Hey, readers!

Thanks again for your wonderful reviews. A special thank you and shout-out to HappyBeingInsane-first off, I can only hope your screen name is a reference to Arthur and Gwen's lovely conversation in 3x06! And secondly, thank you very much for your review! I'm so glad it's captivating enough for you to have read all 20 chapters in one sitting. Thanks for your interest in this story. It really means a lot to me.

I'm glad to be back writing about Arthur and Gwen too. I'm very excited about where the story is going to go and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I will.

And disclaimer: yep, you guessed it: still don't own Merlin, nor does Bradley know who I am. A girl can dream, though, right?

Thanks for reading and enjoy chapter 21!

Arthur and Guinevere: A Love Which Brings Light

Chapter 21

A day later, Arthur and Gwen go into Gaius' chambers for an appointment, to see that the baby is doing all right. This had been done last month too, shortly after Arthur had departed for Mercia-she had sent word in her first letter that everything was fine-and now it was nearing a new month, her fifth, and so an appointment was in order. Nothing to worry about, merely routine, Gaius has said, so everyone is pretty relaxed. Gwen lays on the wooden examination table, Arthur stands beside her, near her head, holding her hand. Gaius places his physician's hand, his healing hand, where the baby lay, doesn't say anything, feels Gwen's heartbeat, feels the baby, and back and forth again. He does this for so long that Gwen finally says, "Gaius? Is something wrong?"

"No, my lady," Gaius is quick to say. "Not entirely."

"Gaius," Arthur says in a low voice. The old man sighs.

"There are signs of dehydration," he finally says.

"What?" Gwen says, sitting up slowly, Arthur bringing his hand still holding hers up to help her. "Why? How did this happen?"

"No special reason," Gaius answers. "It's most likely due to your severe morning sickness."

"Oh, yeah," Gwen says in a flat voice. "That." She rests her hands in her lap to stop them from fumbling about from nerves.

"Can you fix it?" Arthur asks now.

"There are signs of an increased heartbeat and a little stress, which helped me come to the conclusion of dehydration, but nothing that you're doing wrong, Gwen."

"And?" Arthur prompts.

"And, that means that there's not a lot we can do right now other than keep an eye on it," Gaius says. He looks at the young couple, at their worried faces. "It's at a very mild stage," he says, trying to reassure them. "It's not much to worry about now, like I said. We'll merely keep an eye on things." Arthur and Gwen nod together. "Just make sure to keep drinking water, resting when you feel like you need to, and eating well as you've been doing." Gwen nods. Arthur takes her hand again, helps her off the wooden table. "I shouldn't be surprised by this," Gaius notes thoughtfully. "Your mother went through this too."

"My mother?" Gwen tries not to sound taken aback, but does anyway.

Gaius nods. "And things turned out just fine. You and Elyan were both born healthy, and grew up as such." Gwen nods, taking all this information in.

"I guess I had forgotten," she says. "That you treated my mother."

"It was a long time ago, wasn't it?" Gaius says thoughtfully. Gwen nods again.

"Yes, indeed it was," she says.

Gaius looks at Gwen, sees the young girl she was all those years ago, the girl who had grown up right before his eyes. He hugs her then, gently, and Gwen closes her eyes, allowing herself to sink into the embrace. Arthur watches this, reminded of the bond between them, that Gaius cared for her, and had for longer than he had. This is what he'd imaged happening had he gotten to meet Tom, ask him for permission before marrying Gwen. The guilt he feels for his father's actions never truly vanished.

The couple leaves a minute later, just as Merlin is coming in. "Is everything OK?"

"Fine, Merlin," Gwen and Arthur answer in unison, and then Arthur wraps an arm around Gwen and they head back to their chambers. Merlin watches them go before stepping into the chambers he shares with Gaius.

"Is everything OK?" he asks again.

"With Arthur and Gwen? Oh, yes, fine. Just a small concern."

Merlin looks back at the door the king and queen just exited and back to Gaius. Things must be all right. Gaius wouldn't lie to him. He was much too wise for that.

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"Guinevere, tell me more about your mother."

Arthur asks this when they've been in their chambers for about an hour or two after the appointment with Gaius that morning, after they have tiptoed around one another and not talked very much. His question breaks through the silence and surprises her.

"My mother? Why? What makes you think about it?

"When Gaius brought it up earlier."

"Arthur, I've already told you-

"I know what you've told me," he says, coming and sitting next to her on the edge of their bed. "I want to hear more. Can you tell me the whole story?"

She is silent for so long he begins to doubt that she will.

"When I was 11," she finally says, "I went swimming in a lake nearby, you know, that really deep one?" Arthur nods. "This wasn't anything unusual at the start-I'd been swimming on my own like that for a good number of years, and it was a nice day, and I knew my parents were close by should I need them, and what could go wrong? Then, though, the sky clouded and the wind picked up. The waves swept me out farther than I had meant to go. I panicked of course, not being able to touch the bottom, not being strong enough to bring myself back to land, the waves kind of swallowing me up. I yelled and yelled, and for some time I mostly panicked that nobody was coming. My arms grew sore from treading water for so long. Finally, my mother appeared, and she swam out to get me. This made me panic more; you see, I could swim, she couldn't."

"Oh, God," Arthur murmurs. He grips her hand.

"Still, she tried. God, she tried. Eventually she got me to the shore, just barely. She was barely keeping afloat herself. I honestly don't know how she did it. I thought things were fine once we were out of the water. But there had been so much water in her lungs, too much water in her lungs, and she basically collapsed on the edge of the lake, and just...stopped breathing.

"When that happened, I yelled and yelled more. I shook her shoulder a lot, willing her to wake up. I thought she would, eventually, you know?" She can't bear to look Arthur in the face, so she plunges ahead. "Tears were streaming down my face, I cried so hard that when Elyan and my father finally got there, it took me three tries to get all the words out. But, my mother, lying there, not moving? That pretty much said everything that needed to be said." Tears cloud her eyes, Arthur puts an arm around her shoulders.

"Now that I think about it, Gaius was there. I remember now-my father carried my mother and placed her on the examination table in his chambers. When we had gotten the final word, when he had said the words, that yes, she had passed, I remember-the hug he gave me, a hug so hard I could barely breathe." Tears threaten to cascade down her cheeks. She gets up and goes to the window, looks out, before that can happen. Arthur is up too, giving her space but standing there, ready.

"The funeral was a few days later. The days leading up to it are a blur, I honestly don't remember much."

"You don't have to," Arthur starts, feeling guilty having asked her to rehash painful events. "If this is too much, if you need to rest-

"No, no," Gwen says, reaching back to take his hand, tries so very hard to not have her mouth tremble with oncoming tears. "You should know the whole story." She is quiet for a few seconds. "The day of the funeral," she starts again, "was, ironically, a bright, perfect summer day. I can still remember the way the sun beat down on my back as I stood there in the black dress my mother had made for me. I can remember Elyan and my father on either side of me, how still they were, like stone. We didn't talk for what felt like forever. We seemed to live in a fog, afterward. For about a year, I didn't do anything. Just sat. I cried a lot. I slept a lot. I didn't help clean or anything-that was my mother's job and I felt so...helpless, kind of trapped in this grieving thing, I felt very unlike myself for a long time-so the house kind of fell apart for a while. My father was drowning in his own grief, no pun intended, and my brother, honestly, I think that prompted his leaving. As soon as he could, he was gone. He was almost 16, after all." The tears start to climb in her throat now, she shakes her head to try and get rid of them.

"After that year of unproductiveness, my father came to me one day with news. 'A job,' he said. 'A job as lady-in-waiting for the Lady Morgana.' I started a few days later. I was so nervous, that first day." She tries to smile but can't quite make it. Arthur grips her hand.

Flashback:

Her hands shook. Once outside of the lower town, Gwen was immediately aware of her dress, her hair, her shoes. She wiped her clammy hands on the skirt of her dress quickly, hoping no one saw. She ran up the castle steps, self-conscious the whole way. Ducking inside, everything was cool and white and blinding, all the marble and light from the windows getting sunshine everywhere. The first time she had seen Morgana, she'd been arguing with Uther. The second Gwen appeared on the scene, her face lit up, grateful for a distraction, apparently, because she tugged Gwen out into the hallway and back to her chambers.

"She called me the 'lost' girl," Gwen says, afraid she really is going to cry now. "She merely meant the girl who hd lost her mother. She told me she had watched the funeral from her window; and after she'd said that I'd remembered she'd been there, at her window, looking out, because when I had looked up when we started the procession away from the grave after the ceremony, I saw her too."

"I remember that," Arthur says quietly. "I remember that day. I had passed by her chambers to see her looking out the window. I could tell something was different even by the way she stood there, her back to me. That must've been it."

"She and I were good friends, from the start. I don't know why. Maybe over our mothers, since we'd both lost ours. I'm not really sure." Gwen looks out the window again, her expression wistful.

"After about a month, my father questioned me, asked me how things were going. I'm afraid I got angry at him for that," Gwen says, looking down, shame tinging this part of the story, even after all these years. "He looked...happier, and I resented him for that, even though I shouldn't have."

Flashback:

Gwen walked to the castle one Friday morning in September, feeling like she always did: OK. Not good, not great, not exactly happy but not exactly sad, either. Her father, though, he had looked happier ever since she had taken up the job as Morgana's maid. On this particular morning, he had chosen to walk with her, something he didn't usually do. Little did she know, there was a reason for his accompanying her to work.

"How're things going?" Tom asks quietly as they neared the front steps of the castle.

"With Morgana?" Gwen asks. "Fine, I guess."

"Just fine? I thought you two were getting on as friends."

"We are, it's not that."

"What, then?"

"It's only been a month," she says quietly. "Only a month since you got me this job. I didn't ask for it, you know."

"I had to get you out of the house. I know you were mourning your mother-

"I will always be mourning my mother," she retorts hotly. "It was all my fault, you know."

"Guinevere-

"Don't even think that a month of productivity could wipe all of that away. I will always feel guilty. I will always carry it with me," Gwen says, folding her arms across her chest, the truth tasting bitter in her mouth. She wished he would say, "Don't. That kind of guilt is that the last thing you should be carrying around. You're too young for that." He doesn't. Instead he tells her the truth, which hurts about ten times worse:

"I know," he says quietly. "I know."

Her father then surprises her. He takes her head in his gentle hands and brings it forward, kisses her forehead. He hasn't kissed or hugged her in forever. He couldn't even look at her for months, after. She knows he carries guilt about that, too, and all of the sudden it is so clearly evident in his face, finally, to her. She wants to cry but doesn't, clamps her hands into fists and keeps them down at her side.

"Guinevere!'" Arthur calls out suddenly. "Morgana needs you!" She had whipped her head around to see Morgana peering out her window like always, and a smile lit Gwen's face. It felt strange at first, but then she charged up the steps, yelled back, "I'll be right there!" and just like that, in that moment, somehow, she started to feel better.

"I remember that too," Arthur says, a hint of a smile in his voice. "I remember saying that. I didn't know it was so important."

"Oh, it was," Gwen says, smiling a tiny smile. "Now it seems obvious, you and me, but not back then." Gwen looks down to her hands in her lap, smiles.

"I seem to remember you telling Merlin I was one of those 'save the world' kind of men."

"Well, you were. You are," Gwen says, fully looking at him for the first time during this conversation. "And how do you even know about that anyway?"

"Oh, Merlin told me later that's what had happened. That you had said that on the first day you met him. Glad to know you had such a high opinion of me, Guinevere."

She can't help the smile that slips onto her face, or the laugh that comes from her mouth. "But," she says. "I also mentioned to Merlin I didn't want to marry you-actually, I'm pretty sure I said, 'who'd want to marry Arthur?' in a low voice during the banquet having seen you acting all noble and Prince Arthur-y-so I wasn't right all the time." This makes Arthur laugh out loud. "We were funny as kids, weren't we? You and me and Morgana and Elyan and Leon?"

"Yes, I suppose we were," Arthur says, laughing with her. They grow quiet beside one another for a minute or two, thinking. "So it was really all right having Leon stay here with you?"

"It really was," she says nicely. "Leon and Elyan and I were the best of friends as kids, before Morgana, before you. When my mother was alive, we played at his house all the time, since my mother was a maid in the house. To have him here and to get to spend time with him was just like old times. We talked and laughed and took walks and ate meals together. It really was quite pleasant."

"But you missed me, though, right?"

"Of course!" she says, laughing, feeling like she might cry also too. "Of course I did. Did you miss me?"

"So much."

"Good."

"Guinevere?" Arthur says after a moment.

"Yes, Arthur."

"Thank you. Thank you for telling me about your mother."

"You're welcome," she says, linking an arm with his and resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm glad I told you. I feel better, somehow, having done that."

"I'm glad," he says, kissing her forehead. "Dd it make things better for you?" Arthur asks after a moment. "The job with Morgana?"

"Oh, yes," Gwen says. "Don't think it didn't. I'd hate for you to think that. Morgana and I had a wonderful friendship, almost sisterly. And getting to meet you and get to know you and see you with the knights and all of that, and still be friends with Leon was a great source of happiness for me. The grief over my mother went away in time. I'll always carry her memory with me, but the guilt I felt, that has lessened over time. Actually, I thought of that a lot when I was recovering from the whole Dark Tower thing." She looks to her husband then; she's never told him this before, either. "You helped me most of all, you and Merlin and Gaius, but I know now that I wasn't to blame for my puppet role in Morgana's scheme, just as I know I shouldn't feel guilty over what happened with my mother, even if still do, sometimes."

"I have guilt to feel over my mother, too, you know," Arthur says quietly. "She died because of me, too."

"I know," Gwen says quietly. "I know. I guess we have more in common than we thought," she says after a moment. "Not to be morbid or anything-

"No, you're right," Arthur replies. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

"I guess it never came up. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it myself, and then again during the aftermath of the Dark Tower incident. And I think now, about to be a mother myself-she takes their hands, still clasped together, and rests them on her bump-understand it better. She would've done anything for me, even if it meant swimming when she didn't know how to. Because she was my mother. Because she loved me."

Arthur leans over and kisses her temple. "I love you too, you know."

"I know." This makes her smile. "I love you too."

"Whatever happens, the good and the bad that has happened and the good and bad that will happen, we'll always have that. The love."

"You're right," Gwen answers. "Always and forever."

"Always and forever," he agrees, and then he turns to her and kisses her and she kisses him back and there it is, the love, saving them one more day at a time.

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The following morning outside the door of the council chambers, Merlin is standing next to Gwen when Arthur walks up to her, wordlessly hands her a goblet of water. She takes it, sips from it, and holds Arthur's hand as they step into the council chambers. Merlin follows behind them, watching them. Gaius comes to stand next to him.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"With who?"

"Arthur and Gwen," Merlin replies. "Can you tell me why Arthur just handed Gwen a glass of water and why she seemed to know what it was for?"

"Merlin, I'm afraid that's between Arthur, Gwen, and myself."

"Come on, Gaius. They're my friends. My best friends. I just want to know if everything is OK."

"It is," Gaius answers. "Only a small concern, as I told you yesterday."

"It is never a 'small concern' if a physician says it. If things were truly OK, you wouldn't have said anything to make me think otherwise." Merlin is quiet for a moment. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Dehydration, Merlin," and Merlin turns to see Arthur standing there. Merlin looks behind Arthur to see Gwen conversing and laughing with Catherine and Percival.

"Dehydration?" Merlin repeats. "That sounds bad."

"It isn't," Arthur answers. "At least, not yet. Right, Gaius?"

"Yes," Gaius answers. "You both worry too much."

"Hey!" Merlin and Arthur protest in unison.

And then Arthur says, "I do not worry too much. It's Guinevere."

"We'll keep an eye on it, like I said," Gaius says. "With me watching over her, and you two..." Gaius' sentence trails off, leaving Arthur and Merlin to glance at one another. ""Trust me, Gwen is in good hands."

Arthur and Merlin both look over to her again. She sees them and smiles.

"Indeed she is," they both say together.

And she was.