A/N: Oh god, oh god, oh god. Three months since I last updated, I'm so so unbelievably sorry! Urgh, I'm a terrible person. I've never left it so long. I should never ever leave it this long again. If I don't update in the next three weeks, please bug me with PMs and stuff! Feel free to give me evil comments and reviews. It's short I know. Writer's block. Kill me now.

Chapter 21

I wanted to throw up. Such a multitude of emotions swimming around in my body, I couldn't seem to separate them and calm myself down. My temperature was soaring madly and I had no idea how to control myself. I knew my anger was completely rational- I had just been asked to fight against the man I loved after all- but I'd never got that angry… never. And it felt unbelievably weird. I was known as the quiet, calm one. However I felt like I could snap any second and gouge someone's eyeballs out and shove them in their asshole. Seriously.

Nnoitra had taken a few steps back, however he still seemed miles taller than I was- well, he was. I felt my knees weaken at the sight of him wielding his monstrous weapon. In seconds, it was no doubt going to be buried into my side and smothered in my blood. I was going to lose for more than one reason. Firstly, I didn't want to kill him and when your heart isn't in it… it's almost impossible to make a kill. Secondly, Nnoitra is a fuckload stronger than I am. His skin is so strong that even if I happened to be almost as strong as him, I wouldn't be able to cut him.

"C'mon. I ain't standin' here for my health, 'Doriana. Make a fuckin' move already." Nnoitra growled, peering to his left and right and taking an eyeful of the crowd. I wanted to see how many people were watching, however I found my vision stuck solely on the man standing straight in front of me.

"N… no." I replied softly, letting my hand drop a little from its previous stiff position.

"I'm not fuckin' kiddin' around here you dumb fuck!" He yelled, throwing his hands back and letting his huge scythe swing back too, narrowly missing the crowd. "Fucking hell, swing ya damn sword at me already!"

"No!" I screamed, hurling my Zanpaktou on the floor. I had no idea what I was doing; I knew full well that in a few seconds I'd be picking it up again and jabbing it at him. Not because I wanted to. Just because… I had to. "I don't get it; if you want to fight, fine, fight me! But I'm not going to fight you back! What have I ever done to you to make you feel that this is okay? In fact… what have I ever done wrong! Why does this shit always happen to me!" As I screamed the last few words, I had a strange urge to actually pick up my sword and have a stab. I couldn't work out what I actually wanted to do. And then he looked at me, rolled his eyes and looked to his left. That did it.

"Actually…" I said quietly, picking up my sword and holding it out in front of me, "I will fight you. If you want me to, I will. You obviously don't care whether I live or die, you only care about one thing. And if dying is the only way I can get away from this clearly fucked up situation, then so be it."

All eyes were suddenly on me. A sudden hush set in on the crowd, and even Nnoitra looked surprised.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Aizen with that unnerving smirk on his face, which told me that I was doing exactly what he wanted me to do. I didn't even care anymore. I had no desire to please anyone anymore; I had done it all my life and gained nothing but distress.

"Hurry the fuck up!" I bellowed, stepping forward. "You said you wanted to fight and yet you're not moving. Move!"

"Hey hey, you make a move you fuckin' retard!"

"No, you make a move, asshole!"

"Move bitch!"

"Fuck off, Nnoitra, fuck.."

We were now almost face to face, weapons at our sides, tension higher than ever… and I smiled. And he smiled.

"Ah fuck it." He said, looking up into the air and sighing loudly. I couldn't work out what he was sighing about; was it that he didn't want to fight me? Did he actually… feel something for me? I began to feel the anger subsiding and my usual adoration settle in. And then I felt something else.

Disgustingly warm and sticky blood oozed from my side, accompanied by a sharp unbearable pain. I looked down to see a huge gash in my waist. Nnoitra's scythe was suspiciously covered in my blood, and the smile on his face turned out to be an evil grin.

"Stupid. You've always been stupid, 'Doriana. Who do you think I am, eh? How the fuck dya think I got here in the first fuckin' place? You said it yourself. I don't love. So what the fuck made ya think I'd changed my mind, huh?"

Clutching my side, beads of sweat fell from my face just like the blood that had come up my throat and was now dribbling messily down my chin. I wasn't stupid. I was far from stupid. I was simply too naïve. I didn't mean to put my trust in him so readily, but it was almost as if I were programmed to do so. Nnoitra seemed to be a true master at manipulation. But really… any normal person wouldn't have let their guard down so quickly. The heat began prickling inside of me again; I'd been tricked far too many times to be able to let it go. I would not fight with a view of killing Nnoitra. Neither would I fight in order to gain the status of Quinta Espada. I would fight purely… because I was, for the first time in a long time, absolutely livid.