Author's Note: This is for the wonderful mb64, who requested a letter from Dean to Benny. The letter was written by Dean shortly after 8X19, "Taxi Driver". I want to thank mb64, jojospn, judyann, the guest WomanOfLetters, m1tchells, ClassyMuse, and olegnAiDociN. for their recent reviews and support. And thanks again to all of you incredible readers!

Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine. :P

Benny,

First off I want to thank you. I don't even know how to begin to thank you, and it seems pretty douchey of me to even try seeing as I've really let you down…But I need to. I mean, you saved my little brother. The one who hated you. Who I chose over you. The one who means the world to me, and would be trapped in Purgatory right now without your help. I don't know how I could ever repay what you've done for him, or repay what you've done for me. In fact I know that I can never repay you. But I'm at least still going to thank you.

But thanks aren't all I need to give you. I also need to apologize. I cut you off so quickly and I didn't even offer you a good reason. I just kind of let you go. It wasn't fair, and after everything you'd done for me you deserved a better goodbye than just, "Yeah. It's the end of the line." And then you came back when I needed you, and you gave me everything you possibly could... And I never did give you a better goodbye.

I guess I didn't want to admit it was goodbye. I could tell you probably weren't planning on returning. I'd have needed to be blind not to see it. But I didn't want to accept it. I wanted so badly to believe that you'd come back and that I'd get to make it all up to you. That I'd be able to finally help you deal with the whole "being a vegetarian vampire" thing, and that you might even come with Sam and me back to our place. I wanted to believe that I could fix my mistake.

And I wanted Sam to see you for what you are. For him to see the loyal friend you've been to me. The sad thing is that he did see it, he just saw it too late. He let me know that he finally understands why I trusted you in Purgatory, and why I continued to trust you after the fact. He trusts you now too I'm pretty sure.

But you're not around to be trusted. You stayed behind in that godforsaken wasteland, and I'm sorry Benny, I really am. Because I should've been the one that gave you a reason to believe you belonged here, and had your back through this whole mess like you've had mine. I should've been the brother to you that you always referred to me as. But I've never ended up being the friend my friends deserve...

I guess I should've warned you when we first met, I let everyone down. Remember Cas? I didn't pay attention to him either when he needed my help, and he nearly destroyed himself and the rest of the friggin' world because of it. And Sam? He's been through whole mountains of crap because of me. He's been hurt because of me, died because of me… He's even been to Hell because of me. Speaking of which, he's only trying to close up Hell right now because I wasn't able to do it for him. So yeah, I'm sorry I didn't give you a proper disclaimer, because it could've saved you a lot of trouble.

I guess I'm just sorry in general...

I refused to burn your remains. I know it's a bit late to be thinking like this, but I miss you and I'm not letting go. Especially not after what you've just done for us. If I find the tiniest possibility of a way to bring your ass back here, you better believe I'm going to do it. Until then, the least I can do is say thank you. I just wish I could say it to your face. So here's to the painfully optimistic hope that I'll find a way to see your mug around here again. Because I might have messed up and failed you, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse not to care anymore. I care, and I'm grateful, and I'm so freaking sorry.

Dean

Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Feel free to review and/or throw a suggestion at me. I love them. :)