Author's Note

Short and sweet this time. The next chapter will be all about Temari's arrival and the baby's naming ceremony so it should be longer. I just felt this one needed to end where it was, so I hope you all enjoy it.

As always, comments/reviews serve to inspire. :D

Gaara

I felt numb. Another two days had passed. Temari should be here today. I got a note which said she would. I didn't leave my room. The clone barely moved from his position in the corner. Naruto still hadn't woke. The baby fed every few hours like clockwork, and there was another need for a diaper change today.

Everything felt off. Feed the baby. Burp the baby. Eat something. Stare at Naruto while she slept. Sign random paperwork. Repeat the process. I was thankful the clone kept silent. I wasn't in the mood to speak. I wasn't in the mood to breathe, do work, eat or be personal. All which existed was me, the baby, Naruto and occasionally, I would stare at the clone who still wore the brown haired guise. In a way, I was thankful for this. It was disconcerting looking into a face which mirrored my own.

Feed the baby. Burp the baby. Eat something. Stare at Naruto as she slept. Five days. The baby is five days old now. Two more, and she will be a week. One more day, and the baby will be named. I gave a shaky breath as I fixated on my wife's face. We never spoke about names. We never spoke about expectations and ritual or...

Tomorrow the baby will have a name. With, or without my wife. It made my stomach turn. Acid rose in my throat at the thought. I gave Naruto a naming ceremony, in case. In case she would die. In case something like this would happen. I was still unprepared for it. I thought we would have time to talk about the finer details. Things like what to name her. Things like where we would like to raise her. Things like what to do if she inherited any of our abilities. The Uzumaki regeneration, my sand ability. What if she had both? What if she was born with trace amounts of Shukaku? With the marks, it was obvious she was born with some of the fox energy. Her birth answered the odd question which always floated through my mind. Was Naruto born with those marks? The other two offspring had partial markings - mere shadows compared to their father, but this little one, they were identical to hers. Deep, whisker marks etched into her skin.

I traced over them. She was asleep, for now. I made sure to be gentle with her. I hadn't worn sand on my hands or arms since she was born. I was afraid I would harm her. Scratch her soft, delicate skin with a stray grain of dense sand. I wanted to keep her innocent, pure.

What sort of ninja would she become? She was the daughter of two Kages, two jinchuuriki. Would she become stronger than either of us? Give Shinki someone to train to take over for- I frowned. No, it wouldn't be good to think this way. I already made my decision. Shinki would be the next Kazekage, whenever I felt the need to retire. When I was ninety. I had no desire to retire, not anytime soon. I spent more of my life as the leader of Suna, than I had as a regular shinobi. Before my run for the role, I was mad. Focused on blood, death and how much blood a person could remove from their bodies before they would die. I was fascinated by their screams, their helpless pleas for mercy and in the end for their death. It was amazing how much one would shift in a few hours from pleading for life towards the exact opposite.

A shiver run up my spine at the memories invading my mind. Faceless masses, twisting beneath me, a silent scream forever etched upon their memory. Here, holding my daughter, my lifeline to this reality and I still craved for this. No, I would not retire anytime soon. I needed this position, I needed this outlet to keep myself sane, keep myself in a position I could feed the need to kill. When needed, only when needed. I was no longer this person from my childhood.

I rubbed my daughter's back. I hoped she would never learn of who I once was. The things I have done. I continued to rub circles on her back while I watched my wife sleep. Perhaps this slumber of hers was a good thing. I could remove the last major connection to my childhood before she woke. The house I lived in. The house I was raised in. The house which held a graveyard of unidentifiable victims. How many had I killed there? How many had I tortured? I couldn't remember. I didn't want to remember.

I should feel worse about it than I do. I was more worried about what my wife, daughter and son would think than the reality of it. Shinki had witnessed me kill before, but I was always careful not to fully indulge in the act in front of him. Always swift, clean and merciful. They would quickly disappear into my sand, and I would mix the blood into whatever was near so as not to stain into what I carried. The baby began to fuss. Feed the baby. Burp the baby. Eat something. Stare at Naruto as she slept. Mindless routine. I welcomed it. I didn't want to think.

Hours passed by, two more times to follow the mindless routine. Shinki came, lounged in the chair near Naruto's bed. He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. His presence was enough, a reminder to life, to what I needed to do. I looked back to the clone, still sitting with his knees up, arms resting on them. He looked dreadful. Exhausted. I frowned at the creature. He loitered in my room long enough, I wanted to know what he knew. Something happened to make him this way. He was too strange, unpredictable to just sit around in my room looking as though he seen a ghost. I crooked a finger towards him, gathered my sand beneath him and deposited him swiftly at my feet. "Speak." I was still not in the mood to use my voice and hoped my intentions would be clear with the single word.

He didn't react to being moved. His eyes were clouded, fixated on some object which did not exist. "She lied to me." His voice was nothing more than a whisper, broken.

I tilted my head at him, but he did not notice. If he did, he made no other sound of acknowledgement. I sighed. Fine then. "Who lied?"

"Kimiko." This time his hands clenched into fists. "Used me." He brought his eyes up to look at me. They glistened with unshed moisture. "She fucking used me, Gaara." He leaned back and I caught his back with my sand before he fell backwards onto the floor.

"Explain." I couldn't see Kimiko using him for anything. If nothing else, she had a worse aversion to being touched than I did myself. It was what I liked about her, she understood this part of me. Catered to it.

"I remembered her, from the attack. She saved us somehow, I am not sure how, but I could feel it. So I sought her out. She's a doctor, right? I thought she could maybe fix us. Get us through when the baby removed... When..." He gave an exasperated growl. "Fuck, I don't even feel right. You don't even fucking know what happened, why Other is in a damn fucking coma. Here I am, feeling as though I had my damn stomach removed, and you have no damned idea why."

I stiffened. He knew what was keeping my Naruto from waking up? "Tell me."

"She knew. She knew Mika would save us. She had no intention of trying to fix it, to stop it from happening, she didn't-" He lurched forwards and buried his head between his knees and covered his head with his arms, digging his fingers into his hair. "She used me. She looked in my memories. She told me I was different, told me she could touch me without sight. She used my memory, she used it."

I felt my stomach twist further into a knot as he went on. My mind swarmed with questions I had no idea how to ask. I sat there, staring at the broken clone as he melted into a sobbing mess.

Shinki moved, he came up beside us and tapped his shoulder. The clone tensed, then relaxed into a hum. "What memory did she steal from you?"

He was silent for a while. He wiped his eyes to remove the tears and looked up to my son. "Your father. I was there when he was brought to life, I watched as the elder Chiyo restored him. She used something similar to how Other made me. She came to me nightly, watched the memory until she memorized it."

I bit on my tongue. Touch, touch made her see. He tainted Kimiko, slept with her until-

"I barely made it in time to save her." He looked at me. "She is going to die, Gaara. She gave everything for us. For you." He averted his eyes again. "She gave everything for you."

I felt the crease form between my brows. "I... I don't understand. If Mika saved Naruto, why would Kimiko-"

"Because she would die." His voice broke. "Naruto gives life away like it's nothing. She gave me half of hers, then you. Then she made Neji and the clone who died. At best, she would have had ten years left in her. In us."

The world melted with the words. Ten. Ten years? I swallowed the sudden dry from my throat. "Kimiko... Kimiko extended her life?"

"She gave almost everything. I don't know how much she has left. I asked. She said most. Do you know what most means?" His eyes returned to me, piercing, full of emotion. "Do you? I finally find someone I can identify with, and she fucking gives her damn life away. I don't..." He trailed off and buried his head again and a sob escaped him.

Numb. The numb which consumed me lately filled every ounce of my being. "She..."

"I don't want to watch her die."

"Watch her..." My vision blurred as the meaning of his words sank in. Kimiko gave Naruto most of her life. How much? Why would she do it? What gave her the right to do it? My heart began to race. Kimiko...

"Father?" I barely heard him above the sound of my own racing heart.

I fought to catch my breath. No. She couldn't have... "She's my friend, she can't... She can't..." I began to feel myself tremble and the baby began to cry. Baby. Daughter. I needed... I needed air. I felt her move off of my chest and I crumpled forward. I needed to-

I fell backwards, no longer able to focus on the events around me. I hunted for something to focus on. I was having a panic attack in front of a clone, I needed to settle down. Spiral. There on the ceiling. I stared at it until the sounds of soft beeping and the cry of my daughter became more recognizable. Breathe in. Breathe out. Everything would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

.*. .*. .*.

It was a few hours before I fully regained my composure. The baby wouldn't stop crying and Shinki shoved her at me, which fully brought me out of my mind.

"Don't get me wrong, while I like holding her, I draw the line at attaching her to your wife. I won't do it."

My arms were filled with fussy baby girl limbs and tears. Crying. My heart gave a lurch. My fault. I cradled her to me and rubbed her back, whispering sweet nothings to her. It didn't take her long to go from wailing baby to soft tearful hiccups. "I'm sorry, shh, it's alright. Don't cry." Tiny hands grabbed at my shirt and I felt myself melt. I kissed the top of her fuzz covered head and latched her onto my wife. Her teary eyes closed in contentment and her tiny hands opened and closed over the skin of Naruto's breast. I gave a sigh as I watched her feed.

"I'm sorry, you had no idea she gave so much away."

I looked over to the clone. "Shouldn't you be happy about this? Your life ends with Naruto's." I gave him an accusatory glare. "I can't help but think you planned this."

He gave me a glare of his own. "I would never sacrifice another life just to save my own. I," he stressed the word carefully, "never had that kind of motto, you jackass."

I felt the blood drain from my face at the implication. Not Naruto. Something else. Someone else. Someone who tread less carefully around my own past. I looked at my son who merely watched with a blank expression. I was not going to elaborate on the statement. "Then why did you seek her out?" There had to be a real reason.

His eyes were fixated on me, unblinking. "Kurama."

What? "What would she know about him?"

"She might have been able to figure out a way to put him back."

"Put him back? What are you talking about? Everyone knows the nine tail fox is sealed in Un... In Lady Kisarei." Shinki spoke the question I was thinking.

The clone scoffed. "When the freak show of a broken clone offed himself, he disrupted Other's chakra network to stop the chakra leak." He looked over to Naruto. His face darkened, his lips thinned. "Then, to stop the baby syphoning off what little was left of her chakra, he moved himself to the damn baby, leaving a bigger possibility Other would die in childbirth."

The demon, he... Naruto's screams during birth echoed in my mind. I can't. This is wrong, there is something... There is... The air was knocked from my lungs at the realization of what happened during the birth of our daughter. I placed my hand on her back. I felt down with my chakra, being as gentle as I could.

Heat, immense heat erupted in my skin and I pulled my hand back as I reached within her. Kurama. He was in her. My baby, my sweet little daughter, she was a jinchuuriki. "No..." I watched Naruto's face. The ripping pain of having Shukaku removed from my body sent a painful wave through my body. Not only had Naruto been in danger of death because of her wish, but she also had Kurama ripped from her body in the process. No wonder she'd been so weak, so tired. No wonder she was in a coma. This exact thing killed me. If it hadn't been for Lady Chiyo... I shuddered at the thought. "Shinki, this doesn't move past this room. Not yet." I met his eyes. "The life of a jinchuuriki is a difficult one. I don't want this for her, she doesn't deserve it."

"People aren't afraid of Kurama."

I raised a brow to him. "Aren't they?" I knew.

I knew the unspoken secret. The whispers of his own villagers. The fear they showed him when they thought no one looked. Demon.

Monster.

Being a jinchuuriki was a curse. One both my wife and I knew well. One I never wanted my daughter to inherit.

My daughter is a jinchuuriki.

She would have to bear the same curse.

Endure the hate.

Endure the fear.

I wanted to fix this. I would never be able to. It was not fair.

.*. .*. .*.

"Why." A statement, not a question. A demand. I wanted to crush her for this. It was treason. It was inhumane. She should have tricked someone else into doing it. Someone less important. Someone expendable. She wasn't allowed to die. She's my doctor. Who would replace her? There would be no way to do so.

"I had to."

"Had to?" I yelled the question at her. I tore myself away from my daughter long enough to hunt down the woman. "You had to? I don't recall ever telling you to die, Kimiko."

"I promised, when you saved-"

"We were children!" I threw my hands up and paced. I returned to where I was, exasperated. I was angry. I was beyond angry, I was pissed off. I was livid. Livid. "The promise to die was to a deranged child. I am not the same person I was then."

She had tears in her eyes. She lacked her usual garb and I could see the swirl which gave away what she was. "She only had a year left without him, Gaara. What would you have had me do?"

A year? I stared at her. "Find another way. You could have found another way."

She growled at me. "You think I didn't think of that, Gaara? Did you? Do you know how many times I had to lay with that man in order to go through every possibility? I tried, this was the only option that worked."

I cringed. "You really did lay with it?"

"It?" Her finger was in my face. "He has a name. He isn't just some thing, you know."

"You like him."

Her eyes widened, her mouth went to form words, but then fell into a thin, tight line after no sound came. She fell into the couch behind her. She gave a small sigh. "He wasn't supposed to exist."

I frowned and sunk down next to her, careful to keep my distance. "You identify."

"I wasn't supposed to exist." Monster. That night, so many years ago, the ones who attacked her wanted my help in ending her. "Every day alive, is one I was never meant to have."

"You should have tried expanding this life instead of giving it away."

Her hand grabbed my arm and her eyes swirled violently. She let go as quickly as she grabbed me. "I do not regret it. Your wife has a chance at a full life now, a life she wouldn't have had without this."

"I think of you as a friend." I looked away from her as I spoke the words. I hoped she understood the weight they carried. My wife would live beyond a year because of her, and while I was angry she would forfeit her own life, I was more grateful than any words I could say. I hoped she knew this as well.

"I know." She leaned back into the cushions. "I know."

Silence stretched between us, slowly creating a void. "How long?"

"Within three years. I didn't intend to have even this time." She stared at the ceiling.

"What will you do with it?"

She answered me with silence. Minutes passed in awkward silence. I shifted and stared up at her ceiling with her. Five minutes passed, then ten. Fifteen minutes, then, "Live. I think I will live."

I looked to her and said nothing.

Live. She deserved every minute.