Revival

by ThatWildWolf

As the sole survivor of Vault 111, Nora enters a world destroyed by nuclear war, desperate to find her son. Every second is a fight for survival, and each choice proves harder to make than the previous one. And even though she may not want it, her actions will decide about the future of this wasteland.

21. Duty Or Dishonor

A/N: Again, I am so sorry, there is no excuse. So I won't even try to make up one. I thought I'd be able to finish this book in less than a year but here we are over thirteen months since I've begun and only halfway through the story... Guess all I can say is that I'll try to do better.

A longer chapter this time, kind of as an apology, mostly character development. Hope y'all enjoy :)

Also, shout out to Mellisa Hart, TimmyQuivy, Chanandelier and Yugopolis on FANDOM, because they've set up a Wikia for this book! It's apparently only now growing, and there aren't many articles yet, so these guys will probably appreciate any fan input too.
I just wanted to say that this is, for me, the biggest way an author can be recognized and I thank you.

But enough of me rambling. Onto the story.

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Chapter Nineteen
Duty or Dishonor

---

"Let me get this straight," Paladin Danse said, looking at me from over the table. "You want to go to the Glowing Sea."

I nodded.

"And... You want me to go there with you."

"Yes, sir."

"And do you have even the slightest idea what you're talking about?" He drummed his fingers on the table. "The Glowing Sea isn't simply some irradiated area that you can brave with just the aid of anti-radiation supplies. It's the most dangerous place in the Commonwealth, if not the entire Wasteland. Have you ever had to fight a Deathclaw?"

I shook my head. I hadn't, but everyone was tremendously afraid of those. "No, sir. Not yet."

"There will be dozens in the Glowing Sea. Radscorpions, feral ghouls... All creatures of radiation which do not merely survive in that area, they thrive living there. You would have to face almost endless combat with adversaries you wouldn't even be able to see through the thick fog of radioactive waste fumes that covers the land... The very air is toxic, not just radioactive. Even wearing an enclosed environmental suit or a full suit of power armor, you would be faced with numerous health issues."

I looked down. I wasn't sure if he was exaggerating or not, but I had known what I was getting into when I had first accepted this mission from Elder Maxson. Piper was right - I had chosen this path.

"Even so, sir," I said evenly, "I'm still determined to go."

Danse sighed. "I didn't expect there would be stopping you... But it's fair to say I've tried." He stood up and helped me up too. "I still hope you're not stupid enough to assume we're going to go there immediately."

"No worries," said I. " We have to go to Diamond City first anyway. I promised Cait we'd meet her there." I nervously glanced at the floor. "And listen... I'm really sorry about this whole thing, I know it set us back a few weeks."

"No need to apologize. I've never really been one to avoid getting WIA, so it's not entirely your fault." Danse looked at the dog lying on the floor. "And you don't feel bad about leaving Dogmeat behind?"

"Oh come on. It's practically your dog by now," I said, absently scratching Dogmeat's belly. "He's better off with someone who actually remembers to feed him."

"He likes you," Danse noticed, a small smirk playing on his lips. I watched that with interest - he wasn't one to smile that often, so every time he did, I was caught slightly off-guard. A bit like MacCready - although he had been doing better lately. Guess good company does good for good people.

"Of course he does." I shrugged, trying to be as casual about it as possible. "Animals love me."

oooOOO***OOOooo

"Thanks," I said, smiling at the vertibird's pilot. He nodded in return.

"Of course, ma'am. Good luck."

Danse looked away. "Whatever."

We stepped back a safe distance to watch the 'copter fly away. Ah well, so we were back in the field again. Guess this was bound to happen eventually.

I adjusted the backpack straps on my shoulders and looked at the street ahead.

"So, Diamond City," I said, ready for mission recap. "We grab Cait and whoever else wants to join us, leave the town, and then...?"

"And then we find some productive way to spend the upcoming winter." Danse reluctantly put on the metal helmet of his power armor. His voice immediately got that characteristical reverb. "Though I would still suggest doing some side work for the Brotherhood. I just don't want you to expose yourself to any unnecessary danger." He looked straight at me. "Like going to the Glowing Sea."

I was still set on going.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I shrugged nonchalantly. "Let's just go."

It seemed Diamond City was even more paranoid than ever, because we were stopped at the gates and straightforwardly asked if we weren't synths. Which we, obviously, answered 'no' to. (I was also pretty sure that if I were a synth, I would've said 'no' anyway.) I didn't know what was going on, but the social state of the Commonwealth wasn't heading in a good direction.

I immediately headed to Piper's house while Danse decided to stock up on some supplies first.

"So I'm guessin' she does this often," Cait summed up after the initial emotions at seeing me again, alive and in one piece, died down.

Piper nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah. Here's on my list of things Nora does: runs away without explanation, runs off without explanation, runs-"

"Thanks, Pipes," I smiled bitterly, "I think they get the image."

"So I guess you bein' here means we're off," Cait said. "I've been itchin' for a fight ever since we got here. Count me in, whatever you've got planned."

"I'll be going, too," added MacCready. "I promised to try and keep you safe, now didn't I?"

"That's fine. You don't have to travel with us, no one's forcing you to." I put my hand on his forearm. "We're square. You don't owe me anything."

"I'm not doing this because I have a debt!" He closed his eyes. "You're my friend. The best one I've had in a very long time... Ever since Lucy died, I thought I'd never trust anyone, ever again." MacCready smiled. "I'm glad you proved me wrong, Nora."

"So we're all on board this Institute fighting train, huh?" Piper crossed her arms with a smirk. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

"You do know we're not actually fighting, right?"

"Shouldn't have joined the Brotherhood of Steel, then," she noticed. "If you wanna be a soldier, fighting is what you get."

Instead of answering, I yelped and jumped away because the door I had been leaning on swung open.

"Oh, my God!" Danse immediately went to me, holding my arm up. "I'm so sorry, are you alright?"

MacCready stared at the soldier as if struck by lightning. Danse too appeared shocked, though he was slightly better at concealing his emotions.

The silence that fell afterwards felt so heavy that you could practically feel it hanging in the air.

Too late did I join the simple facts - had I not been listening closely enough when they talked?

I don't remember much of my early childhood, but when I was ten years old or so, I settled down in a place called Little Lamplight.

That was the only bit of information Paladin Danse had given me about his life in the Capital Wasteland, but MacCready...

I found this colony called Little Lamplight. Could you believe I was actually the mayor for a while? Me? Ridiculous, I know.

They had known each other. Of course they had known each other.

How couldn't they?

MacCready stepped forward. "Listen... Shit." He seemed to completely forget about his promise not to swear. "You know what, I have no excuse. I was... Well, I was an asshole."

"Yes, you were," Danse agreed eagerly.

"I'm so sorry. I just..." MacCready slowly slid the sniper rifle off his shoulder and with reluctance handed it to the soldier. "It's the same one," he explained quietly.

"I know." Danse looked away but didn't accept that - to call it what it was - peace offering. "Keep it. All matters aside, you are the best marksman I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. We are going to need the edge your sniping skills could give us."

MacCready nodded his head in acknowledgement.

That was both the first and the last time I saw the two of them talk in the next few days.

oooOOO***OOOooo

"Glowing Sea? You sure about that, Blue?" Piper cocked her head at me. "I mean, if you're sure it'll help us find the Institute, I'm with you, but that place is dangerous."

"No," MacCready protested. "Gee, Piper, don't put any ideas in her head! Nora, you're not going, period. It's absurdly dangerous this time of year. Just wait those two or three months."

I looked to Paladin Danse, the only - as I assumed - ally I had at the moment. He just crossed his arms and looked away.

"As much as I hate to admit it, the pest is right."

"What was that, Danse?" MacCready wrinkled his nose. "I couldn't really hear you over all that clanking."

"Cute. Did ya come up with that on your own?" Cait immediately jumped to Danse's defense.

The atmosphere in our group had been tense, to say the least, ever since Danse and MacCready first met each other. I still wasn't sure what their history was, but it was clear they weren't very fond of each other.

I coughed and, with trembling hands, zipped up Danse's bomber jacket on me.

It was getting cold already - very cold. I knew the others didn't feel it as much as I did so I tried not to show it, but... Danse knew, because he had been there, and I was pretty sure Piper was on to something too.

The argument died out before it had the change to fully begin, because everyone looked at me with varying degrees of concern. I coughed again, into my fist.

"I'm alright," I said. "I'm fine. Just a bit cold."

"Well..." MacCready took off his utility hat and brushed his hair off his forehead before putting it back on. "We should be looking for someplace to spend the night anyway. I'll try to set up a campfire then, okay?"

I offered him a weak smile. The good thing was that our collective well-being always came before the personal grudges any of us might have had for each other.

Danse nodded at us to go and we set off. Dogmeat ran from Piper to MacCready, begging and whining quietly - clearly because they were lugging our food supplies. I didn't blame him - I myself was feeling quite hungry too.

I looked up at the sky. This is pointless. Everything was against me - time, weather, now even my friends. Why didn't they want to let me go to the Glowing Sea?! Was I really that helpless in their eyes?

"Heya."

I brought my eyes back to the ground - more concretely, to Piper who had slowed down to walk beside me. I had fallen behind on purpose, not wanting to get caught up between Danse and MacCready, but also because I wasn't feeling very talkative right now.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"I just wanted to..." Piper took off her scarf and looked at me with a question lingering in her eyes. I just smiled. "You know, Blue, you're like a whole handbasket of amazing." She wrapped the scarf around my neck. "Don't go catching a cold or freezing to death or something, will ya?"

I nodded my head, my smile now completely sincere. "Duly noted."

She returned the nod and sped up to join up with MacCready a few meters ahead. I tucked the scarf under my jacket. It was a lot warmer now.

We stopped to eat what could be considered dinner not much later. We were in Boston's suburbs, but we still hadn't found any decent place to hole up in. If it came to it, we could camp under the open sky, but it wasn't the safest idea - even if we stood guard.

"There you go," said MacCready as he handed me some of the roasted molerat he had prepared. So far he was the best cook I'd met in the Wasteland, but I couldn't help but eye the food suspiciously.

"Guess that's better than Danse's good for nothing' soup," Cait noticed.

"Stew," Danse corrected her.

"No, it was soup."

"If that's what she says," MacCready smirked. "Maybe some people aren't meant to do some things."

"Yes, remind me - what do you do?"

I walked away, tired. I'd had enough of those two. I sat down with Cait and Piper a safe distance away from the campfire.

"That's the problem," Piper snorted, irritated. "Men. Get two of them in the same room and you can bet they'll find something to argue about."

Now that she'd said it, I realized there had never been more than one guy in our group before.

"Yeah, what's with all that alpha male shite? It's like they can't bear not bein' the best," Cait agreed. "Every guy has to show others he's better than the rest of 'em." She crossed her arms. "They'd completely die out if it weren't for us."

"I know, right? The way I see it, every man needs a woman to set him straight," I laughed.

We looked at each other.

Piper raised her hand. "I call MacCready!"

"You can't just call MacCready," I protested.

Cait narrowed her brows. "I call Danse!"

I hid my face in my hands, resigned.

oooOOO***OOOooo

"See anything?" I asked. MacCready put his binoculars away.

"There's this big, mostly intact building several blocks away. Looks empty."

"Oh thank God." Finally. "I'll go get the others."

The building turned out to be an abandoned schoolhouse, which was like a blessing. Many rooms to choose from - one of them at least was bound to be safe.

It turned out more than soon that it wasn't empty, for we stumbled upon several feral ghouls in the first classroom we entered. I decided not to trust MacCready's instincts from now on.

I raised the laser pistol to shoot, but I hesitated. There was definitely something different about these ferals from all the ghouls I had seen before.

I felt my eyes widen. Slowly, I lowered my gun. No.

I felt almost frozen, my body unable to move, as I stared at the small group of ghouls running at me.

"Oh boy..." Piper whispered softly. "These are..."

With just the edge of my vision, I could see that her hands were trembling as she tried to aim her revolver at the zombies.

"What the hell are you doin'?!" Cait screamed. "Shoot 'em!"

But I couldn't. I couldn't pull that trigger on them. Not on those poor little things... When I looked in their eyes, I saw emptiness. No intelligence. They were animals now, not people, they had been for centuries... But their bodies were still those of children. Those were... had been... just kids. I wouldn't... I couldn't shoot a child!

Cait brutally pushed me into Piper and aimed her shotgun at the nearest of the feral ghouls. The gunshot was loud and it did a pretty good job of making me snap out of the trance. Two of the ghouls got hit and staggered backwards. One of them fell and didn't get up again.

Piper aimed her revolver at the charging ghouls, but I could see tears in the corners of her eyes and I knew she wouldn't pull the trigger.

The ghoul nearest to me fell dead as a precisely-fired shot pierced her - no, its - head. I knew they weren't people anymore, I did - but I was still startled at how easily MacCready had shot a little girl.

Danse gritted his teeth, turning the hull of his laser rifle away from the ghouls. "Damn it," he growled. Instead of fighting back, he jumped away. Piper seemed to have taken on a similar tactic.

I was still half-paralyzed and would have fallen prey to a little ghoul who jumped at me with bared teeth if it weren't for Cait, who slashed the nape of its neck with her knife.

"What is wrong with you?!" MacCready exclaimed, reloading his sniper rifle. "They're not really children!"

But I still couldn't. One look at Piper and Danse confirmed my suspicion that neither could they - even though the latter looked like he was fighting a battle with himself.

We couldn't.

There was something in Cait and MacCready that the three of us didn't have. Whether it was something good or bad... I couldn't be sure.

It was over in less than a few minutes. All the feral ghouls were either killed or had run off somewhere.

Out of the five of us, only two had engaged in the fighting.

"What was that?!" MacCready exclaimed. "In the Wasteland, if you hesitate to kill,
you get killed! Simple enough!"

None of us could answer. Danse clenched his fists. Piper looked down, clearly ashamed. I barely even registered what was going on.

"Those were feral ghouls. They weren't people. They weren't children! And I get
that those two are naïve idiots," he waved a hand at Piper and me, "but you?! Danse, of all people?!" He clenched his fists, clearly angry at us. "You should know better!"

I looked at him. MacCready always tried to act so cool and aloof, even if everyone could see straight through it... But he really was angry now. It was real.

"Nora?" He took a step back. "What are you smiling for?"

I closed my eyes, but I couldn't wash that smile off my face. "Nothing."

He really does care, huh?

Of course he did. It was as clear as rain.

"...Of all the people?" Cait whispered. We all turned to look at her. She furrowed her brow. "What do you mean, Danse of all the people?"

"She doesn't know a thing, does she?" MacCready crossed his arms. "Tell her. About the Brotherhood of Steel."

It was my turn to wrinkle my forehead. "What do you mean? Danse, what- What's he talking about?"

"You've been to Goodneighbor, right? You've met ghouls," MacCready said. "You know, ghouls. Not ferals like the ones you've just refused to kill. And you've got ghoul friends too, right?"

I wouldn't call Hancock or Daisy my friends, but... they weren't bad people. What was he getting at?

I remembered. Something Piper had mentioned when she was upset I had joined the Brotherhood.

"They don't tolerate the existence of ghouls." I said it in almost perfect unison with MacCready.

Danse was looking at me in a very strange way.

"That was hypocrisy, y'know." Cait fully joined the conversation now. "I mean, if you're havin' a problem shootin' a ghoul, you don't go stickin' with people who are against ghouls."

"I'm not trying to judge you guys," MacCready stepped forward. "Honest. But this isn't good."

"They were children," Piper whispered.

I looked at her, shocked. She hadn't spoken a word for hours, I had almost forgotten about her.

She looked at the revolver she was holding. "They were children and they were frightened and so, so lost. They had everything they were stripped away from them in a moment, without a warning. And they were turned into those... Those mindless zombies which would forever live in their little bodies..." Piper shut her eyes. "I couldn't shoot. And Danse, and Nora... I understand why they didn't, either."

A heavy silence fell between us.

"Can we please just forget this?" Piper asked. "Please."

"Well," Cait took off her backpack and started going through it, "I might have somethin' that'll help us take the edge off."

She pulled out a bottle of something.

"Moonshine?" I guessed.

"Nah, rum!" She looked at the skeptical expressions on Danse and Piper's faces. "Come on, let's just... Let's just take this one evenin' easy. One. Can't you loosen up for one evenin'?"

"I'll set up a fire," MacCready offered.

"...Okay," Piper agreed, "but somewhere else. I don't wanna spend the night here."

We moved a few classrooms away. This one seemed empty. MacCready got a pretty decent campfire started using a few chairs as firewood, and it began to feel much safer.

Cait and Piper didn't have sleeping bags, but we still managed to set up something of a small camp around the fire. Cait was right, we needed to take the edge off.

I looked at the bottle in my hands. I knew it'd have no effect on me, but I didn't mind drinking good rum. I raised it to my lips, but I didn't get to drink.

"You should make a toast," Cait noticed. "It's appropriate."

I looked at the bottle. "Maybe we should all say something. We'll just pass it around. We're all drinking to something, right?"

There were murmurs of agreement from the rest of my friends. I closed my eyes. Instead of saying anything, I took a swig.

I raised the bottle just above my head.

"To the past," I said.

Danse seemed miffed when I gave it to him. "...To the future."

He passed the bottle to MacCready, who looked at it for a moment.

"To all the loved ones we've lost," he finally whispered.

"And the friends we've made," Cait added. She was the only one who tried to make it at least a little optimistic.

We all looked at Piper, the only one left. She took the bottle of rum as carefully as if it were to explode. She knit her eyebrows, staring down at the ground. The silence was complete.

"To every good moment in life!" she exclaimed, raising the bottle so abruptly that a few drops even spilled. "To each and every day that was worth the while! To all the memories we hold in us, and to the hope that they may live on forever! May those memories, those good moments in our lives, not die or be lost to time!"

Piper blushed. Slowly, she put the bottle to her lips and took a small sip.

"...That's what I'll drink to," she mumbled.

MacCready smiled. "I'd drink to that any day."

I looked at the ground, smiling a bit too. Piper always did have a way with words... We all made it so simple and narrow.

But the words she had said... They were still revibrating in my head. To all the memories we hold in us and the hope that they may live on forever. I snickered under my breath. There goes both mine and Danse's in one sentence. How did she do this?

I stood up and looked around the room.

Danse was standing by the paneless window and looking outside, his back turned on all of us. I don't know why, but he looked tense to me. Was he still angry at MacCready? Or at me for making friends with ghouls in Goodneighbor?

Cait was sitting in the exact opposite corner of the room, playing mumbley peg with her combat knife. I couldn't read into her emotions too much.

MacCready and Piper were talking about something - I didn't want to eavesdrop right now, but it seemed to be a nice story. They were smiling.

I pushed my hands into my pockets and headed towards the windows.

"It was warmer by the fire," I noticed.

Danse didn't even look at me. "You should go back there, then. You shouldn't get exposed to too much cold."

"Then come back there, big guy. I'm not going without you."

He didn't smile like I was. He just put his hands on the window frame and continued to observe the pitch black night outside.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me. "Why would you think something is?"

"You don't smile anymore," I noticed. Danse frowned.

"I- I'm sorry. I'll try to rectify that."

I gave him a gentle shove. "You're such an idiot," I laughed.

"...Thank you?"

I patted him on the shoulder and walked over to the other side of the room, where Cait was sitting by herself.

"Hey there," I said.

She panicked, quickly hiding something under her jacket. It fell out, of course.

"None of your damn business," she snapped.

I looked at it. It was a Psycho dispenser.

"Cait..."

"I said, none of your damn business." She pulled the knife she had been playing with out of the floor. "This is my own business."

I tensed and nervously massaged my nape. "Cait?" I tried softly.

"I'm fine." She threw the knife at the nearest desk. "Just gimmie some space, I would much appreciate it."

I didn't want to, but I left her alone as she wanted.

I returned to the fireplace, feeling that my mission had failed completely. As soon as I approached, Piper quickly moved away from MacCready, almost as if nervous.

"So, um, Blue..." She cleared her throat. "I guess those two won't be joining us right now?"

"No." I crossed my arms. "Listen, it's pretty late. How about we call it a day? I can take first guard shift."

Cait offered to stay up with me, but the others didn't pretend they weren't tired and we quickly took out the fire. Cait and I sat in the hallway, right next to the stairs. We didn't talk for over an hour until she broke the silence.

"Nora?"

"Yeah?" I answered absently, staring at the drywall falling off on the other side of the staircase.

"Thanks."

I looked at her. "For what?"

She smiled, shaking her head at me. "Nevermind."

I wasn't really sure how to answer, so we just sat in silence for a while again.

"I'm tryin', you know." She hung her head. "I'm really tryin' to cut back on it. It's not like I wanna- I mean, I do wanna, but it's just so fuckin' hard resistin'."

"I know, Cait. I know."

Again, silence.

I was really frustrated that now that we finally had some kind of solid lead, when I finally knew exactly where to go and what to do, I couldn't do anything. But Danse and MacCready had made it clear enough that they were against my idea. My idea was better, quite frankly. We wouldn't have to wait and the only person who stood to get hurt was me - and I didn't mind that!

"I mean, it's Danse and MacCready. What's a Danse and MacCready to my personal plans? Maybe I shouldn't listen to them..." I felt almost as though a lightbulb had lit up in my head. It was so obvious. "I shouldn't listen to them."

"I don't know, Nora," Cait fidgeted a bit. "While I'm always for the rules are made for breakin' kinda approach, I don't really think it's a good idea..."

I stood up, angry at her all of a sudden. "Well, you have a thing for Danse, so of course you'll take his side!"

"A thing?!" she exclaimed. "Yeah, he's like the father I never had! You know?! My real dad sold me for drinkin' money the moment I turned sixteen! Don't fuckin' blame me for bein' just a bit on Danse's side here! He's been nothin' but understandin' and kind for me, and besides, he's right! You can't go and get yourself killed like that." Cait let out a soft sigh. "Goin' to the Glowin' Sea now is the single most stupidest thing you could do."

I looked away. Slowly, I sat back down on the stairs beside her.

"Your father..." I whispered. "I'm really sorry, Cait. I'm so, so sorry."

"There's no reason for you to be," she huffed. "Those two wastes of humanity who happened to be me parents didn't even deserve that much. I'm not the perfect daughter, but hell. At least maybe a kid deserves some love? And I'm sure no kid deserves the treatment I received from 'em."

I wasn't sure how to answer.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. It was so stupid, but it was the only thing I could say.

We both stirred when the door behind our backs opened, causing a sudden and loud sound that made both of us alert and tense. We looked in that direction to see what was the reason.

Paladin Danse, covered in sweat and drowsy, the collar of his uniform unfastened, stumbled through the door, breathing heavily. He looked at us without a word before just running down the stairs.

Cait almost stood up to follow him, but I grabbed her arm and shook my head gently. Leave him be.

There was a moment of silence.

"You ever seen him sleepin'?" Cait asked. I didn't answer, it was obvious. "Me neither." She raised an eyebrow. "What's his problem?"

"Danse is... It's not really... He's got PTSD, it was also known as war anxiety way back when, it's..." I drifted off, thinking about how much Nate had changed after Anchorage. "It happens to soldiers."

"Oh." Cait looked down. I don't think she really understood what it was about. "But it's not, like, terminal, innit?"

I laughed and put an arm around her. "Gosh, Cait, no. It's nothing like that."

But it was enough to effectively prevent him from getting a good night's rest.

I didn't know if it was nightmares or if he just couldn't fall asleep - and I didn't really want to know, but... It kind of hurt that one of my closest friends would be going through something like this and the only thing I could do to help was stay out of his way. I wished I could do more.

I hung my head. "Go to sleep, Cait. I'll take the first guard shift," I said quietly. "You should get your rest."

She opened her mouth, but closed it after a moment's consideration. She just nodded her head and stood up.

"Thanks," she said.

I didn't look up. "It's nothing."

I sighed. As soon as she was gone, I zipped up my bomber jacket. Damn it, cold. I didn't try to show it in front of the others but I had been pretty cold lately.

I rubbed my hands to produce at least a bit of heat.

"It's only gonna get worse from now on," I muttered. It was going to get colder. Much, much colder.

And I had to be ready.

The next two months were very hard for, it's safe to say, everyone. Winter rolled around halfway through December, and I got my first sneak peek of how different seasons were in the Wasteland.

The weather went pretty much wild, there was no telling what the next day would bring. Radiation storms were much rarer now, but no one could find a way to revel in that, because the air had grown so cold it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Winters in the Commonwealth were much harsher than winters in Massachusetts - the air temperature often dropped below like five degrees, making it very hard to go outside, even with the proper clothing. One point - the Brotherhood provided its soldiers with parka uniforms. Second point - only one of my friends could benefit from that.

The freezing cold was taking its toll on us all. We couldn't use power armor- the hydraulic pumps were getting frozen, unable to move properly. It was impossible to grow any food in the frozen ground. But I think the lowest point was when the air grew so cold that we had to actually land the Prydwen for two days. I vividly remember that time - Danse and I were pulled back to the airport, just like all other soldiers, in order to guard it there. It was amazing to see Elder Maxson standing on firm ground for once, among the rest of us. But he acted aggressively enough for me to guess he wasn't very comfortable with that assessment.

And it wasn't just Maxson, actually. The winter seemed to take its toll on everyone.

Piper was nothing like her usual self now - she was quiet and barely said anything at all. But I could see her looking out the window and scribbling something in her notebook from time to time, so something was going on at least. Still, she refused to talk to anyone.

Danse grew gradually more and more irritable, to the extent that he responded almost aggressively to most people trying to socialize with him. I was one of the select few he didn't attack outwardly so I knew he was mostly frustrated with our lack of progress. In my eyes, that was no excuse for how he was acting. But I wasn't any better than either of them, to be honest.

I grew almost indifferent to the war that was going on. And what kind of war was it? Nothing was happening at all! I actually got so frustrated that I spent a whole week in Goodneighbor doing nothing but running errands for Mayor Hancock. The only good that made me was that I got so used to the company of ghouls that I didn't even flinch when I saw one anymore.

I wasn't proud of myself for bailing on my friends like that, sure, but I had to get away before I would start murdering. The winter was driving me insane. The only consolation was the fact that I wasn't the only one - we were all slightly beat up in one way or another.

Cait was taking drugs again, even if I never could catch her while she was high. She was just as irritable as Danse, except she didn't have a reason, so I worked it out quite easily.

Only MacCready didn't seem as downbeat about this change of climate a the rest of us. He actually tried cheering the others up from time to time, but that usually didn't work out very well. Still, I was kind of impressed with his attempts. It was amazing that at least one of us could stay positive. I was just a bit bitter that it wasn't me. Except the only reason why he could be that joyful was that he didn't realize how serious things were. It wasn't his son who was being kept in the Institute. His son was alive and safe in Washington!

"Gosh, I'm seriously bitter." I let myself smile at that thought as I warmed my hands on the cup of tea McCready had given me. We had run out of coffee three days ago and the only good point in being trapped in an old military bunker was that Cait had found a sizeable supply cache with loads of food in it. Danse and MacCready had taken apart an electric kettle and by some miracle managed to put it back together - those two never ceased to amaze me when it came to tinkering - so now we had a pretty much infinite supply of hot drinks.

I put the hot cup on the windowsill. I could see literally nothing outside - this blizzard had been going on for the last five days. There was even almost no snow, just the terrifyingly cold air and strong wind. It hurt - I knew because I had been outside for five minutes.

"Nora! What did I say?!" Danse stopped what he had been doing only to throw a blanket over my shoulders.

I rolled my eyes with a heavy sigh. They were all acting as if I were made of china or something equally delicate. Oh sure, I was a bit less resilient to low temperature, but did that justify giving me all the warmest clothes and supplies? If anything, they were making me feel guilty.

"You said I was gonna catch a cold," I muttered. "Though really, I don't see how that would be bad. It's not fatal, you know."

He looked almost like he wanted to hit me, but he just gritted his teeth and marched off. Everyone was so ticked off lately I couldn't say anything. Only MacCready was friendly.

"Okay, it's not snowin' anymore," Cait announced. She sat in the armchair in front of mine. "How you holdin' up, Nora?"

"I want to kill, I really do, I think I'm gonna kill you all, and I'm starting with Danse, I swear."

"Okay, I'm outta here." She quickly walked away.

"Do you think my hair's too long?" Piper asked as she took the very same seat. "MacCready said it's not, but it might be a problem later on. I mean, maybe if I braided it-"

"Honey, your hair is okay," I said. "And please, please, don't braid it. Just be happy your hair grows at all." I looked at my reflection in the screen of my Pip-Boy. Bleh. It'd never grow back, and now it was sorta stuck at this awkward length halfway through my neck. "Huh. Do you think I should cut my hair?"

Piper tilted her head. "If that's what you want... I don't know if that's..."

"Great! Will you do it?"

She sighed. "...Okay. But I hope you know what you're doing."

Well, my hair'd never been that short, that's for sure. I kept looking at myself in the mirror, but I still wasn't sure if the change had been for good or bad.

"I don't know," I said. "I look weird."

"You look great, Blue," Piper assured me.

"You always look great," Danse added.

"What was that?" I glanced at the soldier, surprised he had joined the conversation.

A red blush overtook his cheeks and ears. "Nothing."

I tilted my head but didn't ask. Hell, he had been acting weird lately anyway. I didn't care much at this point.

"Well, the good news is," Cait said, "regardless of whether Nora looks like a boy, it's stopped snowin'."

"It hasn't been snowing for at least a week, and I do not!"

She smirked. "Whatever."

Danse looked out the window. "You have a point. It hasn't been this clear for months."

I hung my shoulders and winced. "Please don't say we should go."

"We should go."

"See, that's why you're the first on my list." I sighed. "Fine. Good deal. If that's what you all think is best... Is it?"

MacCready looked down at his feet. Piper just nodded, Danse was still looking at me with that same expression of encouragement. Hell, I wasn't going alone. I could do this. We could do this.

I straightened my back, clenched my fists.

"I'm ready."

"Hearts of steel and heads unbowin'," Cait muttered. It sounded almost like a quote - for all I knew, it could have been one. She nodded her head at us. "You two be careful."

"Aren't we always?" I retorted. "Not my fault there's always something or someone that tries to get us dead."

"She meant yes," said Danse. "We'll try not to be too long."

We all left the bunker the following morning and set out in three different directions. Cait was supposed to go back to the Castle and check up on the Minutemen, mostly on my behalf, while Piper took MacCready with her back to Diamond City where she had some business to tend to. Danse and I would return to the Brotherhood of Steel's base at the Boston Airport.

We were going to ask for permission to leave for the Glowing Sea.

"Now, remember what I told you," he said for like the thousandth time as we were approaching the airport.

"Yeah, yeah, you'll do the talking," I said tiredly. "Whatever makes it more likely Maxson'll agree."

Danse gave me a heavy look.

"Sorry, Elder Maxson." I shot him a charming smile, but I rolled my eyes as soon as he turned away. Stick up his ass, all I was saying.

The airport base looked much worse than it had before. There were fewer soldiers patrolling it now, all of them wearing the winter uniforms, and there was some heaviness in the air.

The snow squeaked under our boots as we walked to the barracks. The whole base seemed almost deserted in comparison to how it had been.

Danse stopped a Knight as he passed us.

"Has anything happened here, soldier?"

"Um... No, sir. The Elder's been sending more scouting patrols lately, sir, but that's all."

"I see... You're free to return to your duties." Danse nodded his head at the soldier, but at me, he wrinkled his forehead. "I don't like this." He put a hand on his hip. "Hopefully the Elder will be able to explain."

We boarded a vertibird that would take us up to the Prydwen, which was thankfully airborne again, and flew in complete silence. There wasn't wind today, either.

The command deck wasn't empty, at least - though at first it surprised me that it wasn't fuller. I had almost forgotten that officeral ranks counted not from Knight-Corporal but from Knight-Captain above.

The door to the bridge had been left ajar, but I still had the courtesy to knock. Elder Maxson didn't even let us report anything.

"Oh, good that you're here," he said immediately upon seeing us. "I have a special assignment all ready that requires your attention, Paladin."

Danse looked in my direction with an expression that said he wanted to protest, and for a moment I wondered if he would. For a second, I hoped he would finally stand up for himself but, like always, he didn't. I knew that, ultimately, he never would. He gritted his teeth. "Yes, sir. I'll get to it right away."

"There's a promotion in it for you, you know. Do your best, Paladin."

"Sir." Danse grabbed the sheet of paper from Maxson's hands and stormed out of the room.

I nervously stepped around. I hadn't been one-on-one with the Elder since I joined the Brotherhood, and now I was feeling strangely exposed.

"Don't worry, Knight. There's something I want you to look into as well. Actually, in a way, it's the most important assignment in your career."

I perked up at that. "More important than the Institute?"

"In certain aspects, yes." Elder Maxson leaned on the wall, not taking his eyes off me for a second. "I realize you and Danse have been away from HQ for a few months, but... Lancer-Captain Kells requested help from an unbiased soldier on this, so you might just be what he needs. Will you do it?"

"Gladly, sir, but... I have no idea what the assignment is."

Maxson smiled. "Of course." He shook his head, amused. "My bad. Meet with Kells now, I'm sure he'll tell you all you want to know... And more."

oooOOO***OOOooo

I curiously looked around. This was a part of the command deck I hadn't seen before. Vertibird pilots and Prydwen technicians in bomber jackets and flight suits were walking to and fro, making me feel a little lost in the commotion.

"Lancer-Captain, Kells, sir!" I called out as soon as I spotted the officer's recognizable ship captain's hat.

He turned around. "Oh, Initiate. I wasn't expecting you."

"It's uh..." I chuckled nervously. "Um, it's Knight, actually. I got this promotion almost four months ago..." I coughed into my fist. "Anyway! Um... Sir. Elder Maxson's told me you have an assignment for me, sir."

"Oh." Kells nodded. "I see now. Yes, that is..." He looked around. "Shall we go somewhere more private to discuss this? It's a most unfortunate matter."

"What- What's going on?" I asked. I had to admit, this secrecy was getting me a bit freaked out.

Once we were a safe distance away from other soldiers, Lancer-Captain Kells folded his arms on his chest.

"Knight-Sergeant Gavil's Brotherhood of Steel Logistics Division," he said slowly. "One of the most vital cogs in the Brotherhood of Steel mechanism, you might say. It's a team responsible for accounting, documentation, computation, and the dividing of virtually all resources that flow through the Boston Airport base to and from the Prydwen.
"It's a small team, just a few soldiers under Sergeant Gavil's command, barely bigger than a regular reconnaissance squad. All of them are amongst our most trusted people, checked before they're dispatched for duty in the Division... However, I'm afraid that it's possible something has been overlooked."

"What do you mean, sir?" He was being serious now, and so was I.

"The Logistics Division answers directly to Proctor Quinlan here on the Prydwen. However, his team has found several differences between the accounting sent by the Logistics and the supplies it was describing. After a recount, it's been confirmed that it wasn't a mistake." Kells hung his head. "It's disgraceful to even consider, but we've reached the conclusion that someone must have stolen, hidden, destroyed or otherwise gotten rid of these supplies in the time before they were documented by Logistics and their transfer to the Prydwen. Clearly, we weren't being careful enough. But, alerting as it was, it was barely a reason to start an investigation... That was all a month ago. Recently, however, the situation has repeated itself. Very similar circumstances, too. This time, it was enough to alert Proctor Quinlan, who went immediately to the Elder with the matter... Leading to the place we're in now.
"Now, there's no way to tell whether it's been an organized robbery, some unfortunate mistake or else, whether it's been a raid or an inside job... The matter is extremely delicate. That's why I want you to mount a secret investigation into this case. Be as inconspicuous as you can, find out what really happened and who is responsible."

"...Of course," I said quietly. "I just wasn't expecting something like this."

"I can assure you none of us were, soldier. Alas, it is what it is. For now, I'm giving you my permission to investigate, effective immediately. Speak to Knight-Sergeant Gavil, he'll fill you in on the details." He looked at the floor. "And Knight?"

"Sir?"

"Do treat this matter with extreme delicacy. If there's a traitor in the Brotherhood... I'd rather not consider that possibility."

"Yes, sir."

I bowed my head and walked away.

Wow. This is big.

Of course whoever the culprit was, they've decided to take advantage of the mess proceeding from how hard the winter's hit the Brotherhood. That made sense. But now that the air was getting less chilly and the ground less white, administration was getting back on its feet and things like that came up... Damn. I really wished it wasn't an inside job.

Knight-Sergeant Gavil turned out to be an angry-looking middle-aged man with an attitude that matched his expression. From the moment he found out why I was there, he treated me coldly to say the least.

"This is all a waste of time," he said. "I know my men perfectly well and I can assure you that none of them would be capable of treason. Proctor Quinlan has sent people here already who haven't found anything."

"That's why Lancer-Captain Kells has sent me now," I noticed. "Because the case hasn't been resolved."

"Whatever, Knight. Whatever. If you really want, you can go and lead this little investigation of yours, but if you want my opinion, it's pointless. Pointless." He drummed his fingers on the desk impatiently. "I already spoke with my men. They haven't seen anything. I trust they're telling the truth."

"Could you at least tell me about the missing supplies?"

"If you're asking me, Quinlan's scribed got something mixed up again. All that's missing is seven crates of food. Three the first time, four just now." Gavil snorted. "That's why it isn't even sensible. This is a heavily guarded military base, plenty of weapons and ammunition lying around, and someone is stealing a lifetime supply of macaroni and cheese?"

"Okay," I said slowly. "Where do you think I should begin my investigation?"

"You shouldn't begin it at all is what I think. But if you really have to interrupt the work of my soldiers, talk to Lucia and Clarke. They've been transferred here two months ago and they're still learning their way around. I can spare them."

"That's Scribe Lucia...?"

"Knight Lucia and Initiate Clarke."

I nodded. "Yes, sir. And thank you." For nothing.

Knight Lucia was stationed not very far away. I found her going through some crates, notepad in hand.

"Copper wire, copper wire... Where did I put that copper wire?" She was saying when I approached.

I cleared my throat.

"Oh!" She looked up at me and immediately stood to attention. "Ma'am!"

"You're Knight Lucia, right?" I asked. She nodded. "Is it okay if I ask you some questions?"

She winced. "This is about the missing supplies, isn't it... Oh well, I had been expecting Proctor Quinlan to send someone again anyway." She eyed me carefully. "Where are you stationed? I'm guessing the Prydwen, you look serious."

"Actually, yeah." I took off my glove. "Knight Nora. Pleased to meet you."

She didn't make a move to shake my hand. I coughed into my fist as I looked away.

"Anyway... I just wanted to begin with a bit about the Logistics Division. What can you tell me?"

"There's not many of us, about ten soldiers right now. Myself, Clarke, a few other Knights who are unfit for duty, and the Scribes. The commanding officer is Knight-Sergeant Gavil, you might wanna talk to him. I really don't know anything."

"Clarke?" I asked. Friendship be friendship, I had never gone so far as to address Danse with his first name in front of another soldier. Very unprofessional on Knight Lucia's side.

"Sorry, Initiate Clarke," she said immediately. "He's a friend. We joined the Brotherhood together, so we've understandably tried to keep close to each other during that time."

"Understandably." I smiled. "The missing supplies?"

"I'm not sure, really... I know Knight-Sergeant Gavil wouldn't agree, but Proctor Quinlan's team are very thorough. I don't think it was a mistake, but I'm not sure about what I think, either. As to what's missing, I think it was a few crates of food and... some vacuum tubes, I believe? Hold on, no. They just lost those."

Normally, I'd have laughed at that. Now, I just frowned. "Do things get lost around here often?"

"Oh no," Lucia protested. "It's not like that. They got filed in under the wrong category, I found them just the next day. Many crates of food, ammo, and supplies go through this base daily. Little accidents are bound to happen, but not as big as this.
"Either way, I'm... I don't think I'm the best person to ask about those missing supplies. I don't know much about it, other than what I've heard from rumors and when Sergeant Gavil questioned us."

"There are rumors?" I asked. That was bad. If everyone knew, then the person responsible would already have prepared themselves.

"Not many, just that something's missing. Many eyes are on Logistics at the moment. Frankly, I wish it'd just end. I'm supposed to get reassigned soon and I don't want this to affect my career in the Brotherhood." She looked down. "Clarke'll be staying here, though. That's a pity."

I smiled. I had seen this look before. "You two are close, huh?"

Lucia blushed a bit. "Not that close, I mean... It's just hard to change your whole environment like that. Um, I'm sorry, we weren't supposed to be talking about me... I had better get back to work. Um... Now, where was I?"

I looked at her, said "Copper wire," and walked away.

So far I hadn't learned anything I hadn't known already. Hopefully, the other one would be more helpful.

"Initiate Clarke?"

This guy seemed jumpy. He sprung to attention immediately after noticing my approach, but he relaxed a bit when he realized I only outranked him by one rank.

"The missing supplies?" He wasn't surprised to learn the reason for my coming there. "Oh, of course. It seems everyone is talking about that. There are rumors of raiders who break in every night to raid us of our food, but that seems just crazy to me. Look, I work the night shift. And I haven't seen anything all this time I've been stationed here. And that's, like, a few months now? I think the Scribes up on the Prydwen are just making a big deal out of this. So a few crates of food got misplaced? It's not like we're starving or anything."

Well, to look on the bright side, at least I didn't have to encourage him to talk. He wasn't much help, though.

This was a completely lost cause. I needed help. I needed someone like Proctor Ingram or like Haylen... Except Haylen was off in Cambridge and Ingram was on the Prydwen, so no allies here.

By now, I was almost sure this was an inside job. The security at the base was too good to just let someone get in or out, especially with that much supplies. I watched the patrols. Knights in power armor or combat armor, good... No, it was impossible for someone to slip in unnoticed.

"Hey, watch where you're-" I growled when someone pushed me. I froze when I realized it was an officer. "I mean, sir- I'm-" Yeah, not just any minor officer, a Paladin. I was screwed.

With a fair amount of relief, I realized it was my Paladin (pushing aside how that sounded). I was slightly surprised to notice that he had finally decided to do what MacCready had been doing all along and had trimmed his beard to just a heavy stubble. That was nice, actually. It looked better. Made his jawline stand out. Why the hell did I care? I didn't care.

"Danse-" Not his first name, you idiot! I gave myself a mental punch, and another one for good measures. "Uh, sir- I mean... Paladin."

"Nora?" He stopped. "What are you doing here?"

"No offense, but I could ask you the same."

He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a bit. "It's complicated... Some supplies have gone missing and Elder Maxson was concerned that it might be a more major problem. I'm supposed to assist in this investigation now. Do you happen to know who's conducting it?"

"I am!" I exclaimed. It was like a weight had been lifted from my heart. "Oh my God, Danse, this is just terrible, please help. Thank the Elder for me - no, I'll thank him. I just need you so much-" I blinked, my mind slowly processing what I had just said. "I just need help so much." It didn't matter. "Okay, how much do you know?"

"Only as much as you'll tell me."

So I told him. I told him everything - about the missing supplies and how Knight-Sergeant Gavil was rude to me and how no one wanted to cooperate, and how it was probably an inside job, and how there was a traitor in the Brotherhood but Gavil didn't want to believe it, and how Kells and Maxson thought I was going to magically find out what had happened and how until his arrival I had had no help here, and how I didn't know what to do...

Danse listened patiently to my whining and once I was done, he grabbed my arm and dragged me along as he marched through the airport, clearly ticked off.

Actually, ever since I had used the word "treason," he hadn't really been listening.

"God damn it," he growled. "This is bad."

With a fair amount of shock, I suddenly realized I had never heard him swear before.

How bad did it have to be that it was the first thing that had made him lose it so much? Unlike MacCready, Danse's lack of profanity felt completely natural, unforced. So this was an unnatural situation. Ergo, it had to be very bad.

"Uh... Sir?" I was even afraid to use his name when he was like this.

"A traitor in the Brotherhood?" He set his jaw, glaring at the ground as if he wanted to kill it. "I won't stand for this. I won't! Who did you say was uncooperative?"

"Sergeant Gavil, but- Please don't," I protested when he took off for Gavil's post. "Stop!"

I grabbed the collar of his jumpsuit and pulled him down to my eye level. (I vividly remembered Cait doing the very same thing before kissing him. The memory alone made me all bitter.)

"Listen, this is my chance to finally prove myself," I whispered. "The Elder is watching this mission. If it goes well, maybe he'll make me Knight-Corporal? So please don't interfere. I mean yeah, help, but don't overstep it, okay? I don't want to owe this to you."

Danse pulled free from my grasp on him. "That's amazing, Nora, and I am wholeheartedly with you. Believe me, I will support whatever you do for the Brotherhood, but... You won't take this investigation far if you don't receive proper help from other soldiers - myself included." He tilted his head sympathetically. "I'll make sure you receive all credit, if that's what you're worried about."

What an idiot.

"Look, I know something's up. Knight Lucia and Initiate Clarke, they're a bit suspicious." But damn it, in a situation like this, who isn't? I couldn't really know if Danse was telling me the truth and he wasn't the one behind it. Until I was sure, everyone was a suspect. "They're inconsistent, and they know each other. It doesn't add up."

"Either she's protecting him or he's protecting her," Danse said. "Someone's lying here."

"And Sergeant Gavil puts too much trust in his soldiers to notice it," I added. "Damn, this is gonna be hard. Do you think we should talk to Lucia again?"

"We are running out of suspects. I'll do the talking this time, maybe she just needs a little scare."

One thing I had to give to Danse - he could be seriously scary when he wanted. I knew that first-hand. But I wasn't really sure if what that young Knight needed was an officer she didn't even know threatening her.

"Maybe not?" I asked. "There's got to be another way." I looked at him. "Oh, and, just to be clear... We're working together, right?"

He laughed. "It seems so."

I blinked. He'd laughed. What the hell was going on with the world? Couldn't one thing stay the same? One thing, like 'Danse doesn't laugh' or 'supplies aren't stolen from the Brotherhood of Steel' or 'MacCready does like you, Nora, you're just being paranoid' or something else.

"What do we do now?" I asked. "We need more intel and I doubt anyone here'll tell us anything."

Danse rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Knight Lucia sleeps in the same barracks as you, doesn't she?"

oooOOO***OOOooo

Going through someone else's stuff was completely mundane in the Wasteland, so you quickly got used to it. It was not that easy when you knew that person, and you knew they didn't know what you were doing.

The fact that it was Danse, of all people, who had come up with the idea was even more painful. This was wrong. What I was doing was wrong.

"You might as well help," I said with exasperation. Danse fidgeted.

"This is the women's quarters..."

I glared at him. "You're already here," I pointed out. "Look, you'll take the footlocker and I'll try her personal storage box."

Both locked. I took out my lockpicking set and had a blast seeing the terrified expression Danse made upon seeing I had something like that. I offered him a few of my precious bobby pins, too.

"I'll have to keep in mind that you do this," he said, looking at me meddling with the lock.

"This is nice, solving crimes. I'm detective material," I said. I liked to talk while I was working with my hands, it helped me focus. "You know, just two weeks ago, Nick and I took care of this missing person case- Turned out murder, actually- Well, long story short, I wouldn't recommend the Diamond City surgery center to anyone."

Danse broke a bobby pin. "...Nick?" he asked in a low voice. I couldn't interpret the emotion.

"Yeah, he's a friend," I answered absently. I almost had this.

"Oh." He looked away. "And is Nick, by any chance, single?"

"Why do you even..." I completely forgot what I was going to say when the lock clicked open. "Got it!" I cried.

There was a slip of paper right on top of her things, a hastily written note. I took a look at it.

Clarke, I know you've been going through my stuff. You're breaking the line. If this keeps on, I'll have to report you to Cpt. Kells.

So Clarke had been going through Lucia's things? I was sure that's what Danse had been looking for... Damn. I hadn't wanted him to be right.

I looked around, but there was no one around. Of course, at this time of day, most soldiers would be on duty. (Technically speaking, so was I.) Technically speaking, I had Elder Maxson behind me on this, so I could pretty much do what I wanted. That didn't make me feel any better about what I was doing.

"Got anything?"

I showed Danse the note without a word. I turned my attention back to the strongbox. It was mostly regular stuff, some ammo, a spare uniform, a can of food... A holotape. Without much hope, I played it on my Pip-Boy. Instead of the audio file I'd been expecting, I found it was something of a journal. I picked one of the most recent entries.

Today was my last day as an Initiate. Tomorrow morning, I report to the Elder for my commissioning. I'm finally going to be a Knight.

The Brotherhood is everything I hoped for. Family. Honor. Security. I've met people with vision and courage, like Elder Maxson. I've proven myself in battle. I can't imagine going back to civilian life now.

My only regret is that Clarke won't be going through the ceremony with me. We do everything together. But he's been avoiding me lately. I wanted to talk tonight, like we used to, but he just went to bed. Said he wasn't feeling well.

I clicked on the next one.

Today, I stood before the Elder. He spoke of my life before the Brotherhood, my time as an Initiate, and my future as a Knight. It only took a few minutes, but it felt like the most important conversation of my life.

A few of my friends were waiting outside to congratulate me - even Proctor Ingram came. But not Clarke.

Now, I was getting worried. I skipped a few entries.

I'm a Knight now, but I'm still assigned to Logistics at the airport base. I don't want to argue with the senior staff, because they're probably right. Working supply may not be as exciting as patrol duty, but it needs to be done. Clarke seems to resent it, when he talks to me at all.

I'm worried about him. I always looked up to Clarke, but he seems like a different person lately. Like he's just given up. At first, I thought he was just jealous. But there's something else going on, something he isn't telling me. If I can get him to open up, maybe we can still work things out.

A few days later. The most recent entry.

This is getting out of hand. Clarke has been late to his shifts three times this week. Each time, I've found him and made sure he didn't "forget" again, but I can't keep covering for him like this. I think Sergeant Gavil is starting to suspect something is wrong.

When I got back last night, my footlocker was a mess. I think Clarke has been going through my things. What's the matter with him? Why won't he talk to me?

I covered the Pip-Boy's screen with my hand. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"What is it?"

I nibbled on my lip before I could answer. "I think we have our primary suspect..."

I showed Danse the whole thing. Unlike me, he went straight for the last one.

Once he was done, he slowly looked up from the Pip-Boy. "We should talk to Knight Lucia."

Already at the airport, we made our way straight to the Logistics base. Knight-Sergeant Gavil wasn't very pleased to see either of us, least of all Danse.

"Perfect, Knight," he glared at me. "Get more people involved in this. That is exactly what I need. What were you thinking?"

I took a step back, but Danse just crossed his arms.

"Watch your tone, Sergeant," he said calmly. There was just the faintest threatening note in his voice, but it was enough.

Gavil became a bit pale. "Sir."

Danse nudged my side and I felt a bit more confident. That's why you make friends with officers. It makes stuff easier.

"Knight Lucia's been covering for Clarke," I said. "Something is going on in the Logistics Division, sir, and it's going on right under your nose."

"And where's this certainty coming from?"

"I am certain. We've read Lucia's journal, Initiate Clarke hasn't been reporting for duty almost at all lately!"

Knight-Sergeant Gavil seemed as unimpressed as he could. "Reading diaries now, are we?"

Danse took a step towards him, now clearly ticked off. "I hope I won't have to repeat myself. This soldier is here on official business from Lancer-Captain Kells, which means that at the moment, she outranks you and everyone in this building save for me. Now, I may not be in charge of this division, but I am ready to report all of this to the Elder if I see you making this investigation any more complicated than it has to be." He exhaled slowly, and I was under the impression it was only so he could control himself. "Am I being clear, Sergeant?"

Gavil seemed terrified and angry at the same time, but he just looked at the ground. "Sir, yes, sir. Of course you are. I apologize for my behavior."

"Now, we should probably get going," I said, tugging on Danse's jacket a bit. "Someone's got to put a stop to this madness."

"You're right, Knight." He sent Knight-Sergeant Gavil a crooked smirk. "Let's."

"I do not like this new Danse," I muttered. "Can't you go back to being all flustered and anxious?'"

"What? I'm- But... That's not-"

I smiled. "There we go."

We walked off to find Lucia, a bit of an uncomfortable silence between us.

"Save for me?" I asked skeptically.

"Excuse me?"

"That's what you said. That I outrank everyone in this building save for you. It's stupid. You don't have to say that."

"What..." He was confused. "What do you mean?"

"It's called generalisation," I laughed. "It just makes it easier to communicate with people, you know? You don't have to be 100% exact all the time."

"...I don't understand. Why?"

Oh dear God, he was being serious.

"Danse, honey, please don't do this to me. Please don't." I desperately looked around to find anything that would free me from this train wreck of a conversation. "Oh look, that's Lucia! Knight Lucia!"

She became very pale when she saw who I was with.

"Oh, gods... Paladin Danse? I..." She looked at me. "How high up does this go?!"

"Look, the Elder knows, so don't mind him!" I gave Danse a dark glare. "See? That's why you shouldn't have come. You scare people."

He pushed me aside. "Knight Lucia, we're aware of the whole situation as it is. Don't make this any harder than it has to be and just tell us about Initiate Clarke."

She nodded. "Yes, sir. I... Of course, sir. It's... You know? I...
"It doesn't matter. Clarke and I joined the Brotherhood not so long ago, maybe five or six months. We were friends, but ever since the battle, he's been acting different. I... don't even feel like I know him anymore."

"The battle?" I asked.

Lucia nodded. "The battle for the airport. It was our first real combat mission. It really was something to see! The Prydwen coming in under full vertibird escort, laser rifle shots and that memorable smell of ozone all hanging in the air... Those ferals never knew what hit them."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you before you get too carried away," I said. Also because Danse looked like he was seriously regretting not being in that battle. "How does this join with Clarke?"

"It's just that... He said he was sick after that battle. That's when it all started. Sneaking out, skipping muster..."

"In that case the only thing left to do is interrogate Clarke now," Danse decided. He looked at Lucia's expression. "...He's gone, isn't he."

"Haven't seen him for half an hour, sir." Lucia nervously played with a strand of her hair. "Actually, I... This is embarrassing, but..."

"For the love of God, woman, speak!" I exclaimed, unable to keep it in anymore. She looked at me, not less scared than she'd been of Danse.

"I... I actually was... I wanted to follow him and see where he sneaks off to, but... But I realized that was wrong and I didn't! I swear!" She had to see our skeptical looks, because she just sighed. "...Alright, I did. He went to the old airport terminal ruins. I didn't go any further only because it was locked."

I nodded. "That won't be a problem. Come on, Danse, we're going." I looked over my shoulder to Lucia. "If we're not back in a few hours, report this situation to Captain Kells."

Danse shook his head. "No, report it either way. Right away, actually." He unzipped his jacket and I only then realized he had shoulder holsters beneath, with a laser pistol in each. He threw one in my direction and took out the other. "Come on, Nora."

"Yes, sir."

A few hundred meters away and two bobby pins later, we were free to head into the ruins.

"Now, remember," Danse said, keeping his voice low, as we slowly delved deeper into the abandoned terminal, "Initiate Clarke is, as far as we know, a traitor. There's no telling whom he's meeting with here."

"What if it's the Institute?" I asked.

"Let's just hope you're wrong."

Well, whoever Clarke was meeting with, they were doing it on some lower level of the airport. When we walked into the hall, one of the elevators was already on its way downstairs.

"The other one?" Danse asked without much hope. I just shook my head.

"Busted."

"This one needs some kind of ID card to work," he said. "You don't happen to have it?"

"Oh yeah. I have it right here - along with my night vision goggles and laser spanner!" I kind of realized my sarcasm was getting out of control. I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know. I don't know why I do that."

I drew my laser pistol the instant Danse did the same. That alarmed me more than just a bit.

"What- What is it?" I asked nervously. "Did you hear something?"

"Shh."

He wrinkled his forehead, listening intently. Meanwhile, I looked around. There was a stairway leading downstairs, too, so maybe we could just bypass that elevator. I experimentally walked a few steps down. It seemed safe, even if unattended.

"Nora," Paladin Danse whispered. "What's the first rule of small-group tactics?!"

"Get a bigger group?"

"Stick together. Always stick together."

I stirred, startled, and jumped back so that I was closer to him. Something'd moved!

"Something's alive here," I hissed. I gripped my laser pistol so hard that my knuckles were becoming white.

Just then, Danse took a step forward, stepped on a tin can, which was loud what with all the echo, a feral ghoul lunged at him, another one ran up in my direction, Danse kicked the first one back into the second, they both went tumbling down and making even more noise, and even more ghouls started running at us.

"Ferals-? Damn it, they're under the base! Open fire!"

"What?" I took a step back, surprised at how quickly it was going.

"Just shoot!"

I didn't have to be told twice. I wasn't maybe the best marksman, but with how many targets I had in front of me, even I was bound to kill a few. Danse easily took care of the rest, but even though it hadn't been very dangerous, both of us ended up scared shitless. Well... I did, at least.

"There's likely to be more of them, be sure to proceed with extreme caution." He swapped the pistol for his laser rifle. "I've got your back."

I nodded. That made me feel almost completely secure.

I moved forward as stealthily as I could, which, to be honest, didn't add up to much, and all the time I was afraid something would jump out at me from the shadows. The lights were either flickering or out, so I couldn't see very well, either. I wasn't scared, not with backup like I had, but I was nervous.

"Oh, no..." I whispered. What I had thought to be a bundle of fabrics or something similar turned out to be a human corpse. Fresh enough not to be rotting yet. "Danse?" I whispered, ushering my companion to come closer with his flashlight.

"A Brotherhood of Steel soldier," he said solemnly. He reached out towards the man's neck and pulled off the chain with his holotags. "Knight Rylan," he read aloud. "He must have been with Logistics."

"Could I...?" I nodded towards the dogtags. Danse gave them to me without a word.

We went on in that eerie silence for a while longer, until we eventually reached a collapsed hallway. There was a big hole in the ceiling, allowing entrance to the upper floor, and I was pretty sure I would be able to climb up on the debris. There was also a feral ghoul standing several meters away from us.

Danse gave me his laser rifle and took out a combat knife instead. Before I could fully begin to understand, he ran towards the ghoul, tripped it with a well-delivered kick to the knee, and stabbed in the back of its neck once it was prone.

I reluctantly gave him back his gun. "That was Cait's technique," I noticed. "I'd never seen you do that before."

He massaged the back of his neck. "You know what they say. Old dog..." He didn't finish. Instead, he offered me the knife. "It's useful, and a good technique," he said. I nodded, accepting the gift.

I then started to climb up the rubble, seeing how it was the only way to go.

"Watch out. There's quite a bit of a debris here." Danse held up my arm when I almost lost my balance.

"Cute of you to care," I teased. He took his hand away.

I climbed up onto the floor and pulled him up. We took a quick look around, but true to my expectations, there was a bunch of feral ghouls here, too.

Now, these things were easy to take out one by one, but they had a tendency to travel in herds. And in close quarters, they could prove rather dangerous. I wasn't so convinced just the two of us would be able to handle whatever was going on here. Why were all those ghouls here in the airport ruins? Hadn't anyone from the Brotherhood noticed? Unless... they'd ended up like Knight Rylan.

"Hold up," Danse ordered in a whisper. I immediately stopped moving. "Voices."

I listened, but I couldn't hear anything. I trusted him, however, so I followed his lead in taking out the ferals, one by one, as silently as it was possible.

We took the rest of that hallway in complete silence. It eventually led us to a control room with a window overlooking a large test chamber. Like in ArcJet, or one of those Vaults.

There was a young man, barely more than a teenager, looking through something in one of the crates by the window. I gritted my teeth. The missing supplies!

"Initiate Clarke."

He froze at the sound of my voice.

"Don't even bother taking that blade," Danse said calmly, bringing my attention to the knife that lay on the table within Clarke's reach. "You're outnumbered, outranked and severely outmatched."

Clarke drooped his shoulders. "I... I know. Shit. I knew someone was gonna find out sooner or later, but..."

I stepped forward. "Clarke, it's fine. We're only here to talk. No one has to hurt anyone, just... stay calm and everything'll be okay."

"If you're fraternizing with the enemy, though," Danse added, "I want you to be aware that all those things my associate just said... They're not true."

I looked at him, shocked. "You're not serious."

Danse decided to ignore me. "Now, Initiate, I think it's about time you started talking."

"Yes, I mean, yessir. I just... Shit, shit. Shouldn't have taken so much. I knew there were people looking for these supplies, but I figured..."

I looked out the window. "Have you been feeding those ghouls?" I asked.

"Okay," he held up his hands, "call me crazy, but it's been working! Honest.
"Look, uh... After that battle for the airport... Those feral ghouls just kept coming, and I killed and killed... I don't even know how many. I know they're not people anymore, but... They used to be. And we just slaughtered them, like animals. After that, I... I needed some time to think, alone. I wandered about the airport ruins for some time... That's when I found this place. And the ghouls."

He looked at us, but I wasn't really satisfied with that as an explanation. In fact, I was growing angry at the man's stupidity. Clarke turned his gaze to the supply crates and the food inside.

"I thought that maybe if I gave them something else to eat, they wouldn't attack the base. Attack the Brotherhood. Because they'd have no chance, then. And who knows how many people would die. I... Ghouls aren't evil. I know they're not. Back in the Capital Wasteland, before I joined up, I had this friend who was a ghoul. He never did anything wrong to anyone, but the Brotherhood? The Brotherhood says all ghouls are abominations. Would you have killed him just because of who he was?!"

"If he wasn't feral-" I began.

"Feral, not feral, what does it matter?!" Clarke exclaimed hysterically. "They were all human once!"

"Ferals, they're not human anymore!" I screamed. I had had enough of this. "You have to draw a line somewhere!" I had been gesticulating with my arms and at that moment, I realized I was pointing at Danse. My eyes widened as I realized something else. Of course, Clarke hadn't drawn the line - but neither would Danse.

I was standing between the man who would have killed all the ghouls and the man who would have saved them all.

And they both were wrong. They were both wrong! Why couldn't they see there was an in-between measure?

"You don't kill a person for no reason," I growled. The low tone of my voice was a bit scary, even to myself. "But feral ghouls are dangerous, and they mustn't be kept alive." I pointed to the ghouls. "You can't protect them, Initiate!"

I bit my lip when I realized I had used his rank instead of his name. Was this who I was becoming?

"So what am I supposed to do?" He asked quietly. "If I turn them in, they'll be killed. If I ignore them, they might attack the airport. What do I do?"

Danse opened his mouth to answer, but he second-guessed himself and said nothing. The message was clear: the show is yours. You decide, Nora. When had we even learned to understand each other so well without words?

"You should trust the Brotherhood," I said calmly. "I'll get this done." After a moment's consideration, I added "You don't have to watch."

"The Brotherhood... It is my family... My friends... My whole life." Clarke bit his lip, shut his eyes. "I have faith in the Brotherhood of Steel," he said finally. "You just- You're right. But... Will you make sure they don't suffer too much?"

I gritted my teeth, reloading my laser rifle. "I can't promise that."

After second thoughts, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the dogtags we had found earlier. "By the way, Initiate, I found these in the ruins. Just in case you think your feral friends here care for the lives of others."

Clarke carefully took the holotags into his hands. "They're Rylan's..." he whispered. "Oh, God. They killed him." He looked at Danse, but the officer's face didn't let on any emotions. "And they're gonna kill more... Do what you have to. They... They can't stay here."

"What are you going to do now?" Danse inquired calmly. Clarke folded his arms across his chest.

"I will... I will... I will leave. I'll turn myself in to Captain Kells. I can't stay here and watch... I'm going to go now."

We both waited in silence until he left. After that, I slumped down onto the chair. This had been more emotionally taxing than I'd expected. And I still had those ferals to deal with.

"You did the right thing," Danse said.

"I did what you thought was the right thing," I corrected him. "But I didn't have much of a choice, did I? It's like Clarke said - either we attack them or they'll attack us."

I stood up, reloaded my laser rifle, reached out for the handle of the door to the barrack, and looked back.

"You'll help, right?" I asked quietly. "You'll go with me?"

"Even to hell, and back again." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm with you till the end of the line."

I nodded.

"Then let's go kick some serious ghoul butt." I cringed. "Here's a sentence I hadn't thought I'd say."

I drew my laser pistol, Danse took out his rifle, and we slowly walked down the stairs. One of the ghouls turned its head in our direction and started walking, then running, towards us.

The first shot from Danse's laser rifle pierced its knee, making it fall. I shot it dead.

Another one started moving towards us, and I started shooting. That drew even more ferals to the fighting, and soon enough, we found ourselves in the middle of something that could prove dangerous.

I kicked away a ghoul that lunged at my abdomen. There were too many!

"There are too many!" I screamed. I had long since lost sight of my friend, but I had the hope that he was ding better than me. Because I was doing terribly.

Then, I saw a ghoul that stood out from the swarm all around us. It wasn't attacking, it was just... looking at me. Click. It was feral, I was sure of it, there was nothing humane in it. Click, click, click. Something was off, but I didn't have much time o think about it as I battled the other ferals that continued to try to eat me. Cickity-click, click, click. This was my Geiger counter! Shit!

That ghoul apparently got bored with just idly watching me die, because just when I thought I was getting the upper hand, having managed to kill most of its brethen with minimal injuries, it decided to go ahead and attack me.

I jumped back, fired my pistol at the ghoul - repeatedly - and even managed to hit it a couple of times. I was feeling weak, very weak. This wasn't good! The ghoul lunged at me and made for my gun-wielding arm. I did the only thing I could do - I shielded my face.

When its teeth tore through the fabric of my Brotherhood of Steel uniform and a few layers of flesh beneath it, I screamed, more in shock than pain. Pain? Hell, there was so much adrenaline I didn't feel pain! What I did feel was weakness, very overpowering fatigue.

Damn it! I pulled the trigger, hoping it'd be enough to at least get the ghoul to stop biting me. It did, but I wasn't much relieved. Clicking. It couldn't be good.

Already, I could feel the radiation seeping through my body and destroying what few healthy cells that still remained, but I dug my nails into my palms, trying to focus on the pain and keep myself conscious. The laser pistol in my hands was much heavier than it had ever been.

The ghoul opened its mouth and made a loud, screeching sound that made me want to cover my ears. But I didn't do it this time - I had learned the lesson Paladin Danse and Paladin Cannote had tried so hard to teach me.

You don't drop your weapon. Ever.

I pulled out the combat knife from its sheath and charged headfirst at the feral ghoul.

Danse stopped. "Nora, wait! That's not-!"

I couldn't stop to listen to whatever warning he had been going to give me. I had other things on my mind, like the glowing green ghoul in front of me.

Wait, glowing? Why was it like tha...? The rapid clicking from my Pip-Boy was more than I needed to know. The amount of radiation I was taking... Holy shit!

I stabbed the ghoul right into where I thought its heart should be. It in turn tried to bite into my neck, and with how close we were, I could only stop that by throwing him over my shoulder. I screamed in both pain and effort as I managed to throw the ghoul away. I had never tried this kind of move on a person before!

I kicked him in the face. Radiation! A lot of radiation! And I was bleeding... Shit. Shit! I kicked the ghoul again. Why was that thing still alive?!

"Danse?!" I rasped out, but my friend was busy with two regular ferals. Damn it!

I frantically grabbed my knife and managed to pull it out of the ghoul's body. I screamed again, stabbing him over and over again until I could feel almost nothing at all. There were some distressing white and red dots before my eyes. The Geiger counter of my Pip-Boy was over three-quarters of the scale!

It wasn't until a few seconds that I realized the ghoul was already dead and I was stabbing a corpse. The radiation hadn't gone away! Fuck!

I rolled away, coughing. By some extreme effort, I managed to get up to my knees, then actually stand up and attempt to get as far away from that thing as I could.

"I don't..." I blinked, trying to get rid of the blackness that was on the edges of my vision. I couldn't. Instead of following that line of thought, I broke into a coughing fit.

Immediately, Danse was by my side, terrified at my state, concerned beyond measure.

"You did good, Knight," he whispered, holding me in his arms when my legs gave out under my weight. I could barely focus on what was going on, but I registered that he ripped off the sleeve of my uniform and injected something into my forearm - a RadAway drip? A Stimpak? "You did good." Danse shook me gently. "Nora? You did good. I... I mean it, I do. You did good."

I coughed. Already, I could feel the drugs kicking in, but it was his words that I tried to focus on. I had done well, he was right.

"I deserve a promotion," I mumbled, and drifted off into the darkness.

oooOOO***OOOooo

Later that day, Elder Maxson promoted me to Knight-Sergeant.

Level up.
New rank: Brotherhood of Steel Knight-Sergeant - your energy weapons now do an additional 2 points of damage, and while wearing Brotherhood of Steel combat armor or power armor, you gain a +10% armor rating bonus.
New perk: Intense Training - your brutal experiences in the Commonwealth have hardened you. Gain 1 additional point of Endurance.