Chapter 21: (No) More Secrets

[Previously on Project Vocaloid…]

(cut to Luka drying her hair in the kitchen)

Luka: Phew. I can't believe I didn't notice that until Meiko told me. Huh? (notices a stranger in a dark cloak lying on the floor) What in the world…? (to the others) Hey guys! There's somebody lying on the floor in the kitchen!

(pause) [And who could this somebody be? Could it be the mysterious stranger we first saw 17 chapters ago? It looks like we're about to find out right now.] (resume)

(the others come in from the main room)

Miku: Who's that?

Luka: I don't know. I just came in here to put my hair out because somebody (glares at Gakupo) had the bright idea to set off pyrotechnics concealed in the table in the main room.

Gakupo: (ashamed) I'm really sorry, Luka. I didn't mean for them to set your hair on fire. Can you ever forgive me?

Luka: First of all, if you didn't mean for those pyrotechnics to set my hair on fire, you'd never have set them up in the first place. Second of all…(looks at Gakupo with pity)…yes, I forgive you…(regains composure) but that doesn't change the fact that my hair's ruined, or that I almost died because of you.

Kaito: Oh, come on, Luka. I get beaten up on a regular basis and I never blame anyone else. And you're upset because Gakupo set your hair on fire once?

Gakupo: Yeah, exactly.

Kaito: I mean about two weeks ago, Rin and Len ran over me with their road roller and wrecked Meiko's house, yet I wasn't one bit upset. Remember?

Gakupo: Uh…yeah.

Kaito: And later, while I was cooking breakfast for all of you, Gakupo sprayed me with a fire extinguisher, and then stabbed me in the foot.

Gakupo: (slightly irritated) Okay, Kaito. She's got the point. You can stop helping now.

Kaito: Why, I could probably give you a lesson or two about taking punishment. You see, the secret is-(Gakupo grabs him by the collar) ack!

Gakupo: (agitated) All right! That's enough! Listen here, Kaito. Nobody cares about how you're able to take so much punishment and not complain. (lets go of Kaito) The point is that even though your reaction to the pyrotechnics was hilarious, I didn't mean to set Luka's hair on fire. (continues in the background)

Miku: Shouldn't we do something, Meiko-san?

Meiko: He'll shut up eventually. In the meantime, we've got to do something about that person on the floor. (to the others) Does anyone know CPR1?

Haku: I do. (walks over to the stranger, then kneels down and turns the stranger over) Okay. Now, stand back, people.

(cut to Luka holding Gakupo by the ear while Kaito looks on2)

Luka: (pause) Next time you think of rigging the table with pyrotechnics, Gakupo, don't, just so you know.

Gakupo: (simultaneously) (flailing like a fish) (repeatedly) Not! The! Ear!

Kaito: (turns to the others to see Haku checking the stranger's pulse) So, how is she?

Haku: There's no pulse… (checks for breathing) She's not breathing… (starts to tilt the stranger's head up, then looks down her throat) I don't see anything in her-wait. I think I see something. It kind of looks like…

Rin: Ooh! (jumps in, knocking Haku out of the way) Let me (lands on the stranger) see!

Stranger: (suddenly opens her eyes and twitches, throwing Rin off) (slowly sits up, looks around) (monotone) Reactivation sequence complete. Running full system diagnostic.

Rin: AAAAAA! ZOMBIE!

Len: She's not a zombie, Rin. She's a robot.

Haku: Well, that explains why there was no pulse.

Stranger: (normally) Of course I don't have a pulse. Who's heard of a robot with a-(winces, then clutches her arm) AAA!

Miku: Hold still; you'll make your injury worse.

Stranger: Nngh. (staggers to her feet) I appreciate your concern, but don't worry; I've had worse.

Miku: Okay. Just let me know if I can help you. My name is Miku Hatsune, by the way.

Stranger: Nice to meet you, Miku. I'm Project Vocaloid Omega, serial number F2-22NRI87-Z341-A4, but if that's too much of a mouthful, you can just call me GUMI.

(pause) [This is GUMI.] (resume)

GUMI: (to the narrator) Yeah, I just said that.

[Hey! You're not supposed to interrupt me! I'm the narrator!]

GUMI: I think it's a little redundant to announce it a second time.

[How dare you! Don't you know who I am?!]

GUMI: Nobody cares about the narrator.

[Everybody cares about the narrator!]

GUMI: Why don't you get off your high horse and consider that we can get along just fine without you? You're not even funny! You spoil every single line. You're not even a real character; you're nothing! I bet you've never even heard of us before this story.

[(simultaneously) What would a story be without a narrator? A bunch of text, that's what. And do you really want to watch text? No you don't. Or maybe you do; I don't care. I'M THE NARRATOR!]

Meiko: Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu. (to GUMI) So, what brings you here, GUMI?

(everyone walks out of the kitchen)

GUMI: I'm on the run from my creator, a bounty hunter who calls herself Black Rock Shooter.

Luka: Black Rock Shooter? Why does that name sound so familiar…?

Len: (to Luka) You know her?

Luka: Uh, it's nothing, Len.

GUMI: Anyway, shortly after Black Rock Shooter created me, she performed all kinds of experiments on me, and before you ask, let's just say that she'd never conduct them if I was human. Needless to say, I escaped one night—I can't remember exactly when—and Black Rock Shooter has been hunting me down ever since. She recently formed a band of agents called the Dark Stars to help her out; so far, I've managed to elude capture, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

Meiko: Well, it looks like this "Black Rock Shooter" means business. If she's as bad as you say she is, we'll need to find a way to help you out.

GUMI: I appreciate your offer, but if I stay, I'll only put all of you guys in danger.

Gakupo: (walks over to the window) Danger? Hah! I walk on the wild side. (turns his back to the window) I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha!

(someone falls past the window, screaming and flailing)

Kaito: Hey. Did you see that?

Gakupo: (turns around) Huh? (turns to Kaito) See what?

Kaito: Somebody just fell past the window.

Rin: Yeah, I saw it too.

Len: Me too. (to the others) Did you see it?

Meiko: What?

Len: Somebody just fell past the window to his or her almost certain death.

Kaito: Shouldn't I be dead, then?

Len: Oh. Good point.

(cut to outside Crypton Studios; there's a deep, Miku Z-shaped imprint in the street)

Miku Z: (climbs out of the imprint) Ugh. Ow. That's the last time I trust Suspicious Figure #11 to get us back to base… (looks up and sees Black Rock Shooter standing over her) Oh, uh, hi, boss.

Black Rock Shooter: (rolls her eyes at Miku Z, then walks away)

Miku Z: Uh, okay. I'll just lay here (lies down nearby the imprint) and rest…here…until I can feel my legs… Ow…

[Well, it's about time that mysterious stranger revealed herself. But now that she's in the company of Miku and her friends, how will Miku and the others decide what to do with their uninvited guest? Will Black Rock Shooter finally succeed in claiming what she thinks is rightfully hers? And what sort of connection could Luka have with the shady bounty hunter? Find out in the next chapter of Project Vocaloid.]

1 CPR stands for cardiopulmonary resuscitation, an emergency medical procedure for a victim of cardiac arrest or, in some circumstances, respiratory arrest.

2 The dish rag Luka used to dry her hair can be seen nearby; it reads "Just Be Friends".