Hi guys,

so, I'm finally back. I hope you haven't forgotten about my story, though. Life has been crazy this last weeks and I really hadn't been able to write just *one word* And I'm really, really sorry for the delay! I hope you'll read this and review.

We're getting closer to the end and I'm hoping to get at least one, maybe two chapters up this week. My head is bursting with ideas for more storys, but I need your support now more than ever, because this break just messed with my head.

This chapter is a little shorter than what you're used to, but I hope you'll enjoy!

Yours, Yana

On different ways

- Chapter 21 -

As Joey opened her eyes Pacey looked down at her with a shy smile on his lips and eyes wide with amazement.

'Good morning gorgeous.' She smiled back and reached one hand up to caress his cheek.

Pacey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and frowned. 'You're still here.' He whispered deeply, with pure disbelieve in his voice and it made her wonder what had happened to this gorgeous man to turn him in such an uncertain person.

'Sure, babe, as I said: You're stuck with me now.' She smiled and it made him shiver deep inside. 'Anyway, where could I probably go?' She shrugged and than smirked. 'But most important, I wanted to be with you, why would I leave?'

She sneaked her hand around his neck and tried to pull him towards her for a long overdone good-morning kiss, but he pulled back and she narrowed her eyes.

'Pace?' She asked frowning and a wave of concern splashed over her head, as her heart began to beat faster. She pulled herself into a sitting position, didn't care that the duvet slid down her body, and looked him straight in the eyes. Stunned to find anxiety and fear in them.

He sucked in the inner of his upper lip and than led out a heavy breath. 'Because I'm not worth the trouble.' He whispered at length, avoiding her gaze. His heart beat fast and he felt all sick. This was the beginning of the end. Why, oh why wasn't he able to hold onto anything he loved? Why did he always seem to destroy anything good? Why the hell was he so fucked up, that he managed to screw this?

She looked at him with pure disbelieve and as he was about to get up she held tight onto his hand.

'What makes you say such things, Pace?' She tried to look into his eyes, but he had turned his face away from her, his fathers words echoing in his ears and he wanted nothing more than just flee. Just be out of here and prepare himself to not find her here in the evening. 'I love you, Pacey. I would have come here in the middle of the night had you asked me too.'

She turned so she could see his eyes, but Pacey looked down on the ground, running his hands through his hair. 'You are worth any trouble, Pace.' Her voice was soft and it seemed to reach out for him and Pacey wondered if he could dare to believe her as he felt her itching closer, running a hand over his back and he wished he could just let himself fall into her the way his heart craves for him to do. But he was suddenly so afraid. Afraid of being left behind once again and he knew, he just knew he wouldn't cope if she'd left him.

'Who had destroyed this in you, Pacey? This knowledge of how utterly wonderful you are? That you are worth everything... You're just about the smartest guy I've ever met...'

Pacey looked up to meet her eyes and what he saw almost blew his mind. She looked at him with such deep love he knew he could drown in it and she would safe him anytime, she would catch him if he fell – in fact she had done so the night before – she would be there regardless, unconditionally.

'I...' He began but in this moment he heard the tipping of his sons bare feet on the floor and smiled a somewhat sad smile at him. 'Hey, good morning little man.' He scooped him up and placed him onto his lap, wrapped his arms tight around his son and Daniel placed a kiss onto his fathers cheek.

'I love you dad.'

'Love you too, Danny.' He tousled his sons hair but to Joey it seemed halfhearted.

'Can I come cuddle under you duvet dad?' Daniel asked quietly and Pacey surprised Joey as shook his head.

'No buddy, I have to get to the Ice House, but I'm sure Joey here would love to cuddle with you a bit longer.'

Joey was about to protest. She loved Daniel, but right now she wanted to be with Pacey. She wanted him to be honest with her. She wanted to drive him to work and have him tell her what was on his mind. But Pacey stood and made his way towards the bathroom and so she lifted her duvet defeated.

'Come 'ere little man.' She smiled warmly at him, because really, the kid had nothing to do with it. 'Let's cuddle a while and than leave for Bessie's.' She said but shot Pacey a look.

The kid yawned and crawled under her covers, she tugged him in and as she laid her head beside the kid, she felt herself drifting to sleep yet again. As though she tried to fight it, she fell asleep.

Pacey came out of the bathroom to find his two most favorite people in the world cuddled together on his couch and his heart ached. He wondered how long he would be able to live this dream of his. How long she would actually stay and in this moment he wished nothing more than that he hadn't given in in his desire and longing after her. He knew it would break is sons heart if she left, not to speak of his own, but it wouldn't be the first time anyone had cracked him. But Joey... Joey got under his skin like no one had before. She was on his mind first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. She touched something deep inside and woke the hope that there was the chance of a better life even for him. He wanted her so much, he was almost sure he would be ready to marry her in a heartbeat just to make sure she wouldn't leave him. He surely was ready to have a family with her and it scared the burning hell out of him. He loved everything about her and he was just so deeply afraid that she would leave and prove his father right once more.

Pacey wanted to kiss her sleeping lips and his sons hair, but instead he just got out of the house and onto his bike.

Later this morning Joey sat on the outside bench in Bessie's garden and watched the children play, much like she had all those mornings back before she had left for Boston. Her thoughts were with Pacey. She couldn't help but wonder what had been on his mind earlier.

Bessie stood in the garden, chatting with Doug, who brought Amy and as the girl was playing along with Daniel she disappeared into the house.

Doug laid a hand onto Joey's shoulder.

'Everything okay?'

Joey nodded, but continued to stare at the children without seeing them really.

'You know, he has a hard time trusting anyone. Be gentle with him.' He squeezed her shoulder. Joey's head was spinning with so much questions and she wondered if Doug would actually tell her anything if she asked him about their father, but she knew Pacey had to tell her himself. And so she simply nodded, so Doug knew she heard him.

There was a long time of silence and than he patted her shoulder.

'Okay than. I'm out of here. Bye Joey.'

'Bye Doug.' She whispered, almost the first word she'd said the whole morning and than he was gone.

Bessie settled down beside her at length and placed a mocha in front of her, along with a bowl of fruit salad and a glass of orange juice.

'So, spill it now, won't you?' Her sister's voice was soft but it failed to reach her.

Joey shrugged, because what was there to tell anyway? They hadn't had an argument, he had just not been himself this morning, all insecure and so distant the thought alone made her all cold again even now.

'Joey?'

But she shook her head dismissively. ''tis nothing, really.' She continued to stare at the children but suddenly she rose and looked down on Bessie. 'I would like to take a walk if you don't mind.'

'Sure.' Bessie shrugged. 'I'll just pack the twins in their stroller and we're off...'

'No, Bess...' Joey pursed her lips and laid a hand on her sister's. 'I meant alone...'

'Oh... Okay, sure sis. Be safe.'

'Will do.' Joey said and felt her sisters stare on her back as she left.

As Joey reached the beach she took her shoes off and let the warm sand run through her toes. She took a deep breath and than she began to run. And she ran like she never did before. Her feet trampled the warm sandy ground, splashed creek-water up to her knees, the wind caressed her face, her heart beating like crazy, her breath came erratic. Her loose hair, flattering behind her, sweat ran down her whole body. And she ran as if it was for her life, and the further she ran the faster she seemed to get. It did her good, but she couldn't find the relief she'd sought.

At length she stopped and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Her side ached and breathing seemed to burn in her lungs, her heart beat like it was about to sprung from her chest. And she wiped with the back of her hand over her face to wipe the sweat away.

'Joey?' She heard a familiar voice and as she looked up she saw Pacey standing on the porch of the Ice House. She almost laughed, because she hadn't planned to come here, but her feet had brought her here nonetheless. Joey let herself slump onto the beach, placing the shoes she held in each hand down beside her, still trying to still her beating heart.

After a short while a shadow fell on her and than she felt him standing beside her, more than actually seeing it.

He laid a hand on her back and offered her a bottle of water, which she gratefully took and than she drank in deep gulps.

'Thanks.' She gave him an uncertain look. 'I'll be better off I guess...' With this she stood but he grabbed her hand and so she turned to look at him. He stood there, with a wide stance, appearing as if nothing could get to him, but his whole expression was one of utter uncertainty. This beautiful eyes of his, silently begging her to stay and she knew she'd lost.

'Please don't, Jo.' He muttered and so she turned and sat down again, because really, her legs were just hurting like hell.

'So...' She said and tried to catch his gaze, but he avoided her eyes. 'Would you please tell me what this morning was about?' Her voice was soft and nonjudgmental, she just asked him and it soothed his soul, that she wasn't about to pick an argument but simply asking him.

'My father, I guess...' He said, surprised himself by saying it as it were an everyday phrase rather than the hardest thing he'd ever said.

'Is this about the conversation you had with him yesterday?' She asked, looking up at him, standing there, hands in his pockets, looking out to the creek. He nodded.

'So tell me..'

But he shook his head. 'I... I'm not sure you really wanna hear it.' He swallowed and his voice was broken. 'I'm not sure I actually can tell you without falling apart.' He whispered. 'Sometimes it simply feels like to much to bear, really.' He continued his stare. 'Like it's crushing me inside all over every time I think about it.'

Her heart broke for him as she looked at him. This strong man and yet he seemed fragile. 'Look at me Pacey.' She begged but he shook his head.

'I can't, Jo.'

'Please.' She begged and as he turned his head, she saw tears glistening in his beautiful blue eyes and it broke her heart. She took his hand and he crouched down beside her. And she looked at him sideway, as if to look into his carefully guarded heart. Joey laid her other hand into his neck and played with his short hair. 'I love you without any conditions, Pace. I love you, because you make me laugh, because you give me a reason to drive down the road in the middle of the night.' She looked deeper into his eyes. 'I love you, because you make me feel loved and wanted and special. I love you for all the little things you do without even noticing it. For allowing me to be part of your life... And more important even, to be a part of you and Daniel, to be a family with the two of you.' She tilted her head and hoped with all her heart, that her words would somehow find their way to his heart and made him realize that she didn't played some cruel game with him, but that she actually wanted to stay. 'I love you, because you let me love you. I love you, because you're you.'

'But I'm not worth any of it, Jo.' He looked away and she felt as if he'd stabbed her. 'I'm a total looser, a screw-up, really. And if you'll just wait long enough, you will see it too.'

She frowned, feeling throughly defeated. 'I don't believe you.' She looked at him expectantly. 'Do you really believe, I came all the way down here for the guy you're talking about? Him I do not know.' She shrugged easily. 'I know the Pacey who raises his son all by his own and he does a really good job with it. The guy I'm talking about, he spent the last years fighting every day to pay his bills and somehow succeeded. He came to Boston, actually, for the girl he fell in love with and made her the happiest woman alive with giving her his heart. Recently he fulfills his life's dream and built a restaurant out of nothing and let me tell you this: It will be a great success too, because he believes in what he does and he is an awesome cook. Awesome guy if you're asking me.' She smiled at him but he avoided her gaze. 'You should meet him sometime.' She tried to lighten the mood but he wagged his head.

Pacey shrugged. 'I'm just so terrified Jo...' And she was surprised to see his eyes filled with tears yet again as he finally looked at her.

'But why are you terrified, Pace?'

He took a shivering breath and she threaded her fingers through his and he smiled a shy smile, while a tear ran over his cheek. She gently wiped it away with her other hand, silently waiting for him to open up to her.

'That you will realize what a big mistake you'd made, letting yourself get involved with somebody like me. That you realize, that I'm going to be the biggest disappointment in your life... That you will just leave me behind, like everybody else did...'

'You're afraid of me leaving you?' She asked, her voice clearly soaked with disbelieve and as he nodded she frowned. 'Pacey, I came here for you, I won't just leave you! In fact I wanted to ask you, if you would like to move in with me, but you've made it very clear this morning, that...'

She couldn't finish her sentence, because his lips crushed down on hers and she moaned into the kiss as he pulled her onto his lap and held her as tight as possible. His warms wrapped around her body.

'I'm... totally... sweat-soaked, Pace...' She muttered into the kiss but he just smiled.

He broke the kiss and rested his head on her shoulder. 'So you won't leave?'

She ran her fingers through his hair and placed a soft kiss into it. 'I have no intention to do so... Unless you behave like this morning, leaving me wonder all day what I did wrong.'

'You did nothing wrong, babe... It's just...' He took a deep breath and she shifted on his lap so she could lift his head to look into his eyes again.

'It's just what, Pacey?'

He swallowed hard and blinked several times. 'I've grown up hearing every day what a screw up I was. I flunked out of high school and as I finally managed to get myself an education, I became a father instead.' Pacey took a deep shivering breath and it was obvious how hard it was for him to speak about this. 'My father just said the most terrible things yesterday and well... He basically dumped me.'

'He did what?' Joey's eyes were wide with surprise and she just couldn't believe what he said. How could a father dump his child?

'He said I wasn't his son anymore.' Pacey's voice cracked but he got a defiant look on his face. 'I don't care.'

'Yeah, I see that.' Joey shook her head. And kissed his forehead. 'Just know I won't leave you, if you stay right the guy you are. I love you a whole lot and I've waited so long for you to allow yourself to love me back, I'm not going anywhere despite you wanting me to.'

He held her close. 'Please don't, Joey. Please don't go.'

'I won't, I promise.' She kissed him again and than they sat there for a long time, wrapped in one anthers arms, neither of them wanting to let go just yet.

Please review!