21. Random
Genkai led the twelve remaining people to another building, with doors bigger than a New York City building. Once she opened them, the room was split into two parts -- the light side, and the pitch black side.
"You will be fighting in the dark. This is a perfect training exercise to increase your senses other than vision." Genkai cleared her throat. "The matches shall be as follows: first, Reneey versus Kuroda; second, Musashi versus Shorin; third, Kazemaru versus Lyn; fourth, Kuwabara versus Chinpo; fifth, Kuronue versus Kurama; and sixth, Yusuke versus Kibano. The person who lives and returns here is the winner. If both opponents are knocked out, both are disqualified."
"Wow," Lyn said, blinking. "I guess you're up first, Rea."
"What!? She can't fight yet!" Kurama objected worriedly as Reneey skipped to the dark side and her opponent walked there.
Lyn rolled her eyes and said, "Just watch, idget."
"Ready, and begin!" Genkai yelled, and Lyn grinned.
"Reneey! There's eyeliner to the left of you!" she shouted.
"There is!?" Reneey moved to the left side, and as she did so, her foot went up, and hit her opponent. "Lynni! I don't feel any eyeliner here!"
"Oh, whoops; something must be wrong with my vision! I mean the right side!"
Reneey moved to the right side, and at the same time her hand went up and she punched her opponent as he again tried to attack. "Goddamn it, Lyn! It's not here!"
"I mean on the wall to your left!"
"Mkay..."
Her opponent was running quite fast at her this time, and when she moved, he lost his balance and fell onto the light side of the ground, knocked out, while Reneey was still looking for eyeliner on the wall.
"The winner is Reneey Umbra!" Genkai yelled.
"Huh?" Reneey asked, blinking. "What happened?"
"How did you do that?" Kuwabara asked Lyn with wide eyes.
"Er.. good vision?"
Truthfully, since Lyn was a bat demon, she naturally did well in the dark; but she wasn't going to say that to Kuwabara.
Kuronue and Kurama stared at her, and Lyn flashed that crooked grin again. "What? You just have know how to motivate her properly."
"That.. has to be the shortest fight I've ever seen," Kuronue said, blinking.
"Lynni! There's no fucking eyeliner here!" Reneey pouted.
"No worries," Lyn said, smiling. "I'll buy you some later. And a nail file and a bobby pin."
"Yay!" Reneey said, grinning, as she skipped to the light side again. "So, like.. where'd my opponent go?"
Everybody but Lyn did a face fall.
"Just start the next match," Genkai sighed.
"What about him?" Kuwabara asked, pointing to Reneey's opponent.
Genkai shrugged. "With any luck, he'll rot."
Lyn suddenly elbowed Kuwabara and gave him a sideways look. "Ten bucks on Shorin."
"No way! I don't gamble with girls!"
"Fine, be a sexist jerk," Lyn grumbled, this time whacking him upside the head before crossing her arms and settling back into her usual place leaning against the wall.
"Hey, I'm not sexist! It's just that girls should be treated with honor and dignity!" Kuwabara hmphed.
Lyn just scoffed. "Consider yourself lucky you're not fighting me or Reneey, then. I never did prescribe to that doctrine that girls are supposed to be sweet and gentle and scream like a banshee when confronted with anything more dangerous than a cooking utensil."
So, after ten minutes, Shorin came out without Musashi.
"Hey! How did you know that!?" Kuwabara asked Lyn suspiciously. I'm getting a weird vibe from her...
Lyn's lip curled and she quirked an eyebrow at him. "I'm a good guesser, too?"
Really, she didn't expect him to believe her, but she didn't care. She was supposed to fight next, and she didn't really want to.
"Next match," Genkai ordered.
"Ugh, I should take this out on you two for making me come here," Lyn growled at Kuronue and Kurama. "I don't wanna fight some random dude! Why should I beat the crap out of him if he never did anything to me!?"
"Ha!" Kazemaru laughed. "Well, this should be easy -- fighting a girl. You'd better run home now, doll. Don't wanna break a nail, do you?"
Lyn stiffened and, for a second, she didn't move. Then her expression turned livid as she snarled, "Ohhhh, uh-uh. You did not just say that."
Cracking her knuckles and her neck at the same time, Lyn let out a low growl and tossed her cell phone, allergy alert bracelet, and the silver chain with three metal tags, which she usually wore around her neck, to Kuronue.
"That's it, jerkoff," she hissed, advancing on Kazemaru with fire in her green eyes. Reneey sniggered at the insult, but she was ignored as Lyn went on, "You don't play that card and walk -- or expect me to, either."
"YO, RENEEY!" Lyn yelled, pointing at Reneey without turning around or removing her death glare from Kazemaru. "You are now my DJ. Give us some music to dance to, and I don't mean a waltz." A short pause, then she smirked and added, "Maybe start it out on Panic just for the sheer irony of it, eh?"
"Mkay, but first I wanna play Paradise City 'cuz of the awesome guitar solo," Reneey said, grinning, as she disconnected the headphones and Paradise City by Guns n Roses blared. "Tell me when ya ready!"
"Oh, I've been ready since the moron here opened his mouth."
"Be careful," Kuronue said tensely.
Lyn laughed. "You say that like you honestly believe I've never beat some sense into somebody. There's a reason most people at my high school were afraid of me."
She smirked as she stepped into the darkness. "Ready to eat your words, jerk-face? And maybe a few teeth, while you're at it?"
"Ha! Like you can actually defeat me! Don't make me laugh, girl."
"Fine; I'll make you bleed."
So after thirty minutes and many kicks, punches, and screams, and much growling and howling, Lyn walked out following a particularly loud thud, wiping blood from her knuckles with a rather vicious sort of smirk on her face.
"Anybody else have any comments about girls being weak and useless!?" she demanded of the room at large, her glare lingering on Kuwabara and Yusuke longer than anyone else.
Stupid sexist idiot and his friend/rival/whatever-the-crap-they-really-are, the perv...
"Fourth match, go!" Genkai exclaimed.
Kuwabara nodded and glanced at his opponent, Chinpo, before heading toward the dark side of the room.
"You can give me my stuff back any time now," Lyn said, rather impatiently, to Kuronue, as she dabbed a cut on her eyebrow with the back of her hand.
"Hey, Lyn, what's up with these tags?" Kuronue asked as he held them up to the light.
"They were my cat, Gobble's," Lyn said slowly, stiffening slightly again at the continued questioning about things related to her past. "This stupid woman who lived down the street randomly decided to walk five dogs without a leash one day... Well, suffice it to say that Gobble doesn't need them any more, so I wear them for her. Now give them back before I take them, and likely your hand in the process."
Kuronue raised his eyebrows, but gave the tags back to Lyn without another word.
"So who's next?" Reneey asked, blinking.
Lyn stared at Reneey. "Um, hello? Sexist moron and Chinpo? Who just walked over there to fight ten seconds ago?"
"Who's sexist here?" Kurama asked.
"The ugly idget over there," Lyn answered, gesturing in the general direction of the dark side of the room. "Oh, and also the dude whose face I bashed in... Heh... Maybe he'll keep his retarded comments to himself from now on..."
"Kuwabara? He ain't sexist! In fact, he thinks that just because we're girls, we should be treated like delicate little flowers," Reneey said in disgust. "And Yusuke is funny, especially in the abridged series..."
"That's exactly what makes him sexist, idget," Lyn said, rolling her eyes. "I don't need some moron pussyfooting around because he thinks I'll faint if he looks at me too hard. And who the crap said anything about the retarded perv?"
Reneey burst out laughing. "Pussy..."
"Jeez, you're as big a perv as the retarded, formerly-dead one..."
"Would you two quit your bickering!?" Genkai snapped at the girls.
"Reneey can't do that," Lyn said, smirking. "She'd explode if she had to be quiet."
"Shut up!" Reneey hmphed. "Not talking to you for ten seconds!"
"If you don't shut up, I'll make sure you won't be talking," Genkai said dryly.
"Somehow Genkai's much funnier in the abridged series, too," Lyn murmured thoughtfully. "No less awesomely sarcastic and threatening, though..."
"She says 'go fuck yourselves' in the abridged movie," Reneey laughed. "I can't wait to see Yusuke's and Rando's fight. Remember the abridged series? 'What are you gonna do to Rando? Gonna go up in Rando's face? Gonna throw some punches at Rando? Man, get ya bitch ass away from Rando!'"
Both girls stared laughing, and everybody looked at them.
"What?" Lyn managed to choke out.
"And let the next match begin!" Genkai announced.
"Wait, what the hell?" Reneey asked, blinking.
"You girls missed the match!" Kuronue said. "And who's Rando?"
"This dude whose face is cute but the rest is all ugly... Especially that purple splat thing on his chest... Wonder if he was playing paintball before the tournament?" Reneey wondered.
Kuronue blinked at Reneey and then turned to Lyn for an explanation... but she was busy gaping at Reneey.
"YOU KNOW WHAT PAINTBALL IS!? OHMYGOSH, I'M SO PROUD!"
Then she randomly tackle hugged Reneey, Kurama and Kuronue blinked, and Genkai growled, "I said, next match!"
"OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT PAINTBALL IS!" Reneey souted, just because Lyn had shouted. "IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS MY MOM DOESN'T LET ME DO!"
"YOUARESODEPRIVED!"
"Who's the next match?" Kuronue asked, sweatdropping, as he backed as far as possible away from the girls to mke sure that his ears weren't damaged.
"YOU ARE, YOU USELESS LOUSE!" Genkai thundered. "YOU AND THAT BRAINLESS TOMATO-HAIRED CREATURE NEXT TO YOU!"
"Ooh, this should be fun," Lyn said, suddenly grinning broadly. "Anybody got any popcorn?"
Several people sweatdropped and Reneey pouted, growling, "I am not fucking deprived, godddamn it!" before hmphing and turning away.
"I AM NOT -- Ow, ow, ow, ow -- Kurama!"
Kuronue stopped in mid sentence as Kurama grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him to the dark side of the room.
"Come on, Kuronue," Kurama sighed exasperatedly.
"Not talking to you till we reach Kuwabara n Rando's fight!" Reneey told Lyn.
"Yeah, then we must laugh because of abridged series memories that no one else gets..."
It was a good thing Yusuke and Botan and Kuwabara were currently outside. No idea why, they just were there where Botan had appeared. Maybe they just liked being outside.
After many minutes of fighting and noise, everything became dead silent.
"Dudet, did Daddy n Uncle die?" Reneey asked, blinking.
"Now, that would be an irony," Lyn murmured thoughtfully.
"How would it be irony?"
"Never mind," Lyn murmured with a sigh, leaning back against the wall and crossing her arms.
"It's a tie!" Genkai declared. "No one wins!"
"How does she know this?" Reneey asked.
Lyn shrugged. "Maybe she has awesome dreams that come true, too. Maybe she stole ugly sexist dude's sensey-spirit-thingy. Maybe she sold her soul to the devil so that she can know the future. Or maybe she's just awesome like that."
"I never did know why Kuwabara is like the only human spirit detective," Reneey mumbled. "So who's next?"
"Idget perv and dude-who-can-see-in-the-dark..."
"Oh, the dude with the helmet thingy... mudgy.. red eye.. machine.. thing..."
Everybody blinked at Reneey and took a couple of steps away from the two girls.
"Wow, we are so messing up the episodes," Lyn mumbled.
"I feel an urge to scream random..."
Lyn burst out laughing.
"What?" Reneey asked, blinking.
"You do know what you just said?"
Reneey blinked.
Lyn rolled her eyes and prompted, "Random..."
Then Reneey started laughing. "Random, that's funny, we need to scream that."
"One," Lyn started.
"Two," Reneey said.
"RANDOM!" they yelled together.