twenty-four hours and yet it felt like half an eternity. She had no idea how she would make it through the following weeks. Now she at least knew that she would see him some time today, but afterwards? Afterwards she wouldn't know when she'd see him-

-if she would ever see him again, that is.

Sasuke is strong and he knew how to look after himself, which should put her at ease. Furthermore he had promised to come back to her and he was not one to break his word easily. Still there were all these maybes and what ifs and having used up all her optimism for Ino, she couldn't push them back anymore. She has been too worried to sleep tonight and now her energy reserves were bordering on empty and she didn't have the means to fill them up again. And so she walked, surrounded by a wall whose bricks were made of silence, trying to remember the things Sasuke said to her; the way he made her feel; all the happy memories they created for moments when they'd need them; moments such as this one. Just now, however, they didn't make her feel good, but filled her with longing. Though it was that longing precisely which kept her feet moving tirelessly. She really couldn't wait to see him again.

"We'll take a break here," One of the samurai up front announced and immediately the entire crowd came to a halt, as though they were a single being. Tentative voices sounded through the air, trying to start conversations, but they were carried away by gusts of wind. And the people did not roam around, but remained at their place, still encircled by the samurai. Enforcing discipline seemed to be their slightest problem. Clothes really do make the man.

"Phew…" Sayuri heaved a weary sigh and rolled her aching shoulders or tried to at least, but they wouldn't really respond. "Shall we go and search Auntie Ino?" she asked her son, who didn't even look her way. She had a feeling he was sulky, because she didn't let him have his way. His usually so sunny disposition was just as cloudy as the sky. It looked a lot like rain.

At least he was quiet at the moment and so Sayuri did not try to cheer him up and instead rose on tiptoes, trying to look over the sea of heads as she searched for the other person she ought to cheer up, but had neglected even more than her son. As she inspected the faces all around her, however, it was not Ino's that caught her attention. There, at the side of the road, a small group of samurai had gathered. They seemed to be discussing something, but it was hard to assess the nature of their conversation, seeing as their faces were hidden within their helmets and their voices were distorted by it, too. Dressed in heavy gear, not even their body language gave away anything, so staring at them was ultimately pointless and yet Sayuri couldn't stop. It took her a few seconds to realise what it was that had caught her attention in the first place. It was not the fact that the samurai had grouped up, but that one of them had taken off his helmet.

He was standing in the back of the group and all Sayuri could see was the profile of his face and a bit of his hair. It was blonde and his hairstyle was similar to that of Naruto, also spiky, only a shade lighter, almost platinum. His helmet had horns on it, so he had to be somewhere higher up in the samurai-hierarchy or so she guessed. Actually she didn't know what the horns meant, but from observation she figured they were a symbol of rank. With everyone wearing identical garments they needed some way to distinguish themselves from one another. He turned a bit to the side and she saw now that his helmet had not two but one horn – though not intentionally. It must have broken off in battle or maybe as a result of an accident.

Enough now, Sayuri chided herself. She ought to search for Ino, instead of pondering about the military system of the samurai or thinking up a whole life story for a stranger. It was tough for whatever reason, but eventually she did manage to avert her gaze, until she saw him move from the corner of her eyes and was once again spellbound.

He tilted his head slightly and now she caught a glimpse of his face. He appeared to be a little older than her, but much younger than she would have thought. It was hard to think of these heavily armed samurai as young people, but that's how it was. Furthermore, he seemed to have really soft features, almost effeminate, but in a handsome way. He didn't look like a warrior at all. What it came down to was that she didn't recognise this man and was sure she had never seen him before, but then why did she think she knew him?

Another samurai approached and reported to him, and for a moment Sayuri's view was blocked, but once he retreated again, the helmless samurai stood at an angle that allowed Sayuri to take in his face fully. Moreover, their eyes met. It was not just a fleeting eye-contact between two strangers who happened to cross paths. He had probably noticed he was being watched and had now caught her in the act and though she felt embarrassed and wanted to quickly look away, she wasn't able to and neither was he. Though she couldn't explain it, there was some kind of pull between them and she still couldn't shake off the feeling that she knew him from somewhere. She had expected the feeling to fade with closer inspection, but instead it grew and was even confirmed by the fact that he was staring at her just as hard. She knew that she knew him and knew that he knew her, too.

It was as though the world had muted all its noises and slowed down in order to grant her more time to get to the bottom of her sentiment. A dull ache throbbed in her head, starting subtly but gaining more force, more pressure with every further throb. Unrelenting pressure against the back of her lids. Her eyeballs felt like they were about to burst. It was painful, but she was so close to unravelling this mystery. The solution had to be right under her nose and she was afraid she'd miss it if she only so much as blinked.

Still in slow motion his mouth opened, his lips forming around words, but there was no sound. Like a fish in water.

Then she was pushed from behind. She lost sight of the so very familiar stranger and then, like thunder, all sounds returned and the world crashed back to regular speed, people moving, calling to each other, children laughing, crying and again a shove against her back, harder this time. It made her stumble forward and crash against the person before her. The spell was broken.

"Move! You're holding us up!"

"S-sorry…" Sayuri mumbled, still a little bemused and directed a confused look over her shoulder, first to the pushy man behind her, then back to the samurai, but she couldn't see him any longer. And she didn't understand what had happened either. She was back at zero. Every bit of revelation remained absent, out of reach, and she couldn't even fathom what had gotten into her. It seemed unreal, almost, to the point of being ridiculous, and for a moment she wasn't sure if she hadn't only imagined it. A daydream. She was tempted to believe it, if it weren't for the still persistent pounding in her head. It wouldn't stop and her vision had gone dim already. There couldn't have been a worse time for an attack of migraine. And then Mikan was howling, too. Howling right into her ear, so his voice had direct access to the source of her pain.

She pressed her eyes shut and allowed her feet to move on their own. They were so close to each other, there was no need for any steering.

"Please stop crying…" she pleaded with her son, but he likely hadn't heard her and probably didn't care either. "Just be quiet…" She started rocking him in her arms, but barely managed to move and lift him any higher. She felt weak and for a moment a streak of panic shot through her, as she pictured dropping him.

Where was Ino?

She forced her eyes open again and went back to scanning the crowd around her for the Yamanaka. But the second time around, it wasn't the Yamanaka who caught her attention, but something entirely different.

"Snow?"

Again the crowd came to a halt, all faces directed heavenwards, dazzled by the gentle glittering of the pure white flakes of snow as they fell from the sky in a light flurry. It was a striking sight, but the dancing whiteness seemed entirely out of place, set against the vibrant orange of the autumn foliage. Just a few weeks ago they had still been in the middle of one of the worst droughts the Land of Fire has ever known and now it was snowing? Something was definitely wrong about that, but the most prominent aspect of this natural phenomenon was the fragile beauty of the swirling gusts of snow.

One especially big flake landed on the tip of Mikan's nose and finally it managed to hush his cries. Having never yet seen snow before, he looked confused for a moment, his mouth agape and his long lashes clacking open and shut repeatedly as he assessed the situation. Eventually he decided he liked it. He started reaching his hands out, trying to catch the snow between them like you would catch a fly, but whenever he brought them back for inspection, he found them empty. So he tried again.

"The first time you see snow, huh?" Sayuri asked and watched her son with a vague smile on her face. She was glad he was distracted and the snow felt cool against her head, which eased the pain, but she couldn't shake off a queasy feeling about all this. And she did not seem to be the only one. A bit of snow couldn't be anything to worry about and yet, among all the exclamations of exhilaration, especially voiced by children's mouths, there was an undercurrent of unease. It made itself known in the way people exchanged rushed words or the hissing of microphones as their samurai-guards communicated with one another.

The scene split in two groups; there were people laughing and running around, feeling relieved by the onset of snow as though it was a symbol of the heavens, but on the other hand there was heightened alarm and even panic. The snow fell heavier now, like a white haze, undulating in dancing tendrils around and about them. Already the ground was covered by an icy crust and as the blizzard intensified, visibility decreased rapidly. The panic-group gained more and more followers and for good reason.

Amidst the whirl of icy flakes, no one saw what happened then.

The sound of birdsongs, clear but piercing, roused the small girl from her sleep. From the position of the sun it had to be late afternoon already and she was outside, unsure of where she was, unsure of what happened, but the result of it was far too apparent.

She was soaked with blood.

There was blood on her small hands, her formerly white socks were a revolting blend of red and brown and on her clothes it looked almost black. Even her hair was sticky and it felt as though her face was covered with dried mud. The ground underneath her was sprinkled crimson, too.

She had no idea where the blood came from. Some of it had to be her own, but the rest? Did she kill an animal? A rat maybe? She hoped it wasn't anything else. Anything bigger… She was sure that if she tasted it, she'd be able to tell if the blood belonged to an animal or a human being.

No, not a human being. It belonged to a demon.

She had killed him. Had killed the last living member of her family.

The young girl was almost scared by her own courage. She had only just exposed herself to loneliness and a life without a purpose. The purpose he's had in mind for her has never been an option for her, but she has been resolved to do anything to escape that fate.

Now she had.

She should probably feel glad, but right now she was too terrified, all alone, an ocean away from a home that no longer existed.

She was lost.

…

…