Disclaimer: Warriors still isn't mine.
Chapter 20
Pantherstar let out a long sigh, his whisker ruffled by the disturbed air. The black furred leader stared up at the moon, only a sliver of a claw missing. The stars flickered in the sky, but that answered none of his questions.
"A sign would be nice." Pantherstar whispered, the water that lapped over his paws was soothing but not helpful. "Please. I'm lost."
The stars didn't answer, and Pantherstar moved forward, the water rippling around his paws.
"This isn't our home." He continued, staring upwards, "I don't think it ever could be. Please, are we right to settle here? Or should we try to go home?"
The water lapped over his paws, flicking over the rocks, the wind in the grass, in the trees, the crickets sang and somewhere he heard owls call and bats chirp. But the stars were silent.
He lowered his head and sighed, causing the water to dip beneath his muzzle. His yellow eyes stared back at him, his fur blending in with the night sky. He moved his paw and ripples shattered his reflection. The ripples became silver and black under the moon's rays like tabby stripes.
Pantherstar knew it was no sign from StarClan but mere light on the water and his own lingering thoughts on Falconheart. "I've gone over three moons without a deputy." He looked up the creek. "Should I name a new one?"
He watched the constant movement of water, as if expecting Falconheart to emerge, to have come down the creek of his own will unlike them who had been ripped from their home and forced away. But his brother didn't appear, not that Pantherstar had truly expected him to.
"I don't know what to do." He confessed softly. "He's not dead."
But he's not coming.
Pantherstar bent his head, not to look at his reflection but to plunge his muzzle into the water and drink. He knew Falconheart wasn't coming, that thought pained him with every joke Smokeflight and Sootleap shared, every time he turned to his right and Falconheart wasn't there, every day when Falconheart didn't wake him up, it felt like one of his lives was being ripped out.
He's not coming.
Pantherstar raised his head, the water spilling off his muzzle down his whiskers, he swallowed his mouthful. "But he's not dead either. Nor has he retired. I can't appoint another deputy." He wouldn't declare his brother dead, not when he knew he was still alive. He'd never turn on his brother like that.
So why had Falconheart thought he would? He wasn't happy that his brother had run off with some she-cat but he would've accepted it. He could've just recruited her or something. If that wasn't possible for some reason he could've talked to Pantherstar. They could've worked something out. But that required Falconheart telling him about it which he hadn't!
"Why? Why didn't he trust me?" Pantherstar whispered, to the ever silent stars. "Was it because he knew he was wrong?"
Pantherstar shook his head, his fur ruffling in the wind; he waded out of the creek, dripping water over the bank until he sat down to lick the water off.
"I suppose I should be grateful for how loyal the Clan is." Pantherstar muttered, his pink tongue flicking over his black fur. "Since none of them have questioned my decision not to replace him."
But I need him now more than ever. Pantherstar paused in the middle of licking, isn't that ironic? I'd be putting him first now, and he's not here for it. Is he with Ciara? Why hasn't he come to find us?
Pantherstar looked around camp, feeling the emptiness and detachment from this place. He wanted to go home. He wanted to wake up and find Falconheart over him, in his camp, upstream, and not feel so lost.
Pantherstar looked up at the stars, searching for a bright one. "Pebblestar, are you happy now? Was I the right choice after all?" he imagined the gray and brown she-cat; he would've gladly given a life to speak to her now.
"What would you have done if you were here? Would you stay or go? Would you name a new deputy?" Pantherstar asked, eyes drifting over the endless expanse above his head. "Please, just a little guidance."
He let his shoulders drop, and hung his head. "That's your answer isn't it? I have to figure this out on my own."
He sought the moon once more, finding it almost at the height of its journey. Whitepelt would come relieve him soon and then he could sleep.
For a heartbeat Pantherstar wished he could sleep in the warriors den surrounded by his Clanmates, in the desperate hope that he would lose the feelings of being lost and alone.
XXX
A.N.: StarClan's kits! It's been a moon since the Clan was rebuilt! Three moons since the flood for those who couldn't keep track. This was basically a "Meanwhile, downstream…" but Pantherstar has his angst.