Quick side note for everyone that's reading and following the story, I know it seems like that the story is on a slow start. The thing is that you have to remember that are main character here is a child or a teen on which way you want to describe it. I'm no psych major here, but you understand that most kids these days have very short attention spans. So in a way everything that Nate is doing and learning is in some way throws him of course on what you would logically do in his situation. You also have to remember that Nate is rather new to all this, so everything is like hitting him like a freight train sort of way. Does he miss his home? Of course he does. Will he get home? Well we'll just have to wait and see wont we. I hope that in some way this sort of clears up any questions, if not just drop me line whenever. So let's enjoy another chapter shall we. As always if you want to leave a review you can, it won't hurt my feelings if you do or don't.
Chapter 20 Reflections
I won finally. So I started to make my way out, ignoring the disappointed looks that I got from Lady Proudmoore and Caitlin. I open the door only to notice Lord Grayson was standing in my way. I look over to Lord Grayson and over his shoulder seeing all of the knights and priests behind him.
"Oh hey Lord Grayson, I see that you brought the whole congregation here to stop me once again." Grayson went on. "I don't think Lady Proudmoore is done with you yet."" That won't be necessary Lord Grayson; Lady Katherine here has decided to entertain Lady Proudmoore for the rest of the evening."" I believe she is bound by your codes and ethics."
Lord Grayson at first thought Nate was bluffing about this, till he notice the sadden state of Lady Katherine. "Lady Katherine is this true; did you accept a challenge of Nate's into honoring his request?"
She did not dare answer to Lord Grayson, but her sadden face told him all that he needed to know. "Well than Nate, I guess you are free to go as you please, no one will stop you." I was about to go until.
Ms. Proudmoore protested. "Wait!" Nate turned around about to let her have a piece of his mind. Ms. Proudmoore then placed an enchantment on the door to shut and lock itself. Nate then turned and tried to get the door open to no avail. "We are not done Nate, not by a long shot." She said to him sternly.
Nate protested to her, that the deal is made. He had to figure another way out. He stood thinking of every possible way. Lady Proudmoore went on "Nate you are not getting out of here till I'm done with you. "
"What you have done to Lady Katherine, is not like you at all." "In the short moment that I read your aura when I first saw you in the cathedral I know that in your heart you would have never have stooped this low ever." "And if you fail to see what I'm talking about, then I will show you." Nate just ignored her.
Then he heard some voices. He thought he was in a dream or something, but no he's right here. Everyone around him was absolutely still except Nate. The voices to him where coming from Caitlin and Kat. He walked to Caitlin first I don't think she can see me at all. That's weird, wait what did she say? Hmm her mouth is not moving. I guess I can hear her thoughts I suppose.
Caitlin: Oh Nate what have you done, you have destroyed Lady Katherine's faith in you. I must comfort her and hope that she might one day see the great light within you. But I do not think that she will listen to me.
Awe man I hate it when I make her sad. I have to apologize to Caitlin about the way I acted today. Then I turned and walked to Kat's direction.
Katherine. : I cannot believe that I lost to him. He was planning this all along, he played with emotions like a marionette, and I fell right into it. I really want to beat the living Light out of him; he doesn't deserve the light that's within him. Katherine ease up ok you cannot give in to your anger even thought this kid really deserves it. I don't know what Lord Grayson sees in him? He is just a lost cause. Now I got to honor his drinking habit, he will surely bankrupt me. I know I'm suppose to show some compassion to him because he is a stranger here, but how can I when he acts with such insolence's. He mocks at everything that we stand for. I hope Lady Proudmoore turns him into a frog or just gets him out of here
Dame I shook her foundation to the core. I guess that I really did take it too far with her. Man I feel really rotten for what I've done to both of these ladies. On the other hand lets see what Lady Proudmoore thinks of me.
Hmm nothing yet, I'll just give her bit more time. I'm pretty sure she has loads of nasty shit to say about me. Her eyes where looking down, when I was looking at her. So I got a little bit closer, till her eyes suddenly shifted to look at me. I literally jumped up.
"God Dame WOMAN don't scare me like that." "Oh god what are you?"Dame she must be the ring master of this, I mean her eye's and lips are moving in this dream. "Nate don't be frighten I am not here to harm you, I am here to help you."" Help me with what?" "Lord Grayson has summoned me here, because he told me he was having trouble with one of his paladins namely you." "I know this is a bit much to take in Nate, but please hear me out." I just nodded not thinking about to what I agreed to.
"He wants me to read you, so that he can better understand you."" So that everyone can help you, and believe me I know that you'll need all the help you can get."" But before I can help you help yourself, I believe some apologies are in order." "That I can agree on, however I don't think Lady Kat, I mean Katherine will accept any apology from me, not after what I did to her."
"Nate the one thing I know about you already is your sincerity." "If you show the same sincerity to Lady Katherine that you give to Caitlin, I am very sure she will accept your apology." "Ok I'll give it a shot."
Just then I was out of that dreamlike state, I looked around see both Lady Caitlin and Katherine in there same respective places. Both of them have saddened looks on their faces. I know I got to fix this. I went to Caitlin first.
"Caitlin I know it was wrong for me to leave you like the way I did earlier tonight."" I did it because I was afraid, but I will not be afraid anymore and I will stand with you from here on out for better or worse. "She didn't really respond to me, but I know that she was listening. She then looked up at me with a fresh new smile on her face.
I then walked over and sat down across from Lady Katherine who was still slouching a bit in her chair looking down at the surface of the table. Even though I can't really see all of her face, I know that she is really mad at me. I just got to try.
"Lady Katherine, I know you are really upset with me, and if you could I know you would want to beat the living shit out of me."" I know I deserve it and to be truthful I would not fight back and I'll take like a man."" I have no excuse for my actions."" I should have never played with your emotions like that."" I took it too far."" What I did was very disrespectful to you and what you stand for."" I know that you might not accept my apology, and in truth I don't deserve to have you as a teacher or much less as a friend."
She started to straighten up herself from a slouch position. Even though she kept her gaze down, I'm pretty sure she was listening to every word that I said to her. I hoped that was good enough. I turned to see Ms. Proudmoore smiling at me with approval.
"Ok Nate, if you will please just come over and stand in front of me and we will begin." I did as she said no questions asked.
However Lady Katherine added "do you wish for me to leave Lady Proudmoore?" "That will not be necessary Lady Katherine, please go and stand with Lady Caitlin." "I think you both would want to hear of my personal reading of young Nate here."
"Ok Nate I am going to start, just stand still and try not to think about anything. ""Oh, and before you ask no I am not going to lobotomize you." She stared intently at me with her blue eyes; even they started to glow a bit.
"Hmm Nate, well you are defiantly not from here, that I see." "Your mannerisms that you show on the exterior make you rough." Lady Proudmoore pauses for a short moment then continues. "Interesting you use your mannerisms as a ruse to hide your true self, but why?"
Both Lady Katherine and Caitlin now have intrigue looks on their faces.
I looked at her with my eyes about to water up. "Please Ms. Proudmoore don't ruin my street cred, I beg of you." "Nate, you are not in your old world any more, I am fairly sure no one would mind about your street cred here."" I know we can't change your personality that is a part of you; however we can change the way you may think that others might perceive you."
"I see now why you use such vulgar language and manners." "You use it, because you are afraid of what other people might think of you as a weak person."" Oh Nate in your old world people might have think of you in that light, but not here."
"Your true self shows you as a very caring and kind."" You have lots compassion to give to others; you are also empathetic as well."" You feel the need to help others more than yourself."" You want nothing more than for the people around you feel good about themselves as you do."
Both Lady Caitlin and Katherine smiled from hearing this news about Nate.
"Your biggest fear is not only that may never ever see your world again, but that you might not be able to live up to the expectations of your teachers and mentors here." "You feel this now as I continue to read into you." "I also see the remorse and pain that you feel for that you have inflicted upon Lady Caitlin and especially Lady Katherine."
"I think we are done here Nate you may go in peace." I tried my best to look down and shut my eyes before tears start to flow from my eyes, but too late to waterworks had started. I mean I'm a man here I'm not suppose to show such emotions like that. I was doing my best to regain my composure, till I felt a warm hand glowing a bit in blue light caressing the side of my face lifting it up.
Ms Proudmoore looked at me with a soft smile on her face as she encouraged me to stop crying.
Both Lady Katherine and Caitlin had looks of sympathy on their faces. Caitlin did see the sadden distress that Nate was in, so her only instinct at the time was to come over and comfort Nate. Yet she was held back inadvertently by Lady Proudmoore's grace, as she reminded her that everything was going to be all right.
Caitlin did feel Katherine's hand placed on her shoulder as well to ease her up. As Katherine looked down to Caitlin with smile of her own as Caitlin in turn returned that same smile.
Five minutes later Caitlin walks out of Lord Grayson's office only to see Lord Grayson and a huge crowd gather in front of her. "Oh my excuse me everyone." The crowd dispersed a bit to let Caitlin come thru and leave.
But before she left she turned to Lord Grayson. "Lord Grayson Lady Proudmoore is done with her reading of Nate." "She will see you shortly, please allow Nate to go in peace." Lord Grayson nodded in agreement.
Nate came out of the office slowly walking trying desperately not look at anyone. He turned to Lord Grayson demanding respectfully, "Lord Grayson if it's not too much trouble, can I have my IPod back please?""Of course Nate I'll have Brother Dunmore deliver to your dorm."" Thank you sir, now if any of you might need me I'll…I'll…I'll be around. "Nate started to walk off to where ever.
A few moments later Lady Katherine walked out. Turning to Lord Grayson as he called to her. "Ah Lady Katherine you are looking much better than previously before." "Tell me what did Lady Proudmoore do to Nate?" "He seems rather off put, than he usually is."
"Lady Proudmoore just shined some Light into him to help him see a bit more clearly."" I see." "Lord Grayson do you know where Nate might have run off to?"" I believe he went in the direction towards Cathedral lake, why do you ask?" "Just a bit of precaution my Lord to make sure Nate doesn't do something rather rash or foolish." "By all means Lady Katherine continue on."
Lady Proudmoore opens the door, "Lord Grayson I am done with my reading of your young paladin Nate, please come inside along with any teachers or mentors of Nate."" So I can discuss my assessment of him with all of you."
Ten minutes later out by Cathedral Lake at night seeing the bright moon reflecting itself on the waters of the lake. Nate sits on a large park bench staring at the stars. Not thinking about much of anything. Lady Katherine finally catches up to see Nate just sitting there staring at stars.
"You mind if I join you Nate?" "Where I am from I would say it's a free country and go right ahead, but I don't know if this country is free."" Hmm I'll just take that as a yes." Katherine sat down next to Nate and started to admire the stars shining throughout the night sky. "The stars shine very brightly throughout the sky, what do you think Nate?"
Nate stopped looking at the stars and was now just looking at ground when he answered." I don't know what to think anymore."Katherine who was sitting next to Nate noticed that he wasn't looking at the stars anymore, but rather a sadden look on his face. She wanted to comfort him a bit, till Lady Caitlin showed up looking for Nate.
"There you are Nate, are you star gazing again?" till Caitlin finally notices that Nate is not looking at the stars, but rather looking down to the ground. She sat down immediately next to Nate on the other side of him sandwiching him in the middle.
"Great what is this, group therapy?"" And you I don't even know why you are here, I thought you were still mad at me for crushing your faith in me."" Even you have admitted that I am a lost cause."" Can I just be left alone for once?"
Katherine can hear the distress in Nate's words. Thinking to herself how she can possibly comfort Nate. I never said out loud that he was lost cause. I guess Lady Proudmoore gave him the ability to hear my thoughts for a short while. I feel so regretful for even thinking of such a thought. That would also explain the very truthful and sincere apology that he gave earlier to me, when I was upset at myself and him. I must choose my words carefully, so I don't drive him away even further.
Katherine started on again, "When Lady Proudmoore reveal to me of your true self, I felt a ray of hope for you." "The very same hope that I can be a part of in helping you become a great paladin."" I feel pain and regret for thinking that you were a lost cause to me." "As the same pain and regret you felt when you apologize to me for your actions." "You are not a lost cause to me Nate."
Nate really didn't know how respond to that, he instead just turned his attention towards Caitlin. Caitlin is trying to make him feel better by rubbing her palm on to my back. I really didn't turned to face her, but I still kept my gaze towards the ground.
"Gee Caitlin you must think that I am complete fraud now." "I do not think of you at all in that way Nate." Caitlin added. "Nor do I as well." Katherine quipped." "To me you have already shown some of your fine qualities."" Especially when you save priestess Verona's life, took on my reprimand, and when you gave me such a nice charm for your gratitude." "You just need to learn to open yourself up a bit more."
"Ok I will do that, but I need to go and get some food I'm really hungry." Both Lady Caitlin and Katherine smiled at him and agreed to come along with him to get some grub.
Meanwhile in Lord Grayson's office, Lady Proudmoore is explaining to Lord Grayson, Brother Dunmore and Tryston, along with Priestess Verona about Nate in general.
Lord Grayson sounding very intrigued listing to the interesting news, "so Nate acts this way because of what he thinks other people might think of him?" "Indeed Lord Grayson," Ms. Proudmoore added on. "He posses such great qualities of compassion and caring, yet he hides them by using vulgarity to throw you off of his original intentions."" In his world from childhood to adult, he is taught to beat down such emotions."" To act out in such emotions that I mention would ostracize him from the community."" You might say that it is not manly of him to act this way."
"I witness such an act earlier in the night when I was pursuing him."" He presented himself as a rude and crude person to me when I would start a conversation with him."" Yet within a few moments he would help a small common girl retrieve her pet from a tree, just to get her to stop crying."" He would also escort her back to her family, accepting nothing more than their gratitude."
"I tried to remind him that he no longer has to act in such a matter of insolence here."" We can't change his personality, but we can change the way he acts."" He wants nothing more than for all of you to be happy."
"His biggest fear to all of you is that he fears that he will fail you all, to not to live up to your expectations."" My suggestion to you all is to continue to put faith into him, and in time he will show you all such great promise."
"Thank You Lady Proudmoore, you have done us such a great service," Lord Grayson said proudly." No thank you for allowing me to meet with Nate." "I suspect in the future that I will be meeting with him again, perhaps in a teaching session."