Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I make any money.
Chapter 17 – Unspoken Gifts
Nothing had gone as either Pansy had anticipated or planned the rest of the day after she finally chased Harry out of her lab earlier.
Her plan had been to slip out of the ministry undetected. Then the three supposed wise men of the Department of Mysteries found her.
First she had been detoured by the Unspeakable Boddington who wanted to know the status of the Amore Draught she had been working on. That conversation led to her being delayed for over an hour as she tried to explain to him what was preventing her from being able to stabilize the stronger potion he swore he had come up with. She couldn't get it through his head that unicorn hair was a stabilizer in potions it was a combustible.
Then Unspeakable Harp wanted to know the status of his request for two gallons of a particular stasis draught. That conversation took her another thirty minutes before she got it through his thick skull that she had left the two gallons on his desk last Friday before she left for the week and maybe if he would clean his office than he wouldn't have misplaced two bloody gallons of potion.
And lastly Unspeakable Bass wanted to talk to her about her work on the Amortentia because he had ideas for it within his own work on love. She kept asking him if she could talk to him about it on Monday when she officially returned to work but he would have nothing to do with it. Instead he insisted on having what amounted to a ninety minute conversation at the drop of the hat over a very dangerous and powerful potion. Luckily she was comfortable enough about the specifics of the bloody potion that had gotten her the job in the first place – only because the bloody potion didn't effect her.
The next part of her plan had been to catch up with Ron while he visited Draco and try to convince him to go talk to Harry but by the time she had gotten to St. Mungo's, Draco informed her that Ron was long gone and fussed at her for taking so long; he had been bored since Ron left and Astoria was with Daphne in France for the day.
Two very long hours after she arrived at St. Mungo's, Harry had shown up hopeful that she had talked to Ron. Much to his disappointment, he found out that she hadn't been able to because of being delayed in the Ministry. Watching his face fall though bothered her enough that the next time Draco whined, she did something she couldn't remember doing in several years, she not only snapped at him to 'grow up', she directed her the full brunt of her anger at him. Causing him and Harry to just stare at her wide-eyed as she let into him, reminding him that he was a grown adult and could bloody well start acting like one.
Not very long after that she found herself screaming in frustration as she threw her hands up in the air and told them that she would see them both tomorrow. Pansy started stalking home until she gave up about ten blocks from St. Mungo's and hailed a cab to take her the rest of the way home.
The stress of the day had finally taken its toll on Pansy by the time she trudged up the stairs to her crimson front door. Slinging it open, the door landed against the nearby wall with a loud noise but she didn't care. Throwing it back closed once she was in her flat, the resounding thud was satisfying as she started to hang her bag and cloak up.
"Bad day?"
She heard Ron ask. Turning to face him, she saw him leaning casually against the counter in the kitchen with a drink already in his hand. She quickly decided, at that moment, coming home to him was the best part of being with him.
"Did you know my best mate is a spoiled brat?" she huffed moving towards him.
"Please tell me you are not just now figuring out that Malfoy is a spoiled brat," he said with a laugh, handing her his drink before going to fetch his own.
"I knew," she replied grudgingly. "I just never had to be on the receiving end of one of his tantrums."
"So are you really going to be buying him a Ducatti motorbike, Lizzie?" Ron asked with a small laugh. "Or is that just hopeful wishing on his part? Because let me tell you, he wouldn't shut up about it for two hours."
She just glared at him before saying, "I was," but when he arched an eyebrow up at her, she relented, "Okay I did. It's in the sodding car park out back. I'm just thinking of not giving it to him until he can prove to me he can act like an adult."
"You do realize you have a better chance of seeing a unicorn walk down the street with Knockturn Alley whore than that?" he said laughing.
Scrunching up her face at him with a dirty look, she took a seat at the kitchen table before she continued, "Did you know he has done nothing but whine the last two hours. First it was because you kept beating his arse in chess, then it was about Astoria going to France for the day with Daphne – who was picking out her wedding dress by the way, then it was about me not being there when I said I would, followed by the food at St. Mungo's, and then there was something about the healer's, and then he couldn't shut up about – Merlin, I can't even remember; I think had started zoning him out by then.
I swear the healer's need to release his arse, so I can send him back to work and let my father, Theo and Justin deal with him. And to think Blaise and I were thinking of throwing a little get together at the Keep next weekend to celebrate him getting released! I'm seriously re-thinking that too."
"Relax, Lizzie. He's just showing you he's feeling better," Ron laughed tussling her hair before kissing her on the top of her forehead and taking a seat next to him. "So what's this get together you are planning?"
"Blaise owled me after you left this morning about it. The Keep is this place I own up north near the border on the Scottish side with plenty of land to sate our racing habits. We were thinking a little get together with significant others to celebrate Draco getting out; that and it's finally warm enough to get the toys our to race for most of the day."
"So who are you talking about?"
"Well, you and me, Draco and Astoria, Greg and Daphne, Blaise and the latest trollop he's seeing – I can't remember her name, and Theo and Justin. If you want to invite Harry and Ginny it should be fine, so you won't be the only lion in the pit of snakes."
"Wait a minute who is Justin?"
"Justin Finch-Fletchy? Muggle-born Hufflepuff?," she asked waiting for comprehension from Ron. Once she heard him say 'oh', she continued, "Him and Theo have been together for ages. We actually thought they were going to be the first ones hitched in the group but Greg and Daphne seem to have beaten them to the punch line."
"You just classified him as a snake," Ron laughed. "Does he know that?"
She just shook her head, "Wait until you actually hang around him. He is as ruthless and as cutthroat as it comes; I witnessed him manhandle Lucius Malfoy of all people in a meeting last year. The year that should have been our seventh year at Hogwarts, I had to put him into hiding to protect him and it really changed him."
"You did that?"
"Had to for Theo's sake. Least I could do for him," Pansy responded with a shrug of her shoulders. "They had been in love with each other for two years by then and if I hadn't done it, I think they both would have come out a lot worse for wear by the time the war was over. It was bad enough for the two of them as it was with Justin being a muggle-born and Theo's step-father being in Voldemort's Inner Circle."
"You feel responsible for them all don't you?"
"The circle? Yes," she whispered with a nod. "They often have to put their lives on hold or give up their lives to protect me so I repay their sacrifices every chance I get just as my mum did before me and everyone before that."
"So Draco gets a motorbike?"
"Draco gets about everything materialistically that he wants. All he has to do is ask and he knows it."
"And you hid Theo's boyfriend away during the war?"
"Yes."
"Harry?"
Turning her head away, so Ron couldn't see her eyes when she admitted to this, "Got Kingsley to overlook the NEWTS requirement of admittance to Aurors."
"But he extended that to me too."
"I know," she said before dropping her voice to a whisper and continuing, "I asked him to extend the offer to you also."
"Why?"
"Because Draco told me you saved his life."
"Who else is in the circle?"
"Officially right now?"
"Yes."
"My father. Your father. My mother. Kingsley. Andromeda Tonks. Ernie MacMillan. John Dawlish. Hannah Abbott. Penelope Clearwater. Susan Bones. Neville Longbottom."
"But that's eleven."
"Harry makes twelve. Draco doesn't count as my bodyguard and neither does Bear because his responsibility is to the family heritage and not me. Mags is a long story. She counts but then again she doesn't."
"What about Theo? I thought he was part of it."
"Theo's yet another special case. He won't officially join the circle until his father passes."
"Why is that?"
"Seven members of the circle are there due to family obligations. Five of those are always the oldest son, two of those are always the oldest daughter. The other five are chosen by the original seven. Theo won't be required to serve until his father passes but he has made the active choice to be a member which is his right as one of the seven required to serve once he came of age. So he gets a vote and a say in any circle-related matters."
"He has to serve?"
"Yes," she sighed, pouring herself another drink. "He doesn't have a choice because he's from one of the seven families that are required to serve."
"Who else doesn't have a choice?"
"You aren't going to like the answer," she whispered taking a sip of her drink.
"Probably not but you are still going to tell me."
Sighing, Pansy bit her lip before replying, "My father. Your father. Harry. Teddy, Andromeda serves for him right now. Neville. Susan. Hannah. In other words: Parkinsons, Weasleys, Potters, Lupins, Longbottoms, Bones, and Abbotts."
"So you mean..."
She interrupted him, "That Bill will serve upon your father's death unless he chooses to serve earlier and Teddy will serve once he comes of age."
"So your father..."
"Is actually Theo's."
The kitchen fell silent. Both just sat there sipping on their drinks pondering the words and actions of the other. Pansy hadn't expected that this evening she would be explaining the make up of the circle to Ron and by the look on his face, she was sure he hadn't expected all her answers. Especially the part where his family fit in. She briefly wondered why he hadn't asked just why those seven families were required to served. And why the circle did serve her family.
Then she realized what he must be thinking and she hoped to Merlin, that he wouldn't ask what if anything she had done for his father; his family.
"Have you ever done anything for my father; for my family?" she closed her eyes as she heard the words she never wanted to hear.
"Yes," she whispered. "My mum did. Philip just made sure her wish was continued as did I after I came of age."
"What have you done for my family?"
"You have to promise me that you will not say anything to your parents about you knowing?" she pleaded. "Because I really shouldn't be telling you this."
"Why? Why can't I know?"
"Give me your word you won't say anything, about this piece of information and I'll tell you," she said firmly as he stared at her. "Because I'm frankly done with trying to hid everything from you."
Ron's jaw went slack as he stared at her. She waited patiently for him to finally respond, "You have my word. What did you do?"
Unfortunately, her courage faltered. She could barely hear the words herself as she said, "We paid for Hogwarts."
His eyes grew wide as the words sunk in. He blinked a few times before swallowing the rest of the drink. Looking at her one more time, he stood up and walked out of the kitchen. Pansy could hear his footfalls as he trudged up the stairs but she chose not to follow him upstairs.
Somewhere she knew she shouldn't have told him what exactly she had done for his family but she really had grown tired of hiding things from him or having to come up with half-truths or lies. If he was going to be in her life than there were things he was just going to have to know. Whether he liked the truth or not.
Sipping her drink, she allowed her mind to wander to when they were in school how of all the Weasleys' he seemed the most embarrassed by their family's lack of money. Pansy, let her finger run along the rim of her drink as she remembered watching his obvious embarrassment, while not understanding why it mattered to him at all – some of the few times she would actually let herself think about it. The times she allowed herself to wallow in self-pity about the poor, little, orphaned, rich girl she really was. The moments she wanted to grab him and shake him and remind him of all he had that she could never have no matter how much money she had in Gringotts or Switzerland or the Caribbean. But she never did. Because it would have given her away for everyone knew that Pansy Parkinson had two doting parents in the forms of Philip and Persephone Parkinson.
But it also meant that just because she never did, didn't mean she never would.
Finishing her drink, she went upstairs to their bedroom; figuring it was as good as time as any to force Ron to talk about this with her. Standing in the door way, she saw him staring at the fire from his stretched out position on the couch; fiddling with her ivory Queen.
"Can I ask what's it like actually growing up with your parents?" she asked, leaning against the door frame.
He didn't answer her. Nor did he look at her.
She kept pressing, "I mean I know I have Philip and Persephone and I do consider them my parents for all intents and purposes but what is it like to grow up with the mum and dad who created you?"
Still Ron said nothing but kept looking at the Queen in his hand.
"Do you know I can barely remember what my mum looked like?"
To her aggravation, he still didn't respond.
She decided to try another tactic to get him to respond to her and started to tap her foot, as she spoke, "Your Hogwarts education isn't the only one I've paid for."
He glared at her briefly before turning his attention back to the queen and saying, "I know, you paid for my siblings also."
"Actually right now, according to the goblin who is responsible for that particular fund, I'm footing the bill for twenty-seven children to attend Hogwarts currently. Since I took over my own finances during our sixth year, I have footed the bill for every student who wants to attend and couldn't afford to otherwise. As well as having set aside the money to send Teddy for everything his father did for me. You aren't the only ones I've helped go to Hogwarts. Your family merely gave me the idea."
"Are you looking for sainthood?" he snapped, slamming the piece back on the table and standing back up. His anger flowing from him. "Or for me to bow down at your feet like evidently my father does?"
"I know that more than one goblin and more than one accountant has complained about the significant amount of money I spend in gifts and charities every year but everyone seems to forget at the end of the day when they go home to their parents, children, brothers, sisters, whatever – I get to go home to no one except the people I call my parents, sisters, or brothers. I belong to no one except the people who swear on their lives to serve and protect me."
"So I'm not going to apologize for spending the money to make sure you and your brothers and your sister got the education your parents wanted for you without making your lives any harder than what it was."
"So now you are poor, little, rich girl?" he snapped.
Standing up, she stopped tapping her foot, aggravated that it wasn't bothering him as she reminded him, "You asked me a question and I told you the truth, what do you want from me? Or would you prefer me to just to go back to lying to you or trying to protect you from the truth? If that's the case, then just leave. "
Evidently, he wasn't expecting that. He kept wildly gesturing with his arms while his mouth kept opening and closing as no sound actually came out. She let him stop and start multiple times though he never said anything before finally giving up and sitting back down on the sofa, resting his head in his hands.
She didn't say anything as she moved to take a seat next to him. Leaning back, she started to rub his back as he rubbed his face while she waited out his silence.
She didn't have to wait long before she heard him mutter something but she didn't catch it.
"Ron, I'm sorry but I couldn't make out a single word you said," she said gently as she continued to rub his back.
"Why me?"
"Ron, how many times am I going to have to convince you why I'm here? I'm still here because you seem to only see me and none of the other trappings," Pansy sighed in frustration. Looking up at her ceiling she finally had the balls to ask what had been going through her mind since she confessed to him about the blasted curses,"You do realize that I keep wondering a similar thing these past few days – so why are you still here with me?"
"What?" his eyes grew large as he stared at her. "How could you ask something like that?"
"You are with a girl who is under the Heartsease curse. It's an obvious question. So why? Why are you here?" she asked, turning her head to look at him as she felt herself unable to hide her own melancholy regarding what she was going to ask. "Why are you with someone who can never say...never...damn it to Hades!"
She yelled the last part in frustration, as the tears welled up in her eyes unable to articulate just what she wanted to ask him.
"Why?" she softly asked again, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Why doesn't it matter to you? It should you know that."
She felt his arm wrap around her and pull her closer to his body, before he kissed her on the top of her head. Pansy felt him pull her into his laps as he wrapped her up completely in his arms.
"I don't know. It just doesn't feel like that matters in end."
"But how can you say that?"
"Easy," he sighed. "I just spent three years with a girl who said it so much and backed it up with so little action that she managed to cheapen the verbal gesture in my mind."
"You are really okay with me never being able to say it or really truly feel it, no matter how long we are together? That I will never be able to reciprocate any feelings other then the affection we share now," she whispered, her voice trembling with fear. "That we will never be more than what we are now."
Ron held her as they fell into silence while she let him think about what she just asked him. Pansy just let him have his silence and tried to enjoy the comfort she found in his arms.
"I can't promise our relationship won't change," he said softly and gently. "But right here and right now, it doesn't matter to me. You are all that matters to me now."
"And when everything changes, will you please just tell me?" she whispered. "That's all I ask."
"How about if anything changes, I promise to come talk to you first?"
Pansy sat up quickly in his lap to look at him, "You are acting as if it is only a possibility."
"And you are acting like it's inevitable."
"Well it is, isn't it?" she prodded as she searched his face. "You will eventually want a wife and children..."
"Are you always this pessimistic?" he asked interrupting her with a soft smile that seemed knowing.
"About this? Yes," she responded. "I mean how else am I suppose to..."
"Lizzie," he interrupted, grabbing her face with his hand. "Don't think about it. I have this feeling, I'm going to be around as long as you let me stay."
"Really?" she asked resting her forehead on his. "Even if..."
"Really."
"In spite of everything? That I can never marry you or..."
"Yes Lizzie," he sighed. "In spite of everything."
"Promise?"
"Merlin, Lizzie," Ron replied frustrated, brushing her hair away from his face. "Let it go."
"Sorry," she said quickly, realizing that he was right. Settling back down into his lap and leaning against his body, she forced her mind to empty and just to focus on Ron and the peace that came with simply being with him.
"You do realize that this whole situation is frustrating enough without you doubting me or us."
"I know and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm doubting you or us. I'm not, I'm just scared to lose you now," she told him as she watched her fingers draw idle patterns along his clothed chest
"It's just that moments like earlier just makes me doubt why you are with me because I'm reminded that I'm either just the sidekick or that poor blood traitor..."
"I really wish you wouldn't use that word," she sighed, interrupting him. "It really hurts me to hear you say that because you aren't a blood traitor."
"Why do you keep saying that? It's not like that isn't what my family is given our affection for muggles and muggleborns."
"Because that's not what a blood traitor is. Or wasn't until after the first war with Voldemort."
"What do you mean?"
"There is only one family that can truly be called blood traitors and its the Malfoys."
"Why?"
"Because they were traitors to my blood line," she replied. Taking his hand into hers, she started to rub on it as she continued, "The first Malfoy served under mine who was ruling over Briton at that time. That Malfoy challenged my ancestor's rule while he was at war defending the country; usurping not only his throne and also his wife. When mine found out, he came back to regain his throne and war broke out. In the end both my ancestor and the Malfoy ancestor were mortally wounded; with his dying breath the Malfoy ancestor cursed mine; that my family should never rule Briton again."
"At the end of the battle there were only seven surviving knights. All who fought for my ancestor and who all swore on their lives and their families to protect what was left of my family. Thus the circle came into being. Over years, my family has progressively gone further and further into hiding as people see it as a way to usurp the throne from the Muggle royal family as well as having a descendant of a significant wizard at their beckon call. With my mum's accidental death – I was completely hidden away for my own protection and the circle forgotten; so the term blood traitor evolved due to Lucius trying to remove the stigma from his own family."
"Weasleys are not now nor have they ever been blood traitors. After all your father has done for me over the years, it really hurts me to hear you call yourself a blood traitor. Because you aren't. None of your family is."
"What about Draco?" Ron asked quietly.
"What about him?" she asked turning her hand to look at him. "I keep telling you all that he isn't his father. I refuse to allow him to call himself that either. Same for Mags."
"What about Lucius?"
"Azkaban is still too good for his rotting soul."
"That sounds familiar," he replied, pulling her closer to him. "So if none of you like Lucius, how did the arrange marriage come to pass between you and Draco, Lizzie?"
"To this day, only the circle, and now you, know that Lucius got what he came after the night my mum died. As far as he knows, his son became betrothed to Pansy Parkinson, eldest daughter of Philip Parkinson when she was ten years of age after running into her and her father in Paris. He pursued the arrangement relentlessly for months. I always thought that he did so because he wanted to make Philip pay for him not getting his first choice years ago."
"Hidden in plain sight."
"Pretty much," she said with a sad smile on her face. "Lucius didn't recognize me when he stumbled upon us at Notre Dame. I had my hazel eyes by then and my hair had darkened to the freaky black colour it is today. My father did his best to avoid Lucius' request for as long as possible but in the end, the circle decided that it less suspicious to go through with it then to keep avoiding it. They were planning, that when I came of age, they would fake my death again and just squirrel me away again. Farther than just Paris next time."
"Fake your death again?"
"When it first happened, no one could figure out why I survived and my mum didn't after being hit with the same spell, so when they buried my mum, they 'buried' me also. And let the world know, in their own manipulative way, that my family had cease to be; causing my family to finally pass into the realm of myths and legends in which the circle had cloaked itself and my family in for so long."
Whispering, she added, "I only go to visit Bear and Mags when I'm really hurt or upset because it never fails – the one I want to visit is always out there with her grave. Everyone knows it, so they have this tendency to ban me from going to see Bear or Mags. One because they can't get to me when I there but more importantly they all believe that visiting my mum will be worse than whatever I'm running away from. Because they all know why I truly hate visiting her grave."
"And why is that?"
"My grave is right next to it. With a sculpture of my four-year-old self."
A/N: Thank you to all that have sent me reviews for the last chapter. I really do appreciate the fact that you take the time to let me know what you think. Warning this one is also unbeta'd.
As a friendly FYI, I'm going to do my best to update this story in a week but after having the last six weeks off, I go back to work with the start of school and my first two weeks back are always a nightmare. Don't worry, I'm not abandoing this story. "Come What May" will often be updated more often then this story due to the contrasting nature of both: "Come What May" is a free-writing exercise without a plot plan, often I'm writing on it while on the bus; "And You Will Have Me Live" has a plot plan and huge backstory -- both of which requires me to think and edit in peace and quiet.
Seraph 0:)