For the worst and for the best

When Alexandra came back home that night, she found Lucas waiting for her. He was sitting on a chair next to the sofa. Alexandra walked to the dinner table and grabbed a seat. They stared at each other during a minute.

"Alex…"Lucas started to say, apologizing.

"You abandoned me!" She cut him off. During her walk back to the house she had thought about Damon, which in turn had made her think about Lucas. It had reminded her of why she was so upset with him and why she had sought comfort with Damon. "You said you wouldn't but you did. You abandoned me, again." She paused, glaring at him. She had so much to say to him, words were fighting to escape from her mouth. "I didn't know where you were, how you were. I was worried about you. You just left me without saying goodbye. I didn't even know if I could trust your father. He told me that you had left without any explanations. Nothing else. How could I know what to do after hearing that? It took me a month to get better. I've been a mess and you weren't here to see it, to help with it. I coped on my own. Your hatred for your father separated us."

"There is not a day I haven't thought about you. Not an hour, a minute, a second without your face on my mind. I've been a mess too." He tried to explain, but Alexandra cut him off again.

"Why should I care? You've punished yourself by living alone in the jungle. Did it help? Can't you see that you have punished me too? I didn't want you to go away, I needed you." She was yelling now.

"I came back the next day. I've never been far. I watched you, I took care of you even if you haven't noticed it. I was there every day."

"You should have come back. You should have told me you were there. Instead, you left me alone. You acted like a selfish bastard."

"I shot you, I killed our child!" His eyes were filled with tears. He knew she was right. He had abandoned her. "How could I stay with you? You were safer without me, you deserved to live here, I didn't. I'm not good enough for you."

"It was an accident. Accidents do happen all the time. You can't avoid them. It's only your hatred for your father that made you leave me. I'm not gonna forgive you for that unless you do something about it, unless you work it out."

"It has nothing to do with him," he snapped. "I KILLED OUR CHILD! I AM A MURDERER," he yelled. She knew he was not only talking about their child. He had killed people, Alexandra was aware of it. But it was before she met him, and with Mira, it was to save her life. She was not going to be sorry she died.

"I am the one who has the scar on my flesh. I am the one who's not going to forget what happened. I should be the one to decide if I want you to be punished or not. That's always been your problem. You always want to decide what's best for me!"

"That's not true. But I know when I'm right, and I won't apologize for that."

"But it's not your decision to make!"

"I can't be as sorry as you think I should. I made the decision I thought was good at the time."

"It was an accident for god sake! You should not feel guilty about it. I…I don't blame you," she paused, thinking about what she wanted to tell him for a long time now. She had made a conclusion about what she really wanted, why she was so sad he had left her. "I don't know if it makes me a bad person, but I'd rather be with you than without you, even after what happened. It must look selfish, but I'd rather be with you without a child, than with your child without you. I couldn't be a widow with a child. I wanted to raise a child with you, not without you."

"Can't you see how wrong you are? It's not safe for you to be with me. I'm dangerous. Can you grasp that in this little head of yours?" His voice whipped out, low and harsh.

"No," she shook her head. She was not sure she could speak anymore, her throat tightening.

"Are you crying?" He asked, his voice still raw. Then he saw her quickly rubbing her cheeks with her hands.

"No," she said, tremble in the voice. She had not realized tears were running on her face. She cursed herself for being so weak.

"Alex…"He sighed, his voice gentle now.

"Don't. Please don't." Alexandra managed to say. She wanted him to stop speaking so she could think straight. He looked deep in her eyes with a questioning gaze.

"Why? Why me?" He was confused. After everything he had done wrong, after all of his mistakes, she still wanted him to be with her. That didn't make any sense.

"Because I love you…" She murmured, her eyes filled with tears. "I love you so much." She shook her head and hid it in her hands. Lucas's heart tightened. She loved him? He was appalled. He stood up from the sofa, walked to her, lifted her face and gave her an intense kiss.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice burning with regret. "I'm so sorry. I won't let you down again. I swear to you, you'll be proud of me. You won't be disappointed again," he swore. Lucas lifted her up and wrapped her with his arms.

"Will you forgive me one day for being such dick?" He felt her chuckled in his chest.

"I forgave you the day I saw what you had written on our daughter's grave," she answered seriously, looking back to him, her eyes wet. He cupped her face with his hands and brushed her cheeks with his thumbs.

"You're too good to be true," he whispered, before kissing her gently. They walked to the sofa and lay on it, Lucas on his back, Alexandra over him in his arms. After a long moment of silence, Alexandra spoke again.

"I need to tell you something about me I have never told anyone," she said. "I want you to listen carefully. Don't say anything, just listen ok?"

She felt Lucas nod, his head above hers.

"Your father asked me once how I knew how to fight. I never answered him. There's a reason, and I'm not proud of it." She took a deep breath and continued. "When I was 17, I went out with some friends. We met some guys and enjoyed the night out with them. One of them flirted with me but I didn't care. He was not my type anyway. In the early morning, I wanted to go back home. The girls wanted to stay so I walked back alone. In a dark alley, I met a guy. The guy who was with us before, the guy I had said no to. He was clearly drunk and he…" She paused. "He raped me," she managed to say. Her heart was racing in her chest. It was so strange to tell someone this story. It was foreign to her to actually hear this story. She had it in her mind but she had never said it out loud. She glanced at Lucas and noticed his face had darkened and felt him clench his fists, but he didn't say a single word.

"I've never told anyone because I was supposed to be home that night and I was too afraid of people's reactions… I was too young to know it didn't matter why it has happened. I should have told someone." She confessed. "But I'm not telling you that so you pity me. What happened next does concern you more." He looked deeply into her eyes, waiting for the next. She had his full attention. "I felt so hopeless after that accident that I spent few months in a training center. I learnt how to control myself, defend myself. They taught me how to fight and how to shoot. Two years after, I met that guy at a party. He talked to me like we had never met before. Actually, he flirted with me. He didn't even recognize me! Can you believe that?" She pursed her lips, shaking her head. "It was too much for me. I didn't know I had kept so much anger in me during that time. That night, I followed him back to his house. I saw he lived alone. It was too tempting. I used to carry a small gun with me, in my purse, just in case." Lucas was pretty sure he knew the end of this story but he let her talk. "I waited for him to go to sleep. I broke into his house and woke him up. I asked him if he knew who I was. He didn't. He begged me to let him live, he told me he was too young to die, that he had a life to live. I remember I thought that I begged him when he had attacked me and he didn't care, so why should I?" She paused, looking for Lucas's eyes. He had frozen. Anger, fury, disgust or pain in his eyes, maybe all of those feelings, she wasn't sure. "I shot him," she stated. "I watched him die. Then I stole his money, some jewelery and I ran away. The police thought it was a robbery that ended badly. They closed the case quickly. They never knew I was there."

"I'm glad you killed him. Otherwise I would have done it myself," Lucas growled through gritted teeth.

"But you know what, I still hate him. Even if he's dead, I still hate him for what he did to me. I'm not proud of it, not at all. What I want you to understand is that you have the choice. You can go back in the jungle, make plans to kill you father, but even if you succeed, your revenge won't stop you from hating him." She cupped his face so he would look at her. "Or you can stay here with me, live here with your father, live a real life."

"Why now? Why are you telling me now?" Lucas was not going to judge her. He would have done the same, or worse. Actually, he would have tortured this guy for what he had done to her.

"I'm a murderer too. I shot a man. I ended someone else life. But I don't think that what I did defines who I am. It's a mistake I made. Like you did."

Lucas already knew what Alexandra wanted to prove to him. He knew his hatred for his father was driving him mad, but he couldn't stop. Maybe he could try harder? He wasn't sure he could do it.

"I'm not asking you to forgive him, or to make peace, but just to try to live your own life now," she added. "Maybe you could be surprised by how life can be nice here. And you might, one day, have different feelings for your father."

"Alex, I don't care what you've done to him. You know it, because you know I understand what you felt. You also know that my story is different from yours. I killed many people. I nearly killed my father. I hurt people. It's going to take a lot more than just excuses for them to forgive me or at least accept me."

"I'll help you. I'll defend you."

"The decision is not mine to make," he sighed.

"But you'll try?" She asked, her eyes full of hope.

"I'll try." He stated.

They continued to talk for part of the night. Alexandra wanted him to stay. She was sure if he would accept to work on the portal he would be considered an ally. If he was on Terra Nova's side, he could probably stay. For now on, he would hide in her house and soon she would tell Taylor about it and convince him to give his son a second chance. Sure of her plan, Alexandra fell asleep in Lucas' arms. Things were going to be better now. She was sure of it. Lucas stayed awake a long time that night. He wasn't sure Alexandra's plan would work. He knew his father better than her. He was not the man of forgiveness he pretended to be. What he didn't tell Alexandra, is that he thought of a plan B. If his father didn't want to accept him, he would probably banish Alexandra again, for good this time, and Lucas would have her with him. She would be his. Just for him. Just the two of them, like before. Actually, he liked his plan B better than her plan. But he would try, for her, because he promised her.

Lucas woke up with Alexandra still in his arms. He kissed her hair, allowing his lips to brush over her neck and her shoulders then he stopped. Something was wrong. Panic made him shiver, he quickly turned to see her face, she was pale, very pale, her lips lightly blue. She wasn't breathing anymore. He spun her on her back and checked her pulse. She was still alive. He started a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and a cardiac massage. He did it for 5 minutes that seemed like an eternity to him. She was still not moving. Lucas's heart was beating so hard that it was hurting his ribs. He couldn't lose her, not now, not like that. He quickly asked himself the pros and cons and didn't wait too long before deciding to carry her and to run outside straight to the infirmary.

When Dr Shannon saw Lucas, she had first feared for her life. Then she had seen Alex in his arms, unconscious, looking like she was dead. It didn't take too long for her to forget who had brought her, she was a doctor no matter who was hurt.

"What happened?" she urged.

"I don't know, I found her like that a few minutes ago. I tried to resuscitate her but it didn't change anything."

"Skye!" She called for help before asking Lucas again. "How long has she been like this?"

"I don't know" he gasped. He suddenly remembered she talked during her sleep which it was dawn. "She was breathing an hour ago."

"Did she complain about headache? Pain in her eyes maybe?"

"No. But she was exhausted and she rubbed her forehead a lot," Lucas remembered. He cursed himself for having not realized what it meant. Skye arrived to help Dr Shannon. She stopped when she saw Lucas standing next to Dr Shannon. Then she saw Alexandra on the bed and the panic on Lucas's face.

"Dr Shannon? What do you want me to do?" she managed to ask.

"Go and grab the defibrillator." Skye glanced at Lucas, eyes wide. "Now!" Dr Shannon yelled as she saw Skye glaring at Lucas. Skye ran out of the room, looking for the defibrillator. She met Mark on her way back.

"Mark! You need to go and tell Taylor to come here as quickly as he can," she urged, running back to the room. Mark didn't have the time to ask why but he knew something was up and ran to Taylor's head quarters. Lucas put his head in his hands, trying to keep calm, trying to stop his heart from beating so hard in his chest. Skye arrived with the defibrillator. Dr Shannon had prepared the room for a surgery.

"Put it there, just in case we need it. Ok. Her pulse is low but she's still with us. I will…"

"What's happening?" rushed Taylor as he came into the room. Mark had luckily found him outside the infirmary.

"Commander, it's Alex. She's not breathing. I told her she could have a concussion but she didn't listen to me. She probably has internal bleeding. I have to perform a brain surgery right now. I need everyone to help me. It's been a while since I've done this," Dr Shannon replied quickly.

Taylor nodded and looked across the room, noticing Lucas for the first time where he stood in the corner. He didn't say a word, astonished. His son looked 10 years older but at the same time he reminded him when he was 14. He had tears on his face, panic in his eyes, shell shocked. It broke his heart to see him like that. He wanted to go to him and hug him, tell him everything was going to be ok. It surprised him to think that. His son was insane, a murderer, an evil child…But yet, he was his son, and he was suffering again because of a person he cared about.

"Lucas found her unconscious at her house," he heard Skye say behind him. Taylor didn't care why his son was in the colony or how he got inside. He was just glad he had found her. He was glad Lucas had risked his freedom to bring her here.

"Ok, everybody who's not doing the surgery OUT!" Dr Shannon ordered. Lucas didn't move as his father turned back to the exit. "You have to go out too Lucas," she said firmly, yet gently.

Lucas managed to stand up. He touched Alexandra's hand softly and walked outside. He didn't care that his father was there, staring at him. He didn't care what was going to happen to him, all of his thoughts were about Alexandra. Lucas knew that she had become one of the most important things in his life and he didn't want to lose her again.

"I won't leave you again," he mumbled to himself. "I swear it. I'll stay with you."

"I don't know why she's with me, I only brought her trouble since the day she met me. If I was her by now I would have left me, I would have walked away but now I've broken away. Somehow instead she forgave me, she said a woman's got to do what she's got to, even if it means she denied herself the truth. 'Cause when you're in too deep you wake up when it's too late, you've fallen in love in the worst way and if you don't go now then you'll stay. 'Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe, 'cause if you're looking for heaven, baby, it sure as hell ain't me." The Script - Walk Away.