Chapter 20

A few days later, Elphaba had not yet shown any signs of improvement. She wasn't getting worse, which was somewhat encouraging, but she surely wasn't getting any better, on the other hand. His time was divided between staying by Elphaba's side, and spending time with his baby girl. He hardly slept; he ate only when it was necessary. He wanted to send a word to Avaric and Glinda at the Emerald City, but kept putting it off. There was always something more important to do.

He was at constant awe by his baby. Everything she did amazed him, whether it was yawning or giggling or just sleeping in his lap. He could just sit there and watch her for hours and never get enough of it. He looked down at her now, so peaceful in her slumber, her hands clutching the blanket she was wrapped in. He sighed. He knew time was running out. The week was coming to an end, and his promise to his father remained hanging there, mid-air, like a shadow. As much as he didn't want to, he knew he'd have to name her without Elphaba, for there was no chance she'd get better any time soon. His father didn't say a word about it again, but it was clear it was still on his mind.

He reached out a finger, touching her hands. Luckily, he didn't have to make the decision all by himself. They had considered it before. Elphaba had refused to name the baby after people they've lost. It deserved a fresh start, she said. That left out Melena… or Nessarose… A smile crawled on his lips when he remembered that night when they laid awake in bed, just throwing random names into the air, quickly dismissing each other's ideas and laughing at the absurdity of some of them. But there was that one name at the back of his mind. He didn't even remember which one of them came up with it. He just liked the ring there was to it. And it was the only name they had actually agreed upon.

"Talleen Tiggular," he murmured, trying it out.

The baby opened her eyes, looking straight at him. She smiled, at least he thought she did, and raised her tiny hands up towards him, as if attempting to touch his chin.

"It sounds nice, isn't it, little one?" The baby let out a sound that could have interpreted as a giggle. "I'll take it as a 'yes' then," he told her, smiling down at her.

A knock came on the door just then. He turned just as his father let himself in, looking somewhat bothered. He approached him, and his features softened slightly as he knelt by the baby.

"What's the matter?"

"Her Goodness is here to see you."

He would have sprung to his feet if the baby wasn't half-asleep in his lap. "Glinda is here?"

"Yes. She and Avaric have just arrived. He said he was worried when they heard nothing from you." He shook his head, feeling somewhat guilty. He was intending to write them. "Her Goodness wishes to speak to you," his father added.

Oh, no. That couldn't mean anything good. And it could only mean she somehow found out about the baby. He didn't tell her; at least, he thought he didn't. In his haste to get to Elphaba, he didn't think he mentioned anything about it to her. Yet the memory of that night was a blur in his mind; he hardly remembered what went between them after Chistery had arrived with his news. Did Avaric end up telling her? It didn't sound like something Avaric would do, to betray his trust that way. On the other hand, he didn't know what Glinda was capable of doing to convince him otherwise. But if she was indeed there, there was not much he could do. He had put it off for as long as he could; now there was no getting away from confronting her. "Where is she now?"

"Downstairs."

He looked at the baby, who was fast asleep again. He could ask Glinda to come over there, but that wouldn't be fair, to say the least. He'd better see her alone, for the time being. He looked up at his father. "Will you stay with Talleen while I'm down with Glinda?"

"Talleen?" his father echoed, confused. Then he seemed to realize whom he was referring to, and smiled. "Of course. Hand her over to me, she shall be just fine."

He wasn't sure how fine he would be, though, after speaking to Glinda.

XoxoxoxoX

He could see them as he went down the stairs. They were standing side by side, and seemed as if they were having a hushed argument. Then Avaric looked up and noticed him, and their conversation stopped at once as Glinda looked up at him as well. There was fury in her eyes; he could see it even from his place on top of the stairs. There was something more constrained to this fury though, not the same as that night she had realized he had never died, as if she was making efforts to contain herself in a strange place.

He silently acknowledged them, then led Glinda to his father's library. She said nothing as they made their way there. He closed the door, took a deep breath, and turned to face her. She was standing there, in the middle of the room, her arms crossed against her chest, just watching him intently, as if trying to read through him. It overwhelmed him, to some extent. There was something in that motion that was so Elphaba-like; it made his heart twitch.

He broke away from their gaze and gestured towards the two armchairs by the empty fireplace. She followed him there, and he waited until she seated herself before he took a seat on the opposite one.

"How is Elphaba?" she asked at last, her voice surprisingly composed.

"She's in and out of consciousness. I wish I could say she is better, but she's not."

"And the baby?" she asked, the slightest venom sneaking to her voice. By the look on her face, it was clear that this was not the question she had really wanted answered.

"How did you know?"

She produced a piece of parchment from an unseen pocket in her dark travel cloak, holding it up to him. "You dropped this when you left. I found it before Avaric did. He had no choice but telling me everything after that."

His father's letter. He should have known. He should have remembered not to leave it behind. He scorned himself for his recklessness. He directed his gaze with hers. "I'm not sure what to say."

"Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"I just… felt as if it would be too much to take, after everything I have already told you. I wasn't sure how you'd handle it all."

"Oh, I've handled worse, believe me," she replied bitterly.

"I know that. And it sounds like an excuse, I know that too, but-"

"That's right. An excuse. And a lame one, for that matters. Believe me, this is nothing compared to-" she stopped at once, as if thinking better of telling him what was on her mind. She shook her head. "Never mind. I'll spare you. It's not for your ears, anyway."

Her last statement intrigued him, but he kept silent. She was right. Whatever she meant, it was not for his ears. "Why are you here?" She looked up at him, as if surprised by his question. He raised the hand that was still holding his father's letter. "You didn't come here just to throw this letter in my face. What is it you wanted?"

Glinda hesitated, then slowly replied, "I had to…" It seemed as if she was having troubles finding the right words. She sighed, and started over. "It didn't sound as if Elphaba had much time. I thought I'd at least see her, before-"

"Don't say that. She's going to be fine."

"You can't know that, Fiyero," she said softly. "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this, but don't make promises you don't know if you'll be able to keep. Especially don't make them for yourself."

Feeling tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, he looked away from her. Of course, she was right, but what else was left for him to do but believe in it? It felt as if he had to hold on to something, to anything at all. Trying to picture his life without her seemed so wrong. He couldn't bare the thought of being away from her after everything they went through to have each other. And to make things worse, he knew nothing about babies; he couldn't possibly raise their daughter by himself, if it came to that.

The touch came out of nowhere, almost sending him off his seat with a start. He didn't even hear her when she left her seat, but there she was, kneeling in front of the armchair he was sitting on, her arm awkwardly wrapped around his shoulder. Something felt damp against his cheeks; pretty soon he realized it was just more tears. It seemed pointless wiping them away. They seemed to have lives of their own. He sniffled, trying to resist them one last time. Glinda shook her head at that, and from the blur made by his own tears he could suddenly see that her expression resembled his own; that her eyes were glistening with tears as well. Slowly, hesitantly, he leaned toward her embrace.

She ran her fingers through his hair, whispering soft words of comfort in his ear, as he silently cried into her shoulder.

XoxoxoxoX

Not a word had passed between them as he led the way upstairs. The constant rustling of her skirts told him she was following. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't believe he let himself fall apart like that. But it was more than just displaying vulnerability in front of someone. He felt so selfish; crying in her arms over a woman he had left her for. And still, at that moment when they were holding each other, it felt as if the past was resolved, in a way; as if they finally understood one another. In spite of the façade of braverism she had tried to impose on herself earlier, it was obvious that Glinda feared for Elphaba, probably as much as he did.

He hesitated in front of the door for a moment, and then opened it. "In here," he said quietly, moving a bit to allow her to walk passed him.

The doctor raised his head at the sound of opening door. His forehead cringed, and he seemed about to object the entrance of a strange person in there, when he finally caught sight of Glinda. A gasp escaped him, in spite of himself, it seemed. "Your Goodness," he said quietly, bowing. Glinda nodded in silent acknowledgement.

"She's here to see Elphaba," he said.

The doctor looked hesitantly over his shoulder, then back at them. "I'm not sure it's…" his voice trailed off as Glinda gave him a look. It wasn't really a look, more a cock of her eyebrow, as if challenging him to prevent her from going in. "Well, I guess it can be arranged, for a little while."

"A little while is all I need," Glinda replied, walking passed them. She seemed quite determined. And then, when she was inches away from the bed, her determination seemed to deteriorate. She stopped on her tracks.

He dismissed the doctor with a look. The older man seemed to want to protest, but he remained silent as he left the room. He waited for the door to be closed behind him before he moved towards Glinda, and placed his hands against her shoulders. She tensed at his touch, as if startled, but didn't shake his hands off. "It's alright," he whispered, urging her forward.

Slowly, she made her way towards the bed, and knelt by it. Elphaba sighed in her sleep, but didn't flinch. She seemed less pale these days; her lips almost returned to their normal color. Her long hair was in tangles. Glinda reached out and fondly combed back a lock of hair with her fingers, her eyes never leaving Elphaba's face, as if afraid she'd miss it in case she'd wake up. She took the green hand in her own, her finger momentarily brushing against Elphaba's wedding ring. She said nothing about it. In fact, she said nothing at all. She just kept looking at her. She didn't seem to be aware of the tears in her eyes.

He stood there for another moment, and then silently left the room. He had the feeling that if it was goodbye Glinda wanted to bid her friend, it was between the two of them. He shouldn't have been there. The least he could do was to give them some privacy. As he climbed up the stairs on his way to see his daughter, he couldn't help but smile sadly at the thought of those two girls he loved, and what they came to be.

XoxoxoxoX

The next day, Glinda declared she was there to stay. She had taken over herself to take care of Elphaba, she said. It came as a relief for him, mainly. Exhaustion was slowly taking its toll on him; he found himself nodding off to sleep at any given opportunity. Once his father found him asleep on the armchair with the baby in his arms. Luckily, she was asleep as well. He tried not to think what might have happened if he accidentally dropped her.

Avaric was great. When he wasn't helping his father around (and he did that quite a lot), he was keeping him company, watching him watching Talleen, sometimes watching her himself and allowing him to rest for a while. Everyone was really sweet and supportive, especially his parents. He ordered to open up the room next to theirs and make a nursery out of it. He knew Elphaba would probably want the baby closer to them, but as long as it wasn't up to her to make any decisions, in the meantime it was the best he could do. His parents needed their privacy, and he was feeling bad for taking their room from them for so long. He should have done this before.

He carefully placed the sleeping infant in her crib, and walked over to the window. The sun was setting, slowly disappearing in the west. He lingered by the window for a moment, and then slowly made his way to the armchair he previously set next to the crib. A weary sigh escaped him when he took a seat. He should go and check on Elphaba, now that Talleen had fallen asleep, but he was so tired. Maybe he'd just rest for a while. His eyes closed as if by their own accord, his lids as heavy as steel. Just for a moment, he told himself.

The room was completely dark when he opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the slight pain of this movement. Talleen fussed in her crib, but didn't cry. He sat up and stretched, feeling the sore muscles of his shoulders. He rushed over to the side of the crib, guilt washes over him. How could he just fall asleep like that?

The baby's fussing softened as he leaned over the crib and reached out a finger for her to grab. "Hello, little one, is everything alright?" he asked, gently picking her up. He couldn't help the little swell of pride that rose within him. He became quite an expert of it in such a short time. And he figured he did pretty well, for Talleen wasn't complaining. At least, he didn't think she was. He quickly checked on her then. Her diaper didn't need a change, and she ate just before he fell asleep. It was possible she was hungry again. He'd better fetch Nia, he thought.

But just as he was about to do so, a soft knock came on the door. Then it opened, and to his surprise, Glinda stood on the threshold. "May I?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Come in." He watched her as she walked in, somewhat confused by her sudden appearance. He wasn't expecting her. In the few days that passed since her arrival, she avoided the issue of the baby altogether. Whereas Avaric asked to see her right away, Glinda had never asked to come up to the nursery, almost as if she was afraid of her. He wondered if something was wrong. "What are you doing here?"

She didn't reply at first, but she could see how she was trying to look straight at him, and not at the bundle of blankets in his arms. Then she laughed softly, shaking her head. "This is ridiculous. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out. She's just a baby, after all. It's not her fault… none of it is her fault." She was crying; he could see the dampness against her cheeks in the pale moonlight.

"I'm sure she won't hold it against you," he replied, smiling carefully.

Glinda laughed, wiping her tears. Then she took a few steps closer. She didn't ask it, but it was pretty clear what was it she wanted, by her expression. He said nothing as well as he approached her, and gently laid the baby in her arms. She raised her eyes to his, quite terrified it seemed, but he dismissed her fears with a smile. When he felt her grip on the baby got firmer, and somewhat more relaxed, he slowly let go, and took a step back.

A soft sound escaped her lips when she first saw the baby. It was something between a sigh and laughter, a combination of uncertainty and awe. "Oh, Fiyero," she whispered, but her voice soon trailed off. "What's her name?" she asked without looking up.

"Talleen," he replied, somewhat amazed by Glinda's reaction. He wasn't expecting her to get so overtaken, yet at the same time he was relieved by it. And then there was something else in her eyes, the tiniest hint of envy that reflected against the tears in her eyes. It could have been her- their- baby. With the slightest turn of events, they could have ended up married; it could have been their child. And with that realization, the image before him couldn't have been more heart-wrenching. There she was, his ex-fiancée, holding a baby that was his and the woman he had left her for. She seemed like an epitome of loneliness at that moment. It made him feel so bad, and even guiltier than before.

But before he could say anything about it, a second knock came on the door. This was not the soft, hesitant knock of before. There was something more firm and urgent about it. "Come in."

The doctor stepped in, looking as grim as ever. He concluded it was just a part of the man's natural expression. He never seemed to smile, under any circumstances whatsoever. "Master," he said. Then he caught sight of Glinda, and bowed, as he always did in her presence. "Your Goodness." Then he looked at him again. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Master."

"What is it?"

The doctor looked straight at him. An involuntary chill ran through him at what he had seen in the older man's eyes. "It's your wife."