Severus' smile immediately faded, as he realized that Harry was not the only friend of Hermione's who would want answers. "Harry," the tall man said reluctantly, "you should probably go inform Professors Lupin and McGonagall of recent events."
The Headmaster beamed at him. "Don't worry, Severus, I took care of that. In fact, I'm surprised they haven't already—"
Bang!
The double doors leading into the corridor burst open, banging into the wall with such force that they almost fell off their hinges. "Where is she?"
The three men looked up to see Lupin flying toward them, McGonagall following anxiously in his wake. Harry swallowed nervously, his hand clutching instinctively at his wand. Professor Lupin's lycanthropy was not something you remembered in everyday conversations with the gentle man, but at this moment Harry was grateful to be shielded by two powerful wizards. The werewolf's grey eyes were blazing, and the aura of physical strength emanating from him was so frightening that even Dumbledore and Snape had gripped their wands a bit more tightly.
Snape responded cautiously. "She's with Poppy, but she's going to be fine, Rem." The emergence of the familiar nickname combined with the reassurance helped to calm the DADA teacher.
Lupin's brow furrowed as he studied the other man closely. "What aren't you telling me, Severus?"
The black eyes closed as he winced in frustration. "I used to be better at avoiding things," he grumbled. He looked back up. "She is, apparently, pregnant, and Poppy's not sure the baby will survive."
McGonagall let out a very unexpected squeak, running over to Severus and pulling him to her for a hug as tears poured down her face. Wide-eyed, Harry watched everything from his seat. His professors were all behaving like real people; it was very strange.
At that moment, Poppy slipped out of the infirmary, holding up a calming hand as everyone clustered around her. "Just listen for a moment," she said firmly. She glanced around the group before her gaze locked onto Snape's. Giving him an empathetic look, she said softly, "I'm sorry Severus, we lost the baby."
Severus stumbled backward, only peripherally aware of Minerva's hand holding his arm in a death grip. His head was spinning. Blinking, he turned to the mediwitch and demanded anxiously, "How is Hermione?"
Poppy sighed. "She's been through a lot, even without adding a miscarriage. She's been hit with a large amount of Dark Magic, she was physically injured, and she has been abruptly returned to a time she thought she would never see again. You know there is nothing I can do to alleviate the residue of the Dark—that can only happen with time. Unfortunately, it is not helping her already shaky mental state." She looked at Severus intently. "Her baby is dead; she's a little confused, and more than a bit upset. She's terrified of your reaction to her appearance and her news. I think it will do her good to see all of you, but be gentle." She herded them to the door, warning, "You have ten minutes."
Severus hung back, allowing the others to enter first. He wasn't leaving in ten minutes anyway; he had decided he would stun Poppy if necessary. Remus flew in first, running to the slight figure on the bed. He sat down beside her, touching her hair affectionately. "Hello, kitten," he murmured. "It's good to see you again."
Her face showed signs of exhaustion both physical and emotional, but she gave him a faint smile, saying softly, "Hey, Rem, I've missed you." She let out a rusty chuckle. "Even if it's only been a day since I've seen you, from my point of view," she added. She jerkily extended her hand, and he caught it gently. "You got old," she commented matter-of-factly.
He laughed. "I've missed you too," he said teasingly. "There's been no one to keep me modest; I've become downright egomaniacal." She rolled her eyes and squeezed his hand.
"Is Harry still there?" she asked hoarsely, and Harry scurried to the foot of the bed.
"Hi, Herms," he said softly. "You look good."
Her lips quirked at his doubtful tone. "Just say it; I look weird," she groaned, ignoring his protests. "No, it's okay, I've aged five years in… How long was I gone?"
"Two and a half weeks." This was from McGonagall, and Hermione's eyes lit up at the sight of her.
"Minerva," she greeted her happily. Suddenly disoriented, she craned her neck, examining the group. "Where's Severus?" she asked fearfully.
The crowd parted as he glided forward, moving into Remus' seat at her bedside. "I'm right here, love," he whispered. His eyes narrowed warily as he added, "I suppose I've gotten old, too."
"Not old," she whispered, stroking his face with a trembling hand. "Just tired." She lowered her eyes sadly. "I'm so sorry," she whispered slightly incoherently. "I left you alone, and I didn't mean to, but I knew it had to happen, since I knew there wasn't an adult me running around Hogwarts during my school years. I should have told you."
Her eyes were fixed on Severus, and she hardly noticed as Dumbledore cleared his throat gently. "We'll leave you two, before Poppy comes and hauls us out," he said cheerfully.
She nodded, but her focus remained on her husband. "It was great to see you guys," she murmured. "Next time, convince Ron to come if you can."
"Oh no! Ron!" Harry shouted, suddenly remembering his friend. The adults laughed as he sprinted out of the hall, and began slowly following in his wake.
Remus was the last to leave, leaning over to press a kiss on her forehead. "You better not pull this again, kitten," he whispered, only half teasing.
She cringed. "I hope to God I never do," she breathed, patting Remus on the head.
Finally the room was empty save for the couple, staring at each other in a combination of awe and bewilderment, unsure of where to start. Severus took a deep breath. "I never blamed you for leaving, Hermione," he said honestly. "I knew you hadn't left of your own free will—" He cut himself off, distracted. "What exactly happened?" he asked curiously.
She shuddered. "I met your father," she answered.
Severus leaned back in the chair, anger slowly suffusing his face as he put everything together. "I played right into his hands," he groaned angrily.
With a knowing nod, she said in a slightly timid tone, "That was when you joined Voldemort… wasn't it?"
He clenched his jaw tightly and nodded. "Hermione—" Severus started earnestly, only to be stopped by her finger on his lips, slowly stroking them in fascination.
"We need to talk, Severus, and we will talk soon," she assured him. "But for now, I was sure I was going to die, and I just want to celebrate the fact that we are together when I thought I would never see you again." She moved her hand to rest at the nape of his neck, pulling him down for a sweet kiss, full of sadness and relief, happiness and confusion. As they separated, breathing heavily, she whispered, "Do you think you could sneak me out of here? Poppy can't do anything more for me, and nothing would help me feel right more than sleeping next to you again."
He bowed gallantly. "Your wish is my command," he answered smoothly, scooping her into his arms.
She nuzzled her head into the hollow between his neck and shoulder, murmuring, "I will make up for those twenty years, Sev."
He kissed the top of her head tenderly as they headed for the dungeon. "You already have, love," he whispered emphatically. "You already have."
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Severus awoke early the next morning to the sound of sobbing coming from the bathroom. He hastily threw off the comforter and climbed out of bed, blearily following the sound of his wife's grief. He quietly opened the bathroom door, feeling a pang in his heart at the sight of Hermione crumpled against the bathtub, tears streaming down her face. Moving quickly to her side, he knelt and murmured, "Why are you crying?"
She jumped, startled, and cringed away from him unthinkingly. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she said brokenly, "I'm sorry, sir… Severus. I had completely differentiated Professor Snape from my Severus, and now all of a sudden everything's all jumbled."
It was Severus' turn to cringe. "Hermione," he began helplessly, pausing a moment before trying again. "I know I am not the man you married…"
She placed her hand firmly over his lips, horrified. "That's not at all what I was saying!" she exclaimed. "The outer layers have changed, have deepened, but you still have the same heart. I know that. It's just…" She trailed off and turned away, running her fingers along the porcelain rim of the tub. "I called him Stephen."
He blinked, confused by the apparent non sequitur. Like a rush of icy wind, he remembered. "The baby?" he asked quietly, pulling her into his arms, unable to stand the lost look on her tear-stained face.
She nodded, her nose pressing into his chest. Muffled by the flannel of his pajama top, he hardly heard her whisper, "I'm sorry."
He stuck a finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "It was not your fault, love," he said firmly.
She opened her mouth as if to argue, but then her face crumpled. "I just can't believe he's gone," she gasped. "It happened so fast, and I couldn't p-p-protect him." Her body trembled as she clung to him. "I just learned for sure that he was there, only to have him taken away from me."
Severus pulled her even closer, tucking her head under his chin and stroking her hair. "I am so sorry this happened, love," he murmured hoarsely. "I'm sorry my father did this to you."
She backed away, studying his face, finding equal amounts of guilt and anger in his eyes. "Severus, you couldn't have known, you can't blame yourself," she said softly, sniffling. Seeing his eyes darken, she added firmly, "Neither can you go hunting for revenge."
His face hardened as he stared at her. "I will do as I please, just as I have done for the past seventeen years," he snapped.
Her recently regained composure abruptly disappeared, and she flew to her feet. Standing over him unsteadily, she accused, "You are angry that I left you."
He couldn't control the emotions swirling within him, emotions he thought he would never feel again. The past seventeen years had made him a master of shutting off his feelings, pushing it all down deep enough that the knife edge of pain dulled to a small throbbing in his mind. Nothing had prepared him for this seething mass of love, frustration, guilt, anger, pain, confusion, and fear currently smothering him, and he dealt with it the only way he knew how. He stood and bellowed, "Of course I'm angry! You disappeared, damnit! I don't care that it wasn't your fault, that doesn't change the fact that my life is what it is today because of you!" Everything else remained unspoken, but they both heard the end of his tirade in their heads. I became a Death Eater because of you… My life was shattered because of you…
Hermione let out a strangled gasp, clinging to the countertop as her legs threatened to give out beneath her. "I told you… I knew why you treated me the way you did in school," she whispered, the words echoing harshly in the wake of Severus' shouts. "I know I hurt you, Severus, but you have to know that I never would have done so intentionally."
He shook his head, dismissing her arguments. "You knew what would happen to me," he said coldly. "Perhaps you didn't know the details, but you knew what I would become. Why couldn't you have just left me alone?" Even as he spoke the words something inside him was screaming, telling him to stop, telling him to let it go before she left for good this time. The larger part of him ignored it, thinking only, 'By the gods, she will not hurt me again. She will see what I am and she will leave and it will hurt even more because it is her choice. She was just delirious last night, she doesn't want me. She will not hurt me again.'
His wife staggered backwards as if he had slapped her. "You don't mean that," she moaned. "Severus, I'm sorry that your life has been hard, but I can help." She moved toward him, reaching with a shaking hand. He flinched at first, at her touch. "Please, Severus," she whimpered, "I can't do this right now… I can't lose Stephen and you too… Please."
Remembering what Poppy had said the previous day about her mental state, he choked down a sudden rush of guilt. There were things to be said, but this was certainly not the time. In one quick movement, he pulled her to his chest, holding her close. "I'm sorry, Hermione," he said stiffly. "I forget this hasn't been easy for you, either."
She tilted her head up and gazed at him steadily. "You aren't the only one who has been robbed of seventeen years," she whispered. "He took them from me, too." She burrowed into his chest. "Please, just hold me. I'm here, you're here, we're together—that's all I want to think about right now."
Severus stroked her hair soothingly as he stared at their reflection in the mirror. Hermione's small form was pressed against him, her frame overwhelmed by the sheer volume of hair tumbling down her shoulders. Her face was in profile, her smooth cheek resting against the coarse fabric of his dressing gown. She looked like a doll, a child. And then there was him, he who had not been good enough for her from the start, now greasy, scarred and bitter. And with his arms wrapped firmly around her, the sleeve of his robe had pulled sufficiently to show a glimpse of the Dark Mark.
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"Hermione, do you know what the Dark Mark is?"
"Is that what this is about? Severus, you know I cannot tell you any more about your future; you already know too much, and I can assure you that knowing everything before it happens will drive you crazy. I can tell you that I know more about you than most people do, and I firmly believe what I have told you before. You are a decent person, Severus, a good person. You aren't a nice person, or a cuddly one, and you never will be, but when I said I didn't know why you treated me the way you did, that was unfair. I am pretty sure that I understand why your older self acted the way he did, and it wasn't out of cruelty or spite."
"Hermione, I am frightened by what I will be."
"Who isn't?"
"As long as you believe in me, I can't go dark. I know that much for sure."
"Then you just need to remember that I will always believe in you, no matter what happens. Severus, I am more sure of your inherent moral worth than anything in the world. Don't be afraid of the future."
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Tearing his gaze from their reflections, he slowly guided the exhausted woman to bed. 'Hermione, I don't know how you can believe in me, but Merlin help me, I need it even though I do not deserve it. If you lose that faith in me, I don't know what I will do.
'But I know it will not be pretty.'
A/N: Many thanks to Ammarine and Alex25. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! Sorry to the many reviewers that wrote in favor of a happy birth. That little baby created quite the controversy! Alas, 'twas not meant to be. --Piton
Responses to Questions:
Kou Shun'u: Don't misunderstand my self-deprecating humor--I love when you point out my inconsistencies! I don't mind making them as long as I am aware of what I am doing. You definitely called it with the baby. Poor Hermione, life's gotten awfully complicated. I'm still working on Ron... he'll show up next chapter. And, yes, Secondus is most definitely still alive. We haven't seen the last of him. Thanks for the lovely review, as always!
Chainmailgrl: Hmm, not entirely sure what you're asking... Sev's dad used a very Dark spell to send her back to the present time, mostly in order to con Sev into taking the Dark Mark. Crafty, cunning man... Anyway, if that didn't answer your question, just shoot me another review saying "Lyn, you dunderhead! That's not what I was asking!" Thanks for the review. :)
Vickie211: Glad you liked the chapter so much! Yay! As for a Sev and Dumbledore confession scene, we'll have to wait and see... There is a series of flashbacks coming up, and while that isn't one that occurred to me, I like it... Good call!
DraginLover: Yup, that's exactly what happened. Bad Secondus!
RedHeadDoxy: Well, we'll just have to wait and see about that, won't we? ;)
Eiseman04: The next five chapters are thoroughly outlined, and then after that I'm guessing there will be... eh... about four or five more. So, probably about ten more all together. Don't hold me to that, though! Thanks for the review!
ladyshoes1: Thanks for the review! "Book of Days" is a great fic, and I'm really flattered to hear from you!
Kaaera: What a great review! I am so glad you like the fic. I think most of your questions were answered in this chapter, except I can tell you Hermione will tell Harry about his godmother at some point. Enjoy the chapter!
Fury: I was kind of waiting for that criticism, because that snippet was kind of added at the last minute. Snape's internal conflicts are so hard to write because he's not exactly the type of person to share his feelings with anyone else, yet still feels so strongly. I've been doing some minor editing of the fic before posting chapters on Ashwinder, so I think I'll probably expand that scene some before then. Thanks for the review... on both websites!
MIss Elvira: I'm a little frightened... /sets down new chapter and runs like hell/