-:- My Autistic Brother -:-
Author: deunan4eva
Summary: At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…
BeforeNote:
I should have said in my last authors note in the end of chapter 20 that I wouldn't have chapter 21 up for a while, since I'm going back to school and all, but after this first week I really feel like updating… so here it is – I know where it's going now and I've managed to get it down. You guys have all been fantastic with your encouragement and support, and without you guys I probably wouldn't have started writing again. I know I originally said these would be short authors notes and the story itself was only going to be short, but I've had lots of fun writing this, so now, instead of aiming for short authors notes, I'm wondering if we can reach over 500 reviews on this story – if that's so, I say screw my New Years resolution! XD I'll keep writing for you guys until this story comes to a close. And even though the end is not too far away, it's still on the horizon, and there's still a ways until we get there. So I'll stop rambling here…
- Mercy
This chapter is dedicated to, once again, the real (late) Johanna –
You were right; light shines brighter when you're lost in the darkness.
Because without the light you shone,
I'd still be adrift.
…
"The report of my death was an exaggeration"
– Mark Twain, after reading in the paper that he had died.
Mello's Journal Entry #21
6/21/97 (June 21st, 1997)
-:-
Two weeks later, ten days after L had gone back to Kyoto, Near locked himself in his room. He wouldn't let me go in, or Matt, or Roger or Wendy or Johanna – one of the orphanages gardeners went around to look in Near's window, only to have Near start screaming at the top of his lungs. But the gardener came back and said that Near had barricaded himself in – pushed his chest of drawers in front of the door. I don't know how Near had managed it, but he'd retreated into his room and refused to come out.
'He was going so well,' Matt said quietly as we listened to Near smashing his head and fists into the wall on the other side of my dorms wall. Nigel had woken up early to Near's banging and had gone to the library to get some peace and quiet, so it was just me and Matt and Johanna sitting around in my room, wondering what we were going to do.
'I don't see how we can get him to stop,' Johanna said, glaring at her hands. She'd come over early today to see Matt, like she did every Friday – Roger had said that it was okay that she come over a couple of times a week, and Jo had agreed with Matt that she'd definitely come over on Fridays to spend the day with him. Suddenly, my train of thought was pulled somewhere else – to the wall that separated me from Near. Could I hear…?
'Hey guys,' I said softly, and they both stopped to look at me. I crawled over to the wall and cupped my ear against it, listening in the silence between Near banging his head. 'Can you guys hear that?'
Johanna came over and did the same thing, followed by Matt, and slowly, she nodded.
'Yeah…is that – is that a TV I can hear going in there?' I nodded, remembering how Wendy had set up a small TV in Near's room in case he got bored.
'Yeah – Wendy put it in there for him,' I said, and Matt narrowed his eyes as he listened.
'I think that's…a news report he's got going? I can't tell,' he murmured, and I sat back, wondering what exactly could have set Near off. Then, I realized I did have a way of finding out – Near's window.
'We could sneak around the back and look in his window, like the gardener did,' Johanna said, almost like she was reading my mind, and I nodded.
'Yeah – I mean, I don't think he'd start screaming if he saw me, but still, we should stay out of sight,' I said, and Matt and Johanna nodded, and we pulled on our shoes and headed outside.
…
When we crept around to Near's window, the banging had stopped, but I could hear the sounds of a news broadcast being played over and over coming through the window. It was open, but he had pulled across the curtains – probably after the gardener had tried to look in. Now, if he was paying the window any attention, he'd be able to tell whether or not someone was looking in – the shadow from the curtains would move and he'd see our shadows. Seeing our predicament (a word Johanna taught me a couple of days ago, meaning "problematic situation"), she sighed softly as we crouched by the window.
'I'll give him this, he ain't called the smartest kid in the junior wing for nothing,' she said quietly, and I nodded, but I knew I had to try to get a peek through the curtains.
'I'm gonna try anyway,' I whispered back, but Matt bit his lip.
'What if he sees you and starts screaming?'
'I'll quiet him down,' I replied, knowing that, if worst came to worst I'd have to slap him, but hopefully it wouldn't come to that. I didn't want to have to hurt Near ever, ever again. I swear, I'll never lay another hand on his as long as either of us lives.
Slowly, I lifted the bottom edge of one side of the curtains, and peeked inside. It was dark inside Near's room, but the light from the TV spilt a white and blue-ish glow over the floor, and I could see that Near's stack of pillows that he'd taken from my room were strewn everything, and white, downy feathers were scattered around the room, some stuck to the walls and all through his bed sheets. Neither his bed nor Andy's old bed were made – the sheets were rumpled and pulled off the beds, cast over the floor and twisted up in knots. Books had been pulled from Near's bookcase and thrown all over the room, several had left marks on the walls where they'd hit before falling to the floor, and he'd pulled most of the clothes out of the drawers of his chest of drawers and thrown them everywhere, too. The TV looked like the only thing that had been left untouched, because even most of the toys had been tossed with reckless abandon around the room, and the TV stood high up on a bookshelf that Near had obviously been unable to shove over, blaring an old news clipping on repeat. It must have been one of the ones that our files came with, old pieces of video about where we came from, because the headline reporter was saying something about an orphan who had been abandoned by his parents in the rain. I took a closer look at the TV screen, and the broadcast showed a piece of video where an old-ish man was cradling a young boy who was soaked to the skin in an orange blanket. I blinked, absolutely positive that the boy was Near and the man was Roger – it had to have been – who else would be wearing a tweed jacket, have a slightly stooped posture and a balding patch on the top of his head, crowned by grey hair? And Near… he was much younger, only about two or three years old. But the video showed him screaming, his pale face unusually red. The sound was muted under the broadcasters voice, and I looked away from the saddening picture, unable to watch anymore.
'Whadaya see?' Matt hissed, and I held up a hand to them, realizing that by now, I'd looked so far into Near's room that my head was ducked under the curtain. But I didn't pull back, because just then, I saw him.
Near.
Curled up against the wall, I could see his eyes closed in exhaustion, sweat drenching his white shirt and one of his light grey socks were missing. He had probably slumped against the wall when he'd been banging his head, but from the destruction of pretty much everything in his room, I could tell he had been wearing himself out all morning. Which, of course, explained the banging and crashing earlier on. Fear grabbed me in the chest when I saw a trickle of blood running down Near's face, and without thinking I pushed myself up onto the windowsill and into his room, picking my way around the toys and the sheets, trying not to sneeze as I inhaled the dust in the air from the feather from his pillows. As soon as I had a clear path, and ran to Near's side, clearing the space between us in a couple of steps.
'Mello – what's going on?' Johanna poked her head in after me, and I looked back to see her and Matt starting to boost themselves through the window, too. I turned my attention back to Near and collapsed on my knees next to him, feeling my knees go weak as he didn't stir, and for a horrible, horrible ten seconds, I was sure Near wasn't breathing.
And then, he stirred, and relief flooded through me. I gently pulled him into my lap as his eyelids flickered, and his breathing came in short, shallow gasps.
'Mello…' he whispered hoarsely, and I held him close, a hand holding his head to my chest and wrapping my other arm around him, letting him know I was here and he was safe.
''S okay, Near,' I'm here now. It's gonna be okay,' I murmured into his hair, which was a mess with feathers tangled into his own feathery locks of white hair. Near sniffled against my chest as Johanna and Matt pushed the chest of draws back into it's place and out of the way of the door. Johanna then came down and squatted next to me.
'He all right?' she asked quietly, concern knitting her eyebrows together, and I nodded.
'I think so – but…could you get him a glass of water? Please?'
She nodded and headed out. Matt looked around at the mess.
'Uh…what should I do?' he asked.
'Could you get Roger? And Rosalie the nurse, too?'
'Sure,' Matt nodded, smiling – I guess he must be glad that he could help – he cared about Near, too. 'I'll be right back – don't go anywhere!' he said, turning and heading to the door.
'Not moving,' I replied, and Matt smiled again as he took off down the hallway, disappearing from view. A few minutes later, Johanna came back with a glass of water. She handed it to me, and I pulled Near's head up a bit so he wouldn't swallow the water the wrong way when I got him to drink. He weakly sucked down the water, coughed a little and snorted some out his nose, but when Johanna put her ear to his chest to listen for any noise in his lungs, she said he was okay. Roger, Matt and the nurse, Rosalie, appeared in the doorway. Near didn't want Rosalie to put a stethoscope to his chest, and he buried his head into my shoulder and refused to look at Roger. Johanna knelt next to me and rubbed Near's back for a bit while Roger and Rosalie went outside to discuss things, and Matt started to collect up all the toys strewn around the room and put them back in Near's play chest. I just sat there and held Near, thinking how scared I'd been for those terrifying seconds when I thought Near wasn't breathing. What if he'd choked on the feathers, or one of the toys? Broken his hand or arm or leg while he'd been throwing the fit? Had a heavy piece of furniture – like the chest of drawers – fall on him? That last one was so horrible that I shut down every other thought and just focused on Near, right then, and the sound of his shallow breath on my neck, the warm sweat that lightly beaded his forehead, the sound of Johanna hushing him soothingly every time he whimpered or hiccuped. My arms around him, I felt like I wanted to crush Near into the chambers of my heart, lock him away from all the horrible things in the world and keep him safe forever. But I knew I couldn't do that. I could only do so much, and soon, I didn't think even that would be enough.
Roger and Rosalie came back about ten minutes later.
'I've called Dr Lenkov again, let him know how Near's doing,' Roger said. He'd already called Dr Lenkov before when we hadn't been able to get Near to open the door, but Dr Lenkov had been seeing another patient at the time. He'd said he'd come as soon as a hole came up in his schedule, but he didn't know when that would be. Roger cleared his throat and smiled. 'He says he can come in about twenty minutes.'
I breathed a sigh of relief, and Near felt me relax and looked up at me.
'Gonna be okay?' he whispered hoarsely, and I nodded.
'Yes, Near – you're going to be okay. Dr Lenkov's coming – he's gonna find out whats wrong and he's gonna help, okay?'
''Kay.' Near snuggled his head back into my neck, and I leant my head gently on top of his. Matt was trying to push the lid down of the now nearly over flowing toy chest, struggling with the effort, and Johanna laughed softly and got up to help him. Rosalie came and squatted down next to us.
'I think Near should lie down and rest for a while,' she said softly, dabbing a damp tissue at Near's forehead where he'd cut himself on something. 'He's bound to have a headache.'
I nodded, and looked down at Near again.
'Can you stand, Near?' I asked, gently lifting him under the arms a bit. Near shook himself a little and blinked.
'Dunno.'
'Come on, then – let's try,' I said encouragingly, and got to my knees, lifting Near up with me. He was almost like a dead weight against me, but he did get his feet under him enough so he could stand on his own, before wobbling and falling back against me. He mumbled something incoherent and rubbed his eyes. Roger helped me half carry, half drag Near into my dorm, where we found Nigel setting down a couple of his books.
'Oh, hey,' he said. 'See you got Near out. He okay?'
I nodded. 'Yeah – we think so. He's gotta lie down for a bit – don't worry, I'll use my bed for him,' I quickly added, seeing Nigel's eyebrows lift a notch. Not enough for Roger to notice, but enough for me to know there was a warning behind it, saying "you better not be using my bed". Nigel nodded, apparently satisfied with my answer, and picked up his bag, pulling it over his shoulder.
'Well, I'd better get back to class – you missed out on learning about the anatomy of a frog this morning,' he said with a grin, and I blinked – normally, I'd be seething that I missed out on such a fascinating class that I wouldn't give the world to miss, but now I found myself oddly uninterested in it.
'That's okay,' I said flippantly, and both Roger and Nigel paused at my answer, as if I'd just given them both an electric shock. 'I'll catch up next science class.'
'Oh…oh, okay,' Nigel said, eyes wide, before stepping out and around us. 'Uh…guess I'll see you at lunch break, huh?'
'Dunno,' I said, looking down at Near, who was almost asleep on his feet. 'Depends on how long I stay with Near. But maybe, yeah.' I tried to sound positive, I honestly did, but Nigel shrugged.
'Cool.' And then, he was gone. I didn't have lots of what I'd call friends here, Matt and Near and Johanna being exceptions, but I did get along reasonably well with my peers who were in the same classes and years group as me. Still…sometimes I think the others, Nigel and that, only tolerate me because I'm the one who stands up to Percy.
Roger put a hand on my shoulder, obviously realizing what I was thinking about.
'Think nothing of them, Mello – you're doing just fine, and no one could ask more of you,' he said, and I nodded, swallowing the small lump that had risen in my throat.
…
Later that night, I sat by Near's (well, my) bed, listening to him breathe quietly as he slept. It was dark in my room, and Nigel was snoring quietly on the other bunk. I was sitting in the chair I'd pulled up next to my bed, so I could be there for Near when he woke up. There was a light tap on the door, and it opened just enough for Matt to poke his head around.
'Hey,' he whispered, and I motioned for him to come in. he came and knelt by the bed. 'How's he doing?'
'Okay, I guess,' I said softly, careful to not disturb Nigel. Thing was, Nigel could sleep like a badger in hibernation, so I wasn't too worried, but I wasn't going to take the chance. Matt picked up on this and kept his voice low.
'He say anything?'
I shrugged.
'Earlier, before he fell asleep, he said something about the nightmare he had, in a dark scary room. Then he just kept saying "tape in TV, turn on, press play," over and over again.' I said, recalling those minutes where he'd refused to let go of my sleeve, cried into my shoulder, whispering the words again and again. Matt frowned.
'Think he was talking about the news thingy?' he wondered, and I nodded.
'I think so. And you know what that means?' I asked, a sly smile beginning to creep across my face. Matt blinked.
'What?'
'It means that tomorrow, we've got to find out what was on that tape. Find out what Near was so terrified of, and find way to fix it.' I said, and Matt's face lit up.
'Oh, yeah,' he grinned.
- Mello
AfterNote:
All-righty! There we have it – chapter 21 is *finally!* done! XD haha – I'm such a wimp sometimes – still, I've got the next few chapters already planned, up until about 24 (sort of) it'll take some time to get them up, though, since I do still have to work on my other stories (desperately!) Next stories to be updated will be The Sky is Falling, Burning Vengeance and APPLESEED: a novelisation. Just a little FYI for you! ^_^ Many happy returns –
– Mercy