(Authors Intro) Annoyed he cannot use his new weapons yet, Joffrey attempts to kill Robb Stark by himself… Again.
Joffrey rubbed his hands together has the Hound ripped opened the two large crates. Cersei watched proudly as her son's new weapons were about to be reviled. The second the wooden tops were taken off Joffrey reached in and quickly pulled out a red and white ball with an evil grin on his face.
"What is that dear?" Cersei asked confused, wondering what the wondrous new weapons were.
"This is a pokeball." Joffrey replied. Looking like he was about to win the war has he held the ball up high. "When thrown at any beast it will instantly seal them inside." Joffrey went onto explain how he would capture the Stark and Targaryen beasts, then go onto capture Pokémon, and then finally crush his enemies.
"I think you're going soft up here." The Hound said pointing to Joffrey's head. "There is no way a dragon is going to fit into that small ball."
"How dare you insult the King!" Joffrey screamed! "I know a dragon will not fit in a Pokeball that is what an ultraball is for!" Joffrey fumbled around the crates for a few minutes, then banged the table in rage. "Those fools only delivered the pokeballs! The ultra and masterball must be arriving later!" Joffrey was angered his plans needed to be put on hold. His train of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door. Petyr Baelish entered with a letter.
"Your Grace the young wolf Robb Stark and a scouting party has been spotted a few days ride from the Red Keep." Joffrey smiled and ordered two horses to be saddled and readied for riding, then walked into Grand Maester Pycelle's laboratory.
"Your Grace." He said. As he put down the formula he was studying and stood up. "How my I serve you? I am at your command."
"Grand Maester, I trust the gun I brought back from Agartha is ready?"
"Of course Your Grace." Pycelle replied as he slowly walked over to a sealed chest and unlocked it. He pulled out Doctor Heiter's rifle. The barrel of the rifle was painted gold while the stock of the rifle was painted red with a golden lion painted on it. Pycelle slowly explained that since tranquilizer darts could not be recreated, he modified the gun to fire steel darts tipped with two types of poisons that could either kill or knock out a victim.
"Well struck!" Grand Maester Joffrey complemented. He left the room and ordered Sansa and the Hound to meet him in on the royal baloney. When they arrived Joffrey was smiling holding the gun over his shoulder.
"Sansa today I will be leaving to kill your traitor brother with my new weapon…. The king's thunder!" He ordered Sansa to come to the edge of the baloney overlooking flea bottom. Joffrey aimed at a poor beggar and fired. The three watched as the beggar dropped dead a few seconds later. Sansa didn't show it but she was a little nervous about Joffrey's new weapon. "Dog you will accompany the king on his journey to kill the wolf."
"Are you sure that's wise? Remember what happened last time?" The Hound replied. Joffrey glared at the Hound. "Fine don't come dog!" Joffrey screamed for Lancel and ordered him to come along in place of the Hound. Lancel tried to get out of it but Joffrey was not hearing it. He told Sansa he would return with her brother's head and dragged a screaming Lancel to the stables were Tyrion was waiting.
"Joffrey in case you have forgotten we have visitors from Dorne arriving in a few days. You cannot leave the capital."
"Yes he's right!" Lancel agreed. "Let's forget about killing the young wolf."
"The King can do has he likes!" Joffrey yelled. "If the visitors from Dorne arrive before I return they can wait a few days." After saying that Joffrey and Lancel rode past an annoyed Tyrion and headed for Robb Starks camp.
Joffrey and Lancel had been riding for two days. Joffrey was annoyed due to Lancel complaining, however he planned to release his anger on Rob Stark when he finally found him. Night was nearly upon them when Joffrey stopped at the location where Varys said Robb Stark's camp would be. Robb Stark's camp was supposed to be on the right side of a large ridge that had a valley with a small stream running through it. Joffrey and Lancel walked up a large hill that lead to the opposite side of the ridge the Starks camp was located at. A light grown forest provided cover for Joffrey as he neared the edge of the ridge. Joffrey looked through the scope on his rifle. He could see the Starks tents and banners. He saw Robb Stark eating dinner with his wife though an opening in the largest tent. Lancel looked down and saw the six foot drop that was between them and the valley below.
"My king! Look how far down that is!" Lancel screamed in terror.
"Shut up Lancel!" Joffrey whispered covering his mouth. "If the Starks hear us the king is dead! Now I'm going to shoot Robb Stark then we will both flee back to the Red Keep where there will be a celebration for the king. After that it is onto the mother of dragons!" Joffrey basked in that thought for a few seconds then loaded a poison dart in the gun. He was debating whether to shoot Robb Stark or maybe Talisa first to enjoy Robb Stark's tears. Joffrey put the scope to his eye. He took a step forward to get a better aim. He put his finger on the trigger and leaned forward. Suddenly Joffrey felt the ground leave his foot and went tumbling down the ridge.
"My King!" Lancel screamed. Lancel ducked in terror when he saw movement in the Stark camp. He hide under the roots of a large tree. A few minutes later Lancel mustered the courage to come out. He was quickly grabbed with caused him to scream.
"Be quite Lancel!" A half mud covered Joffrey screamed. Joffrey ordered Lancel get a rope and tie it around the king's waist. "Lancel you are the king's safely line. If the king falls you pull on the rope and stop him."
"Yes my king." Lancel said holding the rope. Happy to be away from the scary ridge. Joffrey wiped the mud off the rifle and got ready to fire. Lancel was resting his arm on a rock when he felt something crawling on his hand. Lancel looked down and in the moonlight saw a big spider crawling on his hand. Lancel screamed and ran. In his terror he ran off the edge of the ridge. Suddenly Joffrey was jerked off his feet causing the rifle to fire in the air. Joffrey's foot hit this pouch of darts causing it to tumble down the ridge with him. Robb Stark walked out of his tent and looked up at the sky.
"Could have sworn I heard thunder, but there is no clouds in the sky."
"Mabey an approaching storm?" Talisa suggested.
"Could be." He replied not thinking much of it he went back inside.
"I'll have your head!" Joffrey yelled as he shoved Lancel to the ground.
"I'm sorry my king.. The… the spider!"
"All shut up." Joffrey yelled. He was now completely covered in mud. He shook with rage as he picked up the dart pouch from the bottom. He pulled it up quickly which caused the darts to fallout. Joffrey watched in horror as the dart were carried downstream by the current.
"You caused the king to lose his darts!" Joffrey roared. "Now the king's rifle will not work!"
"My king please, let's go back!" Lancel begged.
"No!" Joffrey replied in a crazed voice. "The wolf dies today!" Joffrey and Lancel walked back up the ridge. Joffrey sat down and thought about his next move. A few minutes later an idea came to him. Joffrey saw a large rock close to the edge of the ridge and a tree branch that was thick and wide at the front and long and thin at the back. Joffrey picked it up and placed the larger part bellow the rock and the thin part on the rock.
"Lancel the King has made a catapult. You will load rocks on it and fire at Robb Stark's tent."
"But my King what if the branch breaks and the rock hits me in the foot?" Lancel asked in worried voice. Annoyed Joffrey picked up a good sized rock and placed it on the heavy end of the stick.
"Lancel watch as the young wolf dies." Joffrey pushed on the branch with all his might. The branch shot forward and launched the rock in the air a few feet. Joffrey's happy look quickly turned to fright as the rock fell towards him. Joffrey moved his head to avoid it, but the rock struck his foot. Joffrey screamed in pain and hopped around for a few minutes howling in pain. As Joffrey sat holding his foot another thought came to his head. He grabbed a large long log and used his sword to create a large cut at one end, then he handed a rope to Lancel and ordered him to tie it around two large trees at the end of the ridge.
"My king what are we doing? Lancel asked.
"The king will use the rope to lunch that log into Robb Stark's tent killing him instantly." Joffrey ordered Lancel to help him pull on the rope. They both pulled on the rope, however Lancel did not tie the knot well and it come loss causing them to fall backwards. Joffrey smacked Lancel a few times and retied the knot himself, then he tried again. Joffrey and Lancel pulled the rope back as far as it would go.
"Ok Lancel on three let go." Lancel was checking for spiders and only heard let go. Joffrey was still hanging onto the log when it went flying. The not very aerodynamic log simply dropped off the edge taking Joffrey with him. Joffrey had, had enough. He pulled out his sword.
"I'll smash you to twigs he screamed and started smacking the log with his sword. A few minutes later the log was splinters. Joffrey heard a splash in the water and yelled for Lancel to get back on the ridge. The next thing he heard was Lancel's high pieced scream of terror. Joffrey looked up to see Lancel still up on the ridge pointing behind him. Joffrey heard a low growl. He slowly turned around to see Greywind snarling at him.
"Run!" Joffrey screamed in horror and started running in the direction of his horses. Greywind quickly caught up with Joffrey and bit down on his royal pants and shirt. Joffrey pulled for his life until he heard a ripping sound. Joffrey was free and started to run again. Satisfied with his caught Greywind returned to the Stark camp. Joffrey regrouped with Lancel at the horses.
"Get on! Get on!" Joffrey yelled. Joffrey looked down and screamed not realizing until now he was only wearing his underwear. Back at the Stark camp Robb talked to some of his men about screaming and yelling people were hearing at the bottom of the ridge. One of them claim Greywind tore the clothes from a muddy traveler a few minutes ago.
"Robb!" Catelyn said as she ran in and handed him a small scroll. "A message from Sansa." Robb opened it quickly.
"Everyone get ready for battle." He yelled.
"What is it!?" Talisa asked in a worried voice.
"King Joffrey knows are location and is coming to attack. Probably with thousands of men." He was about to tell Talisa to get somewhere safe when Greywind walked in holding muddy clothes.
"What do you got there boy." He asked. Everyone look confused when Robb took Joffrey's clothes from Greywind mouth.