Author's Musings – To read this, I suggest looking up "An impossible choice doctor who series 5 ost" and listening to that because it is an extremely sad song and fits this chapter.
Álætnes (Loss) Part 1
Gaius knocked hesitantly on Merlin's door, his hand shaking. There was no answer.
"Please Merlin, answer me," he whispered, his voice quivering with helpless fear and sadness. Gaius had never seen Merlin so sad – not even when Balinor had died.
Gaius could hear nothing: Merlin was dead to the world now. Taking a deep breath, Gaius entered Merlin's room, pushing the worn wooden door carefully and quietly.
Merlin sat with his knees drawn up tightly to his chest. He didn't acknowledge Gaius, his puffy blue eyes stared ahead of him, unmoving. His eyes were focused on the view beyond his window.
The sky was cloudy and as the sun set, they picked up a red haze. The sky was on fire with colour, the pinks and reds mixing in with the blues and purples of the rapidly approaching night sky.
Merlin only watched the redness and felt tears trickling down his face. The red sky reminded him once more of that night, the unmentionable night that had broken his heart in two.
He didn't allow himself comfort, he didn't allow himself food. His muscles screamed at him to move and find a different position, but he ignored their cries. His stomach growled and roared at him, Get me food! it protested, but Merlin disregarded his stomach's pleas.
Gaius stared at the broken boy and felt his eyes prickle with water. There was no way that this despondent boy would listen to his words. He turned, defeated before he had even tried to comfort his ward, and quietly left the room.
He sat down in his chair and sobbed as the salt-water slid reluctantly down his cheeks.
What do I do, Hunith, Balinor? He asked, hoping something would enlighten him.
Nothing did.
Dagda bowed steeply in front of the embodiment of all he feared. King Uther regarded the golden-eyed boy with severe suspicion.
"And who is this, Arthur?" He asked, enunciating every syllable slowly.
"He was a prisoner at the Druid encampment that you sent me to. He has been attacked by magic, and the golden eyes are a result of the attacks. Gaius has already examined him and can vouch that he is not a sorcerer," Arthur explained, lying easily to his father.
Uther looked around his hall. He had called for the entire court and for all of his most trusted Keepers of Justice.
But Gaius wasn't in the room.
"Where is Gaius, Arthur?" Uther asked, concerned for his friend.
"He is… tending to Sir Percival," Arthur said, it wasn't a complete lie – Percival was still injured and being tended to, but Arthur knew that Gaius was actually looking after Merlin.
Arthur's face darkened as he thought of Merlin – he'd been trying to avoid the thought all day. Merlin had been miserable when walking back from Ealdor, but the constant need to move had kept him from fully dwelling on Hunith's death. Now he was back at Camelot, he had nothing left to distract him from the thought of his mother.
Arthur sighed, wishing he could've just left that stupid druid tribe alone.
He wanted to go back to before Elvira's plight. He wanted Morgana back.
Despite everything, he wanted her back.
Where were her little sarcastic, sisterly comments that could make him laugh in the most desperate of times? Where was the compassionate sister that had cared for him?
Arthur bowed his head slightly, forgetting for a moment where he was.
"-thur, Arthur?" Uther called,
Arthur started and looked at his father, "Sorry, father?"
"I asked if the druids are dead?"
Arthur nodded, "It was a terrible massacre," He sighed softly, not thinking of the northern druid clan, but of Ealdor that was now a pile of bodies and ash and blood.
Dagda nodded, his head bowed slightly – obviously thinking of the same thing.
Uther stood and stepped towards his son, placing a hand on the prine's shoulder, "We did not part ways on good terms – I apologize for that. You have done well, I know how difficult this was for you, son," He smiled proudly at his son, pulling him into a brief hug.
Arthur had just begun to wrap his arms around his father, when the king pulled away and walked off.
Arthur's arms felt oddly empty.
Arthur knocked on Merlin's door before entering with a flourish.
Nothing.
Merlin didn't react. It was his third day without eating – if Arthur wasn't careful, he'd lose his best friend as well. In the four hours since Gaius had entered, Merlin hadn't moved. The sky was dark now, and the sliver of the moon that hung in the sky lit Merlin's face with an eerie silver colour.
"Merlin?" Arthur called, his concern for his friend turning the name into a question. Merlin didn't respond; he just sat there with his back to the wall and his knees drawn up to his chest.
Arthur stood awkwardly at the door, unsure of what to do. Eventually he settled on sitting on the end of the hard bed. He drummed his fingers awkwardly, waiting for Merlin to move – even just a little bit.
Finally, he cleared his throat, "Merlin, you need to eat,"
Merlin looked up.
Arthur's mouth fell open – he had never seen such eyes before. They were pleading, desperate, agonised, sorrowful, dejected and broken. There wasn't a shred of the Merlin that Arthur knew within them.
Arthur broke the contact with Merlin's eyes and looked uncomfortably at his hands. The warlock turned as well, fixing his eyes on the window outside. Arthur's insides churned uncomfortably inside him, as guilt formed in his gut.
Arthur stood and turned his back on the mourning boy. He would find a way to fix this.
He would find a way to fix this.
Elvira coughed and a black, inky liquid spewed from her mouth, dotting the stone floor in black stars. It was too early!
She looked at her hands, and regretted something for the first time in her long, long life.
She regretted being freed from the catacombs of Camelot.
She gripped her sides in keening agony as another bout of pain boiled through her dead body. Her entire body clenched as she screamed for release.
Her awareness seeped back to her a while later. She lay broken on the floor, her wings in twisted, tortured shapes on the floor. She pushed herself up, straightening out her broken wings.
As she stared at her bony hand, she imagined the skin that had once graced her features.
And wished it was still there.
"That's it!" Arthur yelled as an incompetent servant entered with a tray overflowing with food, "I don't need to eat so much! I'm not fat!"
The servant whimpered slightly, and Arthur was immediately apologetic.
The servant that was replacing Merlin was amateurish – there was just no point in trying to justify him. Arthur stood, ordering the servant to share the food with the servants in the kitchen and then stormed out of the bedroom.
He walked briskly to Gaius' chambers with his face set in angry lines. He wasn't going to let Merlin waste away. Not after everything the serving boy had done for him.
He entered Gaius' chambers and, without saying a word to the startled physician, stormed straight into Merlin's room.
"Okay, Merlin, it's about time you got up and did something, instead of wasting your life in here! We are going hunting, and you are going to eat everything we catch, understand?" Arthur ordered, his voice seething with anger, "So I suggest that if you don't want to eat, you get in my way like you always do,"
Merlin stared at Arthur with wide eyes, but didn't move. Arthur scowled and grabbed Merlin's arm, dragging the morose serving boy with him.
"A-Arthur!" the warlock protested, his voice hoarse with disuse.
And that was when Arthur smiled; for the first time in three days, the forlorn boy had spoken.
Author's News: I have a confession – I'm going to California on Friday! It's going to be incredible and I'm SOOO excited, however I'm not going to be able to update in three weeks (at least) because I'm going for 2 weeks and then heading straight to Wales for a special holiday with my cousins etc.
So that's me – hopefully I'll get to watch Harry Potter in the States sometime =)
Reviews =D
Elphie128 Musical Lover – Wow, can I have some chocolate too? Yeah, Merlin crying is just so heart-breaking. I love the way he actually cries though – 'cause most actors just have one tear that falls down their face as the rest of their face remains emotionless. I always have too many ideas in my head – it's very annoying. Thanks for the review =)
The Darkness Of Your Fall – Yeah, it was pretty sad, huh? You know something's sad when you actually have tears in your eyes when writing it ='(. Yeah, we should burn her on the stake =). Thank you for reviewing at all – it's much appreciated.
Owl Watcher – Sorry! I promise it doesn't get as sad from here =)
Emachinescat – Yeah, I was aiming for sadness, but it was a little too sad – I just wanted to get it out of the way 'cause it made me very, very sad ='(. Yup, and there's going to be a lot of whump in future chapters =). I'm so glad I've finished them but I haven't got the results back yet so I keep on getting nightmares about results day =S
princessmelia – Thank you so much for the kind words! I've got a very overactive imagination, so it means that I think about so much all the time and it gets a little irritating. Maybe she will go after Gaius – who knows?
Thank you all for reviewing, (Over 100!)alerting (69!) and faving (42!), please keep it up as it makes my day =D