Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Twilight series by SMeyer.
Hey guys. Fuck me. Literally. I was so God damn tired yesterday I slept until 2 in the afternoon and then played Unreal Tournament the rest of the day because I hated people SO MUCH my only option to get my anger out was to kill computer-generated people.
The trip was fucking HORRIBLE! I know you guys said it would be okay but it WASN'T! Next time say it'll suck so that it will be really good. I'm not going to give you guys the whole story because it would be 30 pages in itself but I just need to rant to SOMEBODY. So basically it was the daughter of my step-dad. My step-sister who was getting married. She wanted me to take pictures for me because I do pro photos on the side. But apparently she also told her brother—my step-brother that he could, so anybody who tried to take pictures he practically ripped their head off! Why did I waste a plane ticket if he was going to do all of it! So I didn't get any photos for her and she's going to be breathing down my neck once she gets back from her honeymoon! Everything was SO expensive because of the economy and I couldn't believe that she did that to me! There was SO much alcohol at the party there were enough drunkards for an AA meeting. The only people who hit on me where drunk idiots who wouldn't remember me tomorrow and I hung around with two people the entire night—my other step-sister and her husband who are SO AMAZING. They were the only good part of the entire wedding! I knew I hated weddings and this is the whole reason why! There is no way in HELL I am getting married. What a waste of money and time! Let's just honeymoon instead!
ARGH! It was miserable. But now I'm back. For a couple days. I'll tell you guys more about that later. Enjoy this really long chapter! I liked it! Finally Jared gets a personality! A helpless, lonely little teenage boy! Woohoo!
The Purple Sea Lion
~*~*~
"So when are you going to tell me about all the werewolf stuff?" I wondered, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.
Jared seemed to be something of a car guy, explaining to me as we exited his house that the dark blue truck sitting in the driveway was his. It had gone from a broken down, brown and rusting car to the shiny, sealed and far more…sporty car that it was now. I supposed in a town this small getting involved with cars was a smart way to stay out of trouble and also learn ways to save money. Plus he just seemed really good at it.
"I'll tell you whenever you want. But I thought you wanted to hear it all on a full stomach."
"I want to hear it now. I mean, I've been denying it for long enough. At least give me something to chew on for a little while."
"Well…what do you want to hear?"
"Why don't you start from the beginning? Like how did it happen? And what did it feel like? And how long did it last? Do you like it? What's the best part? Is it as…interesting as it sounds?" I said in one breath.
"Whoa, calm down, Kim-ster. We have plenty of time. Why don't you tell me what you thought of my parents?" He smirked in the darkness of the cab.
"You never told me what you thought of mine."
"Fair enough. I think your mom is awesome. She makes the best macaroni salad. Seriously, I could eat that stuff all day. But I think your dad needs to take a valium. He's kind of…high-strung." He was pretty merciless.
"Agreed. But that's where all my sisters get it. I'm the only one that's really taken after my mom. Well, my older sister Michelle did. But she got more high-strung once she went to college. Started worrying about grades and got all crazy." I rolled my eyes.
"And what about my parents? I'm sure you have something you want to say about them. Like everybody else." Jared snorted.
"Sorry." I apologized beforehand. "I was expecting them to be weird. Like everybody has always said. Sorry."
"I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. People like to say they're 'strangers.' Why is it that just because they left this God awful town they're suddenly enemies to everybody?"
"I bet they're all just jealous because they never got out of here."
"Probably. You thought my parents were strange, then?" Jared seemed not offended but more hurt. Like suddenly this provided a road block. I imagined it had to be because he was close with his parents.
"At first." I admitted, trying to be light about it. "Your dad terrified me. He's…uh…rather large. And quiet. Very quiet."
"Yeah, that's him. He's always been like that. He comes off intimidating, but if you just catch him on a topic he really likes he can go on forever. It's hard to believe he was a chef once. Kitchens are usually so loud and bustling, but he's pretty soft-spoken."
"Whatever he was cooking in that kitchen smelled amazing." I breathed.
"Well he did use to work in a five-star restaurant. I should hope he can cook. You should come over for dinner sometime. It's hilarious when he walks out wearing some frilly apron. He used to buy them for my mother to try to urge her into the kitchen but she has the amazing talent of being able to burn water, so…we don't allow much of that. Now he wears them to put them to use." I had to chuckle a little bit, thinking of such a large man wearing some pink, lacy apron around his waist.
"They seem really…involved in your life."
"I'll admit they do let me…have my way. A lot. But I guess that's because they trust me. And I guess I do take advantage of it." He frowned then, seeming to think of something. "I seemed to walk in on some important conversation between you and my mom? You guys got along well?"
"I think so. You know how I said your dad terrified me? Well, your mom made me want to piss myself. I saw her sitting there, looking absolutely stunning like some kind of mafia leader, smoking a cigarette and I thought your dad was going to come out and chop me up and hide me under the floorboards. And she would be smiling the entire time. I can't believe how white her teeth are for smoking."
"You have no idea how much work she does on herself. Not surgery wise, of course, but geez does she spend hours in the bathroom. It's better not to take her anywhere because we'll never actually get there." He snorted.
"Yeah, sure, like you didn't take an hour yourself."
"I had justified reasons."
"Uh huh…oversleeping. Totally justified. But let's not talk about that. I want to hear about werewolves. Now, Jared, now."
"Okay, geez, master, calm yourself." He chuckled, winking at me. "What do you want to know? But one question at a time."
"Fine." I sniffed haughtily. "Why did you…phase?"
"It's in my blood. Way back in the day when the last pack existed in La Push my great-granddad was one of the wolves. Technically my family line isn't anything special. I don't have alpha blood or beta blood in me but—"
"But you really are special because, you know, not everybody turns into a werewolf." I said.
"Exactly." He smiled, seemingly pleased by my enthusiasm.
"And what made you phase first? Why didn't you phase ten years ago? Or five? Or when you were first born?"
"There has to be the presence of vampires. We seem to sense danger and so we phase in order to protect ourselves, our land, and our loved ones. But when there aren't any vampires around we can live normal lives, unimpeded by phasing."
"Vampires?" I asked skeptically.
"What? If you can believe in werewolves than you can believe in vampires." Jared snorted.
"Fine." I sniffed. "Are we talking like Mr. Ugly Dracula vampires? Or like…Queen of the Damned vampires with the very fine looking Lestat?"
"They're kind of like both. They're all charming and rich like in Dracula, but they're…really good-looking. When they turn into a vampire they become beautiful so that they can attract unsuspecting victims and kill them."
"What do you mean they're rich?"
"If you were alive for a couple centuries than surely you would've gotten quite the fortune."
"But you would have to be in a job. And being in a job means being around people." I said.
"This group like to claim they're 'vegetarians.' They don't drink human blood." Jared snorted, rolling his eyes like it was the biggest lie he'd ever heard.
"Then what's the problem with them?"
"They're still threats, Kim!" Jared said with wide eyes. "At any moment they could snap and kill everybody around them. They're impossible to control, completely run by their hunger. They hunt every two weeks, so around that time Sam, Paul, and I keep an eye on them. We make sure they don't touch anyone they're not supposed to."
"So that's what you spend all your time doing? You run after vampires? Make sure they don't trespass? Or kill someone?"
"Exactly. The Quileute great-grandfathers made a pact that if the blood-suckers came onto our land or hurt a human they were free game. If they did that then we would expose them and they'd have to leave."
"How illogical." I snorted. "If it took me that long to realize you were a werewolf, how long would it take people to realize that a family of vampires was living amongst them? I think that would be a rather hard thing to do."
"They're different though. Everyone knows it. They'd probably jump at the chance to give a reasoning to them being so strange. They're all pale as can be—white like ghosts. They're all ridiculously good-looking, wealthy, and they like to play the adopted kids game. The leader of the group 'adopted' all of them. Which is total bullshit. Nobody that young-looking adopts kids old enough to be his siblings. It's ridiculous. But everyone believes it."
"Maybe they're too afraid to realize what's right in front of them. If they admit it's true then suddenly everything they knew is wrong. That's how I felt. I've always been told werewolves were things of horror movies. Now I'm looking at you and listening to this and I'm wondering if I've been in a bulletproof box my whole life. But just as long as no one's hurt they can stay?"
"Right. Unfortunately." Jared snorted. "I wish they would take off. I could finally have a moment of rest."
"Why do you have to constantly go and go and go? Why can't you rest? Be normal for a while?"
"The blood-suckers don't sleep. They can be out night and day, and so we have to patrol as often to keep an eye out. We're more human than they've ever thought of being. They're cold as can be—like dead bodies. Their hearts don't beat. We're warm—well, warmer than most. And our hearts beat. And we can eat and sleep and reproduce. They're just…they're dead." He shuddered like he was terrified, but his face was hard with anger.
"Why do you hate them so much? Just because you were told to?" I wondered. "Your reactions seem pretty strong considering you've never met them."
"And I hope to God I never do. When I first phased and Sam told me everything I…I hated them just because they were vampires and my sworn enemies but…as I got to thinking about it and as I looked around me and realized how weird I looked to everyone I realized that wasn't it. I hated them and I was furious because if it wasn't for their presence here than I never would've phased! I could still be a normal teenager! I could be obnoxious and ignorant and stupid and keep getting myself into trouble and nobody would ever say anything. I wouldn't be sitting outside my own home every night feeling like a damn stranger just because I'm never there and I don't ever talk to my parents anymore. It's not easy to constantly go and go and never stop. And even when I do it's just for a hint of realization that this is so fucked up. I liked being a teenager."
I stared at his face for a long while. The neon lights of the digital clock high-lighted his russet skin with a hint of sickly green. It looked really wrong to see his face all twisted in pain and anger and covered in a tint of green. I put a hand over the clock to shroud the cab in darkness.
"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice strained.
"Nothing." I said softly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Kim. If it wasn't for all of this bullshit I never would've met you and realized what a wonderful person you are."
"Why don't you tell me about imprinting?" I asked, eager to change the subject.
"Nah."
"What do you mean 'nah'?" I scoffed.
"Let's save that for after dinner."
"Ugh, fine. You mentioned if it wasn't for vampires you wouldn't have phased. Why would phasing mess with your life? You can control it, can't you? So you can be a human pretty much all the time."
"There are certain things about it that we can't. Like just before we first phase we start to get really big, as you can tell. We get tall and start to gain muscle. Everybody noticed it. And thought we weird enough as it was. And when we first phase we…stop aging. I'm going to be stuck like this forever."
I paused.
"You mean…you're not going to get old?" I wondered softly, my eyebrows twisting.
"Pretty much…" He said slowly.
"I'll be eighty years old, ready to die, old and wrinkly…and you'll be like…this?" I said, motioning to him with my hand.
"It's not exactly like that. We do have the possibility to age again by stopping ourselves from phasing for a long period of time. But I can't do that until the threat of the vampires is gone. And who knows how long that will take." He said, grimacing darkly.
"And you're okay with never aging?"
"Not okay per se. It's neat when I look at it from a different view. But when I look at it in relation to myself it's…upsetting. I don't want to live forever. That's definitely not a fun life. And to fight vampires for my entire life? Even worse. I don't want to be so normal that I fade to the background but to be quite that abnormal is not my game plan. I still want to go to college and move to the big city. I don't want to stay here forever like Sam Uley." His face twisted like he tasted something bad.
"You don't like Sam Uley?" I asked.
"It's not that I don't like him. I just can't accept this life as easily as he can. He thinks we all should be eager and willing to do this for the community. He thinks we should lay down our lives and sacrifice all of our hobbies and hopes and dreams just to protect a few people who I never liked in the first place. But ever since he phased he's become like God's disciple or some shit like that. It's like now that he's a werewolf and the alpha he feels like he needs to prove something or make up for the fact that his dad was a fucking dick. Just because he was plain human before didn't mean he couldn't try to involve himself in the community and act like a nice guy. He's decent, all things considered, but he needs to work on his social skills for sure." Jared chuckled.
"At least you don't hate him." I said. "It would suck to take orders from someone you hate."
"Tell me about it. Paul really hates the whole werewolf thing. He feels like he's being fucked over left and right and suddenly everything is wrong and everything is changed and nothing can ever be decent or go right or be enjoyable again. He's a bit of a drama queen, for sure. I think that Lenora makes him really happy, though, because he can try to be a normal teenager again."
"So did vampires just arrive nearby? That's what made you phase?"
"Not exactly. They've been here for a couple years now but it takes time. As I'm sure you could tell."
"So it happened suddenly? Could it have happened in public?" I wondered.
"Sam tells us that it only happens when you get really angry. The emotions cause us to phase, like some kind of defense mechanism. Afterwards we learn to control it better so we can do it more spur of the moment. I haven't quite reached that point. I still have to think of something that makes me really angry. Not like my mom telling me to make my bed. I mean like the fact that Mr. Geary still has a job after I saw him after school in middle school groping Deborah Faines and reported him."
"What?" I asked in surprise.
"Yeah, that's what everybody said. And that's exactly why nobody believed me." Jared snorted. "I may enjoy my livelihood but I don't do things like that to girls."
"That is sick." I said. "Mr. Geary, I mean."
"That's why I want to hurry up and get to the point where I can control it. But I can't rush it. If I do I could hurt myself…or someone else." He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.
"Why would phasing hurt them? I mean, don't you just change and that's it? Or do you become unintelligible."
"We're the same as a werewolf as we are as a human. We just have a fuzzy body and walk on four legs. We can still recognize things, think things, and act calm and collected. We don't become completely wild like wolves. But when we first phase we…kind lose sight of ourselves. We experience a moment of pure animalistic feelings. We can't…control ourselves or tell ourselves to stop. It's only for a brief moment but…it's usually enough."
"So…when you first phase you become uncontrollable? And can hurt people?" I wondered softly.
"Yes." He nodded briefly, frowning. "That's what happened to Emily Young."
"What about her?"
"The scars on her face weren't a bear attack." Jared said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. Again. Like he thought I was going to roll down the window and throw myself out of it.
"Oh." I said. What else do I say? "What was it?"
"When Sam was in his…beginner's time he phased much as we do; controlled by anger. He was having an argument with Emily…over his break-up with Leah. It was too much for him—he was still angry at himself over leaving Leah like that, and for hurting her, and he hated being a werewolf because of what it had caused—and he phased right beside Emily. In his short bout of uncontrollable anger he…he struck out at her in his werewolf form and…well, I think the rest is pretty apparent."
I stared at him in shock. He frowned at my blatant display of disbelief.
"You're kidding me." I said hopefully.
He shook his head.
"And Emily is…she's still with him?" I whispered.
"Don't ask me how he got her back. If I was her…damn, I'd have killed him. He probably would've let her, too. I've never seen a guy look so fucking miserable. I put that lightly. He literally looked like he was going to…to jump off a cliff and hope he hit the rocks. Or take a skewer and just shoved it into his ribcage. You get the point."
"Did you know Sam then? How do you know what he looked like?"
"It's…it's something he'll regret for his entire life." Jared said, his voice lightening like he actually felt some sympathy to Sam. "Sometimes, when we're phased, he'll replay it in his head. It's horrible. Every second I see it it's like misery to me and I had no part in it. I can't imagine what he feels. He really loved her. And he still does. A billion times stronger than when he hurt her."
"How do you see it?" I whispered, like this was some big secret.
"When we're phased we can't talk to each other, so we share our thoughts in order to communicate with each other. Sometimes we share things we…didn't really want to. So it's embarrassing at points. But overall it's pretty useful."
"I see." I said, nodding. "But Emily went back to him?"
"Yep, she did. And I don't think they've ever argued or raised their voices at one another since. It's like Sam had to really hurt her for her to know he loved her and not Leah or anyone else. It's probably one of those sick, messed up relationships Dr. Phil says to get help on."
"You watch Dr. Phil?" I snorted.
"Paul's a really big fan. That's usually what we watch when we're together." Jared smiled and shrugged.
"You're kidding me." I said. Jared shook his head. "Holy crap! What a loser!" I laughed.
"He's not nearly as big of an asshole as he comes off as." Jared said. "He's like an upper-class loser."
"But still a loser." I giggled.
"Right." Jared nodded.
On the half hour drive remaining until Port Angeles I asked Jared about inconsequential things. I tried to keep it light, so that he didn't get into one of those 'my miserable life and I' moods. He couldn't be like that during dinner. I loved Sylvester's and I wanted to enjoy every minute of it. He told me how it felt to phase, and that the best part was being able to run and lose everything around you because he was going so fast. I felt a little queasy just listening to him, but it was something that seemed to visibly brighten him, so I let him sicken me until I thought I might vomit.
Finally at seven forty-five Port Angeles rose up abruptly around us. Lights were on and blaring and all the restaurants by the bay were playing loud music. Large groups of people were walking up and down the sidewalks, carrying glasses of wine. There was probably some wine-tasting tour going on. Port Angeles was all about entrepreneurs and spending money on unique things one couldn't find anywhere else. How else was it supposed to attract tourists?
We managed to get a very nice parking space right near the bay. It was busy, but it wasn't too far from Sylvester's, which was on the next street over. Jared hopped out—well, actually he didn't. He just stepped out, because he was so tall, but I had to practically hop out. He opened the door for me, though, and held out a hand and helped me down from his monster truck. I guess it had to be a monster truck for him to fit in it.
"I need to re-tie." I said simply, pointing to my tennis shoe.
"Go ahead." He smiled. I probably should've worn slip on shoes.
I planted my foot on the frame of his car and began to tie it quickly, then double-knotting it. I redid my other shoe just to be sure. I straightened out my shirt and smoothed out my hair just to feel better about myself and turned around.
I probably shouldn't have.
Jared was surrounded by a group of four white girls, all in skimpy summer dresses with diamond bracelets their rich daddies probably bought for them. They looked barely old enough to be drinking, but were carrying wine in their hands. Their flushed cheeks told me they'd probably been drinking since happy hour at four. One of them had her scaly, long-nailed hand on his forearm. I wanted to vomit.
"You are so hot. You should totally come with us. We're going to go clubbing tonight. The club we're going to makes awesome Raspberry Twisters." The one with her hand on his hand smiled, blinking rapidly. Her hand was caressing his arm. I wanted to rip it off.
"Sorry ladies, but I'm not even old enough to drink." Jared said with a smile. He was just egging them on.
"Really? You look like you're twenty-five." Another one gasped.
"I'm not." He said, shaking his head.
"Who cares? No one is going to card you! Just beat them up if they do! Pretty please!" A third one begged.
"I'm here with someone."
"Bring him with you."
"I'm on a date."
"Oh." Instantly all three took a step back, withdrawing themselves and frowning. "Well where is the lucky girl?"
"Right over there." He turned to me, smiled, and waved me over. I grudgingly did so, coming to stop by his side.
"Oh." The one who had her hand on his arm said, frowning.
"Sorry." The second one said to me.
"You're pretty cute." The third one said. Trashy ho.
"I guess we'd better take off." The fourth one said, and almost immediately they dashed off, disappearing into the crowd.
"Finally. White bread sluts." Jared said, running a hand over his neck. "Are you ready?"
"They're right. No one would've carded you." I said, walking with him slowly.
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He frowned.
"No. But you could've easily gotten rid of me." I sniffed.
"What kind of a guy would I be if I just left you?" Jared snorted.
"An asshole because you're my ride."
"Well I was thinking just a bad one. But I guess your reason makes sense too." He shrugged. "I wasn't even considering leaving, Kim. Those girls had a billionth of the class you do. And they were drunk off their asses. And they were easy. And there's a good chance that by later tonight they'll be having sex in an alleyway contracting all types of STD's and there's no way I want to be even slightly related to that. Understand?"
"I suppose." I frowned.
"Good. Now that that's done can we eat now?"
"Sure."
"Okay, let's go." He, to my surprise, put an arm around my shoulder, keeping me close to him, and began making his way through the crowds, making enough room to help me by, too.
Even the next street over was packed with people, making it difficult to move around. Surprisingly, Sylvester's was empty when we finally got inside and let out a sigh of relief.
"That was like an Indiana Jones adventure." Jared said, swiping his brow for effect.
Sylvester's was a tiny restaurant in a building that looked like it could be condemned at any moment. It was absolutely spotless and clean, but it didn't look that way at first. Inside it was old as could be, with faded linoleum floors, cheap and brightly colored plastic booth coverings and tables with mismatched chairs. There were only a few people inside, most of them older people who probably were alive when the place had been opened. It didn't look very nice but the place smelled of delicious meat, sauce, and mushrooms. Their mushroom burger was the most popular, for good reason, so they kept stuff for that in good supply.
"Oh, it's been too long." I sighed, sniffing again. "Have you ever been here?"
"It's been a decade, at least." Jared said.
"You have been missing out." I said, stepping up to the counter.
"Hi there, how are you?" The lady at the cash register asked.
"I'm excellent now that I'm here. Yourself?" I said.
"Pretty good. Too many drunk people coming in." She snorted.
"Tell me about it." I snorted. "I would like the one-third of a pound teriyaki burger with extra sauce on the side. Also, two medium baskets of fries and a water, please." I glanced over at Jared. "Actually, could you make that two large baskets?"
"Sure thing." She chuckled, straining her neck to look up at Jared. "And for you?"
"Uh…what's good?" Jared wondered, looking genuinely confused.
"The more correct question would be what isn't good? Their ranch burger is amazing, their mushroom burger is a classic, their Hawaiian burger is really juicy. Do you eat everything?"
"Do I look picky to you?" Jared smiled.
"Good point. Could you get him a two-thirds of a pound Hawaiian burger with an extra slice of pineapple, please, and barbeque sauce on the side…oh and a water, too, please. You shouldn't drink soda with this because it takes away from the flavor."
"Is that all?" She asked me.
"I think so, thanks." I said. "Do you want to split the bill?"
"No way. What kind of a guy would I be if I had you pay?" He winked at me.
"A terrible one." I snorted, rolling my eyes. The woman at the register chuckled.
Jared paid for me and I thanked him as we made our way to our seats with our number circled at the top of our receipts. I sat down at one of the tables, just because I liked sitting in the old chairs, and I figured it would give Jared more leg room.
"I couldn't believe Paul was taking Lenora to Kalaloch Beach." I said conversationally.
"He can't afford any of it so I wouldn't worry."
"He's dressing to impress."
"Of course." Jared smiled.
"Lenora thought it was romantic."
"Which is surprising. I didn't think Lenora liked that kind of stuff."
"Well, Paul is an upper-class loser and Lenora's a hopeless romantic. I guess it works out."
"And what am I?" Jared wondered.
"You are…a confused socialite."
"That's weird."
"Really?" I giggled. "It makes sense to me. Let's face it—you used to be really popular and everybody thought you were this badass. In reality you're not nearly as harmful as people think you are. Just like in reality Paul is a loser and Lenora's romantic as it gets."
"Well I think you're a bitter, cynical, angry girl who's is way smarter than everybody else."
"This is different than how I really am?" I snorted, rolling my eyes.
"Do you have any idea how you look to others?" Jared rose an eyebrow at me.
"No." I said, frowning immediately and setting down my water. "How do I look?"
"You look like the most insecure person I've ever seen. Maybe you don't realize it, but you look like everybody is laughing at you every minute of the day. You look all around you like you don't know who's going to pick on you next."
"Hardly. I've never been picked on in my life." I snorted, blushing.
"I know. Which is why I can't figure out why you're so insecure."
"I do not look like that." I snorted.
"Yes, you do."
"I do not." I argued, glaring at him. "I am totally at ease with myself."
"That's the thing. You look like this weak, obnoxious little munchkin to everybody else. But you have the mouth of a sailor, you're very intelligent, and you have the most outspoken, true view of the world I've ever seen. We were talking about how different we are than people view us and that's what I'm saying you're like."
"Well that makes me look really pathetic." I spat, looking away. "I may not have been picked on but I have been ignored practically my entire life. It's not easy going to school with your sisters who are prettier, thinner, and more popular than you ever hoped of being."
"Why do you want to be popular? What's so great about it anyway?"
"Coming from the guy who likes to think he is just that. That's because it's the thing to do. Who knows why All-Stars are better than Airwalk. Who knows why Banana Republic jeans are better than JC Penney's jeans. Who knows why Gucci purses are better than Burlington Coat Factory purses. Who knows why any of that crap is better than any other crap out there. I know I've just always been the Airwalk, and the JC Penney's, and the Burlington girl."
"But what's so bad about that, Kim? It doesn't make sense to me why people waste hundreds of dollars on a Gucci bag when you could buy an equally nice one for twenty and Burlington and use that hundreds or so remaining cash on something a lot better and more useful. I never judged you on that, Kim, and anyone who does is just jealous that they didn't realize what an idiot they were being beforehand."
"Yeah, but you were popular even without spending money on all that crap. For some reason you always just fit in."
"Look where it got me. An outcast all over again. And I'm proud of it, too. They say once you get in you can never get out." Jared shrugged.
"You don't mind not being able to get along with people?"
"No way. They're all going to turn out like those chicks who were groping me outside of the car. Who wants to be a part of that? Not me, at least." He grinned.
"You've changed a lot. Since this werewolf ordeal."
"I haven't changed. Just now you see the real me. And lo and behold, I've seen the real you, too. Every angry, bitter, vicious part of you." He chuckled.
"You make me look like the Wicked Witch of the West."
"Oh, you're way better looking than that hag."
"Ha, ha." I snorted, rolling my eyes.
Our number was called, and I told Jared to sit back down and let me get it. He paid for it so I could stand to do a little hard labor. Grudgingly he sat back down and I walked up to the counter.
"Are you dating him?" The woman asked me as I walked up.
"Uh…" I stared at her in shock. How random was that? "This is kind of like our first date."
"Girl, you scored! He is so good-looking!" She giggled.
"Yeah, I know." I blushed.
"Better keep a handle on that."
"Oh, I'm more worried he's going to get rid of me."
"No way! If you could see the way his eyes follow you. One would think you're God. It's amazing. What in the world is your secret?" She whispered to me.
"Uh…" Dating a werewolf? Nah, that wouldn't go over too well. "Just be yourself, I guess."
"Oh, that's what they always say. If my boyfriend knew how I really was he'd probably run off, terrified, screaming." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Men just can't handle the truth."
"Yeah, agreed." Actually, I was the one who couldn't handle it at first. "Thanks."
"No problem. Enjoy." Why did I feel like that had a double meaning?
I took the tray and set it down on our table, putting out the food. Jared was grinning like he heard something funny. He couldn't have heard us, could he? I tried to ignore his twinkling eye and sat down after returning the tray, smelling my burger.
"Geez, this looks good." I sighed.
"You're telling me." Jared grinned some more and spread some barbeque sauce on his bun.
We ate in relative silence, Jared telling me a couple times how he couldn't believe he had gone so long without eating here. We didn't talk mostly because we were too happy to just shove our faces full of anything we could get our hands on. At around eight-thirty we were finished, and stacking up our dishes by the end of the table, we leaned back and relaxed.
"I ate too much."
"You have no idea what eating too much is." Jared groaned, leaning his head back.
"You're a big guy so I thought you'd eat all of it. Which you did."
"I couldn't waste any. It's was too good to waste." Jared snorted. "Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick."
"We can go down to the pier. God knows we should try to walk some of this off."
"Good idea." He grunted.
I stood up, wobbling a little and sighing in relief. Pushing in my chairs I thanked the girl behind the counter and exited the restaurant with Jared a ways behind me.
"I can't go any faster." He whined, practically whining. He walked like he was pregnant. I had to laugh a little. "What are you laughing at? This is your fault."
"You look like a pregnant man."
"That's good. I think it's unfair how the woman always gets to carry the baby." Jared joked.
"Good thing that nowadays it's a possibility. Geez, I think of you pregnant and I have to laugh." I chuckled some more.
"That's not fair. Nobody laughs at pregnant woman. But you're going to laugh at a pregnant man?"
"No, just you." I smiled.
The pier was only two blocks up, but the cool night air and the short walk was excellent to help me loosen up a little. The water was pitch-black with only slight ripples in it. Kind of like how the water looked just before a giant shark leapt out of it. I stepped back almost immediately and took a seat by a wooden bench. Jared stared out at the water and I watched him for a few minutes before speaking.
"You're acting like you've never seen water before."
"It has an interesting way of changing a lot. Colors…textures…even the sounds differ. I was just comparing it to La Push's water." He said, turning to face me, but leaning against the wooden railing.
"I never knew you were so sentimental." I said.
"Not sentimental. Just…listening around me. Now that I'm a werewolf things are heightened. I can hear things I didn't before, from miles away. I can see things, like the finest details on the leaf of a tree. Smells, especially. Sometimes it's not so pleasant."
"That's nice." I said sarcastically. "How do I smell?"
"You smell…nice. It seems to block out all the other scents, too. Like there's not really any salt water in my nose right now. Just you." He smiled.
"What do I smell like?" I asked curiously.
"You smell like…green. Lots of green. Like trees, and bushes, and maybe some flowers but it's not noticeable. It's a nice earthy scent. Like you live in the woods. Which I guess isn't too far from the truth." He paused and glanced at the water like it was talking to him. Maybe it was. "You smell like passion, too. It's this strong scent like…like…I can't even really explain it. But I could pinpoint it in a crowd of a million. Maybe that's what tells me it's you. So that I can't lose you."
"There's a lot of ways to lose someone. Not just in a crowd." I frowned, looking away from him.
"Yeah, I know." He said simply.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
"I don't know what I'm thinking." He sighed, looking at me again. "Ever since I've become a werewolf it's like my brain has gone into over drive to understand it all. But it hasn't shut off, either. Sometimes Paul comments that all my thoughts are hurting his brain."
"A silent movie would hurt Paul's brain."
"Nobody talks in a silent movie."
"Exactly." I smiled.
"I think silent movies are kind of hard to understand. You have to pay a lot of attention to their actions to get what's going on. They can't just tell you what's going on. They kind of remind me of you. I can never tell what you're thinking. You don't say anything. You just…ask me questions and take it all in stride. I never know if you're going to scream in terror or laugh in mockery." Jared looked at me intently.
"What would you like me to say?" I wondered.
"I don't know. Something that lets me know you don't think I'm crazy." He frowned.
"I don't think you're crazy." I repeated.
"Something else. You don't think I'm crazy but do you think I'm pathetic? Do you feel sympathy towards me? With me?" He shook his head. "I know what I think. I think this is all complete bullshit. Here I am crying about my life when there are so many others who are going to be going through the exact same thing. Who are going to lose something better than what I had."
"What are you talking about?" I paused, fearful.
"Embry. Quil. Jacob. Seth eventually, though he's young. There's a few more, too, who will eventually phase."
"They're all going to become werewolves?" I whispered.
"Yep. All of them."
"Why?" I asked, feeling light-headed. "Why to all of them? Seth is just a kid. He hardly knows the word 'misery' or 'bad' or 'evil.' He can't be a werewolf."
"You're telling me." Jared's voice turned bitter. "It's all because of our great-grandfathers. They had to make that stupid fucking pact. Screw vampires. They can go ahead and kill everybody. Just as long as I could stay normal. I don't give a shit about them. Don't take away my life to save a few pitiful others."
"Is that what's happening to Embry?" I asked.
"It is." Jared rubbed his forehead. "He was being stubborn. He wouldn't phase back. He was terrified and resistant all at the same time. Now he's acting like he's spoken to the Devil. He won't go around Jacob and Quil. Sam tries to approach him about getting it under control and he takes off with his tail between his legs. Poor kid. The problem is, there's so many more who have to go through it too.
"It's not easy, you know, being on the outside and knowing what's going to happen. I look at Jacob and Quil and how well they get along with everyone. They have so many friends, and they seem generally happy with life. Who knows how much longer they have left. They're putting on a lot of muscle. Jacob's getting especially tall. He'll probably be next—"
"Don't talk like that." I said determinedly. "Jacob doesn't…he doesn't want to be a part of this."
"I'm sure he doesn't. But he doesn't have a choice. It's in his blood. Even if he left town and got far away from the vampires he's probably already too far along in his change. He could be driving down the highway, fifty miles from here, and he'll phase. It's better that he's here, with the rest of us. So he can learn to control it. If he can control it he can leave then. And try to be normal. But I wouldn't count on it. Sam keeps a firm handle on all of us."
"Sam can go fuck himself. Good for him that he doesn't have a damn thing to live for. But he can't control all of you." I ground my teeth together.
"That's the thing, Kim. He can. He's alpha—"
"And you're still human. And humans aren't controlled by anyone." I said, standing up.
"These ones are." Jared said, sounding so defeated and weak.
"You know what, maybe I do think you're pathetic. I didn't know you very well before, but I know you wouldn't let someone walk all over you like this. Just because there's some asshole a couple years older than you doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards for him." I shouted.
"Look, Kim, you don't fucking get it!" Jared said, raising his voice a slight bit. Trying to keep his cool, probably. "I already have Sam telling me what I have to do. I've been avoiding my own mother because she wants to tell me what she wants me to do. Now I don't need you breathing down my neck and telling me what I should do! You have no idea what this is like. You can ask all the questions you like but you don't have the slightest understanding of how it feels or exactly what is going on! So don't go around telling me what things are when just weeks ago you had no idea that the sky was fucking blue, alright!?"
"Well I'm so fucking sorry that I can't regret you being a fucking werewolf as much as you would like me to. You expect me to feel the same God damn way when I'm a different person looking from a different view point! I'm sorry that I don't regret your misfortune and I'm trying to make you feel better! Because I know that if it wasn't for all of this shit that makes you so fucking miserable you would never have looked my way, and kept on ignoring me! You would've been the arrogant dick you always have been hanging with your arrogant dick friends and acting like you own the fucking planet and I still would've been pathetic and horrible and friendless and fucking ignored! And I'm sorry that I don't understand anything going on! Maybe if you had told me earlier or not been such a secretive jerk we wouldn't be having this misunderstanding! And I'm sorry that I fail at trying to make your horrible situation look slightly better and I'm sorry that I can't be more help or make you feel like a little more than Sam Uley's giant bitch! And I'm sorry that it makes no fucking sense to me how it is that you want to go back to being normal when you just told me that you can't stand being around people who have no morals and are dumb as can fucking be, you God damn, fucking asshole, trailer trash, dumb shit hypocrite!"
I took several deep breaths to calm myself and stared over at Jared with a heated expression. The bench was the only thing between us. Considering the fact that Jared looked like hell itself had lit up in his eyes I didn't think the bench was much protection. He was shaking like he was cold, and he wasn't blinking either. He was tense and upright like someone had a gun pointed at him. Which maybe I did. Metaphorically.
"Are you going to phase?" I asked, surprised at how calm my voice came out.
"No, I'm not." He said between clenched teeth. He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than telling me. He turned around and leaned over the pier railing like he was going to vomit.
I started to move toward him, maybe feeling a little guilty about my yelling, but saving the other half for him to be guilty about, too.
"Don't come any closer." He grunted. "I don't want to hurt you."
"That's the only decent thing you've said all night." I sighed, ignoring him and walking up beside him. His eyes were trained on the water, unblinking, and his hands were curled around the wooden railing like it was a lifeline. His knuckles were pale with the force he was gripping it with. "Come on, let up."
I reached out a hand and gently patted one of his. Almost immediately he let out a breath and his shoulders sagged. His hands loosened on the railing and the one I hadn't covered came over mine. I glanced at where it had been. A deep dent of his hand was apparent. Damn.
"Sorry." He sighed. "You're right. I haven't told you much and I shouldn't have expected you to understand."
"Good thing you apologized because I wasn't going to." I said simply, staring out at the dark water. "I can't remember exactly what movie it was, but there were some people standing on a dock talking when suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant shark leapt up and bit off their heads in one swoop."
"Was that a hint that you want to move back?" He smiled.
"You're good at this." I said. We turned and sat down at the bench I had previously occupied.
"Thanks." He said.
"For what?" I wondered.
"For calming me down. Sam would've been fucking pissed if he knew I phased in public. Even if nobody saw." We were a ways away from the big ruckus, so it wasn't likely anyone would've seen from that distance and in this darkness.
"No problem." I said simply. Like I had been calming down werewolves since birth.
We just kind of sat there for a few minutes. My stomach felt kind of unsettled. But I attributed it to my recent emotional display so soon after eating and ignored it.
"So you were going to tell me about imprinting. After dinner." I reminded him.
"Oh, right." He said.
"A while ago you told me it was to make you guys stronger? Something to fight for?"
"Yeah, that's what Billy says. But nobody really knows for sure. Who cares anyway? I think all that matters to most of us who it affects is that we get the girl—no care for why it happens in the first place." Jared said, managing a weak smile.
"What's it like? Is it a noticeable change?"
"Definitely. Right now you probably feel like…nothing really. You don't notice gravity, but you know that you're held onto Earth by its core and Earth is held in place by the Sun. There's all this scientific realization and explanation behind it. You know you're pulled down to the ground but you don't notice it every moment of the day. It might pass through your mind a couple times in your lifetime, but it's not that big of a deal.
"With imprinting, it's different. You look at this person, you see their eyes, and notice the way they walk, the length of their fingers, the texture of their hair, the length of their legs in regards to their torso. Just totally inconsequential things that you don't notice when you look at any random person. You see their eyes and it's like looking into the sun. It blinds you. All thought leaves your head. You leave yourself behind and go somewhere else. Suddenly the Earth's gravity disappears, and the ground beneath you. You don't remember that the Earth is held by the Sun. Suddenly it's not Earth's gravity holding you in place. You look at this person and they're the equivalent of Earth's core. Everything centers around them. When you walk it's always around where they are. When you think of gravity you don't think of Earth. You think of this person and their ability to hold you in place. All that bullshit about gravity and electromagnetic force and mass and density is nothing. Because none of that relates to you anymore. This person relates to you. They are the factor that keeps you where you are. And from that point on you don't question it."
"Wow." I whispered.
"Pretty powerful stuff, right?"
"Right." I said weakly.
"You look a little sick." And I felt it too. My heart was practically pounding against my ribcage.
"Nobody should have that much power over a person."
"That's funny. You're complaining about Sam being alpha but you're the one who's, weird-speaking, the center I gravitate around. Hypocrite." He teased.
"When you looked at me…that's how you felt?"
"Pretty much, yeah." He nodded.
I put a hand to my forehead. It was warm and slightly glossy. I did feel a little queasy. Geez. Any girl would feel like Queen of the Universe if she learned a guy had looked at her like that. It didn't matter how popular you were or how self-centered. If you heard some guy tell you that the moment he looked at you it was like…it was like suddenly nothing else existed then you'd crumble too. Which was exactly what I was doing.
"Are you sure you're fine?" He wondered, chuckling a little.
"I'm sure. I'm fine." I said, fanning myself. "That's a lot to take in."
"So it's like if anything happened to you…it would be like the sun itself dying out." He frowned. "Technically a lot of people would mourn and mourn and mourn. But for me…it would be like all the plants dying and the animals dying and there's no food and no water and slowly everything is just…dying…and you get the point."
I nodded weakly.
"At first there was just this obsession to talk to you. I had to figure out your name and be around you as much as possible. It didn't occur to me what a freak I must've looked like. Which is why your anger was so justified. I just kept following you around and I had to learn as much about you. Even if you never spoke to me just seeing you and smelling you would've been enough. If I could be in your presence every moment of every day I would never get tired of it." He let out a deep breath. "So I guess in all reality it was just a huge stalker-fetish type relationship. You would try to get away from me and I would just follow you around.
"At first I was irritated by your stubbornness, you know? It was just a hassle because it was clouding your head and making you totally impossible to talk to or get through to. All I wanted was a few words and you kept making these catty remarks. But as you slowly kind of opened up and gave me some time here and there I kind of liked it. It really made you stand out from the crowd. So many girls just fall all over themselves and spend so much time in the bathroom and take so much time getting ready to look nice that we get bored, and all we really wanted in the first place was to spend time with them, no matter how they looked. You were—and are—so down-to-earth it was like talking to the first real human being in years.
"I really enjoyed talking to you. I started to like how versatile you are, too. You aren't always plastering on fake smiles, and you were angry for a while, but you could be happy, too. And it gave me something to work for—to make you as happy as possible as often as possible. I guess I suck at it, most of the time, but the point was that you had emotions and you didn't feel the need to pretend to make others feel better. And I also liked how even though you didn't know a lot of people you were very close with those you did know. You get along well with your sisters, and Lenora trusts you so much and has nothing but good things to say about you. It's so easy to trust you and confide in you.
"Also—"
I blinked rapidly. Was he really just saying all these things? There was no way I was like that. I was an angry, cynical bitch. Period. I yelled at people when they didn't deserve it and was usually very over-emotional. I hadn't been anything but a bitch to him and he thought that made me…nice? This was too much.
But something else started to weave its way in. My stomach was turning over and over and I felt light-headed. My skin was clammy and my forehead was coated with sweat. It's like I knew something horrible was going to happen. But what? What could possibly happen that I would practically be dying? My mouth was gummy as I opened it. I wanted to talk but it seemed like too much work. I felt so exhausted, suddenly.
"And even though I was acting like a total asshole you were a lot calmer than I thought you would be. Sure you used 'fuck' a lot and you looked like you wanted to strange me with my own intestines but there was something very…human about it. Something that really made me like you even more. You had every right to be mad and you didn't try to work it out! You just yelled! Like you should've! I was the one who should've been on my knees licking the ground you walk on. But I just had to be an asshole—"
"Jared." I said, holding a hand over my mouth.
"—and demand things like I had any idea what I was talking about. You should've killed me right then! Or butchered me in the janitor's closet while no one was watching. Though I suppose someone might've suspected you since it was you who was yelling at me. But the point is—"
"Jared."
"—I know, I know. I'm getting there. The point is that you're so…human. And so abnormal that it suits me perfectly. You're so abnormal that I don't know how anyone could want a normal person. They're so bland and pathetic. And what I'm really trying to say is—"
"Jared, I feel sick." I said, feeling the start of a gag coming up.
"—I didn't feel this way at first, but now I do. And it scares even me, so I know it's going to scare you, but I hope you'll accept my feelings and we can be happy together. I know we're young and everything but that doesn't mean anything if you're serious about being together. So what I really mean is that…Kim…I…I really love you, you know? I really, really, really love you. And this isn't something unreal. It took a while but now I can see how wonderful you are and all I can think is how I didn't love you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Kim, I love—"
I stood up abruptly.
"—I knew this would happen. I don't want you to freak out, Kim. I mean, I've explained myself, right? You understand me? It'll take some time but I hope you can feel the same—"
"I'm going to vomit."
"What?" He asked, looking confused.
"I'm going to vomit." I said weakly, feeling something come up.
"Really?" I nodded. His eyes widened. "Really, really. Okay, okay. Where's a bathroom."
I looked around wildly, but felt sick and tried to focus on not vomiting instead. Jared grabbed my shoulders and steered me towards a public bathroom on the pier. Not the most ideal place, but then again, vomiting isn't the most ideal action.
"Just hold it in. We're almost there." He said, pushing me forward some more. I was stumbling, feeling acid hit the back of my throat.
He pushed me into the first stall we came to, and leaned over my back and shoulder as I put everything I had eaten today into the toilet in front of me. He held my hair back for me, and as I recovered from my bout of nausea I recalled the saying "true love is when he holds my hair for me as I throw up the lining of my gut." I wanted to laugh. But I vomited again instead.
"You know…" Jared said conversationally as I wheezed over the toilet. "…I was planning on kissing you good night. Right on the lips, too. But not anymore, I guess."
~*~*~
ROFLMFAO! Jared's last line was GREAT! I am cracking up so hard I'm crying. I know. Not funny since the entire date was just RUINED! But still hilarious. Wow. This was a long ass chapter. 24 pages long bitches!
I wanted to give a little back story on Sylvester's. Okay, so I was born and raised in SoCal. Southern California for everybody out there who wasn't raised in SoCal. There was this dinky, ugly, filthy hole-in-the-wall called Sylvester's Burgers. It was THE BEST PLACE EVER! Oh my GOD, the burgers were SO good! The juice just dripped down my arms and I didn't even care because it was SO GOOD! I moved away when I was like…8 and I haven't been back since then so I miss it a lot! But there were so many good memories that I remember every detail of the place. It had cheap, plastic, cracked neon teal colored booths. The best part. It was hilarious to look at. But nobody cared because it was SO DELICIOUS! It was in Los Osos, CA, so if any of you guys are ever around there EAT AT SYLVESTER'S! I mean it!
Thanks for reading! Hugs and kisses! Please tell me you LOVED this chapter like I did!