Chapter 21: Choices
Kise's twenty-third year marks a time of continued success regarding his career, as school no longer poses a distraction. However, his personal life passes through a tumultuous period. News of Aomine's engagement and upcoming wedding had blindsided him. Within a couple months of that emotional shock, Julia tells him about her plans to go to England with the offer of a prominent role in a West End show. With their expectations of one another clear, Kise knows that this move marks the end of their relationship.
"Long distance relationships are not my thing," she says simply.
"I understand," he replies just as easily.
"If we're ever in the same place again, we should look each other up."
"Agreed." Kise knows this will probably be the sanest break-up he will ever experience.
She pauses. "Hey, Ryouta, you're aware of how special you are, right?"
Flashing a wide smile, he says, "Of course I am."
"Quit being facetious," she admonishes. "I'm serious. You have an incredible charisma about you. Put some thought into your future, and reach for the stars."
The easy-going grin disappears. "Okay. I will."
"Do yourself proud," she says pressing their lips together for a goodbye kiss.
Before Kise fully adjusts to single life, he receives an invitation to Aomine's wedding. He feels like screaming, laughing, and crying all at once. Complicated emotions – deeper than love, admiration, or regret – wreak havoc on his mind, as he tries to decide whether or not his presence would be appropriate. In the end, he returns the RSVP card indicating his plan to attend the wedding.
"I must be a special kind of masochist," he mutters. However, deep inside, Kise knows he needs closure regarding Aomine. He wants to make sure that the other male is truly happy. Aomine's smiling face will indicate that he has been absolved from all the pain he has caused the other.
Three weekends following his twenty-fourth birthday, Kise returns to Japan for Aomine's wedding. Butterflies fill his stomach the moment he sets foot in his native country. Although excitement flutters through him at the prospect of seeing old friends, the thought of Aomine getting married unsettles him for some reason.
His brain only intensifies his anxiety. 'What's Daiki's fiancée like? Does she truly make him happy? What will people think of me coming to this wedding, especially without a date? I hope others don't make false assumptions as to why I'm here. How has Daiki been able to move on completely, but I've only managed to have one failed relationship?'
Although Momoi and Kuroko would be the best people to contact regarding his curiosities about Aomine and his fiancée, their schedules keep them busy with activities applicable to those in the wedding party. Instead, Kise spends his time with the rest of the Generation of Miracles, who have all gathered for the occasion.
While enjoying aperitifs at a group dinner Akashi insists upon having, Kise finds himself feeling like an outsider at an eerily silent table.
"Mine-chin's going to the NBA this fall," Murasakibara eventually offers munching on bread.
Kise laughs, the sound fake, high-pitched, and grating. "Really? You don't say."
Akashi regards the blond with narrowed eyes. "Ryouta, don't pretend that you didn't know. Lying is unbecoming of you."
With an annoyed sigh, Midorima nurses the drink in his hand.
Kise winces and regards his friends with a sheepish grin. "Okay, so I've looked into it. It's not a big deal. I'm actually more curious about Daiki's fiancée. What's she like?"
After staring at Kise for what seems like an eternity, Akashi and Midorima avert their gaze from the blond to each other, unspoken volumes hidden in their pointed glance. When the pair refuses to comment, the blond turns pitiful eyes and trembling lips to Murasakibara.
"She teaches with Kuro-chin," the taller man finally answers, yielding to Kise's directed pout. "You should ask Kuro-chin, ah, but Kuro-chin's at Mine-chin's rehearsal dinner now."
If the person in question has Kuroko's approval, the blond has no option but to assume that she is a lovely person. However, something within him screams in protest. Kise tries to make sense of his conflicting reaction but surrenders after several fruitless attempts. Taking a swig of his drink and feeling the alcohol burn a hole in his empty stomach, he pensively asks, "So do you guys think Daiki is happy?"
"Why did you come back?" Midorima wonders aloud, ignoring the model's question.
Kise manages to keep a smile on his face. "So, you didn't want to see me, Midorimacchi?" he asks the tremor in his voice betraying his brave expression. Shoulders sagging, he halts the façade. "You're always so mean," he accuses looking away.
"Shintarou's words are harsher than he intended," Akashi cuts in. "But, well, why did you return home for Daiki's wedding, Ryouta? I'm sure you realize that your presence can only serve to complicate the situation."
"I just want to make sure that he's happy. I need to witness this in person. Is that so terrible?" Kise asks desperation flaring within him. He watches his friends' reactions with a pleading gaze.
Murasakibara stares forlornly at a now-empty bread basket. "We need more focaccia," he mutters, paying Kise no attention. After a pause, he adds, "I prefer the restaurant that serves brioche instead, though."
Midorima starts to reply, but with a slight of eye from Akashi, he closes his mouth before uttering his first word.
The redhead takes it upon himself to answer for the table. "If that's all you need to see, we understand. You're only here for closure," he states, a knowing smile on his face.
Akashi's patronizing look eats at Kise's already frazzled nerves. "Thanks for your support, guys," the blond mutters sinking down in his seat.
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Akashi comments nailing Kise with a piercing gaze.
Midorima shifts uncomfortably, looking as if he'd rather be somewhere else. Murasakibara finally manages to catch a server's attention and requests more bread, and Kise bites the inside of his cheek to keep from lashing out, while silently counting to ten to calm himself down. Eyeing his childhood friends warily, he thinks, 'This is going to be one long, awkward night.'
The next afternoon as Kise readies himself for Aomine's wedding, he marvels at how dinner last night passed remarkably peacefully, especially when considering the disastrous start. This relief distracts him from the upcoming event, and he wonders if Akashi had planned this outcome as an act of pity or kindness.
With a sigh, Kise thinks, 'Akashicchi works in mysterious ways that I've long since tried to figure out.' Nevertheless, the blond feels grateful for the distraction. With one last glance in the mirror, he heads off to the ceremony.
When he arrives at the destination, a church within the metropolitan Tokyo area, he heads towards the door marked by ushers. As he approaches, he sees a distraught young woman, likely a bridesmaid, approaching one of the young men stationed there.
"Have you seen Satsuki-chan?" she asks breathlessly. "Kaneko's looking for her, and she hasn't been answering her phone."
With a furrowed brow, the young man answers, "Momoi is probably still with Aomine in his dressing room." He points a finger in a vague direction, and she rushes off.
Kise's eyes focus on the young woman's path that leads her away from the ceremony and closer to Aomine. With an ironic smile curving his lips, he follows the mystery woman. As he walks down the hallway, letting the sound of echoing footsteps and his intuition guide him, he takes in the chosen venue with burgeoning awe. He always thought that a hotel wedding, with its inherent simplicity, would be more suited to Aomine's taste. As he turns a corner, he halts upon seeing the young woman he tails stopped several feet away from a room filled with heated chatter.
"I don't even know why I bother with you, Dai-chan!" Momoi's voice echoes.
"Then don't," Aomine retorts, the words carrying into the hallway.
Kise slinks into the room he stands next to when he hears a nearby door open and then slam shut.
"Ah, Mitsuru-chan," Momoi says upon discovering someone waiting outside. "I didn't expect to see you here. Do you need me for something?"
"Yes," the other confides. "The flowers that came in are different than what was expected, and Kaneko's freaking out. You'll make it better. You always do."
"Okay," Momoi agrees, business-like efficiency entering her voice.
After the sound of heels hitting the floor fades, Kise ventures out once more. With his heart thudding hollowly in his chest, he hesitates in front of one particular closed door knowing Aomine resides on the other side.
The blond acts without thinking and raps his knuckles solidly on the barrier, the resulting reverberations sending chills through his system. When he receives no answer, he cautiously opens the door and finds himself staring at Aomine's broad back. Nostalgia causes his breath to catch in his throat.
"Satsuki, I'm glad you're back. You're right; I can use your help. I don't know how to tie this bow tie." Aomine turns around and stiffens at the sight of Kise. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demands eyes narrowing dangerously.
Stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him, Kise takes some time to think about his response. Deciding on a light-hearted answer, he playfully jokes, "Don't tell me that my RSVP got lost in the mail."
Aomine scowls. "I got your stupid RSVP. I meant what are you doing here, as in this room, where I'm getting ready?"
The blond walks towards the other and says, "I was just wandering around and heard you arguing with Momocchi. You know, I can help you with that bow tie if you'd like." He flashes a smile that only feels half-forced. Golden orbs study the other male, whose defensive stance indicates a desire for distance. "Nevermind, I'll leave you alone," he whispers.
Aomine shuts his eyes and exhales loudly as if considering the model's offer. When the tension leaves the other's shoulders, Kise relaxes as well.
"Nah," Aomine says. "You can stay, as long as you earn your keep."
Kise pauses. "Pardon?"
"That's me telling you to tie my bow tie, idiot."
The familiar name-calling tugs at Kise's heart and leaves him longing for youthful days of easy banter and natural camaraderie. Hope that he and Aomine can repair their relationship to the point of friendship flutters within him.
"Oh, I see," the blond utters before closing the distance between them and pulling the sliver of cloth from Aomine's hands. The light weight of silk feels familiar against Kise's fingertips, and the corners of his lips twist upwards in a bittersweet smile as he threads the fabric around Aomine's neck.
'I never thought I'd be this close to him again,' Kise marvels, his heart pounding so intensely that he swears he can feel his ribcage vibrating. Focusing on the moment, he commits every detail to memory: Aomine's crisp, clean scent and the heat rolling off smooth, dark skin. 'The years have not diminished his light.'
Kise finds comfort that a portion of Aomine remains exactly as he remembers and considers this self-discovery an indication of how special their love had been. Although no longer romantically involved, the blond comes to the conclusion that holding fond memories of their time together is only natural.
After an extended period of silence, Aomine speaks. "I guess with all those fancy events you go to, of course you'd be able to tie this thing properly."
Kise hums an affirmative and continues with his task. Despite the tremor in his fingers, he manages to twist and fold the cloth to form a proper bow. Stepping back, he admires his handiwork with a satisfied nod and gentle smile.
Aomine responds by turning a watchful gaze to the blond and barking, "Why are you looking at me like that?" The question sounds like a demand.
"You're the one who's staring," Kise counters pushing his lips together to form a pout.
"You started it," Aomine returns childishly.
'Just like old times,' Kise thinks smirking. Unable to contradict Aomine's statement, the model says, "It's nothing important. I guess I was thinking that I've never seen you dressed up like this before. You look nice." Waxing sentimental causes Kise's stomach to flip-flop, and he reminds himself to act like a grownup. Straightening his posture and wiping the grin off his face, he adds, "I'm sure your soon-to-be wife will be very happy."
Aomine shakes his head, his nostrils flaring. "Did you really come all the way to Japan just to congratulate me on my wedding day?"
Alarms ring in Kise's head at the suspicious tone in the other's voice, so he treads carefully. "I only came, because I wanted to make sure that you're happy. Even though we aren't a couple anymore doesn't mean that I've stopped caring about you altogether. I still wish you the best." His expression brightens. "Maybe this is a sign that I've become an adult."
Aomine's countenance grows thoughtful.
Kise gently prods the other. "Is there anything you'd like to say? I don't know; maybe it's serendipitous that we have this opportunity to clear the air. We've barely talked in the last two years. Honestly, I didn't like how we left things between us."
After a pause, Aomine asks, "Why wasn't I the one?"
"Daiki…" Kise breathes, his heart sinking at the new topic. Searching his brain for a way to lighten the conversation, he replies, "As the one getting married, I don't think that you're the one who should be asking that question. And for the record, I'm not going to ask you that question. I know exactly what I did wrong in our relationship." He shrugs and flashes a sheepish grin.
Disappointment crosses Aomine's features briefly before he continues, "You know, any time when we were together, even when I was dating other people, I would have chosen you."
This statement tugs at Kise's heart and leaves him light-headed as blood rushes hollowly in his ears. He cannot deny that the confession means something to him. With a deep breath, he tries to stay grounded in reality and desperately searches for a way to steer the discussion elsewhere. Reminiscing about the depth of their former relationship only makes this emotionally charged situation tougher. 'The past is in the past,' Kise reminds himself. 'Right now I have to stay focused on the present. Daiki and I are over. I'm here, because he's getting married.'
"Ahh, flattery never gets old, but that's ancient history." The model manages to keep his disposition casual, even as complex emotions threaten to overwhelm his system.
Aomine remains still. When he speaks again, his tone sounds instinctive. "I'd still choose you now."
At those words, Kise finds himself sucked into the past, back to a time when their love was simple and when he believed that love could sustain them through all hardships. With his heart swelling at the memory of the bond they had shared, he forcefully wills himself to concentrate on the current circumstances. As pragmatism slowly returns to him, Kise laughs off his uneasiness. "You shouldn't make jokes like that on your wedding day." When he looks up, the broken, desperate look in Aomine's eyes stuns him.
"Just tell me I'm the one, and I'll call the whole thing off," Aomine blurts out.
In that moment, Kise remembers the traits he loves about Aomine – his natural magnetism, honesty, and ability draw others into his pace; the blond also recalls certain characteristics that caused their relationship to crumble – Aomine's possessiveness, selfishness, and stubbornness.
Emotional turmoil inhibits Kise from planning an appropriate response, and he speaks without filtering his thoughts. "Daiki, don't be ridiculous! You're being incredibly rude to your fiancée and unfair to me. You cannot make it my responsibility to decide whether or not you get married. You have to make that choice for yourself. Please don't base your decision solely on some romantic but misguided notion that if we get back together, everything will be perfect. We didn't grow together while we were dating; we grew apart. That fact remains the core of why we broke up. I'm sure the last two years have only served to exacerbate our differences."
Aomine looks lost, confused, and angry all at the same time.
With restoring goodwill between them no longer viable, frustrated tears surface in Kise's eyes. Long lashes hold them at bay momentarily before the moisture spills down his cheeks. His stomach churning tumultuously, Kise whispers, "I should probably just leave."
Aomine finally finds his voice. "It seems like we agree on one thing. I don't want to see your face. Get the hell out of here!"
Kise acknowledges his ex-boyfriend's heated words with a heavy sigh. "I…I was going to say "I'm sorry," but I feel like I've repeated those words to you enough to last me a lifetime. I'm tired of apologizing to you, and I'm tired of your inability to forgive me." He turns on his heel and glides out of the room in smooth, controlled strides. After taking a few steps down the corridor, a voice stops him.
"Kise-kun?"
The blond jumps at the unexpected interruption. "Kurokocchi!" he exclaims wiping his fingers across his cheeks to erase the evidence of tears. "You didn't overhear anything did you?"
"Where are you going? The ceremony is about to start. I've come get Aomine-kun," Kuroko says avoiding the question.
Kise opens his mouth to utter a lie about not feeling well. However, at that moment, Aomine cries, "Fuck you, Ryouta!" As the curse, loaded with fury and anguish, rings in the hallway, the blond's composure disintegrates.
With a stricken expression, Kise forces himself to speak through a throat thick with bile. "I've got to get out of here."
"Where will you go?" Kuroko asks concern flashing in those normally impassive eyes.
"Away from here," Kise answers heading towards the exit as quickly as possible.
Author's notes: Much thanks to Analineblue for pre-reading this chapter and assuring me that I captured the mood/emotions I was trying to convey (and for catching a couple typos; once a beta, always a beta? =p). This chapter was a really tough write for obvious reasons. *nods* Thanks for reading! I really appreciate all of you who have stuck with this fic for so long, and I hope that you'll continue to stick with it. Umm, and so their complicated love story continues…