The Man Who Would Not Break
Chapter 21
First off, thank you all so very much for letting me know your thoughts on how this story should end. Many of you put forth extremely good arguments for having our hero survive as well as expire. You may thank literary pit-bulls Sym64 and FicreaderT plus the compelling input of dearreader and softballchic34 for finally convincing me. I've wussed-out and there will be an alternate ending posted with an 'M' rating which will also have the appropriate warning. In the meantime, we get to indulge in some more whump. I hope you enjoy it.
Note: The most ninja of the ninja cats dashed across the keyboard right before I posted this. I think I've corrected all her 'input'. If not, all the errors are hers. Imaginary Beta is actually relieved she doesn't have to take the fall for this one.
Disclaimer: With the money I make from this, I could take an all-expense paid trip from armchair to sofa.
*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0* Hawaii 5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*
Strong Enough
On the fourth day, Steve had a seizure. One minute Danny was quietly regaling his still unconscious friend with Grace's latest pronouncement on what she considered a suitable career, (President), and the next, the heart monitor began beeping out a disturbing arrhythmia. As an alarm began to blare, Steve's body became rigid; muscles locking in spasm. People rushed into the room as a horrified Danny quickly moved out of the way to let them have access to his friend.
He watched from just outside the glass cubicle as Dr. Ibrahim rushed in, crinkly hair flying. He watched as she did a quick evaluation. He watched as she barked out orders and the nurse injected something into an I.V. port that quickly stopped the seizure. He watched as readings were taken and brows furrowed at the findings. He watched as additional drugs appeared and wrappers were torn off of syringes and needles. He watched as Steve remained completely unaware of what was being done. He watched as the doctor pointed toward the hallway and the wheels of the bed were unlocked. He watched as the bed was rolled past him taking his best friend out of sight through another set of doors.
….
It was only six-thirty A.M. and he'd just gotten out of the shower when the phone rang. Knowing no one would call this early in the morning if it wasn't important, he hurried from the bathroom to pluck his cell phone off the dresser.
"Chin, sorry to call you so early but something's happened with Steve." explained the tense sounding voice on the other end.
"What's going on Danny, is he worse?" he asked - dreading the answer.
"I don't know what the hell just happened! One minute he was lying there and the next he started seizing. They got it stopped but it doesn't look good. They rushed him out of here and back to the O.R."
As Danny continued his explanation, the Hawaiian detective immediately recognized his friend needed to hear a familiar voice. He needed to talk to ohana. Chin would try his best to be an anchor for his obviously distressed friend.
As the Hawaiian pulled on his clothing, Danny continued his worried and manic report: "Steve's fever hasn't yet begun to come down but I think the doc was actually considering removing the vent." What Danny didn't say was that mechanical ventilation had been a vast improvement over the wet, rattling, gasps he'd heard in the forest. "Up until this happened he hadn't been getting any worse but I don't think he'd gotten any better either."
Chin worked to ignore his own anxiety and frustration at having to hear such disturbing news from 2,500 miles away. He listened quietly for another couple minutes before Danny finally began to wind down.
"Brah, you know how strong Steve is. He's been on the edge before and made his way back. We just have to be patient and wait for him."
"I know Chin, but the idiot has to want to come back. I'm not sure he does."
Before the Hawaiian could offer any additional words of encouragement Danny announced he had to call Ruiz and update him on this latest development. Chin thanked his flustered teammate for the update and told him to hang in there and be sure to call back as soon as he learned anything else.
After the call was ended Chin took a brief moment to center himself with a deep, calming, breath then he dialed his cousin. He readied his argument for keeping her from catching the next flight to Los Angeles.
…..
Bobby came through the I.C.U. doors and strode up to Steve's cubicle; stopping abruptly when on the other side of the glass he spotted the blonde detective sitting pale and shaken beside the empty space where the bed had been.
Taking in Danny's obvious distress, the unused cell phone dangling from his hand, the empty room and discarded wrappers, plastic caps, empty vials and syringes that hadn't yet been properly disposed of still strewn about; he assumed the worst.
"Danny," he began, "I'm . . . I'm so sorry brother."
"What?" asked the startled detective who apparently hadn't even noticed the large man's approach. Danny looked upward at the kind dark eyes staring down at him.
Ruiz, gesturing toward the empty space said, "I'm sorry I wasn't here when Steve . . . ," his suddenly constricted throat prevented him from finishing the sentence.
Suddenly realizing what Bobby had concluded, Danny stood to place a hand on a broad shoulder as he said, "Steve's still alive man but he's not doing all that great."
"What happened? Where is he?" asked Ruiz immensely relieved his friend was still among the living but worried he may not remain so.
"I don't know what caused it but he had a seizure and all the monitors went apeshit. They rushed in here and hauled him back to the O.R. There wasn't even any time to ask a question. The doc said she'd get back to me the first chance she got. I've been waiting here about twenty minutes, maybe longer." he said glancing at his watch.
"We know Steve's a fighter Danny. Besides, he's too fucking ornery to die."
"Ornery he is but I think he's not trying all that hard to stick around." sighed the blonde.
Bobby Ruiz had no answer for that. He'd sadly come to the same conclusion – Steve wasn't fighting. With an arm thrown over the smaller man's shoulder he said, "Come on Jersey; let's go see if there's anything we can find out. Maybe we can get an answer from that nurse who guards the doors to the surgical unit like she's from the mafia and Don Corleone is in there."
The two of them walked out the doorway of the I.C.U. to seek news of their friend.
….
Having no luck with the pseudo-Mafioso, they retreated back to the waiting area where they'd been taking their naps. After two more hours and twice that many cups of coffee Dr. Ibrahim finally appeared. Once again, she'd changed into clean scrubs prior to speaking with her patient's family. Walking toward them she pulled off the forgotten surgical cap and tried in vain to tame the wild strands that had escaped from a bedraggled ponytail. The two men started to stand but she gestured for them to stay in their seats.
Heading off the most important question she said, "The Commander made it through this episode but just barely. It's an unanticipated setback."
"What the hell happened?" asked Danny not wasting any time.
She plopped into a chair across from them and tiredly rubbed a hand over her face and took a deep breath before answering. "You're already aware your friend has been considered hemodynamically unstable since he arrived. His blood pressure has been all over the place."
Both men nodded in unison; they understood Steve's precarious condition.
"Along with the challenge of keeping his BP from bottoming out we've also been struggling to help him maintain decent oxygen levels. Even after surgical repairs, his lungs were badly compromised as a result of both the GSW and the puncture from the broken rib. The best way to provide the support needed was with a ventilator. An embolism, most likely the result of the ventilator forcing air into a damaged pulmonary vessel, had traveled from his lung to his heart. One of the results of this, as you witnessed," she nodded toward Danny, "is seizures. It also caused a very erratic heartbeat."
Danny frowned "He's going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up, isn't he?"
"Unfortunately, yes. We had to go back in. It wasn't something that could be handled endoscopically. We'll watch him carefully for any further complications including signs of pain and try to keep him as comfortable as possible."
Danny nodded but his nature required he know more. Had someone done something to bring this on? Not wanting to piss-off the person who'd probably just saved his best friend's life, he asked a bit more carefully than normal, "So, Doctor Ibrahim, is this something that happens a lot? Could this have been avoided?"
"This isn't that common a complication Detective Williams but it can happen; especially with GSW's to the chest." stated Dr. Ibrahim, not looking the least bit offended.
Danny finally just waved a tired hand in dismissal. "Steve never does anything the easy way. Why should it be any different with this?"
"Can this happen again? Is there anything you can do to prevent it?" asked Ruiz
"At this point, we're going to discontinue the use of the ventilator since it has become more harmful than helpful. Luckily, Queen of the Valley is a regional emergency center and has a hyperbaric facility. It could help in aiding the Commander's recovery. We'll schedule a session as soon as I feel he's stable enough but, for now, we have him on minimally pressurized oxygen. At this point, tests indicate he is at the lower end of an acceptable range."
Dr. Ibrahim had already been considering removing the ventilator even before the incident. Her patient had been spontaneously triggering it in a nearly regular breathing pattern instead of the only sporadic gasps that had been the norm for him since he'd been admitted. It had been the only indication of any progress.
The worried men shook her hand and thanked her for working so hard to keep their brother alive.
"You know, up until now, I didn't think the Commander was trying very hard to come out of this. It seems something has changed. I'm happy it has."
With that, she stood and turned, walking back toward the double doors to the Recovery Room.
….
The little stool they'd been alternately perching on the last several days had finally been replaced with an actual chair. It wasn't necessarily a comfortable chair but it was an improvement over what had been there previously. After that last scare, they'd taken pity on the weary man who hadn't left his friend's side for more than a few hours total.
Another two days passed without any further incidents or Steve being any closer to waking. Other than looking as though he was in the throes of a dream or nightmare from time to time, there'd been no indication he was any closer to surfacing from the depths of unconsciousness.
Though Steve was still running a fever that hovered at 101.5, Dr. Ibrahim stated the pneumonia had actually improved without mechanical ventilation. Use of a ventilator carried its own complications and pneumonia can be compounded by mechanically assisted breathing. With a face mask it was going to be something of a balancing act and close monitoring was of the essence.
Steve's coloring had improved after only one trip to the hyperbaric chamber. Though not necessarily the picture of health, he at least no longer resembled a corpse. The bluish color remained only in the hollows of his eyes; his lips still pale but not entirely bloodless.
Bobby's contacts had been keeping him abreast of the investigation. They'd been awaiting the summons from the L.A. County's Sheriff's Department. The showdown had taken place in the unincorporated area that was their jurisdiction. Cheney's body hadn't yet been found.
Ruiz and Tex had given their best estimates of where to look but the burned-over area more resembled a moonscape than the forest they remembered. There may not even be much to find considering the fire could have reached temperatures high enough to cremate a body.
His team stubbornly, (and maybe vainly), refused to believe their leader wouldn't awake. They hoped to have some solid information for Steve on his return. The accomplices were all in custody in Honolulu where Chin and Kono were very capably handling anything that had come up since. Danny was trying not to feel guilty for not being there to do his job but right now his place was here and his ohana knew it.
He sat once again staring at the face of someone who needed to return to the people who waited for him.
…..
The air had become fresh and cool and he could smell gardenias. Cath was here again.
"Cath?"
"Hey sailor."
"You came back." he breathed in relief
"Of course I came back."
"I was worried."
"I won't leave you Steve. I'd never do that."
"You've already left me Cath. I have to figure out how to live without you."
She smiled down at him, her hand once again rubbing soothing patterns on his chest. "You used the word live? Now that's progress."
"I'm still only assessing my options. Don't get cocky Rollins."
"No Smooth Dog, that's your job." she said with a soft laugh.
"Exactly how smooth do you think I can be laying here attached to umpteen tubes, machines and who knows what else – one of them even doing my breathing for me."
"You're breathing on your own now sweetheart. Good job." she said in praise.
"Now you sound like Danny 'cept he doesn't call me sweetheart – and he'd better not or I'll kick his ass."
She laughed again and smiled indulgently as her hand smoothed back his hair.
Danny had been talked into coaching a soccer team seemingly composed of every chubby, slow-moving, asthmatic, ten-year old on the island plus his Gracie. It had always amused both Steve and Catherine that no matter how dismally the kids performed; their coach would always praise them with the words 'Good Job'.
Her laughter was a sound he missed so dearly and he was now reluctantly contemplating a life in which he'd never hear it again. A life that didn't have her in it. How was he ever going to do that? Why would he even want to?
"Cath, I don't know if I can do this. Trying to live without you will be the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm so, so, tired."
"Steve, if I could take away your sadness you know I would. If I could just sprinkle fairy dust over you and make all the bad stuff you're going through go away . . . ."
"Fairy dust huh? I knew you'd been hanging out with Grace way too much." he joked though the panic and dread was once again taking hold of him.
"Please believe me when I say eventually it will get easier. Someday you are going to open your heart to someone else . . . and I would be okay with that. It's something you need to do Steve. It's something I want for you."
"Not gonna happen Cath, I can't do that again. It hurts too much when people leave . . . and they always do. They always go away."
"Steve, you know as well as anyone that death is part of life. In fact, you know that better than most people ever have to."
"Cath, everyone I've ever loved has left me. Every damned one of them! I can't let people in anymore. Why do I even want to be where it's expected of me? I know I may never have said it but I loved you without holding anything back and look what happened . . . I'm not strong enough to do that again."
Her hands held the sides of his face as she looked intensely at him. He wished he could just disappear into those warm dark pools.
"Steve you know you love your ohana. It's too late to go back. They and your Islands have helped you rediscover your humanity. The process started as soon as your feet touched the ground of home, of Hawaii. You couldn't stop it could you?"
"Well," he grudgingly agreed, "I didn't do it on purpose. It just kind of sneaked up on me."
She laughed at him again and now he could feel her hand brushing back his hair. He groaned because it felt so nice. How was ever going to do without her touch?
"So, are you going to promise me you'll try to get better?"
"You're sure Danny and Gracie need me that much?"
"I didn't lie to you Steve. Without you on the island, Danny is going to be lost and distracted and things could get by him that might put his daughter and the rest of our ohana in danger."
"Cath, I don't know if I can make it through this. I'm so tired and I know it's going to get worse and there's going to be an unholy amount of pain."
"You've never let the physical stuff stop you before. Don't let it stop you now. Remember when you shattered your femur and you still managed to drag Bobby back to safety? I know you can do it. I know you can recover. You just have to want to."
"Cath, I'm not strong enough to do this."
"Steve you're the strongest man I've ever met. Please go back to your ohana. They need you as much as you need them."
"Cath, please. Can't you stay awhile longer? Please."
She only smiled sadly at him and asked, "Are you ready now?"
Once again, before he could answer, she vanished.
…..
Danny heard a groan and Steve seemed to be trying to move. A trembling hand began to reach up toward the face mask.
"No, no, don't touch that. Leave it alone." he caught Steve's hand and gently guided it back to his side. There was another moan and his friend's long lashed lids began to flutter.
"Hey babe? You finally waking up for us?" asked Danny in a soothing though insistent voice, "I'm gonna call for the nurse okay. Just relax Steven. Open your eyes for us but try to chill."
He turned to beckon help but the monitors had already indicated Steve's change in status and a nurse walked in quickly from the station only a few feet away on the other side of the glass.
"He's coming back to us!" she smiled, so elated to see one of her patients take a turn for the better. Of the three patients who'd been in the I.C.U. - one other GSW and an auto accident - Steven McGarrett was the only one who'd survived the night.
The Commander's chances hadn't looked all that great when he'd been brought in days ago. If his wounds didn't prove fatal, she'd have expected the pneumonia would. He still had a long way to go but, for now, there was enough indication he had a chance of recovery. Only hours earlier, she'd have bet the gravely injured man would be the third patient to expire on her watch. She was touched his friends had provided such support – he'd really needed it.
She smiled again as she checked him over and got ready to call Dr. Ibrahim. The blonde man who'd become so familiar to the staff was not willing to let go of his friend's hand.
There was another moan from the bed and a bit of shifting. Then, as Danny still held tightly, two confused hazel-blue eyes stared up at him.
*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0* Hawaii 5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*
There you go. Would love to hear what you think of this now that I haven't killed our hero.