TWENTY-ONE – The Dueling Club

Dumbledore

McGonagall

Sprout

Flitwick

Snape

Lockhart

Potter is up to something again, Headmaster.

What makes you say that, Severus?

He let a firework loose in class today and now I'm missing a few things from my stores.

What are those few things?

Bicorn horn and boomslang skin.

That would mean making Polyjuice, Severus. You think Potter's capable of that? He's a second year!

I believe Potter perfectly capable of thinking he was capable.

For the last time, Severus, he doesn't –

I think the accusation you're making is a rather serious one, Severus. Did you actually see Mr. Potter run into your office? Or did he leave with his bag looking bigger?

No, but –

Well there you have it!

I did lose track of Granger for a few moments, and she looked a bit… off at the end of class.

…Off? How so?

I'd rather not say.

Come off it! If you don't explain your point I'll think you made it up!

Why would I make that up?

Are you really asking me that question, Severus?

Fine! She looked a bit, shall we say, "top heavy"?

I'm not sure whether I want to laugh or seriously question where your eyes wander. You didn't think to ask her?

I am not a fellow female, Minerva, therefore me asking such a thing would be rather inappropriate, wouldn't it? Will you take me seriously, Dumbledore, or not?

Oh, I don't think Mr. Potter and his friends could do any harm. Your stolen stocks are easy enough to replace. I think it best we don't draw attention, don't you?

Oh, yes. Imagine if the Weasley twins found out all it took was a firework to get into your private stores, Severus!

Charming, Minerva. Imagine if the Weasley twins found out about your stock of –

Enough from you. Don't you have another class in two minutes?

Oddly enough, the twins are in that class. I do hope the aforementioned bit of information doesn't just slip out of my mouth as I'm checking their potions…

If it does, I've got enough on you to retaliate. Keep that in mind.

…

Does he know you've given Lockhart the go-ahead on the dueling club, Albus?

Not yet.

And does he know that you intend on having him supervise?

Not yet.

Oh, this is going to be good!

I've wonderful news, my coworkers!

Would anyone like to kill me quickly?

Only if you'll kill me first.

That'd be a rather difficult feat. However would you plan to manage it, Pomona?

I said I have wonderful news!

Yes, yes, Gilderoy. We saw the first time.

Aren't you curious as to what it is?

I have the most marvelous feeling you'll tell us one way or another.

Dumbledore's given permission to start the dueling club I suggested!

Oh, goody. Let's get dozens of students sent down to Poppy, I'm sure she'll be thrilled.

Nonsense, nonsense! I doubt anyone will have to be sent down to Madame Pomfrey. I am leading the club, after all!

I'm sure you'll do just as well healing these students as you did Potter after the Quidditch match.

On the note of the club, it's come to my attention that I'll require someone else to demonstrate dueling to the students.

Duel you?

I know it's quite a frightening prospect, but I promise I won't be too hard on anyone!

Actually get to throw a curse at you?

I'm afraid that Minerva will be busy at the time we discussed, Gilderoy.

Will I be?

Yes.

I'll have to discuss that with you…

It is not a matter open for discussion.

Actually, I was planning on taking your suggestion from the last time we discussed the club, Minerva. Severus, would you be willing?

Oh, great Merlin's beard…

I am very much unwilling, Lockhart.

What if Severus did whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing at the time of the club meeting and then I could –

NO, Minerva!

Come on, just one tiny little hex and that's all!

Guess my answer, Minerva.

You infuriating old man! I'll send one "tiny" little hex in your direction and then –

Come now, Severus! As head of Slytherin, it might be a very good idea for you to be seen ASSISTING the resistance toward Slytherin's heir and –

Just what are you suggesting, Lockhart?

Uh oh… Minerva! Come quick! If Severus goes in for the kill you can see it better from my office!

I'm out of floo powder, Pomona.

I'll lend you some if it means getting to THAT office…

You did not answer me before, Lockhart. What are you suggesting?

Nothing! Merely that students may be more frightened by the Slytherin House and therefore its head and –

Severus takes great pride in installing fear in the hearts of all the students, Gilderoy. You're hardly convincing him.

I think it a fine idea for you to co-lead the dueling club, Severus.

Ah! See! Can't say no to the headmaster, can we? Come now, a simple demonstration! I'll do the rest!

Demonstration…

Oh, how I envy you at the moment, Severus…

Very well, Lockhart. I will demonstrate dueling to the children with you.

Good man!

Author's Note

To anyone thinking along the lines of, "OMG! Snape totes wouldn't say/notice that!": First of all, Snape notices just about everything, in case you didn't notice while reading the books. Secondly, Hermione is described as coming out of the office with "the front of her robes bulging." Any girl knows what that means, therefore... Deal with it. :P

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