Chapter 21

Sara sat down keeping the now weeping girl on her lap. She wanted to hug and soothe and tell Amy that everything was going to be all right, but this wasn't a scraped knee or a stomach virus. "Amy, I need to tell to you about my life when I was a little girl." Amy raised her head and Sara knew she had captured her attention.

Sara drew in a breath and began, "do you know I lived some of my childhood in the foster care system?"

Sara wasn't sure if any of the other children had told Amy about it, since she hadn't joined the group yet by the time when Sara had told about it.

Amy shook her head, "no."

"When I was a little bit older than you my dad died after being stabbed with a knife." Sara stopped for a moment to think about how to explain without going into details.

"I was there when it happened but I wasn't big enough to prevent it from happening, all I could do was to call 911, but it was too late by the time they arrived. Eventually a social worker came and brought Craig and me to a foster home."

Amy narrowed her brows, "but you still had grandma, why didn't she take care of you?"

Sara swallowed hard not sure about how to answer that, she didn't wanted to lie to her daughter but at the same time she didn't wanted to scare her by telling that Laura was the one how had killed her father.

"My father wasn't a nice man to neither one of us so when he died she was so broken that the state decided she wasn't capable of taking care of us but instead needed to go away for a while" Sara explained.

Amy considered this for a long while. "So you… you had to live in a place like I did?"

Sara nodded, "yes."

"But you still had Craig."

"No not really, we were sent to different homes because of the difference in age, and it wasn't so easy back then to stay in touch so we lost track of each other."

"And nobody… nobody adopted you?"

"No. It has pretty much just been me since then," she answered. "Until I got back to Frisco and met my family again, and now, now I've got you."

Amy's arms went around her mother's neck, and Sara took the time to comfort her daughter.

"Shh…it's all right. I didn't tell you this to make you sad. I told you this so you can understand that I do know what you're going through." She stroked the little girl's hair. I know you're upset. And you know what? I'm really glad that you are."

Amy lifted her head from her mother's shoulder and looked at her, "why?"

"Because it tells me that you are a healthy young girl who isn't afraid to show when she's upset."

Amy sighed, laying her head back down on her mother's shoulder but before long she began telling about her experience.

"I suddenly remembered the car crash again. It scared me. And I… freaked out a little bit" she said quietly, "it was like I was sitting in the car again and all I could hear was the quietness."

She continued, squinting her eyes as if to see the past more clearly, "I couldn't move and no one answered my call out, and then I got this strange taste in my mouth and the next thing I remember was that I was throwing up and that grandma was saying my name."

Sara said nothing at first. It killed her to know that this memory was still living inside her daughter, and that there was nothing she could do to erase it. Parents were supposed to fix thing, to make things better. But there was no way to change what happened.

"And that made you think that you're not normal?" She asked tentatively.

Amy seemed to consider the question thoughtfully, "yeah, it's like most of the time I feel normal, but when this happened I didn't feel normal anymore."

"Well sweetie, let me tell you, you are actually very normal" Sara smiled, "we all have experiences we react to, for some it's provoked by a specific smell or a sound and for others it's a view. For me for example it's the smell of blood that makes me remember what happened to my dad."

For me its whenever I see a lose dog close to the road, then I remember the dog I had when I was a child and how I lost it because he ran out on the road and got run over" Sofia said.

"You know what? I don't even know what normal is, but in my book you're better than normal, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Okay" Amy nodded reflectively. "Can I have some pizza?" She asked with a little smile.

"Of course, I think we all could eat" Sara answered. She placed Amy on a stool and went to get some juice from the fridge.

During dinner the talk some more about the senses influence on the memory, but they kept it mostly to good memories. Sofia always remembered her grandmother whenever she saw or smelled a particular flower. Sara told that whenever she saw a stray cat it always remembered her about the abandoned kitten she found as a girl and how she and Craig had hidden it in the garage so their parents wouldn't find out.

Amy didn't really have that many memories yet, but she promptly got the meaning of it, "so when I grow up and for example sees a dolphin I will remember our vacation to Hawaii?" She asked.

"Probably" Sara smiled, "but that's what so odd about our mind, we can't really be sure about what it remembers and what it forgets, it's like the mind have its own filters."

"It's okay I guess" Amy shrugged, "I have a lot of pictures from that trip anyway, so I can always look at those if the mind can't remember it" She said logically.

That statement made both Sofia and Sara laugh. Sara got up and cleaned the table. "So is everything okay?" Sara asked, feigning nonchalance as she loaded dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.

Amy was silent for a moment as she tilted her head and considered the question. "Yeah, I think so."

Sara felt a sense of relief wash over her. Amy hadn't swept her experience, as painful as it must have been, under the rug and just given her a resounding 'Yes!' instead she had talked about it and was now trying to understand what had happened.

Touched, Sara smiled. "Good. So, ready for a bath? I think we need to do that before anything else."

Amy shifted uncomfortably, blushing a little bit, "is grandma mad because I threw up in her car?"

"No she isn't, she was just worried about you."

"It was so embarrassing" Amy blushed.

"I bet" Sara chortled, "but she's use to it, Ian always got car sick when he was little so he threw up in cars all the time" she assured. "So, ready for your bath?"

"Mmm" Amy snickered, "in the tub with lots of bubbles."

Though Sara originally had planned to keep Amy home from school the next day to make sure she was all right, she rethought that decision as she watched her daughter. Not only did it seem like Amy was much stronger than Sara had ever realized, but she also seemed to need to be treated as normally as possible.

While Sara and Amy were bathing Sofia made a pot of coffee. Sofia felt something between honored and surprised about Sara had let her stay while she had told Amy about her own up-bringing. Somehow Sofia hadn't been all that surprised to learn about Sara's childhood. Her reaction pattern towards some cases they had worked together back in Vegas had often made her wonder if Sara were hiding her own dark secret, but she had never dared to ask. Of course on some level she couldn't help feeling a bit sad for Sara and the things she had had to live through, but truth be told, she was much more impressed to see what Sara had accomplished with her life.

Amy and Sara came back, the girl now in her pajamas. Sofia and Sara talked a bit about work while Amy got her home-work done. Afterwards they played a game of scrabble until it was Amy's bedtime, Sara read another chapter in their night book she tucked Amy in and said goodnight.

Sofia was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels when Sara returned; she turned off the TV and watched Sara drop onto the couch with a low sigh.

"Are things okay?"

"Yeah" Sara said, sighing again.

"What's wrong?" Sofia asked, obviously concerned.

Sara traced a pattern on the couch seat with a finger, "I think I got lulled into thinking that things are going well. She is so bright that it's so easy to think that she is just another normal girl without an ugly backpack, but today showed with all clarity that she isn't." Sara paused for a moment, "I'm not sure that she ever will be able to put what happened behind her."

"Have you?"

Sara blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Have you been able to put what happened to you behind you?"

Sara thought for a moment, cataloguing the residual fears that had faded with the years, but were still present in the back of her mind. "I..."

"You've had Amy for what ten months now," Sofia explained. "You can't erase what happened in ten months, Sara. I don't think you can erase it, period." Sofia said gently. "You want to because you love her and it hurts you to see her cry. You're her mom. Mothers do what's best for their children." There was a slight pause and then she continued. "You can't erase what she's lived through. You can build on it."

Sara exhaled, closing her eyes. "I know and it's what I'm trying to do."

"I know, and it's working."

"Yeah, but look what happened today… I swear, sometimes I feel like an elephant surrounded by Crystal Walls!"

"Sara, its working," Sofia said, squeezing her hand reassuring.

Sara gave her a little smile, "thanks."

"For what?"

"For staying" Sara answered.

"Oh! You're welcome" Sofia smiled back. "Maybe you better call your mother and let her know that things are okay."

"Yeah guess I should."

She got up and called Laura who was relieved to hear that everything was okay. Before they got off the phone Laura reminded her that Craig still was waiting for an answer about Thanksgiving.

"Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?" Sara asked.

"No not yet, I still don't know if I'll be at work or not, why?"

"Craig asked if we want to celebrate it with them." Sara giggled, "And I was welcome to bring my girlfriend."

"Huh?"

Sara began laughing, "Well it seems like both mom and Craig are under the impression that you're my girlfriend."

"Oh! Why?"

Sara shrugged, "probably because of all the time we spend together."

"Right!" Sofia cleared her throat, "does it bother you that they think that?" She asked hastily.

"No not really. They like you and are cool with whoever I chose to be with" Sara said firmly. "I just wanted to warn you if you decide to come along, I know Craig and how he likes to tease people so just consider it a fair warning" Sara explained, sounding the slightest bit nervous.

Sofia was definitely amused, judging by the way the corners of her mouth were twitching, "somehow that doesn't surprise me, but don't worry I'm sure I can handle him" she chuckled.

"Yeah, he's really not that bad when you get to know him" Sara assured.

Sara moved on the couch and pressed Sofia down to a lying position and placed herself half lying on top of her and turned on the TV. For a long neither of them spoke and when they eventually did it was about what they were watching. Both went to bed early, Sara was so exhausted she slept the second her head hit the pillow.

A few hours later than Amy and Sara, and due to work, Sofia emerged in front of Craig and Ellen's home. Sara came out and opened the door for her as she approached.

"Hi, you found it" Sara greeted with a warm smile.

"Hi, yeah it wasn't that hard to find" Sofia replied with a smile.

As they entered the house they walked into the fragrant smell of baking bread and roasted turkey. Sofia was introduced to Ellen's side of the family; she briefly talked with Laura and got a quick hug from Amy before Craig emerged from the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel.

"Glad you could make it," he said, all open friendliness, and Sofia was struck at the similarity between brother and sister… the unafraid gaze, the willingness to meet things head-on. Sara had lost some of that confidence during her last year in Las Vegas, but it had returned.

"So am I," she replied.

Craig jerked a thumb at the kitchen. "Want a beer?"

"Sure."

Craig pulled three bottles from the fridge and opened them, handing one each to his sister and Sofia as Sara followed them in.

"Aunt Sara? We need some help." Allison's voice sounded.

Sara sighed melodramatically. "Why is it always me?"

"You're more fun than me and Ellen," Craig retorted.

"Sorry about this. I should be back in a minute," she said to Sofia, then picked up her beer bottle and padded out of the room.

"Take your time, it gives me a chance to grill her," Craig called after her, and Sofia turned just in time to see the rude gesture Sara made before she vanished. Craig chuckled. "Some things never change. The kids love her," he added. "What about your parents?" He asked.

Sofia blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Craig shrugged, snagging a dishtowel to dry his hands. "You don't usually spend the holidays with them? Not that we're not glad to have you," he added.

"I work most holidays, but my mother, brother and I usually try to get together around Christmas. I might fly out to see her this year, since I won't be on call." As it was, Sofia hadn't really planned that far in advance.

"Well, you're welcome to join us if you don't," Craig said cheerfully.

Sofia bemused by the casual invitation, gathered her thoughts, "thank you."

Craig glanced over at Sofia, "are you serious about her?"

"Excuse me?" Sofia leaned against the counter, looking idly down at her beer bottle. Condensation was pearling along its sides.

"I know it's none of my business but I love my sister, Sofia. I know she has turn invitations down flat, and I've seen her walk right past guys that were willing to do practically anything just to get her to smile at them. Smart guys, too."

Craig sighed, turning to rest one hip against the counter, and then grinned a little at Sofia's dumbfounded expression. "I don't know what Sara was like in Las Vegas, but coming back to Frisco is good for her, she brightened up and she really enjoys it. She talks like she wants to spend the rest of her life here."

Is he warning me off? Sofia wondered.

"Sara made her life good, but it's still missing a piece. I think you might be that piece," he said, as if it explained everything.

Sofia swallowed, trying to get a handle on Craig's extraordinary monologue. "That may be true, but it's no guarantee that she'll let me be a part of… of her future."

"True." Craig reached for his own beer. "And Sara's more stubborn than a skunk sometimes. And if she finds out I'm telling you this, she'll kill me," he added in a wry tone. But…"

On some level, Sofia was aware that this conversation should be making her far more uncomfortable than it actually was. "But?"

Craig lifted the bottle at Sofia in a toast. "But you're here."

Sofia felt a smile coming on. "Yes. I am." She took another sip of beer and regarded Craig thoughtfully. "Aren't you going to threaten to kill me if I hurt her?"

Craig chuckled. "Is that what a good brother is supposed to do?" He ran a hand through his hair, eyes twinkling. "I don't have to. Sara will kill you herself."

Soft voices reached them as Ellen and Sara came into the kitchen, Craig grinned and tilted his head back to look at them. "Hello ladies."

"Is everything all right?" Sofia asked.

Sara snickered, "yeah." The house was full of the scent of roasting turkey, and Sara was thankful that the smell itself didn't nauseate her.

They all went into the living room and found the rest of the family occupying on the couch's, watching the football game, with Ian in the middle rooting for the team with the lower score. Amy and Allison, who wasn't into football was playing with some toys at the other end of the big room.

Sara leaned over the back of the couch and ruffled Ian's hair. "Who's winning?"

"The guys in white." He was more of a football enthusiast than his dad, who mostly tended to watch the holiday game for tradition's sake.

"They're ten points ahead," Ellen's father added.

Sara grinned at Sofia, and caught a faint hint of wistfulness on her face, an expression that vanished as she returned her smile. It puzzled her, but she didn't pursue it.

Dinner took a long time, opening with a slightly more elaborate grace than usual. The food was excellent; Craig, like his sister, was skilled in the kitchen, and proceeding with everyone stuffing themselves as full as the bird. Sofia was relaxed, Sara noted, approving the way that Sofia seemed to be feeling at home.

After dinner and some sporadic cleanup, everyone went outside, the kids and some of the adults kicked a ball around and the rest just sat down and talked. Eventually it got too dark to continue, and they trooped back inside with rosy cheeks to sit down to a table full of pastry. Craig had performed his usual miracles with piecrust, and Laura's bakery offering was almost as good; Ellen's mother had brought her traditional baklava as well, which was Sara's first choice. It was a holiday, and so Craig declared a moratorium on limits, and they all stuffed themselves again.

It was three very stuffed but satisfied ladies that went home later in the evening, Amy could hardly keep her eyes open so Sara put her straight to bed and the girl was sleeping before they got around to their bedtime story.

As almost tradition Sofia and Sara ended up lying on the couch, Sara halfway cuddled up on top of Sofia with her head resting on her chest, and Sofia with an arm loosely resting on the brunette's back.

Sara yawned, "Tell me a story," she said, sounding half-asleep.

Sofia looked at her, confused. "What?"

She grinned at her, looking both sleepy and mischievous. "Tell me a story. I want to hear what kind of stories you know in case you need to tuck Amy in sometime."

It was an absurd request, especially since Sara usually was reading to Amy, but somehow in this quiet sanctuary of hers it seemed perfectly normal. A hundred possibilities tumbled through Sofia's head, from work stories to a few jokes, but none of them suited this one moment. She went back further, to one of the stories her grandmother used to tell when she was a child.

Leaning back comfortably, she retold it as best she could; she kept her voice low and soothing. It was an old fairy tale, of an evil squire who did whatever he wanted and took whatever he wanted until a resourceful young woman stopped him; for some reason it had always been Sofia's favorite.

By the time she was finished, Sara was asleep, and Sofia was pleased that she'd managed to soothe her into slumber. She was very tempted to stay just where she was and watch her sleep, but instead she managed to wriggle herself out from under Sara and rose carefully, restraining the desire to brush her hair from her face and went for a comforter and gently placed it around her. Sofia left quietly and checked Amy before she went to bed herself.

Sara woke up in the middle of the night. Confused at first why she was sleeping on the couch. It took a few minutes for the memory of Sofia to return, and then she couldn't decide whether to be pleased or embarrassed about asking her for a story. What am I, five?

Yet she hadn't seemed anything but surprised; she'd just thought a moment then begun a tale about some evil guy who lived in a castle. Sara had to admit that she couldn't remember most of the story.

Maybe...maybe someday I can get her to tell it again.

A strange thought, but an interesting one, she took her time about washing her face and brushing her teeth, enjoying the momentary peace of solitude, before going to bed.

Tbc…