Disclaimer: I would go to the crossroads to own this show, but I saw how well that ended for the Winchesters, so I called off the road trip.

AN: Finding time to write this week has been damn near impossible, and I sincerely apologize for the wait. The first eight hundred words probably should have gone at the end of ch20 but oh well.

Chapter Twenty One: The Lies We Tell

It was a long first day in Salem, made all the more lengthy by the ache in Helena's chest that seemed to only grow with time.

Dealing with the two Warehouse agents constantly looking over her shoulder was driving her mad. Not only that, but they would constantly shoot jibes at her, that she could take and send right back, but it was all very exhausting fighting to be somewhere you didn't want to be in the first place. She wished she could wash her hands of this madness, take the red eye home and be able to sleep in the arms of her girlfriend.

This case was shaping up to be very difficult, and she wished for the millionth time that day that Myka was there with her. She tried to rationalize these feelings at first. If Myka were there, they could solve this case in no time at all. After all, it wasn't only HG to solve all those cases and retrieve all of those curiosities. It was her and her team. So, logically, she needed Myka there to help her figure it out.

But she knew it was mostly for selfish reasons she wanted her there. She didn't like being so far apart from Myka. It put an itch beneath her skin she couldn't reach. She needed Myka to keep herself from doing anything crazy. She just needed to hear her voice.

As Helena collapsed heavily on the bed, she pulled her cellphone closer to her face, just staring for a moment at the picture that was her background, the two most important people in her life smiled back. Helena bit back tears of frustration that they were both so impossibly far from her now.

It was a little after ten in Salem, making it seven in Fairview. Myka had just made it back to her own bedroom, worn to the bone though she really didn't do anything that day, when her phone rang.

She pulled the pillow Helena used to her chest, inhaling her lingering scent and imagining she was really there as she answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Love," Helena sighed, releasing a breath she hadn't known she was holding. The pain in her heart lessened ever so slightly.

"How's Boston?" Myka asked, craving to listen to HG talk, make her words erase the day she'd had after she left.

"Cold," HG rolled her eyes, "Much too cold for my taste, though they tell me it is unseasonably warm for this area."

Myka smiled, "You've become a California girl, haven't you?"

"We are quite spoiled, I suppose." Helena allowed with a chuckle.

"I miss you," there was a pain in Myka's voice that Helena felt physically, "When are you coming home?"

"Soon," Helena swore, "As soon as I can, my love."

There was a moment of silence where the only audible sound was their breathing. While both kept their eyes shut, they could almost pretend that they were laying side by side in bed, sharing quietly the events of their day.

Myka knew she should tell her girlfriend what happened after she left the airport, she deserved to know more than anyone else, and she had already told two separate people. A strange fear kept her quiet though. Myka was seeing a therapist because she couldn't handle the feelings boiling up inside of her, the last thing she wanted to do was cause her girlfriend anymore grief when things finally seemed to be going right for her for a change.

Helena knew she should tell Myka that she was really in Salem on a case. She hated lying to Myka, and she swore she wasn't going to do it anymore, but she couldn't seem to get the words out. The lies were piling up, and she couldn't seem to stop telling them. Myka had been so stressed lately, and HG didn't want to add this to the pile. She didn't want Myka to worry about her, and she didn't want Myka to over exert herself in order to help.

The silence was finally broken when, in a voice she hardly recognized as her own, Helena asked Myka to tell her a story. Myka smiled and asked what kind.

"Something with a happily ever after." Helena begged.

Myka wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, "Once upon a time…"

Helena fell asleep before the promised happily ever after happened, Myka's voice calming her until her breathing evened out and she slept peacefully. Myka could hear the soft sounds of sleep and she smiled, "I love you Helena, sweet dreams."

Myka's nightmare had morphed, twisted itself so it was no longer the same horror that woke her every night.

She sat up, breathing heavily, hands immediately searching the cold sheets beside her for someone she knew she wouldn't find. She collapsed back to her pillow with a groan, throwing her arm over her face.

Clearly rehashing the last year's events had awoken some more deep rooted anxieties in Myka, and she never thought she would actually miss the old nightmare of being murdered over and over.

But there was a silver lining, it would seem, as she opened her eyes and realized there was light streaming through her blinds. She rolled to look at her bedside clock, it professed to be nine in the morning. She had done it, she had actually slept through most of the night. Sure, it was fitful, but she slept longer than an hour!

Her small victory didn't get her far, however.

She went through the motions of getting ready. Showering, brushing her hair until it shone, her teeth until they bled. Then, when there was no more putting it off, she stood in front of the door of the apartment, her keys in her hand. She wished she knew what fear was keeping her trapped in her own home, but she just couldn't understand it.

She took a breath, then another, steeling her nerves.

The sun was bright outside, almost warm as it caressed her skin. Myka locked the door before pocketing her keys. She was going to push herself, she needed to get better, so she wasn't going to give into the fear. She was going to walk.

"Myka!" the shout had her spinning, around to face what her body was telling her was a threat.

It was just Nate, a threat of a different kind, but mostly an annoyance in Myka's life. She rolled her eyes at herself as her heart beat tried to return to some semblance of normal.

Nate was exiting his apartment, half dressed. His jeans undone, red boxers visible, shaving cream on half of his face, no shoes, a plaid button down open, his hair sticking up at odd angles. Myka quirked an eyebrow at him, "Hey, Nate."

"Hey, hi," he hopped from one foot to the other, turning to whisper something urgently over his shoulder.

"Do you need help?" Myka took a step towards him, and relief blossomed in his features.

"Help! Yes, help, I need help," he nodded, "I need you to take Chrissy for the day, and maybe the night, I don't know, could you? I'm running late, I need to… I need to go, and I know HG is in Massachusetts or whatever for her college thingy, I need someone to take Christina."

Myka could see Christina shouldering her bag behind her father, a strange look on her face. She looked back to Nate, pleading in his eyes. This whole situation felt odd for her. This was the first time Myka could remember that Nate was up before noon, and he was clearly trying to make a good impression on someone.

Myka didn't feel an altruistic bone in her body when it came to Nate. Sure, over the last couple of months he had been becoming less of a douche bag, but she still had strong feelings in opposition to him.

But there was very little Myka wouldn't do for that little girl, so she found herself nodding, "Sure thing, Nate."

"Oh my god, you are a life saver," Nate smiled hugely, and it was easy to see then what Helena had seen in him once upon a time, "I'll be sure to tell HG you are the world's best neighbor-slash-friend-slash-ex-fiancée's-current-girlfriend-slash-kinda-stepmom."

And there went the potential Myka had seen for the guy. He was cute, but then he did this thing where he would talk… at all… then it all went out the window.

"I'm sure she already knows." Myka shook her head at him, "Come, on Christina, I was on my way to the book store."

Christina's face lit up, her previous melancholy disappearing at the mention of her favorite place in her small world. Myka wasn't a hundred percent sure that the kid wouldn't pick the old book store over a trip to Disney Land.

She skipped to Myka's side, accepting her outstretched hand. She turned to wave to her dad, but he was already closing the door to his apartment. She gave a heavy sigh, sounding much older than the four year old she was.

"Dad has a girlfriend." The girl spoke without preamble, or much emotion, sounding resigned.

"Oh?" Myka tilted her head at the new information, connecting the dots in her head of his recent actions, so he was pawning off his daughter for a date? That was low, even for Nate, who had cheated on his pregnant fiancée.

"He doesn't know that I know, but I hear him talking to his friends when they forget I'm there." Christina became really interested in her shoe laces all of a sudden, and Myka didn't like the sadness on the small girl's features.

Myka's jaw flared in anger, but she reigned it in.

"He's happier now. He wakes up before lunch and he doesn't eat all that junk that Mummy yells at him for buying. He asks Mummy or Claudia to watch me more. So I guessed that he got a new girlfriend."

"How do you feel about that?" Myka asked, feeling like her therapist for a moment.

Christina shrugged, "It's not like with you and Mummy, I like you, you're one of the bestest people. Even better than Uncle Charles. I don't know Dad's girlfriend, but I see him smile a lot more, like when Mummy smiles with you."

"You are far too perceptive for a four year old." Myka chuckled.

"I'm four and a half!" she protested indignantly, "And I can read almost all by myself!"

"My mistake, you are practically a grown woman!" Myka nodded in faux seriousness.

"But I still need help with the big words." Christina blushed, thinking her outburst might get her in trouble, or make Myka stop reading with her if she knew Christina could do it by herself.

"It's okay," Myka shrugged, "Sometimes I need help with the big words too. What don't you like about your dad having a girlfriend, kiddo?"

"I like that Dad has a girlfriend!" Christina shook her head, "I like that he's happy and I get to see you and Mummy and Aunt Claudia more."

Myka shook her head, "Then what's wrong."

Christina gave a melodramatic sigh, "Never mind." And she rolled her eyes, looking exactly like her mother.

Myka didn't know what she had done wrong, so she let the conversation drop, easy enough as they drew nearer to the campus and the Red Couch.

A smile broke over her young companion's face when the bell chimed overhead, and Myka released her hand so she could skip off through the stacks.

A college student was leaving Dr. Cho's office, wiping tears from her face. Myka didn't mean to stare, but the girl just looked so familiar, and she couldn't place it. Myka reached behind the counter and pulled out a box of tissues, handing it to the crying woman.

The girl looked a little baffled at the box, then up at Myka, a shy smile, "Thanks. Gosh I must look like a mess." She pulled out a couple tissues and wiping her face carefully.

Myka returned the smile, trying to hide the fact that she was carefully tracing the other girl's features, "It's not a problem. I've left Dr. Cho's office a complete emotional wreck before. But she knows what she's doing."

The girl chuckled, her mood lifting slightly, "So you've taken her advice before? Even if it was scary?"

Myka nodded, "I did, and it turned out better than I could have ever thought." Thinking back to all the times Abigale tried to get her to admit her feelings for Helena, "For someone who isn't married, she gives better love advice than anyone I know."

"Thanks," The girl's smile was genuine, before she finally tilted her head, tucking her black hair behind her ear, her careful brown eyes assessing Myka, "Do I know you?"

"I've been asking myself that same question," Myka admitted, "You go to Fairview, right? What's your major? Wait, god, that sounded like some awful pick up line." Myka shook her head.

The girl was no longer crying, but laughter lit her eyes, "I do, I'm a criminology major."

"That must be it," Myka nodded, "I'm minoring in crim. I'm Myka, by the way." Myka offered her hand.

"Emily," the woman accepted the handshake, "Emily Lake."

That smile clicked the puzzle pieces together finally, and Myka almost blurted out her realization, but she had embarrassed herself enough for one conversation, "It was a pleasure to meet you. Officially."

"Same here," Emily nodded, "I do hope to see you around."

After she left, Myka turned to look at Abigale, who had left her office quietly during the exchange, "Don't you think she looks like… someone we know?"

Abigale shrugged, "After a while, all you college kids look the same to me… what's your name again?"

Myka rolled her eyes, "Very funny, Doc."

"Enough jokes," She spun and grabbed a big cardboard box off a stool, walking to Myka and depositing it into her arms, "Time to stock the shelves."

"I thought I was here for a session?" Myka asked confused, but following her boss none the less.

"Two birds with one stone," Abigale pulled a book from the box and studied the spine carefully, "Besides, what am I paying you for anyway, these books came in a week ago!"

Myka mumbled an apology. In truth, Abigale knew how Myka's mind worked, it thrived on order. The best way to get her to open up, was to keep her hands busy.

A four year old walked hurriedly past them, a stack of books bigger than she was in her arms.

"Has my bookstore turned into a daycare?" Abigale grumbled, not that she minded, she had a soft spot for the young bibliophile.

"I'm sorry, Doc," Myka sighed, "I was leaving my apartment, and Nate asked me to take her. He was getting ready for a date."

"Is that so? How do you feel about that?" Dr. Cho almost seemed disinterested as she climbed the ladder to place the book in its temporary home.

Myka shrugged, "I don't really care, I know he's been sleeping around for probably as long as he's known he's had a dick. I'm more worried about Christina, she had a weird reaction to it this morning, didn't want to talk about it with me."

"What bothers you more, that she didn't want to talk about it with you, or that she was upset?" Abigale asked without looking at her.

"That she's upset…" Myka said before thinking for a moment, "And that I don't know why or how to fix it. So maybe that she won't talk to me about it."

"I think that's part of your problem, Myka." Abigale lead them down a new aisle, "You're always trying to fix everything to make everyone happy."

"Is that so bad?" Myka challenged, "To want everyone to be happy?"

"No," Abigale allowed, "What's bad is the stress is causes you trying to complete this impossible task. Tell me, there is something else bothering you, what is it?"

Myka sighed and silently cursed the doctor's too perceptive eyes, "The nightmare, it changed."

"How so?" Dr. Cho finally looked at her.

"I wasn't being shot, and neither was Christina or Helena," Myka mumbled, "It wasn't even a real nightmare. I was in a room, and everyone I loved was in it, but they were all miserable in there, so I opened the door and they all started to leave. One by one. And I was all alone. I tried to leave but the door just brought me back to the same room. I started to get frantic that I couldn't be with them and that I was stuck there…"

"Right," Abigale sighed as she looked at Myka, "I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to hear me out. Your attack and run in with this curiosity may have triggered your PTSD, but you were on this road long before any of this happened."

"What are you talking about?" Abigale could tell that Myka was starting to shut down, which was part of her problem.

"You never deal with your feelings, Myka. You stay so focused on everyone around you that you can't see your own problems. You never dealt with Sam's death, or your feelings of inadequacy from your parents. You go from one thing to the next to the next- I don't think you've even properly dealt with Helena's leaving. You focus so much on everyone else's happiness that you don't leave anything left for yourself. You and I, we have a lot of work to do, and your PTSD is only the tip of the iceberg, and not even where we have to start."

"What do I do then, Doc?" Myka asked, "I mean, it's gonna take longer than a few weeks to work through all this." She made a vague gesture to her head, "If what you sy is true, how to I hold out for the other side?"

"This is going to sound ridiculous, but you need a hobby, Myka," Abigale looked seriously at her, "Not work or school, a real hobby."

"What, like knitting?" Myka rolled her eyes, "Scrap booking?"

"If you like," Abigale smirked, unperturbed, "You like writing? You play the guitar? Get back into those things that you love. Do it just for yourself, Myka. Do it to be happy."

"Be happy," Myka nodded sarcastically, but she took the doctors words seriously, "You got it, Doc."

"And another thing," Abigale took the box from Myka's hands, "Talk to your girlfriend. Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak, Myka. Sometimes, it's the strongest thing you can do."

She turned from her patient, working her way to the back of the store where she knew she could find her younger patient reading amongst the stacks of books she had probably already pulled down.

Myka sighed and pulled out her phone. She gave herself a mini-pep talk before dialing the number and waiting for Helena's greeting.

"Hey, babe, I need to talk to you- wait what?" Myka froze, "I'll be on the next flight."