Gift from beyond

by JustAWriterWannaBe

The late Mike Royce has a gift for his friend Kate Beckett and delivers it from beyond the grave.

21. Okay cave man

Chapter Notes:
This is the longest chapter I've ever written. I've not done a check on the word count so I don't know the actual number but I do know this one's up there. I suggest settling in for a very long ride, these two have a lot to discuss and we already know they're only now learning how to communicate.
(And I still don't know how long a chapter should be or where to break them, much less I'm very inexperienced at this.)

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"Gift from Beyond"
Chapter 20
Okay cave man.

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"Isn't 'Go Taka Showa' one of the guys from Car Talk?" Castle mumbles to himself as he heads into the master suite and strips down for his shower.

After a quick shower Rick's pulling on some loose sweats and heading for the kitchen for another refill of his coffee. Starting a fresh pot he goes to the living room and brings the notepad and pen back to the breakfast bar to work on. Smiling, he thinks "She must have done this in a hurry, she missed a couple of obvious things-" just as his phone alerts him to a text message from Kate 'Package delivered. Safety system confirmed. Escort returning.' making him laugh out loud. "How can anyone not love a woman with a sense of humor like that?" he asks himself.

Looking back at the pages in front of him "Well, right off the bat dear, I can see some changes for you." he says under his breath as he pulls out a pen. "Lets start with your 'Like' list. You forgot a couple of things."

He adds to the list:
- Protecting Children
- Protecting Families
- Protecting the weak.
- Solving complicated puzzles.
Next to the item that says "Being B-A-B" he puts in big letters "I LIKE THIS ONE!" with a smiley face.

"Now, let's see about your dislikes." he says out loud as he turns the page. Quietly he mumbles "Half expect to see my name on this list."

To this list he adds:
- Petty squabbles over jurisdiction.
- Children hurt by events.
- Telling the families (notifications)
- Dead children.
- Dealing with sleazy lawyers.
- Getting older.
- Collateral damage.
- Running out of room to advance and still work the streets.
- Challenging/playing the odds of being safe. Going to get hurt more/again sooner than later.
- Cold New York winters at 3am. (And Castle's bed is so nice and warm and soft and comfortable. HINT HINT)
- Question: "What's next?" If you get "him" then what?

Under the dislikes heading of "Hiding relationship with Castle" he adds:
- Privacy is not going to last much longer.
- When it ends, it will end BIG all over page 6 and who knows where else.

"There are times that I really do wonder why she hasn't shot me yet." he says to himself smiling as he turns to the next page. "Ah, the benefits of the new job!" He thinks gleefully as he adds to her list:
- Regular hours.
- Less chance of getting hurt or killed.
- May still solve complicated puzzles.
- Will be able to help more cops advance and get better.
- Can help train future cops to NOT try to make the story fit their narrative so it fits in a neat box.

He scratches through her last two and rewrites them in big bold letters:
- WILL STILL BE B-A-B
- WILL STILL BE THE BEST. (THERE EVER WAS!)

"I don't know what I'm going to do with this woman." he says humorously to no one. "If she only knew how extraordinary she really is. Of course, then she'd probably find herself a better writer..." he trails off murmuring.

Finished with the list he looks at the living-room and thinks "We're going to need some food!" Quickly he runs to the refrigerator and looks for something they can share. Finding some of the fruit Alexis had cut, he puts it on a plate with some grapes and a little cheese and crackers. He grabs a bunch of toothpicks, drops them into the plate and turning around he looks at the living-room again and comes up with a plan. He springs into action running around the room collecting sofa cushions and some blankets making a fort. He pours two glasses of wine for when Kate gets back. He looks around the room again. Puts the wine glasses back on the counter next to the food and begins to turn down all the lights. He goes over to Kate's bouquet of flowers and carefully pulls out a single red rose. Just as he gets back to the counter he hears her key in the lock and he quickly clamps the rose between his teeth and grabs both glasses of wine and waits for Kate to open the door.

As she pushes in on the door she sees Castle standing there, looking lovingly at her with a red rose clamped in his teeth and wine glasses in each hand. Is that? It is! It's a tear in his eye. "What am I going to do with this guy?" she thinks to herself as she smiles at the gesture from him. She puts her keys down, locks the door behind her and saunters over to him.

"Well Mister Castle, a tear? For me?" she asks taking a glass from his hands and reaching up to take the flower from his teeth.

As he releases the rose she gives him a little peck on the lips and leans into his body as she studies the rose. "What's that funny taste?" she hears herself think. "Castle?" she asks as she looks up and he's got that goofy grin on his face. The one he reserves for his most besotted moments or his most embarrassed ones. "Something wrong Castle?"

"Meah," he mumbles past his own tongue "thoses tave shart torns!"

"You damn fool!" she coos leaning in and giving him a kiss tasting the metallic flavor in his mouth from his wounds. "It was sweet of you. My heeroo." she sings batting her eyes at him. "Does that make you feel better?" she asks quietly.

"Tortov. Sthill thurts." he mumbles "Kitsh it 'gain, thake it metter." he says leaning down as she languishes him with a warm deep kiss.

"I hope that fixes it Castle. Not that I don't want to do more but you promised me some brain time so we can talk things over." she whispers.

"It will have to do. Of course you may need to apply medicinal doses as we go along." he smiles at her. "I made us a hideout so we can escape from the world for a little while." he says waving his hand holding a glass towards the cushion fort in the living room. "I figure you and I can crawl in and talk in our own cozy little bubble." he whispers to her planting a kiss on her head.

"Splendid idea! Let me get rid of my shoes and change my shirt." she says brightly.

"You could just take them off y'know." he points out.

"Yes but I still have to change my shirt." she says absently as she takes off her shoes. Suddenly she looks at him with that withering stare "Castle! I know what you meant. The shirt stays on!"

"Yes dear." he says sulking.

"Well, at least for a little while." she says coyly. "Maybe that's your incentive to focus and help me with these decisions." she smirks as she heads into the master suite.

"Yippee! Incentive! I'll be right here when you get back. Hurry!" he bubbles taking the wine glasses and cheese cushion cave to wait for Kate, standing there almost bouncing on one foot then the other.

From the other room, he hears Kate call out "Rick, I just have to say... I had a long chat with your mother today..." he hears her voice trail off.

"Oh god Kate, tell me she didn't say something embarrassing to you again!" He whimpers. "Kate, you have to be careful, you know she's crazy."

"Castle!" she snaps from the other room.

"What? Kate? What'd she say? Ohmigod! Did she tell you that stupid story-"

"Castle! Stop!" she calls out as she sticks her head out of the room around the door frame. "Rick, it wasn't bad. Really. Take a deep breath." she instructs sternly.

"Okay. Breathing." he answers looking a little dazed and wondering what his eccentric mother might have said.

Kate appears wearing his extra thick kitty-cat socks and a zip-up hoodie. "Look Rick. What I was going to say was, your mother can be, make that is, an amazing woman." she explains while putting a scrunchie on her hair to keep it back. "She's got a remarkable depth to her that she keeps very well hidden." as she takes a glass of wine from him. "Okay cave man, after you." she indicates waving to the entrance to the cushion cave.

"Remarkable depth eh? Hmm." he says getting down onto his knees and crawling into their hideout. "Y'know Beckett, I'm supposed to let the lady go first."

"And let you get a panoramic view of the stitching on my jean covered backside? I don't think so writer man!" she laughs as she crawls after him. "Wow Rick, this is a nice little cave. Cozy."

"I'm glad you like it but that doesn't mean I'm going to drop that discussion about the stitching on your jeans." he says raising his glass to her as a toast as they settle into the pillows she leaning back against his chest.

"I like this Rick! You even made a little portal for us to pass the glasses out to get them out of our way. Hey, is that my notepad?" she asks pointing out the porthole and reaching for the pad. "I like this, how did you hang the lantern in here? That's so neat."

"Alexis and I got really good at creating these, we even figured out to to make it so that there's a corner you can hide around and not be seen from outside the entrance." be brags.

"Good to know. I'll file that away in case... well, just in case." she says catching herself trying to avoid the discussion of them having a flock of children and/or grandchildren. "Okay let's get to some serious business. We've got a lot of ground to cover." she commands in an attempt to control the conversations and her emotions.

"Okaaayyy." he says sounding disappointed but still smiling. Grabbing the plate of food and putting it on the floor between them he asks "So tell me, what makes you think my mother isn't crazy?"

"Castle! Stop picking on her!" Kate demands.

"I'm sorry." he apologizes sincerely.

She takes a slow slip of wine, obviously gathering her thoughts and begins to explain. "This morning, after you left to meet with Alexis, Martha came into the office and caught me sitting on the floor looking through Mike's datebook and notes. We talked for quite a while. A lot of things got discussed and we shared some tears too."

He smiles at her and says nothing but wiggles his eyebrows as an encouragement to continue, a silent assurance of "I'm listening and paying attention to everything you're saying and waiting until you tell me you're done."

Kate smiles warmly at him and continues "So she listened to me reminisce about my time with Mike." then she addresses him directly "I've told you some of the same stories, like the thing with the ice water, I told her that crazy story."

"That story's soooo cool! I wish I'd been able to talk to him about that! Man what a great shtick." he enthuses.

"Calm down Castle. It wasn't that great when you were living it. Anyway, I told Martha about the adventure in the park when he pushed me into the pond." she says lounging back, resting into his chest under his arm.

"Hey! You didn't tell me about that!" he snaps sitting forward, his attention brought to full bear on her.

"Yes I did you crack-pot!" she jokes giving him a bump with her knee. "The thing with the gun in the little pond in the middle of winter, when he stuck me in the water to find the gun."

"Oh yeah, okay, now I remember what you mean." he says sitting back and relaxing again. "Yes. That story must have thrilled her, she likes it when the story has a great buildup and hidden meaning."

"Yes she did. We talked about that, and how Mike used to call me princess-" she says quietly then suddenly, sternly and much louder "No! If you do, I'll call you 'Kitten' in front of everyone and I'll do it at the crime scene!" she says emphatically and waving her arm.

"I wasn't even thinking it!" he says recoiling in fear. Then under her expectant glare he caves "Yeah, okay, so I was thinking it but..." letting out a sigh "You win, I won't do it."

"Good." she agrees and pops a grape in her mouth.

"Well, what else did you and Merry Martha discuss?" he prompts as she pops another grape into his mouth.

"Well, let's see, I told her about my making an arrest in the subway with him, I told her how he made me a better cop. I also pointed out to her that I'm really glad that you and Mike aren't chums who'll spend your free time figuring out new tortures for me." She explains then begins to pay close attention to the detail of the rim of the glass in her hand. "Rick, I want to get serious again. I want to talk to you about something from our past before we talk about the rest of this. It took a virtual smack to the head for me to see it this way but I now know that I viewed something wrong. Another strange gift from thinking about Royce and telling Martha stories." she says wryly.

"Well, we're in our 'fortress of solitude' so say anything you want." he says giving her a kiss on her temple.

She pulls away from him and turns to be able to look directly at him. After a moment She takes a fortifying breath and begins quietly. "It's about your working my mothers case without telling me.-"

"Kate..." he interrupts, the panic he feels suddenly palatable.

"Rick. Please let me finish." she says firmly without looking up.

"I'm sorry dear. Please go on." he apologizes sincerely, the panic not subsiding.

"I still don't like that you did it without telling me but... Now... I now think I understand something... I feel that I can see it clearer than before. I think... I understand that... as a partner, I wouldn't have let it drop either if the roles were reversed. Maybe not actively pursue it but I'd continue to collect and maintain the intelligence while I waited for my partner to be ready to continue on the case." she tells him. "So, in that vein, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you." then after a thoughtful pause "Only about that one thing of course. I'm sure there's plenty of things that I could itemize that I have every right to be mad at you about but I apologize for yelling at you over that."

Kate takes a deep breath and discloses something else that's been weighing on her. "I also have figured out that... you were right...(*cough*) to um... mislead me a little about stopping the chase when I first came back after my shooting. I... you were right to pull in my reins like that and help me slow down to be more thorough and to regain my footing and balance. I'm sorry I didn't see it the first hundred or so times that it should have been obvious to me. So there's another apology I owed you." After she clears her throat again, she snaps "However," and she quickly points a finger in his face and fixes him with a furious and penetrating stare, "Don't you dare endanger yourself or your family ever again. Either we're partners or we're not. We have to protect each other or we don't do it."

"I agree. Partners." he says smiling. She can see the truth and commitment in those blue orbs reflecting his love for her.

Trying hard to continue to look him in the eye and expose her, what he'd call her soft and gooey center, she flicks her eyes around and keeps having to force herself back to maintain his eye contact. "I told Alexis something earlier that I want to tell you now." She looks away and nibbles a piece of fruit to gather her thoughts then looks back at him and he can see her exposing herself while she explains "While I was licking my wounds at my dad's cabin, after my shooting, one of the things that kept gnawing at me was the anger I felt at you for one stupid thing." she says sighing.

"Aww..." he starts to say.

"Shhhh..." she admonishes quickly. "I need to say this! I was telling Alexis that one of the reasons I never reached out to you during that time was because of her." her voice strong and forceful but still ragged and soaked with emotions "The one thing I would never have forgiven you for is... causing Alexis to lose her" her voice cracks "father or Martha her son." she explains almost angrily, the tears flowing again. "I was telling Alexis how I kept seeing her face as I imagined having to tell her that I was alive because you sacrificed yourself for me." She fights through a tightening of her throat. "I promised... I promised her that you will never put yourself in harm's way at my expense." Then after a short pause she reaches out and grabs his hand "Rick. You have to promise me that you'll never make me lie to her. I love this family too much to let it happen."

"You got it lady." he says softly giving her a hug.

"Rick, I mean it! Don't say yes with your mental fingers crossed. You have to promise me this." she says almost pleading.

"I promise you that I will never make you a liar to our family." he says earnest and clear.

"Good, thank you. I'm going to hold you to it." She says as the two lift their glasses and touch them in a small toast.

Swallowing his sip of wine, he reaches over and wipes away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb then he explains to her very seriously, "To tell you the truth Kate, you have to remember those people too. As hard as it might be for you to believe, you've become as important to this family as I am. If you and I had a nasty breakup today, there's a very good chance they'd side with you, throw me out and move you in." he explains to her.

"Don't be silly Rick." she admonishes dismissing the idea lightly as she turns back to cuddle back with him.

"I'm not being silly Kate, I'm being serious. You're in this family much more deeply than I think you realize. You're more a part of 'us'" he says making air quotes with his one free hand "than Alexis' own mother has ever been and it's been that way for a very long time."

"I find it so amazing." she whispers distantly leaning back into him.

"You shouldn't. You're the amazing part of it all." he says into her ear. "Proof of this is, my mother likes you. She's not been happy with any of my choices since Kyra. She lets me make my own decisions and fall flat on my face on my own but I always knew she was there to provide sympathy and advice. You're the first time she's not simply stood back. She's been after me... make that both of them have been after me to tell you how I feel and to stop doing that dance we did for so long."

"I'm so lucky." she breathes quietly.

"That's funny." he says lightly.

"What's funny?"

"How did you know I was thinking those words at that instant? My inner voice was saying the words just as you did." he says smiling.

"I didn't. I suppose it's yet another way that we're made for each other." she says.

Smirking, he winks at her "Yes, it is. The universe seems to have been trying to tell us but we've not been listening as closely as we should have."

After a short moment of companionable silence, she tells him "Your mother almost exploded when I told her the story of Mike with the little woman wrestling on the floor of the bar."

"Ahhh... I'm not sure that I know that story. Was that the one with the brick in her handbag?"

She takes a swig of her wine and settles in for a long story. "No, that's not the one. I hope you remember that I can't tell you all the stories off the top of my head, I don't have random recall the way you do. Some of the stories are just going to come out when I remember them and there's going to be a lot of times that I just don't know if I've already told it to you."

Grinning wide he gives her that besotted look he seems to be wearing more and more. He leans in so his head is touching hers and whispers "I know, yet another thing I love about you. More layers of the Beckett onion that I can keep peeling and discovering."

Which is when she notices that while he's distracting her with his deep blue eyes she feels the zipper of her hoodie getting tugged at.

"Castle!" she snaps with a cute smile.

"Oh." he says letting go of the zipper. "I guess I'm losing my touch."

"I'm not sure of that but for now, no practice!" she says as she notices his eyes keep glancing down her shirt. "And no peeking!" she snaps smiling as she pulls the zipper back up an inch or two.

"Yes dear. Well, I'll consider that to be just one more layer of the onion for me to peel." he says smugly.

"Incentive." she says.

"Incentive." he agrees. "Especially that red number you're wearing."

"Castle." she says with a sultry air. "It's part of a matched set so let's get to work."

"Consider me even more motivated. You were about to tell me about Mike wrestling a woman." he says resignedly.

So, let me know if you've heard this. Anyway, this was the night that Mike and I were checking out a disturbance at a corner bar and when we got in there, Mike got a boat-load of attitude from this little spitfire of a woman. You know how big Mike was and this woman wasn't even five foot tall. Mike told her to back up and as his arm came up to point behind her she attacked. It was a comedy of attitude errors, she thought he was confronting her and he thought she was being overly aggressive and resisting instructions. After a lot of grabbing twisting, clawing and yelling, she'd toppled Mike to the ground and was giving him a hell of a workout. I swear she was as strong as him. She could pry herself out of just about any lock he could put her in. I was just laughing through the whole thing. The people that she had been with were cracking up too. The women she was with were all putting bets down as the fight went on. This hell-cat was taking him to task, she kept kissing him and grabbing him in ways that he wasn't comfortable with. Finally, after a lot of work, Mike pins her arms down and is sitting on her, he looks at me and complains that I didn't offer enough help. I just looked at him and said 'Geeze Mike, I didn't know you needed help, I thought it was foreplay.'"

Luckily Castle hadn't had a mouthful of wine or it'd have sprayed all across the cozy cave they were in when he started laughing hysterically. "Oh that's precious!" he hoots.

"It was. We did have some good times." She says brightly. "I'm still not telling you about the karaoke stake-out or the thing with the monkey either." then after a sigh "We had some real lousy ones too. He took care of me after I saw my first dead child." she says sullenly. "This innocent child..." he can hear it in her voice, the quick spiraling down of her emotions.

Pulling her closer he leans his head onto her's "Kate, you don't need to go there. It's okay." he whispers to her gently.

"It's alright Rick, it's part of who I am. Just hold onto me and we'll be fine." she says nudging back against him. "Anyway, I'll avoid the worst of the details..." she says taking another breath "This poor ten-year-old kid was collateral damage in a fight between his parents. A bullet went right through the bridge of his nose, literally between his eyes." she sighs. "I was an absolute disaster after that. Mike had his own trouble with it too but he seemed able to push it aside better than I could. We ended our shift right after that. Now that I think of it, I'll bet Mike had requested us get time off from the Sergeant." she says drifting off, caught in the emotional undertow.

Sitting up a little and leaning back into Rick a bit more, she continued "I changed and went right out to see if I could wash it out of my memory and anesthetize my brain. It turns out Mike knew what I was thinking and he tailed me to the three bars I went to and watched over me like a guardian angel while the bartenders were willing to help all the guys in the place buy me drinks in hopes of getting lucky. I was so drunk by the end of that night, I wasn't able to lie on the floor without falling down. Mike had one of the bartenders call me a cab and he had me taken home. The whole time he hid from me and I had no idea he was there. He got me home to my place, covered me up on a blanket outside my bathroom. He went to sleep on my couch while I slept it off on the floor. In the morning I woke up and scrambled to do my penance with the porcelain god and Mike came in to hold me up, gave me facecloths to clean up afterwards, lots of water, a few pain killers, and a lot of silent companionship and a tiny bit of sympathy."

"Yeah. I definitely like this guy." he says squeezing her tight.

"Hmmm..." she hums in agreement resting her head back against Rick's shoulder. "I definitely like this guy." she says giving him a nudge with her shoulder.

"Did I tell you that Paula thinks I'm a brave man and that you scare the hell out of her?" he asks.

"No! You're kidding!" She snaps in disbelief.

"No, really. After today she asked me to tell you that she wants to talk to you about how these things with the press and photographers should be handled in the future but she told me to make sure you know she's not mad at you, she said she doesn't want to get on your bad side." he laughs.

Laughing at the silliness Kate says "She's too funny. I really think I'm starting to like her. You might be in trouble, can you handle it if all the women in your life were to agree on something?"

"Oh god no. My life would be over. Of course... hmmm... I might die a happy man so... let me get back to you on that one okay?" he asks.

"Okay, we'll revisit that question at another time."

After a while, she continues without any prompting "I told Martha about my relationship with Mike and how he was probably the first time I had a relationship with someone where it involved more than simple infatuation, where my brain was equally involved in the process."

Again, the two sit in companionable silence for a while. They each nibble some of the fruit and cheese and revel in the companionship. He's keenly aware of the difficult time she's having exposing some of her innermost thoughts and feelings. This extraordinary woman he loves is trying, with a great effort, to pull back her own armor, on her own and let him in. For this, he can be patient, helpful and understanding. Taking a sip of her wine she continues to pay close attention to the liquid in the glass. He can see her emotions at work, she's fighting hard to not run and hide, physically, emotionally or mentally.

Slowly and softly the words come "She told me things about..."

Rick sits patient and still, waiting for her to continue, trying hard to not distract her attention. He recognizes the need for her to do this herself as well as the difficulty she has in doing it.

Seeming to force the breath from herself, she starts again. "Martha explained..." Kate tilts her head back and lets out a frustrated sigh at which Rick reaches over, interlocks their fingers and gives her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. Smiling now, Kate takes another try at saying it. The words coming slowly "She told me..." she stops with another sigh. Softly she says "I told Martha about my looking into my mom's case when I started as a cop."

Slowly she pieces the words together "I told her how I was scared... I worried..." the words tangle in her throat cinching her voice. "When I... I told Martha about... when I realized I was falling down a rabbit hole..." she sighs "I realized I had to stop..."

"Awww Kate. You can't-"

"I know." she says softly cutting him off. Almost in a whisper, she tells him "I was... thinking... I had just started to think about saying it to Martha. I hadn't even said it and she knew it all. She knew the things running through my head."

She tells him this deep dark secret for the first time. "Your mom knew how, when I first decided to stop the chase for my mom's killer... Martha knew how I was scared of disappointing my mom." turning to look at him "Castle, she knew. She knew what I'd hardly ever even admitted to myself. She saw it clearly. She knew how I felt like I was letting my mother down in exchange for having a life."

He sits silent while she continues, "Your mom... she told me... gave me a... view... a look at things... from the viewpoint... of a mother..." her words catch and she chokes again "I'd never known or been able to learn from... She... gave me insight into what it means... to be a mother. Things... my own mom..." her voice hitching yet again "probably would have told me eventually." she admits quietly.

Leaning in he softly confides in her "You know I tease her about a lot of things but I agree, she's a very wise and very smart woman who has a number of gifts she keeps well hidden under the cloak of frivolity and triviality."

Smiling she touches the side of her head against his and gently explains "See, I knew there was a big softie under there. Thank you for letting me say it."

Smile warmly at Kate's story as well as the wonderful relationship she shares with his mother. Deciding to ease the pressure with a little humor Rick tells her "Now imagine yourself a rambunctious twelve year old boy trying to get away with, oh, let's say anything, and doing your damnedest to hide it from your mother. I swear that woman had x-ray vision. I still don't know how she figured out some of the things I did but she did and she scarred me. Badly."

Laughing heartily, Kate leans over to his side letting him wrap his arm around her tighter. "I'm sorry Rick." she coos.

"It's okay sweetheart the scars are mostly healed." he jokes with a gentle hug.

"That's not what I meant." she says taking a little sip of her wine.

Confused he asks, "Oh, then what are you sorry for?"

Half giggling she tells him "Because I'm going to have to really question Martha later about your deep dark secrets that she caught you at."

Quietly the thought escapes his lips "Alexis is right, I'm skA-roood." he sings humorously as he takes a swig of his own wine smiling.

Surprised, Kate asks "Alexis said that?"

"Yes. She agreed with me when I realized how out numbered I really am." he says still wearing his silly besotted smile.

Closing her eyes and purring slightly, Kate basks in the feeling of warmth at her acceptance. "Rick." she says softly. "I want to tell you something else." Speaking gently she continues without stopping. "A few times now I've had this little thought flit through my mind, actually, I have a few but this one in particular I keep meaning to share with you."

"Okaaay" he says drawing it out a little hesitantly.

"I've told you before that my mom had read some of your Derrick Storm novels and... that she had told me how she enjoyed Storm and how well written he was." she states sounding somewhat introspective.

"Thought she had good taste." he smirks.

Gently elbowing him in his ribs she admonishes him. "You would. I'm not trying to feed your ego so calm down."

Taking a sip of her wine she continues "Anywaaaay, I can remember her telling me how she liked the character, how well rounded he was and..." She pauses and takes a fortifying breath "Today while I was sitting here composing my list and thinking things over I had a little thought that I've had before. I was wondering what my mom would have said if I told her that Richard Castle, would create a character, much better than Derrick Storm ever was, and that character would sell more books and be made into a movie and he'd base it on her little girl." she finishes with a sigh and he sees the tear slip from her eye.

"I'm sure she'd be proud of you." he says wiping away her tear with his thumb. "I'm sure she'd also be disappointed in me."

"Disappointed?" she jumps at the thought "Why would she be disappointed?" she challenges instinctively coming to his defense.

Smiling at hooking her "Because as good as I am I've not captured even a fraction of how amazing and extraordinary you are." he says with that cocky grin of his. "Of course, from what I know about her, she and Alexis would probably join up and be my most critical fans. Oh, speaking of Alexis, I'm sorry that she 'outed' me about the conversation I had with her. I really didn't want to embarrass you or make you think I wasn't telling you everything. Like I said, I'd just not had the chance to tell you yet."

"That's alright Rick. I understand. Only a couple of years ago I'd probably have been in your face about this but now I'm learning to think in terms of a relationship much more than I ever had before. And while we're on the subject, please reassure Alexis that I'm not hurt by her telling me before you did." Taking another sip of her wine Kate waxes slightly philosophical, "I'll tell ya Castle, that is one hell of a person you have there. I know you're a good man hidden inside all that bravado and your own fortress walls but that girl, sorry, young woman, is an amazing person. I told her that I never expect to insert myself in her life as a mother figure and that I want to her tell me if I overstep any boundaries. I also told her that I really think of her as a younger sister and we had a good laugh over it."

More solemnly she tells him "I cannot understand how Meredith could not want to spend every moment with her. I've even considered, especially after that little trick Meredith tried on me when Alexis had mono, to return the favor and ask her how she could have given her up but I worry about insulting Alexis' mother so I probably won't, just because of that."

"She likes you too. I've already seen her turn to you in ways that she couldn't with anyone else. It's one more reason I know you'll make a great mother one day. As for Meredith, in my own personal opinion, she's not worth the effort." he says quietly.

She can hear that the words hang heavy between them and she suspects that he's thinking about something so she waits for him to speak. After a very long time, he clears his throat and very quietly opens a piece of his own armor for her. "I'll tell you something that only one other person on this planet knows. I..." he pauses. She knows he's fighting a battle within himself. "When Alexis was born..." she hears him sigh deeply and lean his head back. She knows his eyes are shut and she suspects he's holding back tears as he tries to pry this out of his soul. "My mother... Gawd Kate, I almost don't want to say this out loud-"

"Then don't Rick. Save it if you want. I'm sort of hoping that this isn't our last night together so there'll be other chances to say it." she offers trying to sooth him.

"Thank you dear. Yet another reason I love you so much. However, I want to tell you this. I want to share this with you." he says then she feels him lean in and she feels his hot breath on her ear and neck. Whispering softly to no one but her he tells her this deep dark secret. "My mother convinced me, at Alexis' birth, to get a DNA test done. I had no interest in what it would say nor any doubts about Meredeth's fidelity but, as we already know, my mother is a very wise woman and I deferred to her experience and had the test done when the opportunity presented itself."

As he finishes the statement, she can feel his tears on her shoulder and against her ear. She can feel him lean into her, resting on her for the physical support. Still whispering he tells her "I never opened the results. I had them put into an envelope and they're stored in my lawyer's safe so that if Alexis ever needs it she has it and... also as a way to tell her that... The results..." his voice chokes off and she can hear him strain to get the words out "No matter what the test shows, she is now, has always been and always will be, my little baby girl that I love more than life itself." As he finishes the statement, for possibly the first time since her shooting, she feels him cry openly in deep pain. The pain of this secret weighing heavily on his heart and soul. She begins to cry along with him, now realizing that he trusts her with this, possibly his darkest secret about his most cherished thing, his child. He trusts her to help him carry this burden. The two wrapped in each other sit quietly allowing the emotions to wash over them and drain away. Still whispering into her ear he continues "During one of our really big fights, Meredith insisted that her mistake came after Alexis was born and not before and because of the way she said it, I believe her and I have no interest in ever questioning Alexis' paternity again."

The two lovers sit together sharing each other's burdens and crying tears of relief with each other for quite a while.

As they begin to compose themselves, Kate takes his glass of wine from him "But I'm not finished." he complains.

"Neither am I so get over it writer-man." she snarks with a loving grin.

Taking the wine glasses, she puts them and the plate of food they've been munching outside the cave through the portal he created. She turns around and grabs him by the lapels and bodily moves him over so that they can lie down together in the cave, she on his chest and his arms around her waist.

"Wouldn't this be better if we were in bed?" he smirks waggling his eyebrows.

"No, because we won't talk. You and I need to finish discussing things." She states firmly. "There's time enough for that later. Consider it yet more incentive for us to get this done."

"Okay, Miss Beckett, consider me properly motivated." he says tightening his arms around her. "Before we get back to the list, can I ask you something silly?"

"Doesn't that cover most of what you ask me?"

"Touché Detective," he chuckles "I deserved that." he says conceding the point.

Smiling, safe here in their cave, she encourages him. "Sure, go ahead."

Gently looking into her eyes, he asks "Since I never got to meet your mom and we now know I was her favorite author-"

"Wow! Pretty presumptuous there. Who said you were her favorite?" she challenges back.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I can see that it's a point that embarrasses you so we'll just say 'an author your mom enjoyed reading' to keep you from more discomfort." he smiles.

"I can see that this whole humility thing escapes you. We'll work on that another time. Go ahead with your question Captain Conceited." she laughs.

"Kate, what do you think your mom would say about this?" he says squeezing her tighter.

"About wha... Oh, you mean us?" the surprise and uncertainty clear.

"Yeah, I mean, your earlier comment about what she'd think about Nikki Heat, it just makes me wonder, do you think she'd approve of us? I know your dad does, he's glad to know you're nagging someone else other than just him." he teases to break the tension.

"Oh I'll show you nagging you brat!" she says digging her fingers into his ribs causing him to squirm, the two laughing.

"Okay okay! You win! I surrender!" he calls out to her as he tightens his grip on her and leans down for a kiss.

Resting her head on his chest again, she thinks about it for a moment and quietly says "Rick, I think my mom would be so thrilled for me. I suspect that she'd also warn me about human nature and that leopards don't change their spots, etcetera. But... I think she'd really approve once she got to know you and to realize that the jerk we saw on page six was a mask worn by an actor in a play and not the real you. I'm sure once she saw you not as 'Rick Castle' boob-signing millionaire playboy but here at home, 'Ricky Rodgers', Martha's son and Alexis' dad, then she'd be okay with it." she snuggles a little closer to him and he can hear the pregnant pause between them as she thinks. "When I was sitting here earlier," she says quietly "I was thinking..." her voice thick with emotion and thought "I was thinking... wondering if my mom ever saw that photo on the book jacket and saw past the bravado and cockiness and thought..." closing her eyes she feels the strength of his arms around her, the comfort of their closeness, the warmth of his body, and the beating of his heart "if she ever thought that we'd meet and fall in love." she finally says, obviously still finding it a bit difficult to wrap her mind around at times.

"Wow." he says breathlessly, lost in thought.

Giggling lightly she teases "Wow? That's the best you can do Admiral Arrogance? Do we need a sign that says 'The wordsmith is out.' now?"

"I'd like to see you do better when confronted with the thought I just had." the serious tones of his voice surprising her.

"Why? What'd you just think?"

"Can you imagine what our lives would have been like if, for the past four years, your mom and my mother were friends?" he says feigning shivers.

Nodding her head unconsciously, the impact of this thought hitting her too. "Whoa! I agree, wow. To hell with that Rick, just think what that means, imagine the four of them, Martha and Alexis and both of my parents, talk about nagging. Whew, the two of us would've..."

"Yeah, it would've been... Then there's the prospect of those four with Lanie and the others..."

"Exactly." she says. "Thanks Rick." she spits sardonically at him, "If this is the scenario for my next nightmare, you're in big trouble."

"We both are." the two say in unison after a pause.

"Rick, we need to cut this wandering around memory lane short and concentrate on our lists. I still need to get some sleep and get in early tomorrow." Kate advises reluctantly.

"You're right of course. What would you like to discuss first?"

"To tell you the truth, I don't know where to begin. Do you have any opinions? The more I think about it the more scared I am of what's ahead for me." As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she drops her face to his chest. "Grrrrr! I did it again! I'm sorry." she says furiously. "I mean us. I really really do but it's a habit to think in the singular." she admits to him.

Smiling at her innocent mistake he tells her "I know you do. We both do, but we're creatures of habit, things like this are going to happen a lot for a while. I'm not upset and you shouldn't be either." he punctuates his statement with a kiss to the side of her hanging head and a tightening of his arms around her.

"Thank you Rick." she answers his actions.

"No need to thank me. If I remember correctly, this is what we do for the ones we love." he says wearing his usual silly besotted smile on his face. "Okay, let's switch gears and talk about this job. I'm having more and more trouble thinking about that instead of peeling your clothes off." he says easing the grip he has on her.

"You're right." she says giving him a peck on the lips and sitting up. "Let me grab the notepad." she says reaching over for it. She flips to a blank page and writes something in the corner then rips off a piece of the page and folds it up tiny. She puts the notepad down and takes the little note she folded and slips it under his waistband in the front of his pants. "There."

"Are we going to have a treasure hunt?" he asks smirking.

"No. Well, not yet anyway. That's my opinion about the prospect of this job and I want you to know what I think before we start all our discussions. This way you won't think you've changed my mind for me." she says patting him on the chest and sitting up. "So let's get started. Do you see a downside to my taking this job?"

"Downside? Hmmm..." he ponders for a moment. "The only thing that might qualify is that you won't be spending as much time in the bull-pen with the people you're used to. However, any change will have little things like that to deal with. How about you?"

"I thought of that one too. Here, let me get my lists." she says reaching over for the notepad again. "I've not really considered there to be much of a downside to this. It's like anything else, change scares me. So, let's see what you thought of my lists." she says flipping the pages. "You're right, I forgot the protecting children and families... and the weak. Hmmm... puzzles yeah, that's true I like those. So we seem to have the positives figured out pretty well." she states.

"I agree and I suspect we may find more as time goes on."

"Let's look at the pile of current dislikes." she says flipping the page "Good additions. I never even though of the jurisdiction crap. I'm glad Jordan Shaw was willing to let me work with her team or that case would have been worse. What the hell is this Castle? Getting older? Do you think I'm on the cusp of being over the hill?" she challenges him.

"No Kate, the fact of the matter is, we're all getting older. Except my mother."

"Yes, she and I have discussed that." she smirks looking back at the list. "Running out of room? Is that what you were talking about before where sooner or later I'll become a paper pusher?"

"Yeah, that's the one. You should still talk to Gates to see what her opinion is on it." he explains.

"I'll avoid the next item when talking to her." she says giving him a light bonk on the head with the pad of paper as the two smile.

"So I'm wrong?" he challenges.

"I didn't say that." she says stoically.

"Ah, so I'm not wrong."

"This is a good point you have here. What next? This is a very good question." she says seriously.

"I'm allowing you to change the subject but I'm not forgetting that we're going to have to talk about this issue. If my bed isn't better than a 3am New York winter than I've got to know." he says smirking. "However, to your point. I know that you and I have been chasing this thing for a while now and I'm aware that I've lost perspective on what's going to happen when we find the key to taking the guy behind this down and I wonder if you've ever taken the time to think about it. This might be a good time to orient ourselves in relation to that."

"I really hate to admit it-"

"Admit what?" his surprise obvious.

"That you had a good idea. However, you're right, I don't think that I've ever considered such a thing." Kate says pensively. "I've been on the hunt for so long..."

Speaking softly and patiently, Rick puts a hand on her arm, "Kate, now that I've brought this topic up, I want you only to consider the possible answer but not dwell on it. We don't need to have it figured out before we move forward with our current decisions."

"Yeah Rick. Thanks. Wow. We're going to have some big things to consider later on." she says sitting there looking off into space.

"See sweetie, you do think in terms of 'us' you just don't always realize it." he says smiling.

"Do you have any idea how distracting you are?" she smiles at him. "Let's finish a quick look at your additions before we dig down into each thing, next is what the new job will give me." she says turning the page." Smiling at him, she asks "You really like the B-A-B thing huh?"

"Yes I do. I think you're... amazing... and that is just remarkable to see. Before you try to avoid it, the next one is true too. I don't think you've got to be an active homicide detective to be the best there is. What makes you so good is your intuition, brains, dedication, determination, empathy and understanding. This isn't something that depends on where your desk is. You could stand in front of a room full of students and still be the best there is and if the judge's opinion is right, you'll be able to keep working the occasional case and exercising those muscles." he explains to her. "I'd like to point out something else. This thought has popped up in my mind a few times but I've never bothered to bring it up. You've said that I help make you a better cop-"

"You do. I really believe that." she says emphatically cutting him off and leaning in to put her hand on his arm.

"Thank you but I'd like to remind you of something important. While you and I have solved a number of cases together, I don't think there's a single instance of my coming to a conclusion on the case before you doing the same. More often than not we figure it out together at the same time but never is it that I solve it and you don't. You were doing this job, and very very well I might add, before I came along."

Pausing for a moment to consider the statement she cocks her head and asks "I'm not sure I see your point?"

"So my lovely detective, the point is you can do this job without me and be just as good so don't ever sell yourself short. You are the extraordinary part of this partnership and don't ever believe otherwise."

"Thank you Rick." she says reaching out to cup his cheek. "I do have to say, I know you've made me better and in a lot of different ways. Thanks to you I have fun doing the job. I know you've also taught me to think differently in a way that makes arriving at solutions faster and more efficient and, sometimes, in a roundabout way that no one else would've reached."

"It has been my pleasure dear." he returns twisting to kiss the palm of her hand. "You've given me a lot too so don't think it was a one sided exchange. Thanks to you, possibly for the first time in my life, my actions have a direct impact on people and I can feel good that I've helped bring peace to victims and their families but also justice and punishment to the evil-doers instead of being, as you accurately put it, 'the boob-signing page six playboy'."

"We had better get back to this list. We have a lot of items to discuss before we get to enjoy our treasure hunt." she says giving him a saucy wink.

"Okay, let's go over the things again but bit by bit."

"Right. Lemme turn back to the 'like' list." she says flipping the pages. "First on the list, we already know, I'm hooked on team Caskett and I really don't think I want to have to do the job without you." she says with a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

"Good, I don't want you to do it without me either." he smiles "I'd like to push that item down on the list so we can discuss it after the other items."

"Okay."

"What's next?" he asks turning to lay on his side while she sits cross-legged.

"The closure to victim's families and bringing criminals to justice." she states plainly.

Enthusiastically, he explains his thoughts "That won't change. Like Royce said, through this new position, you will still be doing this, it just won't be as hands-on as you like but it will be magnified so that instead of you solving one case a week, to pick a number out of a hat, you'll have influenced ten detectives to be better and thereby you've helped solve ten cases in that same period of time."

"I see your point, I just hope it works out that way. Let's hit the next one, 'cracking a suspect', I have that listed under 'like' but quite frankly, I don't think I'd feel deprived if I never had to sit across from some dirt-bag and listen to his or her lies about how they didn't do it or felt justified taking someone's life."

"Sounds like a good way to view it. If you ever need to practice, you can always cuff me to the bed and interrogate me like you did last time."

"Castle!"

"Sorry. What else do you have?" he asks, helping guide her along her path.

"Working as part of a team and specifically my team." she says looking slightly forlorn. "This one worries me, I'm not sure I want to lose this."

"Do you remember reading Alexis' graduation speech? She's right. The only constant in life is change. You may like working with your team forever but let's not forget that the team members have their own desires and aspirations, some of which may fracture your teams." he says reflecting on how proud he was of her speech. "Bear with me for one moment, you have another item on that list, a couple of points lower, what's it say?"

"Being friends-"

Interrupting her he tells her "No, further down, something about helping other cops?"

"Yes, 'helping other cops improve and move up', is that the one you mean?" she asks.

"Yes. That's the one. I'm oversimplifying it a bit but how can others move up if you don't get out of their way?" he says smiling.

"Funny." she says accentuated by an eye roll.

"Think about it. I don't know the qualifications personally but how far is Ryan or Espo from moving up a grade to fill the spot you're in now?" he asks with a serious tone.

"Hmmm... There you go again, channeling that adult and surprising me. You're right, I'm getting to the end of this stage of my career and those boys are close to moving up and become senior to new detectives." she agrees reluctantly.

Wearing his 'charm the pants of the groupies' Richard Castle grin he tells her "Which also means that your team, as it exists now is transient anyway, additionally, drum roll please, when they move up, someone junior can move in, maybe someone like Ann Hastings?"

"Drum roll? Are you providing your own sound effects too?" she laughs.

"We'll do that later." he smirks trying to sneak a hand under the back of her hoodie at the waist.

"Castle! Cut it out! Let's finish this list."

"Yes dear. Okay, what else is on this part of the list?"

"Hmmm... You added, good items by the way, protecting children, families, and the weak. You also added an item for solving complicated puzzles. All these seem to be good items but I wonder if they're unique to my position." she asks sounding a bit unsure.

"Oooo... good question." he hoots. "How about this, do you think that you can gain those benefits from teaching others to do that protecting? I'm not sure if the puzzles thing will but then again, maybe and I'm guessing here because I don't know exactly what this new job will be but maybe you can create scenarios in the teaching environment which require the students to solve and the puzzle for you can be not the solution itself but how to turn it into a teaching tool." he says bubbling with enthusiasm. This is what they do, they solve problems together and this is one of the biggest they'll ever have and he's loving it.

"Very good question, I'll discuss that with the judge. I need to call him to give him my opinion on my interest so we can talk about it then." After a thoughtful pause, sheepishly she asks "Rick, I have to ask you about something else, do you think I can still be friends with my team? Do you think that this friendship would survive a change like this? I mean Lanie, Javi, Kevin and Jenny, as well as whatever bun they pop out of the oven? I like these people, I feel they're part of my family."

Resting his hand on her arm, he looks into those lovely eyes that he gets lost in so easily. "Sweetheart, family is always family. Alexis thinks of them as family as do I. You're not leaving them, you're just changing jobs. I know that as long as I still own a Ferrari Javi will still be my friend." he says with a light smirk. "Seriously, the only thing that might change is how much catching up you'll have to do for each other every time you get together. After all the effort our friends have invested in our relationship, they're not giving up on us easily either."

"I guess you're right. One other question..." she says looking down at her notepad.

"Okay, hit me with it." he says cheerfully. After a moment he realizes she's stuck and unsure of how to say what's on her mind. "Come on Kate, we're in our fortress of solitude here, no need to worry about what you say. Everything is fair game."

"Okay but I don't ever want to hear you bring this up after we leave our cave." she says sternly.

"Scout's honor! No making you sorry about what you say in here." he answers sounding sincere.

"You were never a scout you twit. I learned that on our first case. Did you think I forgot?"

"Seriously Kate. Say what you want, I promise not to make it difficult or to make you sorry you said it." he says earnestly hoisting himself up on his elbow to look her square in the eyes.

Nodding her head she works up the nerve and timidly asks "Rick, will I still be able to be your muse?"

"Dammit!" he snaps suddenly falling flat on his back.

"What?" she asks looking scared.

"I shouldn't have promised that. I could so hold this over your head for ages! I could get months, hell, with only a little effort, I could get years of teasing out of this and like an idiot I agreed to be nice to you about it. Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!" he says covering his eyes with his hand.

"Kit-ten?" she asks musically.

"Right, you win. Water under the bridge and all those metaphors." he says suddenly sitting back up and resting on his elbow. "To the point. Katherine Beckett, you are the muse. You will always be the only muse for me. You will always be my muse and my inspiration. You have been, are now, and will always be the reason I wake up every morning." Taking her hand in his and interlocking their fingers and staring at their hands he continues "Kate, I no longer write for anyone else, truth be told, I haven't written for myself for quite a while. I write for you. Nikki Heat isn't just a character based on you, it is my gift to you. It has become my non-stop love letter to you. The only reason I'd stop writing is because I've run out of words to use to tell the world how wonderful and extraordinary you are. This should never be a question for you. Do not ever doubt this. You cannot do anything to change my feelings on this. You changing jobs is like changing coats. The incredible woman wearing it is still all I care about."

She reaches over and wipes the little tears away from his cheeks with her thumb. "You're just a softie, admit it." she says lovingly as the two cry together.

He opens his mouth to speak and freezes like that. "I um..."

"Castle!" she snaps at him smiling. "Cut it out!" as she gives him a gentle slap on the cheek.

"Yes dear. We'll discuss that later too. Maybe after our treasure hunt." he says with a lecherous grin.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for saying... all that. I don't know what to say in response." she almost whispers. "Lucky for me I have a good writer so my muse duties don't seem to be on the wane." she says winking at him. Leaning in she says "I love you." and gives him a kiss before he even gets to respond.

"I love you too. As for a response, that's easy. You don't have to say anything, like Montgomery said, just keep showing up." he says kissing her fingers in their interlaced hands.

Quietly, staring at their hands, she asks "What was it you were going to say about team Caskett?"

"Yeah. Us. The pesky prancing pachyderm. We can discuss it more after we finish with the rest of the list but..." he sighs, obviously searching for the words "team Caskett is... doesn't depend on your job. Not in my opinion. It depends on you and me. I... the way I..." he sighs again. "My mother thinks it's funny how you can make me lose the words." he says rubbing his face in frustration with his hand. "Let me say it this way. I meant what I said about it being my phone. I don't want to get into that now. I want us to concentrate on the rest of this list and the current problem you're facing."

Smiling warmly at him and giving his hand a squeeze "Back to business for now."

"Do you think we've covered the likes part sufficiently?"

"Yes, I think so, there's a couple of things on the dislike list I want to get to." she says turning the page. "One of the things that really appeals to me about the new job is these first three items. Keeping you out of harm's way and eliminating the worry I cause my dad and we cause your family."

Sitting up now and turning towards Kate and crossing his legs so that their knees are touching he says "How about we just call it 'worry we cause our families' instead of trying to slice it into tiny pieces. I would like to eliminate that too. Remember when you first met Meredith? We were working that case where I saved your life for the first time.-"

"Really? That's how you remember it? Not the capture of the notorious international killer, smuggler and forger but that you saved my life? Honestly Castle, you've got bats in your belfry." she smiles back at him.

"Annnyyyywwaaaayy," he says drawing it out with an attempt at an unamused glare "during that case, Meredith took Alexis out of school to go shopping."

"I remember, that's when she showed up at the precinct." she says nodding.

"Exactly." he says "The way she got Alexis out of school was... well, let me tell it to you this way... the headmaster called Alexis down to the office and when she walked in, he said 'Alexis, I have some bad news for you.' and the first words out of her mouth were 'My dad? Has he been shot?' but it turns out that Meredith told him that Alexis' grandfather had passed away."

Solemnly, Kate begins to apologize "I wasn't aware that he-"

"He didn't." Castle snaps. "He'd died six years before that. Meredith just wanted an excuse to get her out of school. It was probably part of her master plan to drop by to size you up."

"Wow, that is so devious." Kate reflects.

Nodding in agreement he continues "It is but the important point here is even then, Alexis' first concern was that I'd been hurt following you. This is why my vest says 'Writer' on it, I wanted to make sure she knew I was taking her concerns seriously. I won't stop following you because of this but I won't object in the slightest if neither of us ever ended up on the wrong end of a fight again. This point also follows another on that list which is having your team in danger."

Absently looking at the notepad in her lap Kate tells him "That will never end but not having to order them into danger would lighten the load. Which is also what I mean about it being hard to be their boss and their friend. I don't know how I could look Jenny in the eye if Kevin gets killed because of me. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me for that." She says fiddling with the seam of her pant leg. "It's the same as Lanie and Javi, I do it, but it isn't easy, I give them orders that can be difficult but it has to be done and I loath having to tell my friends to do these things. One time I had to tell Ryan and Espo to flank a suspect while I came up the middle in front of him. They had less cover than I had but they had the positions. I heard a shot and for an instant I couldn't decide which of them being hurt would be worse. We captured the guy because he started to react to the sounds behind him and I got the drop on him. The shot I'd heard was him shooting at a noise in the warehouse."

"I know dear." he says putting his hand on hers on her knee. "We all know it. I am sure that Jenny wouldn't hate you. I'm also sure that Kevin has explained to her the realities of his job and what it means to follow orders. I think you can rest assured that everyone involved recognizes that the cogs in the machine can't blame each other for what happens. I suppose that this is what you mean about friends retiring or permanent injury?"

"Yeah." she chokes out. "Yeah the casualties from this job are higher than most jobs and a lot more serious. It takes its toll on us who have to live it day to day and that's before we even discuss being the one who pulls the trigger. Every time we roll-out, there's a good chance one of us will be injured no matter how many precautions we take. Sometimes the injuries come at the hands of the bad guys but sometimes" she pauses and lets out a deep sigh "sometimes they happen at the hands of the good guys because of errors or mistakes. Or they happen through no one's fault. I once watched as an entire iron fire escape pulled away from a building and dump a uni four floors. The only reason he's alive is pure luck. He landed on a dumpster that had those plastic covers which cushioned his fall. He's out on disability, broke both of his wrists, a leg, a hip, all sorts of things but he's alive. His injuries were because it was an old building. No one did anything wrong. It just happened and there was no way to foresee it. However, because of the job we do, we're in those situations, where something can happen to us, much more than most people ever are."

Quietly she continues while he sits listening carefully to everything she says and even some of the things she doesn't say. "Civilians, even some cops, don't understand the personal, mental and emotional toll that pulling a weapon on someone takes on you. Then... and then there's the act of pulling the trigger. Even against the most evil people we come across, that last measure of force takes a great deal of effort to do. Each time we pull the trigger, a little piece of ourselves gets injured. For every person who's life we are forced to take, a part of ourselves dies. It isn't something any of us enjoys doing. We do it only because we must but every one of us who wears that badge and carries a service weapon would welcome the idea of never having to use it again."

"Thank you for sharing with me. I suspect that this price you pay is exasperated by people lying to you," as he says this she begins to slowly nod her head while looking at their joined hands "and the bad guy, who caused you that pain, getting to walk or even get away."

"Yes. You hit the nail on the head Castle. The reason it angers us, cops in general, when some slime ball gets to walk away from his, or her, crime is because we have skin in the game. If I gave a piece of myself to protect others and some sleazy lawyer lets him-"

"or her" he smiles at her.

Returning the smile she squeezes his fingers "or her," she agrees "walk away, it means that my sacrifice was for nothing and he, or she, got away with one more injury to someone without paying a price for it."

"I suppose that's why the item for bad press is on there. Getting yelled at by some bystander for giving up a piece of yourself only doubles the injury and rubs salt in the wound even more." he observes.

"Exactly. It also sucks when they, the twit griping about our actions, wasn't there and has no idea what went on or how the suspect was behaving during the incident." she tells him while doodling on the notepad at the same time.

"I seem to remember something on there about seeing the gross parts of people's injuries as well as the gross things people can do to each other." he states "I'd imagine that the combination of things, the blood and yucky part of the job along with the heinous treatment of one's fellow person makes the stress even worse which I'd imagine again also leads into the thing about politics."

"Right you are. Politics, both public and departmental." she fills in.

"Right. That will also add to your stress level too."

"Y'know Castle, I don't know why your ex-wives think you're so clueless, you've caught on pretty well." Kate says looking up from her doodle.

"No way! I'm not falling for that again Beckett! You got me once with that, it's not going to happen again." he admonishes firmly waving his index finger at her.

Conceding, she just says "Alright, if you say so. So what else do we have to talk about?"

"You didn't did you?" he asks obviously scared.

"Castle, you said it won't happen again so let's move on." she says trying to control things.

"Okay. But you'd tell me if you did right?" he starts to pout like a little boy.

"I thought it wasn't going to happen again?" she smirks at him.

"You... you... evil woman!" he exclaims realizing he's been had yet again. "Dammit! Why is it so easy for you to do that to me?"

"Don't worry Castle, I'll make it up to you later." she smiles and blows him a kiss. "Let's get back to our lists."

"I'm going to hold you to that. Okay, back to serious talk. I want to discuss something related to what you were saying about getting injured on the job." he says. She can see that he's organizing the pieces of what he wants to say. "There's an item on that list about playing the odds of getting hurt."

"Yes, right here, 'Challenging/playing the odds of being safe. Going to get hurt more/again sooner than later.'" she says reading the list.

"Do you understand what I meant by that?"

Putting the pad down and folding her hands in her lap, she leans forward to give him her full attention. "I think I might but please explain it anyway, I want to make sure we get all the subtext out too."

"Good idea. Thanks for thinking of that." Leaning forward and taking her hands in his, he explains "If you were to gauge the likelihood of the average Joe, or Jane, on the street of getting shot, the statisticians will tell you that for every day they live, the likelihood goes from astronomically huge number, a gazillion to one, to a smaller number by the time they reach their hundredth birthday. That smaller number is still huge but it's no longer hard to calculate, it might still be a million to one but what all this means is that while it might not happen, for every year that person lives, the chances get better and better for them getting shot. Now, ask that statistician about being a cop. Like you said, there's many things that can go wrong getting someone injured or worse. I'm sure that at some insurance company they have listings that talk about things like 'chances of being shot', 'chances of being hit by a bus', 'chances of getting in a fist-fight', all the things that we worry about happening. Now, for every year that goes by the chances of one of those bad things happening gets progressively closer. This number for 'chance of happening' is not in the gazillion range for cops, it's in the 'easy to calculate' range. I know you've had your time on the statisticians note pad, you've survived a lot of things that many humans wouldn't. I..." he looks at her hands in his and steels himself and says what he doesn't really want to put into words "Kate, I don't want to lose you. Again. You mean so much to me I still don't have the words for it. For every day that goes by your chances of getting hurt go from the unlikely end of the scale towards the likely side and I don't like that. I've finally got you and I don't want to... make that can't. I can't lose you. As we age, it will get harder and harder to recover from injuries and I don't want to see you suffer."

After squeezing her hands and pausing for a breath, he continues "I know you won't see it this way and quite frankly, I don't see it this way but there's a little part of me that wants to be selfish and say that you've done your part to keep the city safe, it's time to let some of the other people get a chance to do their part. Give some of the others the chance to make their mark. Think back to your days as a street cop, would you like to hear that there isn't a place for you in homicide because someone, who has done good and you admire, won't give you your chance to try?"

Quietly, also examining their intertwined hands, she agrees "I do see that but I'm not sure it is that simple."

"I know it's not quite that simple but, in some ways it is." shaking her hands gently to reengage her attention, he looks her in the eyes and starts "I'm sorry to say this in the way it's going to sound and it is not something I want you to answer. I only want you to consider this question, just for a moment, as a yardstick to help orient yourself." he clears his throat and asks "Do you think it would be so bad to live the life your mother and father had wanted you to have?"

Whoosh, she lets out a deep breath. "Wow, that's a question." she says looking up at him now worrying her lip.

"Please don't take it as my asking you to change your life, I'm asking it to help you decide on what you're doing and where you're going." he says quickly, almost pleadingly.

"It's okay Rick. I understand." she smiles. "That's a hell of a question and you're very right to pose it as something to be considered." She squeezes his hands in reassurance as she looks into those blue pools of love and kindness. "I've never been the white picket fence type but there are parts of me that wouldn't mind a little less excitement. Like you said a yesterday, we're avoiding the elephant in the room which is you and me and any discussions of a future."

"I also commented on that here on your list." he says pointing to a section of the notepad.

"What did you say?" she asks absently as she looks at the list where he pointed. "Oh yeah. I think we're running on borrowed time with regards to the privacy of our relationship too. Really? You think it will end with a bang?"

"Bang? No. Boom! Yes." he says making an explosive hand gesture. "We're talking full-on press release, photos, press conference and who knows what else."

"What have I gotten myself into?" Kate says smiling and running her fingers through her hair.

"Don't worry sweetheart, it won't be bad." he offers as a salve.

"That's good to hear."

"Bad will come later when we get asked to do interviews together." he smirks.

"Oh good god." she says dropping her face into her hands.

Laughing at the irony of it all he lies down in their cave on his side and gently pulls her to spoon with him. "I really mean it, don't worry about it. I won't let anything bad happen to you. Paula will protect us as will Gina and my mother. It's a veritable military grade blockade that will surround us." he says enveloping her in his arms.

"Mmmmm..." she purrs kissing one of his arm that's holding her tight. "I guess we're already on that path and there's not much we can do about it. What was the Vorlon quote? Something like 'The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote'."

"Good god woman, you can quote Vorlons too?" he explodes squeezing her a little tighter. "I'm so lucky." he murmurs into her hair at the back of her head as he kisses her.

"Hey, anyone can quote Klingons." she laughs stroking his hands holding her tight. Reaching out she grabs the notepad and holds it up so they can read it. "Okay, where are we on this list. Oh, relationship stuff, I agree with your additions, I'm also glad I didn't miss anything on my original list. What's this 'Collateral damage' you have here?"

"It's actually an open-ended comment. The collateral damage as in victims or family members but also the damage that the crime scenes and suspects inflict on the cops, not just the physical stuff but also the mental and emotional injuries." he explains sniffing her hair. "Gawd I love this cherry smell on you."

"Thank you. Castle. Focus. List."

"Yes dear. Do you think we've beaten the dislike part of the list into submission sufficiently?" he asks scanning the list again.

"I think that's safe to say. Let me flip to the next page about the new job." she says picking up the notepad again and flipping the page.

"Before we start, there's one thing about the dislikes we didn't mention." he says causing her to lower the notepad and turn her head to listen better. "There's a group of things that sort of go together here, getting called at odd or inconvenient hours, not enough sleep, long hours, not having a life, things like that. What someone might call 'having a normal life' and being able to maintain a relationship and family life."

"Yeah..." she says as if letting out a deep sigh.

"I don't think we need to say much about that at this point, I'm fairly sure we've covered it in some detail and we both agree on the salient points, I just wanted to point out that a group of them go together and make sure we touched on them." he tells her.

"Again, I hate to admit you're right about it. I'll say it's a larger item and we may come back around to revisit it and discuss it. While I'd like to dive into this topic and it is overdue, for this discussion I'd like to hold off and talk to Gates about it. She's got first hand knowledge and I think it will be valuable for both of us to hear her opinions on it." she says holding up the notepad.

Pointing to the list Castle says "About this,-"

"My dad worrying?" she asks.

"Yeah. Let me tell you now, as a dad, there's nothing that can prevent his worrying about you."

Smiling, Kate ducks her head a little at the thought. "I know but I try to give him less reason to worry. Now that I have him back I don't mind his being protective, I just want to do what I can for him."

"I know. It helps. You're a good daughter." Castle says giving her another kiss on the back of her head.

Instantly, he can hear her choke up and squeeze out "Thank you."

Clearing his throat to bring her back into the moment "So, you like the prestige and power eh?"

Hearing a change in her voice, Castle realizes this item is a bit sensitive to her still. "Like the list says, zip-it. But... yes." quietly she explains "There's a part of me that knows that I worked long and hard to get to where I am and I don't find that being proud of my accomplishments is so bad as long as I'm not constantly bragging about them or holding them up as proof of my worth."

"Well yes-"

"Or being some obnoxious celebrity who's boasting on page six about it." she says smiling at sneaking a dig in on him.

"Ouch! Okay, point taken." he laughs with her then turning serious he leans in and quietly says "I'm sure we can revisit this at another time, for now, we'll agree, you will have an increased presence and influence, and the prestige to go with them. You've got a lot of prestige now but you'll have as much and maybe more if you take this change."

Quickly moving on she looks at the list and says "Then there's this one about the cops rewriting the story to fit their needs. You're right on target with this one. I forgot to include this on the dislike page. I am almost tempted to say that this one thing is worth all the other aspects of the change. When I think of that detective turned sheriff who couldn't have cared about Melanie..."

"Cavanagh" Castle tosses in.

"Yes, very good. Melanie Cavanagh. To think of how many criminals get away and how many victims are ignored because of blind apathy and lack of empathy not to mention just sheer ignorance and lack of concern for the victims." she muses.

Giving her a moment to dwell on it he waits before continuing. "You okay to continue?" He asks patiently.

"Yeah yeah. Sorry about that. Let's keep going. Do you think I can make a difference to these cops and keep that sort of thing from happening again?" she asks.

"Consider a couple of things. This group of cops won't be likely to have this sort of narrow vision but with a little encouragement they can be made to be aware of the problem and help the junior members of their teams learn to not let it happen." he explains carefully. "Then there's the other side of the process. You have the good sense to look for the story behind the crime, you have already taught two of your juniors to do so. Remember the case a couple of years ago with the guy who hid under the bed covered in blood until he could sneak out without triggering the alarm?"

"Yea, the victim was Sonya or Sandra Gilbert right?"

"That's the one." he tells her.

"So what about it?"

"Your influence on your team showed significantly in that case. Ryan and Esposito knew there was something wrong and hunted for the story behind the crime. When they found it, they also found that the killer was actually someone that no one expected because he had, until those two started asking questions, a solid alibi." he explains patiently.

Shaking her head she disagrees and corrects him "I don't think that's right, they're good cops and would have found that evidence without my influence. You're attributing their actions to my guidance and I don't agree."

Seeing that they won't reach a consensus on this one thing, he suggests "Okay, so let's table that and move on. We can ask the boys for their opinions as an aside later. I think that your team having the highest closure rate in the precinct as well as possibly the entire city speaks to the effectiveness of your techniques and methods which you share with all the members of the team. Exactly why can be discussed another time. Here's another thought for you. Remember when Natalie Rhodes-"

Sourly Beckett says "Sucked my soul from me and-"

"Talk about over-reacting!" Castle laughs at her.

"Hey! I'm not over-reacting!" Beckett exclaims turning in his arms partially to look at him. "That woman was freakin' creepy! Might I remind you about the 'research' she tried to do?" she says making air quotes.

"Oooh... Yeah, that was weird. She really did get good at imitating you but she still didn't capture the woman." Leaning in and nibbling on and kissing her ear he mumbles "Which I'm very very glad of myself. I have a thing for the original in this case."

"Thank you and I've got a thing for the author too. However, what prompted this particular journey down memory lane?" she asks trying to keep the conversation on track.

"Right. Natalie. When you went into to question a suspect Natalie and I watched from the observation room. She asked if what you were trying to find out during this interrogation had any direct bearing on the case since you'd already figured out who did it." Snuggling a little more he says "I explained that this was one of the things that makes you so extraordinary, you invest in the victim. You go beyond did he or she do it but you get down to the 'why has someone lost their life' question."

"Wow." she says closing her eyes and snuggling back against him. "Did I ever tell you that she asked if you were gay?"

"WHAT?!" he shouts.

"Hey, calm down, that was in my ear!" she counters.

"I'm sorry, why the hell would she ask you that question?"

"Because you wouldn't sleep with her. She said no man has ever said 'no' to her advances before." Kate says while trying to hide the satisfaction it gives her. Even back then he was willing to give up her, the sexy and very willing Natalie Rhodes, to wait for her, Kate Beckett, to see what she had.

"Really? Hmmm..."

"Hmmm?" she questions waiting to see if he's going to dig himself a deeper hole.

"No, no regrets. I just find it so weird." he says with a faraway sound. "I hope you told her I wasn't."

"I did. After I blew my coffee all over my desk." she says smiling at the memory.

"All over..."

Enjoying him being in a bit of a hot seat she continues. "Yup, blew half the cup of coffee out it seems. Made quite a mess."

"Should I ask what she said after that?" he asks even though he realizes he's treading on thin ice.

"You really want to know?" she asks pausing for dramatic effect "She asked me to give you permission." she says matter-of-factly.

The sound of Castle almost swallowing his tongue behind her prompted her to turn even more in his arms and look at his face. It was quite humorous to see the look on his face while all the strange thoughts passed through his mind. Wide-eyed he tried to process this revelation. His jaw moving slightly as if it was being kept ready to speak by his brain. "Per-miss-" he slowly says.

"Yes Castle, per-miss-ion." she says pronouncing the syllables individually for effect and still watching his face. She can see his mind going places she's not pleased with but she can also see him back-pedaling mentally and choosing the path they're on now. "So... Rickey." she says rolling the 'R' for effect and waiting for him to catch up.

"Huh?" while looking off into space is the best he can reply.

Smiling wide at how flummoxed he has gotten she pokes a bit more to tease him "Should I have?"

"Huh?" he asks now looking at her.

"Oh this boy's drowning! I'll have to tell Lanie this story!" she thinks to herself. "Do you think I should have given you permission?" she asks him coyly still enjoying the roasting he's getting.

Absently, his brain grapples for purchase and words fall out of his mouth. "Yeah... Huh? NO! No! I don't mean yeah as in yes, I'm just... I mean... how... she... you... what... she... me... NO!" He closes his eyes and rests his head on the pillow behind them whispering "No. No. No."

She enjoys the maelstrom he's fighting. Even way back then, it seems he really loved her. To think that this guy, the playboy of page six, turned down super-vixen Natalie Rhodes because of her. "Wow." she thinks. "Time to toss him a life-preserver, he's had enough." "Hey Castle." she says and pauses "Rick?" she asks again.

"Yeah Kate, I'm the lump over here on this side of the cave." he replies humorously.

"I couldn't have given her permission. I figured that if I had then Ryan would've shot you for taking one of his freebie-fives." she says laughing.

"Thanks, I appreciate it sweetheart. However, I do wonder if the impetus was the preservation of the team." he teases.

"Yeah, well. There is that. The paperwork would've been a nightmare." she jabs back.

"Kate, what about Kevin and Javi?" he asks sounding far away.

"Mm... what about them? She didn't want to sleep with them."

Obviously still thinking his idea through he asks "No no no... She's old news. I'm thinking about now. Would there be any point in asking the boys about what sort of things you've taught them and if they think you'd make a good instructor?"

"Deft recovery Mister Castle. That's not a bad idea either. I can talk to them tomorrow if we don't get a body drop."

"We can have a family meeting tomorrow night to discuss it. I'm sure that my mother will have some questions and opinions for you that might help guide you and I can't imagine that your dad won't be able to logically analyze the idea and find some good questions. Alexis' naiveté, might also bring out some good thoughts."

"My god but that's a great idea Rick!" she says twisting around to look at him.

"You know Kate, you really don't have to sound so surprised that I have great ideas." he scolds.

"Yes dear." she says squeezing his cheeks together making him pucker up silly and giving him a peck on the lips. "Hey Rick. I've been meaning to ask you something. Do you do that thing where, some time after the moment has passed, you think of the perfect reply?"

"Yes, it's called l'esprit d'escalier and yes it gets me too. Some people call it 'afterwit'. A perfect example would be your first visit to the house in the Hamptons." he says pensively. "When you mentioned that you weren't the first woman I'd brought there, I should have told you that, while you weren't the first, I was hoping you'd be the last." he says smiling with just a little touch of embarrassment.

"That's so sweet Rick. Thank you." she says with a tight hug and kiss. "You still had a good recovery."

"Thank you but I missed a great opportunity."

"Why do I detect a touch of apprehension?"

"Because I'm a best selling author! Words are my weapons, shields, tools and toys. You caught me fumbling when I should have been able to reply smoothly. Instead of right there and then, it took me a couple of months and, to say that the moment had past, is an understatement." he answers with a cute smile.

"Well then, you'll have to promise that whenever you think of that perfect reply you'll tell me about it no matter how long ago the original moment was." Kate tells him teasingly as she looks into those eyes of his, becoming adrift in a sea of blue.

"Right?" he asks.

"Huh?" Kate realizes had been speaking and she was spacing out, thinking back to their first trip to the Hamptons.

Smiling at having caught her mind wandering he asks slowly for effect "I guess that this means I'm going to have to keep you around for a very long time, just in case it takes a while for that perfect reply to bubble to the surface." his face now full of love and his smile reaching his eyes.

Quietly she whispers "I'm sorta hoping..." crinkling her nose cutely at him and winking.

As the two share a long languid kiss full of hope and promise she snuggles more into his arms. After a little while he clears his throat and sounding suddenly much more serious he says "That's another thing Kate."

Taken aback somewhat she looks at him concerned and asks "What?"

"Our pesky pachyderm." he answers looking into her eyes to try and gauge her state of mind.

"Oh." she says quietly. "Yeah, that."

"Kate," he says lying down on his back and taking her face in his hands and gently pulling her to him. "sweetheart, I do not want to exert any pressure on you and I'm not bringing it up as if any of our decisions directly rely on it but I do want you to keep in mind a couple of things. I love you more than I'd ever been able to imagine loving any human other than my daughter. To state the subtext plainly and dispel any ambiguity, I do not want this to be our last night together, I don't ever want there to be a last night between us. I think you've figured out that I don't view this as a one-night-stand and I am trying to pace our relationship to your comfort level. I'm hoping that we'll continue to move forward in our relationship. Now. I've arrived at the point I'm trying to make. If we do move forward, that's going to have ramifications on your career and vise-versa and you have to take it into account when you make these decisions."

"Rick?" she says looking down at him.

"Yes dear?"

"I love you too. I agree. I don't want there to be a 'last' of anything for us." she punctuates the statement with a languid kiss. Turning her head and resting on his chest, she can hear his heart beating and his gentle breathing. "Like I told you before, I never had a 'tomorrow' to consider." perking up and pushing herself off his chest to look in his eyes "Hey Ricky! That means your my first!" they laugh together as she lies back down on him. "I agree with you Rick, it has to be considered which is one of the reasons I think the family meeting is such a good idea."

"I am not asking for an opinion on it now but some of the things you should consider, if we do start a family, what impact would that have on your career in your present trajectory and in this new trajectory?" he says squeezing her tight. Suddenly he lets out a hearty laugh.

"Care to share it with the rest of the class Mister Castle?" she snarks. Resting her chin on her fist on her elbow on his chest.

"Yea, remember what your friend Maddie said? 'Little Castle babies.' Looks like she had us figured out too." he says with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Did you know that she's in on the pools on us too? Martha told me today. Even my dad is in on one of them." Kate says almost spitting it out in anger as she goes back to lying on his chest.

"Wow, we're something aren't we? I guess we can't disappoint our shippers." he says lifting his head and kissing the top of her head. "Something else neither of us have discussed just occurred to me."

"Uh oh. What?" she asks a little worried.

Sliding his hands under her shirt to scratch and massage her back, he explains "Gates doesn't completely hate me anymore but I am still there at her indulgence. If Gates leaves or I tick her off once too many times or something happens in the hierarchy of the force, I may be out. My presence is temporary at best and always will be. You know I love being part of the Caskett team but you should view your decisions based on reality which includes the very real possibility that I may not be able to continue to remain as your partner as things are. I don't even know what will happen if or when we make our relationship public. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that One PP might suddenly decide that I'm a distraction to the other cops on the force."

"Crap!" she moans "That's a cheery thought."

"But we-"

"I know Rick. And again, I hate to say it but I think you're right." She pushes her face into his chest and gives a soft screech in frustration. "I thought that this might be an easy decision but wow, talk about layers and layers of stuff piled on."

"If it was easy, you wouldn't be called on to do it." he smirks.

"Rick? All of our discussions tonight haven't answered one question that I consider to be very important." she says almost purring at his ministrations on her back.

"Shoot, what's the question?"

"What would you like to see me do?" she asks. Suddenly his hands stop moving and his breathing hitches.

"Kate... I..." he starts, concern obvious in his voice.

"No Rick, I don't want you to tell me what to do. I want to know what you hope I do. You're in this whole thing too. Like I said, I keep forgetting to think in terms of 'us' instead of 'me' so I'd like to know what your thoughts are. I know you were thrilled at the idea when the Judge presented it, what do you think now?"

"I'm trusting you to remember that this is only my opinion and not a request for you to do it."

"Agreed." she says leaning her chin on his breastbone to watch his face.

"I..." letting out a sigh he starts rubbing her back again "Since the option of you becoming a kept woman got the kibosh early on, my second choice would be that I'd prefer to see you in this instructor's role instead of the point you're at now or where your current career seems to be taking you."

"Fair enough. Any reasons stand out to you as predominant considerations?" she asks, her heart beating a little quicker with trepidation.

"Yeah, two very good ones. You'll be less likely to be in danger and our kids shouldn't lose their... I'm sorry..." he says knowing that the statement, while valid, might sting.

"It's okay Rick. It really is. I wouldn't want our kids... Wow. I said that out-loud! Whew! I wouldn't want them to lose either one of us." she says quietly thinking of her mother again and the pain she felt as a child. "And the other?"

"You'd make a kick-ass instructor!" he bubbles as they both laugh.

After a few minutes of companionable silence, he speaks up. "Sweetie?" he asks as he stops rubbing her back and tilts his head to look at her. "How about you? What's your inclination? I know you haven't decided yet but do you have a direction you're leaning?"

"Yes I do. I still want to do all the due diligence on this to make sure I'm not screwing anything up but yes, I have an opinion."

After another long pause he speaks up "Um... care to share?"

She pulls out her phone and looks at the time. "It's getting late and I need to get in early tomorrow to make up for being out and see if there's anything I can help them with." Pushing herself up off him she says "I've got to have a shower first so if you want to talk, you'll need to keep up with me." she laughs as she scurries out of the cave and runs for the en-suite stripping off her clothes as she goes and laughing back at him "And don't lose the little note I gave you, that's your ticket to the ride!"

"To hell with cleaning up this mess!" he says trying to get out of their cave and catch up to her also stripping off his clothes as he runs. Almost through the door of the master bedroom he realizes he lost the little note she'd stuck in his pants. Running back yelling "No! No-no-no-no! No!" and flipping his clothes around like a mad man frantically looking for the winning lottery ticket until he finds it yelling "YESSSSS!" Grabbing it and running back to the room holding it up like a flag he unfolds it and holds it up to the glass door of the shower giving her a satisfied grin.

"Very good Castle! Now are you just going to stand there?" she asks as the realization hits him that he's not in the shower with her. "So what do you think?"

"I'm saving that note you know." he says wrapping his arms around her as they dance under the shower.

She pauses kissing his chest and neck long enough to ask "Why?"

"Because my dear..." he says before letting out a deep guttural groan "Because it's your ticket to a new future!"

"How about you my sweetheart?" she asks rubbing her body against his.

"I... uh... what... what... wow." clearing his throat "What about me?"

"Do you think you'd be willing to help me come up with complex crime scenarios to help teach? Maybe you'll be able to practice for the perfect murder."

Gathering all his fortitude he grabs her by the shoulders and pushes their bodies apart by an inch or two "Kate. In all seriousness. I'll do whatever you want and that was before we got in the shower. If you want me to work with you I will. I don't care. As long as you come home to me every night."

"Okay!" she agrees standing up with him under the hot water and wrapping her arms around his neck. "So, you like the idea of 'Instructor Beckett'?" she asks with a wicked grin. Both of them having obvious difficulty concentrating on their conversation. Handing him her shampoo, she smiles and says "Well thank you for helping me sort out my options. I still feel it is important to have that family meeting, not just to include everyone but also to help me see it from different perspectives. Now, to thank you properly you'll need to do my hair, I just need to get that knee pad."

As the two lovers get lost in each other and the steam fills the shower stall, they both realize that their lives have taken yet another turn to a new and previously unimagined future.