Chapter Twenty-One
"Present time! Let's go, everyone!"
It was hardly the most conventional Lurlinemas. They had all been agreed on two things- to open presents and eat together, and to let Elphaba rest as much as she needed. As a result, here they were at four o'clock in the afternoon, gathered in the otherwise empty student common room and getting ready to exchange gifts.
Elphaba was feeling okay. Her nausea had subsided today and she had still not yet been sick; her lips were chapped with sores developing inside her mouth; she had no appetite and could only stomach ice water and popsicles; and despite having slept straight through the night until only an hour ago, she was still utterly exhausted and devoid of energy; but she felt okay.
Not great, but well enough to get out of bed. Plus, she hadn't wanted to ruin everyone's Lurlinemas.
She allowed everyone to fuss over her with surprising patience, to make sure she was warm and comfortable and had everything she could ever possibly need or want. Truth be told, she just didn't have the energy to protest.
"Who's going first?" Fiyero asked, looking around from his spot next to Elphaba on the couch. "Did we pick someone to be in charge of handing out presents?"
At the moment, they were all piled under the small tree in the corner of the room; a tree which had never been intended to actually use and had just been put there by the maintenance staff at the beginning of December to signify the approaching holiday.
"I'll do it!" Boq volunteered.
Galinda leaned over and whispered something to the Munchkin, who nodded. He spent a few minutes searching under the tree, before pulling out a large box, which he handed to Elphaba.
"Here you go."
Elphaba looked surprised and she glanced at the tag.
"Dear Elphie, Happy Lurlinemas. Love, Galinda and Nessarose."
Elphaba hadn't expected such a large present, nor a joint one. She looked between her sister and best friend carefully, both of whom looked oddly wary.
"What did you two do?" she asked.
"Just open it, Fabala," Nessa urged her.
Elphaba carefully unwrapped it and lifted the lid of the box. Nessa and Galinda watched her face anxiously, trying to determine her reaction.
"It's- it's full of scarves," she said finally, running her fingers over them lightly.
"We weren't sure whether we should or not," Nessa explained. "But we wanted to get you things in case you did lose your hair-"
"And we didn't know if you'd consider a wig, and you can't wear a hat inside," Galinda jumped in. "But Kasmira helped us pick them. They're all materials that won't irritate and aren't too heavy, and we made sure to pick colours that wouldn't clash with your skin."
Elphaba reached out and picked up a soft pink head scarf, raising an eyebrow at Galinda pointedly.
"What? Pink goes good with green!" Galinda protested innocently.
Elphaba rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said sincerely, replacing the lid on the box.
Both girls had to hug her, and then Boq broke the silence by handing out the next present.
It was a lively, happy affair. Everyone seemed to be liking their gifts. Fiyero raved over the handsome leather jacket Elphaba had enlisted Galinda to help her buy; and Galinda and Nessa had likewise been happily satisfied with the collections of bath bombs and beauty supplies Elphaba had chosen for each of them. Nessa's were all rose scents, and Galinda's were lavender.
Elphaba was very happy with everything she received. Galinda had also given her the boots she had worn to meet Fiyero's parents; Boq had given her the latest book from the author of their Philosophy textbook, the one he had been doing a reading for the day they had gone to the hospital for her tests. Ibrahim and Kasmira had gotten her some books on Vinkun History and culture, which Elphaba knew must have been suggested by Fiyero- she had told him that aside from meeting his parents, seeing and learning about the Vinkus was what she had been most been looking forward to about their original Lurlinemas plans. And these weren't books you could find in any typical Ozian bookstore; which made her appreciate them even more.
Although Frex never celebrated or acknowledged Elphaba's birthday or given her a present; he did at least give her something at Lurlinemas- albeit with Nessa's name attached to his own, and far less grand than the gifts Nessa typically received for the holidays. This year, Elphaba opened her gift to find a handsome leather journal. It was by far the nicest gift she could ever recall receiving from her father and she thanked them both.
Fiyero had added something to his gift for Elphaba at the last minute, and had hidden it very thoroughly under the tree, so it took a while before Boq noticed it and handed it over. Instead of a tag, there was the letter he had written attached with Elphaba's name on it. Elphaba carefully prised it off and slipped it aside to read later, which they all noticed but no one commented on. Then she unwrapped the accompanying gift, and inside, she found two things: a copy of Annabel Lee on a glass plaque and a small box.
Elphaba had a lump in her throat as she re-read the poem. She had always loved it, but suddenly it had become so much more significant- to her and Fiyero. Some may have thought it an odd gift choice if they known the story behind it, but to Elphaba is represented just how much Fiyero loved her. Carefully setting it aside, she opened the box and she was amazed to see a delicate silver ring inside; a heart with a crown on top, joined by two hands.
Elphaba knew what it was by sight- this was a Vinkun igavik ring, a ring which signified eternal love, friendship and loyalty. The practice of exchanging these rings between soul mates dated back in the Vinkus for centuries, but in recent years the practice had begun to catch on in other provinces of Oz.
Although Elphaba knew what they were and what they signified, she was still unprepared to see it right before her eyes.
Not knowing what else to say, she looked up. She half expected to find everyone watching her, but everyone else was either unwrapping or examining their own gifts. Only Fiyero had his eyes on her, waiting expectantly for her reaction.
"It's beautiful," she said softly, so that only he could hear. "Thank you."
Fiyero just beamed at her. "I'm glad you like it."
"It's... it's the best gift I've ever gotten," she said honestly.
"Don't tell Galinda that," he joked and kissed her lightly.
Galinda looked over at the sound of her name. "Don't tell me what?"
"Nothing," Elphaba and Fiyero chorused together.
When Galinda turned her attention back to the shoes that Boq had given her, Fiyero gently took the ring from Elphaba's hands and slipped it onto the ring finger of her right hand. It fit perfectly.
"I love you," Elphaba murmured and Fiyero ran his thumb over her hand softly.
"I love you too, Fae."
Elphaba managed to eat a little dinner with everyone once all the presents had been opened. Not because she was hungry, just because she thought if she did, the others wouldn't hover worriedly over her so much. But she regretted it moments later, when her stomach violently rejected the little meat, vegetables and potato she had eaten and she had spent the next half an hour being violently ill.
Which kind of defeated the point of eating, because it only made her friends more worried.
"I thought the point of that anti-nausea potion was to stop you from being sick?!" Fiyero demanded anxiously.
"Just think how sick I'd be if I hadn't taken it?" Elphaba managed to reply, although she was ignored.
Galinda was panicked enough to want to take Elphaba to the hospital, but Elphaba convinced her that all she needed was to get into bed, and she was surprisingly supported by Frex; although Elphaba figured she should stop being surprised soon or the shock of every small kind word or gesture might kill her faster than the cancer.
"Can you stay?" Elphaba asked Fiyero quietly, once she was changed and in bed.
It was just the two of them by that point, Elphaba having convinced the others to go finish their meal.
"Just for a few minutes?"
"Of course," Fiyero said immediately.
He sat on her bed as he had at the hospital when she had been having the potions, not wanting to make her feel worse.
"Do you need anything?"
To his surprise, Elphaba nodded. She reached out to her nightstand and picked up the letter that had been attached with her Lurlinemas gift. She really wanted to read it, but anything other than lying curled up in a ball seemed impossible at the moment.
"Will you read it? Please, Yero?"
Fiyero only hesitated briefly, before realising it was stupid to be embarrassed about reading it aloud when he had written it.
"OK," he agreed. As she nestled down under her blankets, Fiyero opened the letter and cleared his throat.
"Dear Fae,
Shopping really isn't my forte. I'm pretty sure I've alternated between giving my mother perfume and candles for Lurlinemas, her birthday and Mother's Day every year for at least the past ten years. And until a few weeks ago, I thought for the first time in my life, shopping would be easy- at least when it came to choosing a gift for you.
I'd known since the summer that I wanted to give you the igavik ring; because it represents everything you bring to my life and what you mean to me. Plus, it's a Vinkun tradition and something I always thought I'd give to the girl I was going to marry- when I found her.
So that was easy. I know the others found it difficult, whether to get you something that wouldn't remind you that you had cancer; or to give you something that might help you through this. I figure the ring works both ways, because no matter the outcome, it won't change the fact that I love you with all that I am and I always will.
But then after the other night, which ironically started because I went to write this letter and found the poem instead, I couldn't get it out of my head. I know that when we studied it in class I thought it was depressing- and don't get me wrong, it absolutely is. But the difference is now when I read it, more than anything I feel the love in it.
In every line, there is deep, meaningful, soul-wrenching love and loss of love; and that is everything I feel. If there was ever a bright side about this, it's that I think it's made me love you even more, or just made me more aware of how much I love you. I'm not taking a single second with you for granted, and I'm more certain that ever that you are my life- my past, present and future.
So this poem is now always going to remind me of that, which is why I gave it to you. When I got it made (um, slight confession here. I didn't exactly oversleep before going to the hospital on Lurlinemas Eve. Well, I did, but then I also detoured on the way to do this), there were a bunch of similar things that had been done. And this poem caught my eye:
"What Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
Even though I like ours better, I thought this was appropriate. "It cannot cripple love".
So when you have a bad day, remember this poem and that no matter what happens, nothing can cripple my love for you. Happy Lurlinemas, Fae.
Love, Fiyero."
Elphaba slid her hand into Fiyero's, grasping it firmly.
"These letters are my favourite gift from you," she confessed quietly.
Fiyero smiled, lifting her hand and kissing it sweetly. "Well, I promised you I'd keep writing, didn't I?"
He stayed with Elphaba talking quietly until she fell asleep, and then he quietly slipped out of the room.
"How's Elphie?" Galinda asked when he returned to the group.
"Sleeping," he replied, taking a seat.
"From what Dr Crowe said, I was expecting it to be a lot worse," Nessa said.
"Maybe Elphaba will be one of the lucky ones and not have that many side effects," Boq offered supportively.
Fiyero wasn't so optimistic. "It's only been a day," he reminded them. "There's still plenty of time."
He was trying to be realistic even if it came across as pessimistic- a role, he realised, which was usually filled in their group by Elphaba. He was sure if she had been part of their discussion she would have said the same thing. The look on Nessa's face told Fiyero the same thing.
When asked about it, Elphaba found the best way to describe how she was feeling was as though she had a really bad flu; although there were times when- just as she had felt aware of the cancer cells dividing and taking up residence in her body- she swore she could feel the potions moving throughout her system and engaging the cancer cells in battle.
She felt relatively well on the Sunday, although she couldn't eat much once again. She spent most of Monday sleeping, only awaking in late afternoon. When she did awaken, she felt sore, stiff and achy. Every part of her, every muscle, every bone, seemed to hurt. She was in so much pain that she could barely move and she was tempted to just curl up in a ball and cry- or she would have if it didn't hurt to curl up in a ball. Galinda, who was doing her best to take care of her best friend, ran her a warm bubble bath and encouraged her to rest.
"What do you think a bath is going to do, Glin?" Elphaba asked reasonably.
"Well, it can't hurt, can it?" Galinda retorted and Elphaba figured she had a point.
As Galinda fiddled with the bath, Elphaba slowly ran the brush through her hair to comb out any tangles. When Galinda next stuck her head into the room to check on her, she grew worried.
"Elphie? What's wrong?"
Elphaba reached up and ran her fingers lightly through her hair. When her hand pulled back, Galinda saw about a dozen strands of ebony hair sticking to the emerald fingers.
"Oh," she breathed lightly, not sure what else to say.
Elphaba gave an odd shudder and met Galinda's gaze with a smile. "Maybe I'm being paranoid, and I just never counted every stray hair that falls out before," she said bravely.
"Maybe," Galinda agreed, trying to stay positive. "And if- if not... you have all those scarves now."
Elphaba laughed. "Yes, I do," she concurred.
"So, how many visitors did I get while I was asleep?" she asked, changing the subject.
Galinda giggled. "Well, Nessa stopped by twice. Once alone, and once with your father. I don't think he dares come alone yet, and prefers to have Nessa as an excuse to visit. Boq didn't actually come by, but he asked about you and how you were feeling over lunch. Fiyero's parents also asked about you."
"And Fiyero?" Elphaba asked knowingly.
"He came by four times," Galinda grinned. "He said he'd stop by after dinner, so that makes it five."
Elphaba chuckled. "I hope I'm feeling alright tomorrow. Being his birthday and all."
"I can't believe he's going to be twenty- five. That means he's only five years away from being thirty!"
"You make it sound like thirty is ancient," Elphaba rolled her eyes.
"It just sounds... so grown up," Galinda explained, making a face. She checked back on the bath and hurried to turn off the water.
"Bath's ready!"
Galinda helped Elphaba to her feet and helped her shuffle across to the bathroom. Even walking was painful.
"Thank you," Elphaba said.
Galinda beamed. "You're welcome. I'll be just here if you need me, writing to Momsie."
"OK."
As she lay in bath, amongst the mass of bubbles Galinda had insisted was needed, Elphaba couldn't take her mind off the strands of hair that had been entwined in her fingers. Elphaba had never thought of herself as a vain person, and although she always looked neat and presentable, she never put much stock in her physical appearance. She had long been of the opinion that when you were green, nothing else really mattered. The green was all people saw.
But she was rather fond of her hair, to put it lightly. And as she had told Fiyero, she felt really stupid for not wanting to lose it, and now that it looked like she was... it was a harder blow than she'd expected to cope with.
The worst part, she realised, was that losing her hair was really the first physical sign that she had cancer. Yes, she had the scars from the biopsies, but scars could be from anything- and they could be hidden. Once she lost her hair, everyone would know that the green girl had cancer. Elphaba didn't know what that would mean to her teachers or fellow students, she suspected at best they wouldn't care or at worst, they'd just have a new reason to stare at her and talk about her. Actually, the worst possible scenario would be that they felt sorry for her and were suddenly nice to her.
It was hard enough with her father, Elphaba didn't know if she could cope with all of Shiz doing it too.