Four days later, Dan and Phil stood huddled in the seldom-used coat closet in the basement of St. Edward's church, trying not to make a sound.

"Why can't we just go out there? This feels so wrong," Phil whispered.

"Charlie said we had to wait for her to be alone," Dan whispered back.

"You do realize how wrong that sounds?"

"Quiet," Dan hushed him. Through the crack in the door, he could see eight or so teenage girls getting settled into a circle of folding chairs in the center of the room. A young woman with dark shoulder-length hair and an all-business attitude cleared her throat.

"Okay everyone, thank you for coming out tonight to YouTube Real Person Fanfiction Writers Anonymous," she began. "I can see that we have a new member, so why don't we start by going around the circle and introducing ourselves? I'll begin. My name's Jenny, I'm twenty-three years old, I'm the main London YTRPFWA director, and I'm an RPF addict. My former OTP was Chenny—Charlie McDonnell and myself—although I've dabbled in everything from PewDieCry to Larry Stylinson. I have written a total of 344,019 words of RPF and have beta read sixty-six different fics. Come Tuesday, I'll have been clean eighteen months."

The group clapped politely and Jenny turned to the girl on her left. "Sofia, would you like to go next?"

A very shy looking girl, with bangs covering half of her face, answered. "My name is Sofia. I'm sixteen years old, and I'm an RPF addict. I wrote OC/Dan, OC/Phil, and KickTheStickz fics, and I think my word count was around 170,000. As of tonight, I've been clean for three weeks."

"Excellent, Sophia!" Jenny praised. "We're all so proud of you. Right everyone?"

The other members murmured their assent. One girl, however, who couldn't have been more than thirteen, burst into tears.

"Madison, what's wrong?" Jenny asked comfortingly.

"I-I failed!" Madison choked out between sobs. "I had such a-a nice streak going a-and I ruined e-everything! S-Saturday, I t-tweeted them both! And I wrote another Ianthony fic, and I p-posted it on T-Tumblr and I g-got sixty-seven n-notes! I'm s-so sorry!" She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Jenny stood up and quickly walked around the circle to give the girl a hug.

"Oh, Madi, sweetie," Jenny consoled, "we all relapse sometimes. The important thing is that you're here and able to admit that. Abstinence is hard, believe me I know, but you have all of these friends here who would be willing to help you the next time you feel yourself slipping. Right everyone?"

The girls all nodded in agreement.

After giving her another reassuring squeeze, Jenny said, "So Madi, why don't you finish up? Remember, the past doesn't matter. We move forward."

Madison sniffed and looked back up at the group. "I'm Madison, I'm an RPF addict, and I've been clean for—" she checked her phone, "—six and a half hours."

The group clapped politely again as Jenny continued to lead the discussion around the circle. They shared testimonies, talked about their struggles, temptations, loneliness, and how no one in their lives really understood the burden of living with an RPF addiction. Dan and Phil watched it all in silent amazement through their little gap in the door.

After about an hour, Jenny wrapped things up. "Alright everyone," she said. "Please remember to bring a symbol from your former-fandom or former-OTP to burn at the upcoming bonfire event next week. Now will everyone please join me in the YouTube Real Person Fanfiction Writer's Anonymous motto?"

The group glumly recited, "We are embracing change, pressing forward, and leaving unrealistic expectations behind us."

Jenny beamed. "Ladies, I hope to see everyone back next week. You're all dismissed."

Dan and Phil waited twenty more minutes as the group members chatted amongst themselves and slowly cleared out of the basement. Finally, there was only Jenny left, stacking chairs.

"Okay, I guess this is it," Phil whispered.

"Try not to make her pass out," Dan quietly replied.

Dan stepped out of the closet and cleared his throat. "Hey… Jenny Alborn, right?"

Jenny turned around quickly and gaped at him. "Aahh!" she shrieked. "How did you—" Jenny began as Phil followed him out. "You! No! I will not… I… You can't… Just… No! You guys can't be here!"

"I'm Dan and this is—"

She cut him off, "I know who you are! Good Lord, do I know who you are! That's exactly why you can't be here. Both of you!" She hid her face in her hands. "I'm in recovery!"

"Look, we're really sorry about this," Dan explained hastily, "but we need an expert, and Charlie McDonnell said that you're our best bet."

"But you don't understand what this means," Jenny protested. "I've been clean for so long! I haven't written any fics, I deleted my tumblr, Wattpad, deviantART, and fanfiction accounts, and I've even unsubscribed from your second channels. By Christmas, my goal is to have unsubscribed from your main channels as well! I was doing so good! Now you just want to come and ruin everything? No! My life is finally back on track! I will NOT have you two derail it again!"

As she said this, Dan and Phil noticed that she was trembling violently.

"You okay?" Phil asked.

"NO, I'M NOT OKAY!" she shouted. "I'm equal parts loathing and fangirling right now! Bodies are not designed for this much emotion all at once!"

"Again," Dan said, "really sorry. But we need help, and you're the only RPF expert anyone seems to know. Would you please just talk to us?"

"But—" she started.

"Look, we understand why you're hesitant," Phil cut in, "but we promise, the moment we're done talking, we'll leave you alone forever—I mean, if that's what you want. Would you please, please just answer a few questions for us?"

Jenny stared at the floor for a long time, contemplating. It seemed as though some epic moral battle was raging within her, and Dan and Phil glanced nervously at each other.

Finally, she looked back up at them and sighed deeply. "One of the pillars of YTRPFWA is that we're all just people. That just because someone has achieved semi-famousness does not make that person any more wonderful, or important, or life-altering than any other person."

The two guys nodded vigorously.

She sighed again. "I mean, I realize that what happened was not your fault. You guys don't have that kind of power. So, now…" she took another deep breath, "I'm choosing to forgive you."

"Uh, thanks," the two awkwardly replied.

"And, you can tell Charlie I don't blame him either. And I'm really sorry for stalking him that summer."

Phil smiled a bit. "He told us to tell you that you're completely forgiven—although the restraining order still stands—and he's really glad you're in recovery now."

"Yeah," Jenny sighed, "that's pretty much what Jack and Finn said too…" She grinned mischievously. "But boy, was that ever a summer!"

A/N: Hello lovely reader!

The plot thickens!

So, I would like to take this time to express my sincerest gratitude to all you lovely readers who have reviewed thus far. You have no idea how much joy you bring to my little heart when I get that email notification. Like, you seriously have no idea. If you did, you would stop reviewing because you would fear for my mental health.

Okay *deep breath* here we go.

livvylovesyou, ThatEnglishRoseisnotonfire, lifelane, Guest (we will forever wonder about your identity), Rose Marion BAD WOLF, DovahFinn, Ljubica Lukic, Dophelecat, TheSunIsOnFire, kickingpj, usernamez, SherlocktorWho, ScrewThatInternetHomo, aleprbla, CrazyxChaotic, mariana92l, LilyisAAFT, That70'sGirl12, btea, Delighted Reader, HazLovesBoo, FujiFire, fatedfortunes, NotYourStereotypicalBlondGirl, Sibuna Kitten, sasuko365, Guest (who may or may not be the aforementioned Guest), DollyDaydream8, EggyDanosaur, KateTheCrazy, ThatPotterheadTimelord, beebee73, SS Shipmypants, wormtail-was-a-whovian, Els4848, Kandi-Neko, StarFox-chan, Epiculous, JBo, Ziazan, Midnight4568, TheAdelaide9, Alex loggedout (who I assume is the same person as Alex AKA ScrewThatInternetHomo, but I'd rather be safe than sorry), MadTheLion, Sasaphrinascream, Random, Lillian, and FlyinginTheTardis.

(You guys have... interesting usernames)

Please check if I misspelled your name (or, heaven forbid, MISSED your name). If I did, please reprimand me harshly.

If you've not yet posted a review, I do not hold it against you... Unless you would like me to. But that would be weird, wouldn't it? Do I sound needy? I probably sound needy. Sorry guys; long day. Funerals suck. Which is an excuse... sorry again.

"Excuses are like armpits; everybody's got 'em and they always stink" ~ my former youth pastor.

Side note (completely unrelated to the story; feel free to skip if you have better things to do) (I have better things to do. Maybe I should skip writing it...) (No, I'll write it. Otherwise they'd wonder what it would say) (Who am I kidding? No one's still reading this crap!) (Bethany, did you just put five parenthetical statements in a row?) (Oh crap, you're talking to yourself again... and now it's six!)

So, today was the funeral day. My grandma was Catholic, so we had a catholic mass. Now, I am not Catholic, nor was I raised in a catholic church (let's hear it for the non-denominational, hyper-conservative, formerly homeschooled, three-steps-to-the-left-of-Amish, phanfiction writers! ...Anyone? Just me? *crickets* Okay, that's cool.)

ANYWAY, so, catholic mass. Apparently, when people say "peace be with you", the appropriate response is "and also with you". It is NOT (as I so wrongly believed) "thank you". Needless to say, I got a lot of weird looks from fellow mourners when I did not correctly reciprocate their "peace". I guess I kept all the "peace" to myself, which is frowned upon in Catholicism. Who knew? :p

tl;dr: (I know, right? Ain't nobody got time for that!) Thank you for reading the story, you lovely person you.

Now, a word from Shakespeare: "Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all!" (Comedy of Errors)

Best wishes!

~Bethany

P.S. I didn't know if "Catholic" was supposed to be capitalized or not (see how non-catholic I am?) so I mixed it up so as to only be wrong half of the time. I use the same strategy on tests. If you're catholic (or Catholic) and offended... sorry.

I'll go now. I'm not high, I swear. Just probably needed to go to bed a few hours ago...

Did I mention I hate funerals? I counted, and this is (minimum) the 12th funeral I've ever been to... I should get a pin or something. Ooh! Or a Lifescouts badge. You know, the dozen funerals badge? We should ask Alex for that one... although it may encourage sketchy behavior...

I'll go to bed now: really. I'm sorry. I'm losing it guys... I think I turned into one of my OCs... I'm not always like this... I promise.