Shira's Cryin'
Chapter 21
We do feel alone...
It was that next early morning with the sun beating down on the dried up and dead grass that he'd remember for the rest of his life. It seemed like his emotions and thoughts were just bashing their way through his head just to get out. He could remember the smell of the humidity, the feeling of sweat dripping down his sides, and that agonizing feeling that he knew would just never go away. It didn't hit him till the next morning after he died. That very next morning where he would feel a lot more relaxed and yet a lot more heart broken.
That place in my mind...
The second he saw those eyes gazing at him, almost as if looking completely through him, he knew what had happened to him. The dropping jaw, pouring that small amount of blood out and on to his pelt as he was holding him, his mind just completely lost it. It was one of those feelings that you don't really notice right as it happens, but as you think more about it, you realize that you'll never be able to take it back and that it can't be fixed. It almost causes one to hyperventilate, mildly, to say the least.
That place that you call mine...
It was his first death that he actually had feelings for. His other brothers deserved to die. All the chances they got to stop bullying him added up in the end.
Again, if every step were to meet the rest, then why'd he die?
I'd die right next to you in the end...
It almost seemed, to Diego, that Shulk died so that another could live.
'But why should I count on it?'
He sat there on that frightfully unfamiliar island that he ended up washed ashore on. Almost three hours went by after he woke up from unconsciousness.
He wasn't sure what feelings were going through him. He felt like he could just collapse and die at any second.
'Why'd it have to end up like this? Is she not aloud to be with me? Why is the world trying th keep me from her?
He asked himself, staring immensely out into the ocean's sunset.
"For all I know, I'm getting in your way as well."
He still couldn't believe what she said on that ice berg.
"The last time I'm bound to ever see her."
No matter the pain of his thoughts and emotions, he didn't cry. He couldn't.
Diego laid down on the sand below him, resting his chin on his paws. All he could do was repeat the words he's always loved to say since he first met her, over and over again.
"I love you, Shira." He quietly whispered over and over again.
He didn't move. He didn't get up at all for the rest of that day. He felt so sick. So disgusted at the world for doing this to him. Whose to say that she made it somewhere as well?
"She has to be alive. She has to be."
The thought of her death did nothing but make him think of his own.
"When she dies, I die..."
He could feel his heart's hatred rise up to his throat as he began to feel dizzy from all of his emotions.
"SHIRA!" He yelled to an extent that he never had before. He cried loudly, unable to control his sweating and heavy breathing. He was sure that he was going into immediate shock, feeling like he could no longer breath.
For all he knew, he may never see her again. He'll never get to look into his own ocean fantasy ever again. He'll never be able to taste her ever again. Knowing that his lips may never see her's again was more than enough to drive Diego off the edge. So much that he felt as if he had no control over any of his actions or words.
"This whole thing is just a systematic lie that I never had the ability to ever understand."
His sweat began to have his mind fade out as his eyes began to go black. "Or the strength, or the courage to withstand."
He collapsed to the ground, limbs growing weak, as he began to taste the sand below him, wishing that it could be her that he was tasting.
"Now that I've seen it, that's the way it is, and that's the way that it's always been. Forever and ever since this cold black world began..."
He almost felt like there was someone else there that was forcing him to say these unworldly and darker than himself words. It was as if there was someone else that was in his head.
'They all stare, but they'll never see. There's something inside me.'
He knew that nothing was going to help him. No one ever helped him. It felt like he was right back at the start. Right where his sorrow and agony began to erupt from his world. Just before he met her.
'Before I met her...'
His eyes began to burn as if acid was leaking from his eyes. His lips began to tighten and his head was blistering red and pulsing. His claws extended out, sinking into the sands below him.
His breathing began to murmur as he did so faster and faster.
Then, his muscles and nerves became uncontrollable, slamming his head repeatedly into the ground, screaming and crying her name out much like he did those few nights back when he desperately needed her.
"Please come back to me, Shira! Please come back!"
Over and over, the repeated phrases blew out of his mouth, slowly having his voice crack. Only, he didn't give a damn about it.
Without so much as thinking, he took his paws to his skull and dug them into his scalp, instantly feeling the flesh passing by his claws.
His mental state was too strong by then, that he only dug into himself more and more, using his sunk in claws to slam his head even harder into the ground.
As he screamed for his addiction, he only got the taste of the ground below him as his own saliva was mixing in with it.
His claws worked their way down his face as he continued to make blood curdling screams. His claws reached his eye sockets as he began digging at his own tear spout.
'She's telling me to not hesitate. Just do what I have to do to me!'
He released his knives from his face and instantly rolled over onto his back side, pointing his claws towards his chest, with only the most twisted of smiles on his face.
'Just because I have nerves doesn't mean that I can feel. I can feel nothing. Nothing anymore.'
As he injected his own blood covered claws into his chest, tearing away the pieces that have isolated him from the rest of the world, he saw the cloud of silver floating above him.
'She is the only one that I would rather see before me.'
His tearing got quicker and his digging got deeper.
'You want it. You need it. I don't... need... you...anymore.'
His only vision was seeing his own corpse spread out before him, his chest split open like a turkey on Thanksgiving. The blood leaking out and leaking down into the ocean as the bolt of lightening flashed his eyes open.
No sooner did his "real eyes" open as he awoke from his sleep, feeling his pool of sweat below him.
The second he lifted his head up, he felt light headed. He couldn't remember what just happened. He could only remember that nightmare. By far his worst one, yet. He could almost feel as though his chest was hurting. As if his dream became a partial reality.
Looking down at his chest, seeing that it was perfectly fine, he sighed out of relief and collapsed his limbs to the ground below him.
It was then that he realized that the sky was not above him, but instead, it was blocked off by a cave ceiling.
"Great. Now where am I?" He asked himself, feeling like this has happened before. The last time it happened was when he first met her. When she took him to a cave when she found him passed out.
"So, did the same thing happen?"
It was there that he was aware that someone else must be around. Someone must have found him unconscious and washed ashore.
"Shira?" His heart only hoped that it was right. Was it her that brought him here? If so, then where is she?
He begins to get up, only realizing that he still felt light headed. He figured that whoever brought him to this cave would be back momentarily.
'Guess I'll wait till then.'
He rested his head, trying his best to hold in his tears. He was only asking for her. It can't be that much to ask for.
'Everything's too much to ask for, isn't it?'
The sudden voice in his head made him jump at the sudden noise.
He was getting so use to just having his own thoughts in his head, that he almost thought that there was someone in the cave with him.
"To be honest, nothing is too much to ask for. It just never happens." Diego said back, always remembering that, in all truth, his voice has always helped him in the hardest times.
"Look, I'm sorry... That I didn't listen to you before I jumped the trench, but..." Diego started, never finding it weird to talk to himself, though he was almost positive that he wasn't insane. In this extent, anyways.
'Who am I?'His voice said suddenly as if knowing exactly what Diego was thinking.
"I'd like to know that."
'I remember already telling you. Of course, back then, you didn't really listen well at all. Jumping off that trench was all the proof needed for that.'
Diego became irritated, yet he was, again, happy that he had someone or something to talk to.
"Do you have any idea what I'm going through right now? I just lost the only one that I've ever truly loved and would die for. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that the opposite might have happened." He said with his eyes beginning to burn again.
'Diego...'
"I just never thought that it would end up like this. We live in such a fucked up world. I should have expected this to happen from the start."
'Diego...'
"I tried so hard to keep her safe and happy. I did everything in my power to protect her. I really did."
'Diego?'
"But I failed. And nothing's gonna-
'Diego!'
It felt really strange to Diego that his voice interrupted him. It's never done that before and it kind of scared him to an extent.
'She's alive.'
Whatever amount of sadness, anger, and suicidal tendencies were going through his veins at that moment were vanished almost instantaneously. His world was opened up again. Though it was just his own mind that was telling him this, he believed it. He's always trusted it, and hearing what his heart would eventually die from not hearing felt so right to him.
His mind was only telling him one thing. There's still hope. He still has a chance.
Already, his heart and body was yearning for the days that he was up against her, keeping her warm as she did for him. It may have only been a few hours, for all Diego knew, but within that time without her was breaking away his sanity.
'And just how long have I been unconscious for?' He asked himself as he felt his other mind fading out.
There in lies the other problem. Did she bring him here? Whose to say that she didn't go out and get something for Diego to eat while he was unconscious?
"But if she didn't bring me here... Then... Who did?" He couldn't help but wonder.
A more tougher thing to worry about was whether or not it was better off staying in this cave and waiting to see if she returns, or leave the cave and see if he can find her.
Two possibilities with each one having two solutions to them. The chances of finding her are very slim, yet, knowing the fact that she's alive kept his hopes and motivation up.
"She's alive." He kept saying to himself. It was almost as if those words were healing his mental illnesses.
"She's all that I have left to lose, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna let that happen."
Diego knew her well enough to know that if he was badly injured, there was no way that she'd just leave him alone to die like this.
This being said, he was almost positive that she didn't find him and take him to this cave.
That also being said, if she didn't find him, then who did? More importantly, where is she?
"Where is she?"