AN: Due to some rather angry fan backlash, I have done this for you. Enjoy.
Jen began groping at the sheets on Tommy's side of the bed, truly waking up when she found them empty. "What the fuck?" She looked over at his pillow, finding a dozen red roses there and a sheet of paper, folded in half and addressed to Mrs. Conlon.
Happy birthday and good morning Jen. I had to get in at least some of my session today but hopefully will be back before lunch. Take it easy; the kids are at the sitter's and your breakfast is already cooked and in the oven. Love you. Tommy.
She sighed and picked up the bouquet, burying her nose in the soft petals. They felt as soft as Tommy's skin… or his lips, she thought with chagrin- Bridgette had pretty much forbade them from having sex and the past two sessions were rife with all that tension. Tommy had not been in a good mood for almost three weeks now, but Jen was thankful he was thinking logically enough to remember her birthday and get her flowers.
Through the course of the morning Jen cleaned and did some laundry, needing to occupy herself without Tommy or the kids being around. She eventually found herself back in bed, her laptop in front of her and her eyes glued on another podcast dealing with the SPARTA coverage.
"So the 'Pittsburgh Beatdown' has become one of the most watched videos on YouTube this year. Now joining us via satellite is the victim of the infamous incident, Mad Dog Grimes. Mad Dog, what is your response to all the hoopla surrounding the video and Tommy Riordan," Jon Anik asked, another screen coming up to show Mad Dog's face. Jen found herself glaring at the computer, longing to put her fist in his face as he talked, "You know, this guy's a nobody. It was just a sparring session- it is what it is, and he's gonna pay for it in Atlantic City."
"Yeah right…"
Tommy dragged himself into the house, dropping his training bag by the door and reaching down to untie his shoes. All of the muscles in his body screamed in protest and he found himself leaning against the wall for support, trying to catch his breath. "Jen," he called out, hearing her feet hit the floor and start down the stairs. He gave her a weak smile as she paused in the doorway, looking at him. "Holy shit Tommy- you look like hell," Jen said, crossing the room and foyer to where he stood. He nodded, and she started undressing him, Tommy thankful for his wife. "I gained five pounds and Paddy made me cut weight. Running up the hills in Hartley Park. Pounding tires with a goddamn sledge hammer for four hours at the yard and flipping them when I could barely lift my arms. He only let me go because it was your birthday- I still have two pounds to cut." She eyed him, knowing that he was hurting and pulled his arm around her shoulders, starting up the stairs. Every step was excruciating for Tommy but he kept quiet, getting into the shower before he finally slumped to the bottom. Jen started to lift him up but he only shook his head, actually comfortable where he was, "Just turn on the water and let me sit for a bit baby… not a good start to your birthday, huh?" She waited a beat before wrapping her hands around the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head, moving to sit behind Tommy.
"I think this a great start to my birthday Mr. Conlon," Jen smiled, her voice low in his ear.
She didn't care that she was the one pampering Tommy, washing his entire body before massaging all of the soreness out of him, holding her husband a prisoner between her thighs even as he sought to escape her fingers when they touched a particularly tender spot. "Ouch Jen!" She only smiled and held onto him tighter, her fingers kneading a little deeper, "What a baby…"
Eventually she got him into bed and pulled on a tee shirt before following after him, laying her head on his chest. Tommy sighed and kissed her still-wet hair, looking up at the ceiling. "So, what would you like to do for your birthday today Vi," he questioned, his wife quiet for a few moments. Jen then raised up and straddled his lower stomach, her hands against his bare chest.
"I wanna break a couple of rules first; we gotta cut some weight-"
"Jen," Tommy said sharply, his hands on her waist to hold her where she was. She saw his face harden, his eyes growing darker as he looked at her. "This was your idea to go to therapy. And I'm not going to fuck up just for you to bring it up later-"
She leaned down and smashed her lips against his, moaning slightly as she felt his respond.
After a moment, Tommy pulled away and attempted to speak, "Jen." He was caught off guard by how she cut him off, Jen attacking him with a searing, soul-blinding kiss. Tommy gave up then and rolled, pulling her underneath his heavy body. She let out a sound of frustration as he pulled back, even though the disappointment was replaced with smug pleasure as he entered her. He set up a rhythm that would have lesser women crying out in pain, Jen instead bringing her own hips up to meet his. Her stream of moans became quicker as Tommy used the force of his body to slam into her even deeper, moving forward to brace his hands against the mattress on either side of Jen's head.
Knowing she was close, he pulled nearly all the way out of her, looking down at her very seriously. Jen was confused, her cheeks hot and her thoughts in a huge jumble. "What the hell are you doing- Tommy?" He panted, needing to catch his breath before he spoke, "Alright, now that I have you where I want you- you pointed out that we're not always the best at communicating or at trust. Hell, I'm sure that you never really trusted me, or really let me in. I trusted you-"
"Are you kidding me right now Tommy," Jen asked, her chest rising against his. "You trusted me? I found out little snippets of your life in passing, but you never truly opened yourself up to me. And now you want me to trust you- how am I supposed to trust you after you went and trampled all over my heart and left me? You left me Thomas! That was something I never thought I'd have to worry about with you even though I feared it and goddamn, my fears were right! How can I ever be sure that it won't happen again, especially with you risking everything in this fucking tournament? I survived it once- barely- and I doubt I could do it again."
Tommy nodded before pushing his hips all the way into hers, Jen letting out a strangled sound.
"I can do this all day Jenevieve- I have much better stamina than you. So stop yelling and stop being a bitch because I will not let you up unless I hear what I want," Tommy said, his wife seeing the seriousness in his face. "Fine, but you know that this is not going to help me out with trusting you. This is a dick move Tommy because even now with you trying to 'talk' to me, you're not letting go of your control- and you've always been a control freak. The problem right now with my trust isn't me: its you. Let your guard down first, show that you trust me and maybe in time, I'll learn to trust you again."
"I do trust you! I don't know what to tell you other than to apologize for the thousandth time Jen. Because I am- I am so sorry, I don't know what to do," Tommy said almost defeatedly, scared to fully let down his guards but knowing that it was something he needed- and truly wanted- to do. "I will do anything you want or need to earn your trust back."
Jen hesitated and nodded, "Alright Tommy- but first, we need to finish this. Before I lose my mind. Please."
He obliged and thrust into her, taking up the pace she was setting, not completely in the moment. When he knew that she was ready, Tommy forced himself in Jen as deeply as possible, pressing his body into hers in a way that sent her spinning over the edge. She quivered, crying out his name and digging her nails into his back. Tommy pulled away and Jen stared at his chest with a weak smile, momentarily resisting herself before she started to speak. "Its like there's this massive gaping hole that you punched in my chest, that I think won't ever be filled. I missed you every Tommy- when something good happened, it hurt because you weren't there and when something bad happed… it was because you weren't there: it was your fault," Jen whispered guiltily, fighting back a bout of tears. He sat still before he turned to face her, attempting to comfort her. Tommy stroked her hair back before he placed a gentle kiss against her temple, breathing into her curls, "I'm sorry Jen. You don't have to talk." She only shook her head and sat up as well, pulling her tee shirt down over her hips. "No Tommy, I don't- but I want to. I want to share everything with you, not just the good stuff or the happy stuff. I want to share it all with you."
"Alright baby," Tommy said, settling back against the headboard and pulling her against his chest. "I'm ready."
She felt insecure, but found some measure of safety in his arms, her hand resting over his heart. "I have always been scared of you Tommy Conlon, scared of how close you were- that proximity you had was something I had never given to anybody else. My fear grew larger as my feelings did for you- the more I let my guard down, the more I could get hurt by you. You made me feel… vulnerable, like no one ever has. And then when we had Shane; Tommy, he was like our love personified, beautiful, perfect, dangerous. Dangerous because I knew that if anything ever happened to him, to us, that I would be absolutely ruined. You… ruined me Tommy, but I had to go on for Shane and Dakota and Henry, because I knew that it was what was expected of me- what you expected of me. And I built a wall against my emotions in my own mind that kept me sane, but did its own fair share of damage… and now that wall is just crashing down around me," Jen murmured, looking at the heavy amount of ink on his skin. She allowed her fingers to trace the lines in his tattoos, feeling how measured and even his breathing was- he never breathed like that.
And then Tommy was tilting her chin up to him, looking into her eyes, "No one in this world perfect Jen; hell, if you were, I probably wouldn't have given you a second thought. You being all… different is exactly why I fell in love with you in the first place." He was attempting to convey his thanks for her willingness to be vulnerable- he knew that it wasn't easy for her.
"Tommy, you've told me why you left and I get it… I think, but what I don't get is what took you so long to come back."
He let out a heavy sigh, wondering whether or not she really wanted to hear the answer before stroking her cheek. "Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do Jen. When I became a soldier, I was in a totally different place in my life- punk kid who married the first girl who didn't make him feel empty. At that point, I was just thinking about myself… and I had no idea how much my fucking life could change, how one person could become the center of my universe. I had never a belief that I'd get such an honor to be your husband and Shane's dad, not when I'd thought all my life that I wasn't shit. You remember how I was when he was born: in shock, elated- it was the crowning achievement in my life. And I promised to both of you that I would protect you, which is what I thought I was doing by going AWOL; I'm someone who follows through on my commitments… or at least I thought I was, because I didn't follow through on my commitment to you. We were always very good about living in denial, ignoring the bad and focusing on the good. I talked myself into disappearing so as to spare you both from having me dead or in jail, but in the end, I couldn't pretend that it was okay anymore. Not when you meant… mean so much to me; I couldn't let you be unhappy because I was being stupid. If I had come home, it just wouldn't have been good- that much I know- I was tripping and that fucking PTSD took months to subside; you would have ended up resenting me and leaving you behind, happy with Shane, seemed like the lesser of two evils because I can admit that much, that I'm evil-"
"No you're not," Jen said, curling up in his side.
"Yeah, but still… I was an asshole, and I knew that you would be here waiting for me. So I came home, willing to sacrifice my freedom or whatever it was when I was on the lam to be home with you and my boy. You had been so willing to give up your career, everything for me and Shane- and I was selfish," Tommy murmured, looking down at the hand she had on his chest. Jen's bottom lip trembled and she pressed her lips to every part of him she could reach, the tears rolling down her cheeks, "Thank you…"
He sniffed and nodded before shaking his head, sighing. "Alright, now enough with the fucking heavy. We're going to get started on birthday stuff and have a good day, okay? Where we doing dinner tonight," Tommy asked, Jen's mind moving faster than her mouth.
"Go get cleaned up and let me think."
When he was in the bathroom, Jen went for her cell phone, pressing the third speed dial. "Hey Brendan? What are you doing tonight," she questioned quietly, hoping- for once- that things would go her way.
Jen worked on controlling her breathing as they pulled up to the restaurant, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She had convinced the three most stubborn men in her life to meet her for dinner- under the guise that it would only be each of them and her- preparing herself for at least some tension, if not an all out fistfight, though she hoped that they'd have enough class not to do it in public.
Tommy opened her door and helped her out of the car, seeing the careful expression on her face.
"You alright?"
She nodded and smiled, kissing his cheek. It took every ounce of her remaining strength to act normal, pretending like she was putting aside her problems to enjoy the evening when all she was really doing was bringing the problems upon herself.
They were seated and ordered their drinks, Tommy drinking water as she indulged with wine. It was the only thing that would calm her nerves and make the dull headache she had had all day quiet, Jen turning to Tommy. "So we need to talk," Jen said, letting out a heavy exhale and tucking her hair behind her ears as she mustered up enough courage to bring up what she had been dreading all day. A look of apprehension crossed her husband's face and she smiled wryly before continuing, "Now you're probably not going to like all of everything that I have to say, but I need you to hear me out before you say anything. Can you promise me that?"
She hated the betrayed look in his eyes but still Tommy nodded, his jaw taut. "Alright."
"There was a reason I chose this restaurant tonight-"
Paddy was walking towards them, a smile on his face and his hands in his pockets. Jen visibly paled and swallowed, seeing Brendan talking to the waiter at the door. "Shit, shit," she said, Tommy turning to glare over his shoulder. "Why the fuck is Paddy here-" Her husband stood and she could see him finally see Brendan for the first time, both of the brothers making eye contact. "What the fuck did you do Jen?"
He hadn't seen Brendan in fourteen years and judging by the looks on their faces, they certainly hadn't expected to see each other today- Jen should have said something. Tommy was ready to storm away from the table but her hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him down into his seat. "Just let me finish- please," Jen said, pleading with him as she bit down on her lip. She had seen the spark of anger in his eyes, Tommy pulling his hand from hers and glaring at his father and his brother.
The both of them sat down, Tommy glaring at his older brother. Brendan gave him a half-smile before speaking, "Hey Tommy Boy."
"Don't call me that," he murmured in reply. "You have no right to call me that. Jen, I'm out of here-"
"Sit down."
Tommy stood anyway and Jen felt her heart start to race, looking at him. "If you walk out on me now, then we have no hope as a family because you and these men here are what make my family Thomas Conlon. I'm sitting here trying to fix myself and fix you and fix Paddy and fix Brendan, and none of you… bastards are helping me," Jen hissed before she stood as well, slamming her hands down on the table. She felt her blood pressure start to rocket and her headache intensified with a vengeance, her mouth feeling uncharacteristically dry. "I have had to try and be strong for all of you, done whatever you have asked of me! And now, I ask for a simple meal, for us to sit down and be a family-"
"Jen, you're asking a lot of us," Brendan said quietly, trying to spare himself of her wrath. It didn't work, however, her burning eyes turning on him, "Don't you try and portray yourself in a better light Bren, because you're just as bad as they are! The two of you boys are so full of hate you have your heads up your asses trying to escape the fact that you don't even know what the hell you're mad at!"
Paddy was doing his best to stay quiet- Jen was taking the reins of the family and he had to let her; like she had said, this was her family.
"Yeah, we've all had shit lives and we're sad and we're still hurt- but its time to grow up and get the fuck over it! Its alright to be angry over the shit we've gone through, its human nature to and I can say it now that I'm fucking mad! I'm so goddamn mad sometimes that I don't know what to do! But I have enough fucking sense to realize that being mad at the people I love hurts more than what you all have done to me and put on my shoulders! No family should act like this or feel like this and its about goddamned time we put this shit to rest! We cannot go on like this- I cannot go on anymore not when I'm surrounded by all of you and I feel completely and utterly alone… We are better than what we've become. And I realize that what we are is broken, and that it will take a lot of work, but I'm willing to try. Now sit down Tommy!"
He did as she asked and Jen's chest continued to heavy, the small woman slowly seeming to come down from her rant. The entire restaurant was silent, everyone's eyes trained on them as Jen hung her head. She seemed to be struggling to catch her breath, all of the men thinking she was just taking a moment. And then Tommy truly looked at her, seeing how pale she was and how badly she was shaking.
"I am so sick of this bullshit…"
"Jen?"
She went down faster than what Tommy thought was possible, her husband lunging out of his chair to meet her on the floor. "Shit, shit- she's headed for a coma. Dad, call 911; now!" Tommy cradled her head, Brendan moving to Jen's side and grabbing her purse. "She usually keeps a potassium needle in here," he said, spilling out the contents on the floor. He looked at Tommy, seeing his brother's hateful glare, "I love her too Tommy- find me a vein in her thigh." The younger Conlon did as he said, pulling up her skirt just a bit and bending Jen's leg at the knee.
Brendan stabbed her in the thigh, pressing down on the syringe and pressing his hand to her throat. He wanted her eyes to flutter open and for her to smile at him, his eyes locked on his face.
"What do we do now Bren," Tommy asked, his brother hearing old-seated fear creep into his voice. He sighed, reaching out to stroke her hair as he listened to all of the people calling for help around them.
"We wait Tommy. All we have left to do is wait…"