HI folks

Well not much of this to go now, this one and one maybe two more.

Hope you like this, a Sam and Dean moment.

Let Go

Sam turned over and took in the empty bed across from him and sighed.

He glanced at his watch.

6.30.

He rolled himself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom, his muscles complaining at having to move. He quickly showered, hoping it would cleanse his mind as well as his body, and moved through to the living room, stealing himself for running into his brother. He needn't have bothered…Dean wasn't there.

Bobby was sitting pouring over a book and the smell of gun oil filled the air.

"Morning." Sam threw himself down in the chair opposite Bobby. "How long's he been up?"

Bobby looked up. "I got up at five thirty and he was finishing cleaning the guns so my best guess…probably since four."

Sam picked up a book and idly flicked through it. "How is he, in fact where is he?" Sam looked around as if expecting his brother to appear from thin air.

Bobby smiled. "Him and I…we had a little talk. He seems…fine…well maybe not fine, fine but you know what I mean. Dean hasn't thrown anything or broken anything yet so that's always a good sign…so yeah… I'll stick with his words…he's fine. Having said that, he's outside ripping the guts out of the car, says he heard a rattle or something yesterday and wants to find it. Me? I just think he's avoiding you for as long as possible, working up to talking to you…so the poor car is getting dismantled for no damned good reason at all."

"I should go talk to him then." Sam stood and Bobby caught his hand.

"No."

"No?" Sam looked puzzled. "I shouldn't talk to him?"

"No…you should go listen to him. He has a lot to tell you I'm sure…he can't do that if its you that's talking."

Sam thought for a moment and nodded. "Ok, oh wise one…I hear ya."

Bobby stopped him again. "Remember that it's you he wants to talk to….not that little bit of your dad that you both carry about inside…no guilt trips Sam…no accusations. I think your brother for once did something 'cos it was best for him, don't take that away from him, that's all I'm saying."

"Yeah." Sam poured out two cups of coffee and then headed for the door.

Bobby's voice stopped him again. "Oh, tell him I've got the crow bar if he's looking for it…and that trunk lid on the Impala? It's the last one I have…he'll know what I'm talking about."

Sam's confused look made Bobby smile.

"Just tell him."

Sam shrugged and went outside.

----

Dean's head was buried under the hood of the car and Bobby was right…Dean had most of the guts of the car out and they were lying on numbered bits of newspaper along the workbench beside where his brother was working. Dean was nothing it not methodical when it came to the Impala. Sam could never refer to the car as Dean's baby normally…and especially not today...yeah definitely not today.

"Brought you a coffee."

Dean brought his head up too fast and rattled it off the underside of the hood. "Sonuva…" He glowered at Sam. "Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that Sam…give me a friggin' heart attack." He careful stood up this time and rubbed his injured head.

Sam sighed. Well that started well. "Sorry I thought you'd heard me. Here." He offered out the cup as a peace offering.

"Well I didn't. Thanks." Dean took the cup and slipped it, watching Sam as he did.

Sam slumped down the side of the car, leaning against the driver's door. "Bobby says to tell you that he's got the crow bar and that the lid on the trunk's the last one he's got. Is there something wrong with the one you put on her again?"

Dean coughed into his coffee and a fleeting little smile crossed his lips. "He did, did he? Na there's nothing wrong with the lid. Anyway…."….here goes… "….what can I help you with?"

Sam swallowed. It wasn't like Dean to be so direct, normally he would avoid giving Sam an opening to talk and yet here he was handing one to him.

It had been so different after dad, when Sam had wanted him to talk to him then Dean had clammed up, hiding behind that famous Winchester snark. Sam wondered if maybe not been able to share his feelings at all had affected his brother more than he thought.

He watched as Dean walked over to the bench and wiped his hands, then he turned and leaned on it staring straight at Sam.

Come on little brother, out with it. I know that there is no way that your gonna let this conversation not happen…so let's just get it over with…now…before I change my mind.

It was Sam for once that side stepped. "How you feeling?"

Great opening bat Sam…ask me something that I can't answer.

Sam picked up on Dean's hesitation and altered the question. "I mean your hearing and stuff. Is it back to normal?"

Dean walked over and slid down the car beside him. "Pretty much."

The silence hung in the air for a moment and then it was Dean that broke it. "So…what do you want to know?"

Sam was caught off guard again. "I…I don't really know. I suppose…how did you find out?"

Dean dropped his head. "Dad told me."

"Dad? How'd he find out?" Sam played with the handle on his cup as he spoke.

So he didn't tell dad and not me, dad knew first.

Somehow that made Sam feel better, less angry at having been shut out.

"I had her number, I had called Audrey a coupla times for Angela…you know to come get her. I phoned after we…after we got caught. I wanted to see if she was ok but it just went to voicemail…so I sent her a text. She finally sent one back, but dad had the phone back by then. Dad told me about, she was asking me to leave her alone. He questioned me on it but I didn't tell him then, you know…about what we'd done…I thought why risk another silent treatment for something else that I'd done wrong, that he was never gonna find out about." Dean laughed a wry laugh. "I shoulda known that it would come back to bite me…always does."

"So she didn't tell him on that text…how'd he find out?"

"We'd been hunting the guy that did it…you know…killed all those girls, attacked you…and then dad sent me out one day on my own, told me he had something to go do. He was acting odd…I thought he was still mad at me about before, that he didn't want to be with me yet. It turned out to be a long day…I didn't see him for the next week. He told me when he got back."

Sam thought for a moment, pausing to let it all sink in. He had a question to ask and he didn't know whether to do it now or later.

He decided now was as good a time as any. Just get it over with Sam!

He pulled out the cutting that he'd shoved into his back pocket a few days before and handed it to Dean. "I found some stuff on the killer in the papers." He handed the cutting to his brother.

Dean tensed. "So? The guy was found dead…I already told you that."

"Yeah, someone knifed him in the back with a hunting knife, that's right isn't it?"

Dean turned to him. "Yeah…this questioning got a point?"

He knows.

"How'd you know about the knife Dean?" Sam took the cutting back. "Police thought that he had an accomplice that turned on him so they never revealed the cause of death…yet you knew it Dean." Sam paused not really sure if he wanted Dean to answer or not. " Did you kill the guy Dean or was it dad?" Sam knew that it hadn't been their dad, something in his gut told him it, but still he wanted to give his brother the out...to see if he would take it.

Dean looked away.

He's asking you to be honest with him Dean, he already knows, all your doing is confirming to him, that his brother murdered someone.

"He'd killed two more girls before I found him Sam. That was my fault…and then there was Angela and he'd hurt you...and it was all my fault." Dean paused for a moment, the memory filling his head and his heart. "He was cutting a girl up when I found him…she was dead and it was my fault Sam…I could have stopped it…if I'd have just stayed there that night…did what dad asked."

Sam stopped him. "No Dean it wasn't your fault…it was that maniac that was taking teenage girls and carving them up's fault. You did what you had to do to him Dean."

"I didn't just stop him though Sam, I didn't just shoot him. I stabbed the guy to death…I wanted to hurt him Sam, really hurt him…I…I wanted him to feel what it was like." Dean stopped. "I enjoyed it Sam." The little confession was made quietly.

"It doesn't matter now Dean…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have brought it up. I just wanted to know." Sam could feel his brother's pain at what he'd done.

Dean dragged his hand across his face. "Well now you do. Feel better for knowing that Sam? I murdered someone Sam…hell if you think about I just did it again."

"No, you didn't. You stopped a monster and as for Marion, she got what she deserved…don't forget I shot her too."

He put his hand on Dean's arm but his brother shrugged away.

Dean's change of tone made Sam look over again. "What else do you want to know? What else can I tell you…ask now Sam…and then that's it."

Sam could feel Dean's anger rising and knew that his brother was using it to fend of the tide of emotion that was sitting just under the surface waiting to drag them both under. He knew that if he didn't hit this just right his brother would explode and he may never find out the answers he wanted, that he needed.

He went back to safer ground. "So dad knew first then?"

Dean lent his head back against the car and closed his eyes…retreating inside his head. "Yeah."

Sam waited.

"He went to see Audrey, find out from her what was happening before he told me." He turned to Sam but kept his eyes closed. "He shouldn't have you know…it was my problem to solve not his, but you know dad."

Sam almost laughed. "Yeah, control freak. What did she say to you when you called?"

Dean's sigh was deeper this time. " I phoned her…I wanted go see her but dad had told me she was getting married and I didn't want to just turn up and put my foot in it you know…ruin something else for her."

Sam tried to cheer his brother up a little. "Yeah, Winchester disease…no cure for it…we've all got it."

Sam smiled as Dean gave a small half-laugh, half-snort. "Yeah… in spades."

"So you phoned her?"

"Yeah. She didn't want me to go see her anyway, she had just wanted me to know, felt that it would be something else that she'd done wrong if she didn't. She only asked me that one thing, just not to contact her at all. Dad had asked her if he could stop by and see her once Jane was born…that kinda surprised me, her too I think 'cos she told him yes but then dad could be a charmer when he wanted to"

"So dad went to see her and you didn't. I know why you didn't I just don't get how."

"What do you mean you don't get how?" There was that little trace of anger again in Dean's voice.

"How could you not go see her? I'd have wanted to go, to hold her, see what she was like."

Dean turned on him. "See Sam that's were you and I differ, I don't do what I want…I do what I'm asked. It wasn't about me. It was about her."

Sam knew he'd lit the flame but he couldn't back down. "She was your daughter Dean, I don't get it…I want to but I don't. She was my niece Dean…I didn't even get the chance to meet her." His tone had a bitter edge to it that he didn't like but couldn't keep from it.

"Sam she wasn't my daughter, not really…she was Audrey's daughter…Chris' daughter…not mine. All I did was make her mother pregnant that didn't make me her dad. Just cause she had a little part of me in her…didn't give me the right to interfere Sam…it just didn't."

Sam still didn't understand how his brother could have stayed away. He said as much again.

Dean's voice had a hitch in it when he spoke next and Sam knew that Dean was really fighting to hold it together now. He watched as Dean played with his hands, obviously struggling for the words to make Sam understand. "Sam I didn't tell you 'cos if I had, nothing would have stopped you from going to see her and if you had of, then I'd of had to go to and I couldn't Sam…really I just couldn't."

"Why Dean?"

"Well 'cos then she would have been real Sam, flesh and blood, not just a little girl in a picture and I'd have had to walk away at the end of it." Dean wiped his eyes with his hand. "I should never have gone the time I did…I caused this…if I hadn't have finally given in to the longing inside of me to actually see her…she'd still have been here Sam."

Sam knew that his brother was crying now and he wasn't sure what to do. So he did what they always did, he walked away. "I'll go get us a coupla of beers."

He left the 'to give you a few minutes' unsaid but Dean heard it anyway.

"Thanks."

Sam squeezed his brother's shoulder before walking back into the house.

---

Bobby looked up as Sam walked in. "That was quick, you give up or did he hunt you?"

Sam grabbed the beers from the fridge. "He needed a minute."

"Oh."

Sam hovered in the door unsure whether to go back out or give him a minute more.

"That beer'll be warm before you get it to him."

Sam looked at him. "Huh?"

Bobby sighed. "Boy get you're ass back out there and let him get this over with."

"Oh.."

Sam got.

---

Dean was still sitting were Sam had left him, head down…lost in himself.

Sam slipped down beside him again and handed him the beer. "So tell me what happened when you met her…what was she like?"

Tears glistened in Dean's eyes as he looked at Sam.

"She was beautiful Sam…she was just beautiful."