Author's Note: Hi all, I know it's been a while. I hope you enjoy the chapter. The song is by John Mayer. Glad to be back writing and I'd love to hear what you all think about it. Thanks for sticking with me. MNF

Chapter 19:

Age of Worry

Tuesday, March 7, 1978

Hogwarts

James POV:

None of us were eager to return to Hogwarts except for Peter, which we considered strange, he being the only one of us who wasn't part of the horrible attacks or the aftermath. All I could figure was he hadn't been traumatised as we all had been. That being said, Peter was never studious either, and while the rest of us were worried about our NEWT's, he didn't care about them either. Apparently, from listening to him talk with Mum and Dad, he simply wanted to go back to the castle and tell everyone about what the rest of us had done and suffered. I'd spoken with Dad about it, and he was as concerned by it as I.

I was completely healed, except for a nagging cough which I was promised would go away in a few weeks. While most of my friends were generally appalled and distraught about what had happened within the Hogwarts walls, it didn't surprise Sirius, George or me. Dad had never hidden the atrocities that were occurring throughout the Wizarding world from us; therefore, having similar actions happen at school wasn't surprising, it felt more inevitable. I always knew we'd be forced to take sides, and I never doubted where I or my de-facto siblings would fall.

George had gained back her strength because Mum wouldn't let her do anything other than revise and rest. Mum had also dosed her with a special 'weight gaining' potion to go along with the mountains of food she'd been cooking this week; Eliza, Remus and Sibby had been busy in the kitchens with her. I hadn't realised just how much of the burden she was bearing all these months until I heard about how sleep deprived, underweight and stressed she was when I awoke in St. Mungo's. She was in worse physical shape than I was, and I'd been tortured. Looking at her now, however, bent over a diagram with Remus, she looked like the girl I grew up with, except she appeared so much older than eighteen. She looked more like someone ten years older.

Sirius had been both irritated and irritating the first few days we were home from hospital. He blamed himself, he blamed the school, he even blamed Remus because he wasn't with Lil and me. It was rather stupid to blame him for that, considering he was with George and another prefect from Ravenclaw. Lily and I shouldn't have been in any danger, being in a classroom in the middle of the castle, only steps away from Professors McGonagall and Flitwick's rooms.

Dad finally sat Sirius down and told him to get over it. He did when it was laid out just how weak his fiancée had become, and how it was time to 'man up' and take care of her. He needed to shoulder some of the work so her health didn't devolve into a serious illness. Although he'd sustained another head injury, there was no concussion and he was quickly back to health.

Sirius had always been the unofficial leader of the Marauders. He was the one with the best prank ideas, and often had the magical know-how to pull them off. He also had the ability to sweet-talk anyone, including the Headmaster and our Head of House. This was a very useful skill. After speaking with Dad, it seemed he had slipped into a supporting role, ceding the directing to George and me. He was helpful and attentive as I worked out who would be walking with whom to classes as George and Remus worked on their current project. Sirius, while still cracking jokes, had learned when to use his ingenuity for good. I hoped he'd still have a little pranking life left in him, the whole school was going to need something to laugh at when we got back. As the undisputed masters of the prank, I felt we owed some levity to them.

Sibby, and by extension Fergus, had picked up some of the 'mothering' duties George needed off her shoulders. She rarely, if ever, let Lily or Eliza out of her sight - even at my parents' house. The other two girls were fragile now, and Sibby was the girlfriend they both needed. Fergus came over after his work at St. Mungo's, bringing with him gossip from the hospital as well as any needed potions that the healer had prescribed to any of us. He ended up sleeping here most nights as well. It seemed the girls were happier having all the protection they could gather.

Remus was often with the one, two or all three of the girls, George being the only one who didn't need his shoulder to rest against or cry on. He watched their movements carefully, and would shift to make sure he was in their sight lines. I didn't doubt he'd continue doing it when we returned to the castle. He'd also suggested, when it was just Sirius with us, that as much as he hated the wolf in him, there were benefits to it. He was always the first to be aware of danger and heard things that we didn't. While he didn't want to hurt anyone with this part of himself, he did want to exploit the gifts it gave him. We'd gone out into the forests and had started testing what his 'wolf senses' would give him. Knowing how much he loathed the werewolf part of him, it amazed me that he'd embrace it just to keep the rest of us safer. As my mum often reminded George, Sirius and me when we were little: true, unconditional love between friends is stronger than even the bonds of family. Remus was proof.

Little Eliza had me worried, as it seemed she was frightened by her own shadow now. Peter had continued to berate her, demand that she get back together with him and generally made her uncomfortable. Add her worries about returning to school and wondering if she'd be safe, I was worried she'd simply combust from fear. Mum had taken her to a healer as well, one who specifically dealt with anxiety and depression, and now Eliza was on a mild calming draught as well. Her parents wanted to pull her from school, let her take her exams privately and be done with it. They had houses on the continent, and I suspected they wouldn't remain in Britain. While this disturbed me to no end, Dad explained that it was the same when Grindelwald had began his rise. Families with enough gold and who did not want to take sides simply left. I hoped the Houghtons weren't going to follow suit.

Of all of us, the worst off was my Lily. While she had physically healed from the injuries of that night - the boils were gone and her skin was nearly back to normal from where the hexes had cut her open - her emotional scars were barely healed and scabbed. She clung to me now, even if it was simply to go from room to room. The only time she wasn't in some form of physical contact with me was when one of us was using the loo.

While Severus didn't have time to assault her in any of the ways he was taunting me with, Lily had lost her clothes and was touched by Mavis and Annabelle. We'd barely been able to kiss since then, let alone embrace. I attended some of her sessions with her, and had others when I was with a different therapist, talking about my role in her healing. They'd warned me that some women never completely recover from situations like this. I prayed that wasn't the case with Lily. She was so strong, so assured before this, I just needed to help her find that part of her again. I vowed to remain with her, regardless of what the future might bring. I still wanted to marry her, to give her my name, to grow old with her. I didn't want her returning to Hogwarts, but both she and her healer were adamant this was a huge part of her healing. I pulled her close and kissed her crown again, hoping that we all weren't playing with fire by returning to the castle. The action caused her to tug at her new, short pixie haircut. Mum and the girls assured her it was quite fashionable, and in time her hair would grow back. I distinctly felt as if she didn't believe them.

"Pete, come over and look at this," Remus called and I too stood up and went to look at the diagram. Two nights ago we guys decided it would be best to have the girls move into our room for the rest of the term. Lily was going to have to be with me, since she awoke screaming if I wasn't there and George wasn't about to give up sleeping with her fiancé, even if they were forced to cede their private quarters. Peter surveyed the diagram and looked at the pair with a sort of half-formed sneer.

"My spot is so small," he complained.

"You wanted privacy," Remus reminded him. "There's only so much we can give you. Look, Eliza, Sibby and I are all sharing a wardrobe so you can have this." Moony had so much more patience than either Pads or I did. If it were up to me, I'd have sent him down to the sixth year dorms already.

"Why do they have to move in anyway?" Peter whinged.

"Because, we've got two engaged couples who want to be together and two other girls who are frightened of being attacked again. If this is what makes them feel better, then so be it. I thought you'd been friends with Sibby and Eliza most of your life," Remus said.

"I thought Lizzy loved me, but it turns out I was wrong. Could be I'm wrong about lots of things," he said darkly.

"You certainly are," George muttered under her breath.

"There you go again!" Pete yelled. "What have I ever done to you, Perri?" He stood when he said the name she hated.

"You went back to using that blasted name!" she yelled back. "Furthermore, you're making one of MY best friends uncomfortable. She broke up with you, get over it!"

"We all can't be as lucky as you, Perri," he taunted again. This time Sirius stood and put his hands on his fiancée's shoulders.

"Leave her alone, Peter," he said more as an order than a request. "She's done more for you than you could possibly know." I got up from my place next to Lily on the loveseat in the lounge and walked across the room to where George and Remus had the diagram.

"Alright, everyone, settle down," I said while picking up the paper. "Pete, it seems they've given you a fair share of room, more than any of the rest of us have. I definitely think this is going to work, although we're down to two shower stalls with eight people. This should make mornings interesting."

"We'll just make up a bathroom schedule and charm the taps to turn off when someone's turn is over. The other thing is that we girls could simply bathe and change in our old room," George remarked as Sirius flung himself over the back of the sofa and sat down next to her. Good thing Mum hadn't seen him, as she'd have had his hide over it.

I studied the diagram more, and noticed a glaring omission. "Where is the brew kit?"

"In the girls' dorm," Georgie told me. "Only place large enough for it. Lily, Sibby and I will manage the brewing and then let you gents do the charming when it's done. Should have been doing that from the beginning," she added quietly and I gently swatted her head with the plans.

"Come on, you lot," Dad called from the hallway, "you've only got thirty minutes to get back."

"You'll be back in a little over two weeks for the Easter holiday," Mum said, trying to sound cheerful. I knew she didn't want us going back. I rarely heard my parents yelling, but they were loudly discussing this subject the other night. "Things should be quiet up there until then." I certainly hoped she was right.

We'd wasted the majority of the day lounging around the house, but we needed to be back in the castle by five. Slowly, we all stood, grabbed our rucksacks and then said goodbye to Mum and Dad. Remus picked up one of the sacks which held our shrunken bags of clothes and personal items while Sirius grabbed the other. Dad produced yesterday's Daily Prophet as the Portkey, and without our usual excitement, my arm tightly around Lily, we returned to Hogwarts.

BTB BTB BTB BTB BTB

The House tables were over half empty at supper that night. Usually the returning feasts were happy affairs; this was anything but. The Slytherins were even subdued and lacking numbers, although I suspected their parents had pulled them for entirely different reasons.

"Are there any first years left in our house?" Sibby asked George.

"None, and we've only got two second year boys. They're moving into the third year boys dorm, since there are only two of them as well. No girls in any of the years. Professor McGonagall was hopeful that more will return after the Easter holiday. I somehow doubt it. All the fifth years are here because of their OWL's and we're back because of the NEWT's, but if they're not going to need to sit an exam, I don't think they're coming back." I wondered for the first time if George wished she wasn't here. Then again, with her family split as they were, being with them probably wasn't safe either.

"At least you don't have to do prefect rounds anymore," Sirius stated, nudging his fiancée to eat more. I'd watched her too, a few forkfuls went in, but mostly she just pushed the food around. At his insistence, however, she did eat more of her roast beef and peas.

"True," Remus said, "but we've got Hit Wizards walking the halls and Aurors patrolling the grounds. I don't know how I feel about it. Getting out for the full moon is going to be tough." His voice had dropped down for the last bit.

"Thankfully this month we'll be at my house," I reminded him. "We'll deal with whatever comes next month. We can all Apparate if we need to."

"I can't," Peter said rather indignantly. I'd forgotten he still hadn't passed his exam. It had been nearly a year, and he went into the Ministry nearly every month and failed spectacularly.

"Sirius or I can take you," I said.

"Sorry I'm such a bother," he huffed before he stood and angrily walked off.

"I swear, he's getting odder and odder," Sibby observed. "I know it's not nice to say, but I don't like being around him."

"That makes two of us," Eliza added.

"Yeah, but you have a good reason," Sibby said. "I'll be glad when we're done with school. Anyone know what Pete has decided to do with his life?" We all shook our heads. We knew less and less about him, what he did with his time when he wasn't with us or even what he aspired to.

When supper was over, the rest of us went upstairs. We'd had a little over an hour before we went down to eat, and we'd gotten the room organised and furniture moved. With eight wands working together, it took almost no time. The door was shut to Peter's cubby-hole and none of us wanted to deal with him right now. Instead, we discussed what we'd like to attempt to brew next and wondered aloud about what our classes would be like when they resumed tomorrow.