Ok everyone, here is a longer chapter. I hope that it will tide you over for a while, because my husband is taking me out of town this weekend for my birthday. Then my parents are coming into town for pre-Christmas. And then, the hubs, daughter, and I will be going to SC to visit his side of the family. I will try to add some chapters in, but it might not be much until the new year. Just a warning. I hope you like this chapter, it's my attempt to project what their relationship will look like when the new episodes come back on. Let me know what you think, good or bad. Enjoy!
****Carol****
It had felt so good to scrub herself clean with the washcloth. She and Lori had done it as quickly as possible due to the quickly advancing dark, but the harsh feel of the cloth against her grimy skin made her feel luxurious even though she was in such an uncivilized situation. There were the two men, backs turned of course, guarding them. And while, Carol was sure that neither T-Dog nor Daryl would turn to sneak a peek at them, she still felt the need to hurry her bath along. Lori must have felt similarly, because it seemed like only a few moments had passed when they both scrambled back up onto shore, dried and dressed themselves.
****Daryl****
He had resolutely kept his back to the water, even as he walked around the side of the lake. He'd tried to keep his mind, as well as his eyes, on the woods and any possible dangers that might come from them. But, as he found was happening more and more, his mind would not obey. When Carol had finally come into his view, fully dressed but water still dripping from her short hair and clinging to her eyelashes, Daryl couldn't help but imagine her in the water. The liquid lapping against her bare shoulders and running down further as she rose…Damn it! He shut his eyes and turned away from her to stop the images. Fuckin' Hell! I'm like a goddamn teenager here! He had to get himself under control. Not only was this the worst fucking time to get distracted, but he had no idea how to deal with the feelings Carol elicited in him. Carol don't give two shits about you! He told himself. Not like that anyway.
Daryl began making his way back to the camp knowing that T-Dog would make sure Lori and Carl were following. The sky was darkening and he was ready to get back; more like he was ready to get away from these people and the unwelcome feelings he was barraged with. He stalked away, not even bothering to look back to see if anyone was keeping up.
When they got back, he just kept going until he got to his chair. He'd moved the old recliner into the climate controlled unit earlier in the week. It was interesting how the move to a single unit had changed things for most people. Glenn and Maggie still shared their small mattress pushed up against the corner. Next to them, Hershel and Beth had pushed two single mattresses together. The largest one, a king, was shared by Lori, Carl and Carol, although it was beginning to be evident that Carl resented being sandwiched between the two women. T-Dog and Rick had cots with sleeping bags along the other wall. There had been another mattress, the one Carol had slept on at first, but when it came time to move to the new unit, he'd told her there wasn't room for it. So he'd just dragged along his recliner, both sorry to have given up the option of slipping under the blankets with her and glad he didn't have to be tempted anymore.
The strain between them was such that most people didn't notice or at least they didn't feel it was severe enough to intervene. But Daryl felt it keenly. He'd gotten used to having her around, to thinking of them as "us" and now it was just him again. She didn't bother to follow him around these days or constantly ask him where he was going. He wondered how it was possible to miss something he had always thought was annoying.
As if she had read his mind, Carol came into the unit, surprising him. "You didn't get a chance to wash up." He just shrugged in reply. "I'm sorry if we took too long and kept you from having your turn." She was starting to turn away when he finally responded. "I'll just take one tomorrow when we go back to do the laundry." She looked confused, but he knew he had clearly offered to help her and he wasn't going to renege on his promises. There was a moment where they simply stared at one another. Then Carol nodded and disappeared around the corner.
****Carol****
She cared about Daryl. She really did. But he was so damn confusing; it frustrated her endlessly that nothing could be certain with him. Things would seem good between them, then he would pull away; he'd make a kind gesture and then ignore her. She just couldn't understand how a man could be so moody. On top of everything, he was getting more and more comfortable with everyone else. He still spoke to everyone in the brusque way he had, but he was allowing for more friendliness from the others. It made her feel like he was opening up to everyone except her; that she was the only one he had trouble befriending. That made her angry. Hadn't she been the one to support him and encourage him when everyone else thought he was just a ticking time bomb. She had tried to reason with herself that perhaps the loss of Sophia had made him believe that she didn't trust him or want him around. Carol had heard him mumble her daughter's name in what seemed to be nightmares. It made her heart ache, for both of them. How she longed to have her baby back, but she could easily imagine how pointedly her harsh friend had taken his inability to save Sophia. It would be a failure to him; yet another reason to belittle himself.
Unable to hate him, but also afraid to put herself out there only to be shunned again, she'd simply kept her distance until today. It had been her thinking that he'd come around when he was ready; pushing him would only make matters worse. It had worked to a degree; he'd offered to help her and to spend time with her. But not even an hour later he'd stormed off, leaving her to hurry after him, seemingly unconcerned about whether she got lost or not. It had made her angry first and then worried that he'd seen something that the rest of them had missed. She wanted to ask, but when he looked at her in that accusatory way the only words that had made it out were about bathing. Carol had changed so much in the last few months, but courage in the face of emotional rejection was still a far way off.
****Daryl****
It was like it had just happened, he couldn't remember how it started; he was simply kissing her. His hands ran up her back, her neck, and through her short hair. He couldn't think past the feel of her; it was perfect, she was perfect, and she was kissing him back. He could feel her hands on his shoulders, his arms, his face. He wanted this more than he had ever admitted to himself and having her under him felt like heaven. She said his name, "Daryl, Daryl!" Louder and louder and her hands on his shoulder gripped him harder and harder.
"Daryl!" He jerked awake, unsure of where he was or what was happening. "What the f—?" It was Carl, standing over him. "You were having a bad dream. You kept cursing and calling out for Carol. She's fine, see." He pointed over to the woman's sleeping figure. Daryl didn't know how to explain to him that it hadn't been a bad dream so he just said, "Who's on watch?" He needed to get up and moving.
"Glenn." was the answer. Daryl could have figured that out for himself, as the young Asian was the only one missing in the room, but Carl was growing on him. "I'm gonna go relieve him. Get back to sleep." When the boy looked to the place where his mother slept, he grimaced. Daryl saw it and smirked; there'd been a time when he would have rather tied the kid up and left him in the trunk to keep him out of the way and out of trouble, but he'd grown up, matured during the winter. Now he felt bad for how much he was coddled. 'Take my chair." He said as he gathered up his bow and jacket.
The sun was peaking out of the horizon when Daryl made his way outside. He walked out to the gate and waited for Glenn to appear. It only took a few minutes before he did. "Morning!" He said, sounding way too chipper for this early hour. Daryl just grunted his acknowledgement. "You don't have watch now." Glenn pressed on. "I got woke up and figured I'd get goin', gotta head out early to help Carol with the laundry." The snort that Glenn tried to hide made Daryl scowl. "You got somethin' to say?" he growled at the younger man. Putting his hands up in a surrendering gesture, Glenn backed off and said, "Nah man. It's just if Maggie took me to do laundry we'd be scrubbing more than clothes, if you know what I mean." He laughed, winking at a completely surprised Daryl. "Get outta here, ya perv!" Daryl felt a chuckle escape him, but then sobered when he thought of the implications. He knew Carol wasn't expecting anything like that, but he'd be lying if it didn't sound pretty great. Only problem was how to overcome his own fear and anxiety. If anything were going to happen, he'd have to make a move. "Fuck that!" he said adamantly. There weren't many things that made him more uncomfortable than making himself susceptible to rejection.
****Carol****
She couldn't keep up with Daryl because she was pulling the large bag of clothes. It wouldn't have been such a problem, but it was too cumbersome to carry and as she drug it along behind her it kept catching on roots and branches. As a result, she was falling further and further behind him. He hadn't looked back at her in some time so she knew that if she wanted his help she'd have to ask for it. "Daryl" she called out. He stopped, looking her way, immediately. As he came trudging towards her she explained the problem quickly, making sure he had no time to become angry with her. He just nodded and grabbed the other side of the bag and they walked together in silence, the bag swinging between them, until they came to the lake's edge.
She plopped down on a rock and began pulling clothes out of the bag. Daryl walked around the area a bit to make sure there was no imminent threat and then he dropped down on his heels beside her. When Carol looked up she noticed he was staring at her in an odd, searching way. She'd caught him doing it before, but as much as she wanted to attribute it to his growing affection for her, Carol knew it would be folly to take that for granted. So she just handed him an extra bar of soap and went back to work. She saw him take off his vest and jacket, leaving him in only a sleeveless shirt; she had stopped trying to reign herself in when it came to admiring his body. What was the point? He was well built from hard work and when he was comfortable he moved with a confidence that was hard to resist. But now, he looked tense and clumsy. Carol assumed that Daryl rarely, if ever, did his own laundry before the world as they new it had ended.
Carol had asked him some harmless question about fishing and that had got him talking. He'd decided they should try to catch some frogs while the clothes were drying and when Carol had made a face, Daryl had laughed at her. "You city folks don't know good grub when it falls in your laps." And so the time passed pleasantly enough and before too long they had all the clothes laying out on rocks or on the grass, drying. "All done" he said, moving away. "Now for those frogs." That was when Carol stopped him. "What about your bath?" She asked. "Frogs first." Was all that he replied.
They spent another hour, perhaps, laughing and splashing around like children. While Daryl seemed like a pro at all things hunting related, it still looked like he was just thrashing around. But at the end of it, he always held a frog aloft for her to see. Carol tried to help, but only succeeded in catching one, which was more of an accident really.
Afterwards, Daryl acted as if they would just head back, so Carol reminded him again of his need to get clean. When he complained, she responded that he was starting to smell. Plus, she reasoned that she needed to wash the clothes he was wearing. So he waded into the water and started to undress. He threw his clothes at her and she, laughingly, went to wash them. As she busied herself with his clothes and with gathering up new, dry things for him to wear, Carol couldn't help but catch a few glimpses of his naked torso. She'd seen it before, but never like this. Even the innocent act of washing himself looked sensual to her as he rubbed his body with the soap. When he turned towards her she looked away, blushing scarlet, but smiling. He ordered her to turn around as he came out of the lake. When she faced him again, he was only in pants and she couldn't help but say, "Looking good, Dixon." He looked at her, blushing furiously, and it helped her to know that she wasn't the only one who didn't know what was happening between them. He just mumbled "Shut up!" and threw on a shirt and his boots. Carol couldn't help but smile at his discomfort. "You should clean up more often; it's a shame to hide that handsome face under all that dirt."
****Daryl****
As they walked back to camp, with Carol continuing to make the occasional flirtatious comment, Daryl decided he'd never felt so provoked or appeased before in his life. When he'd realized that she had in fact been flirting, he'd been so perplexed he hadn't even responded with his usual anger. Women, especially ones who actually knew him, didn't spend much time talking to, let alone flirting with, him. At first, he'd told her to leave him be or to shut her mouth, but after a while he just let her talk without giving her the satisfaction of any acknowledgement. It didn't help much as he couldn't control the blushes that accompanied her words. She'd just laugh quietly behind him. As they walked, the bag between them again, he began to really listen to what she was saying. That he was handsome, strong, intelligent. It was confounding really.
Finally, he'd had enough. "Damn it, Carol!" he stopped, bringing her to a halt as well, he turned on her. "What the hell you doin'? Saying' all this crap to me?" Her smile disappeared and he felt relieved that this would be over. "It's not crap." She retorted. "It's all true. You are the smartest, the strongest, of us all. You could survive without anyone else in this group, but we all need you. And you are a good man, under all that bluster, you care about Carl and Glenn and Hershel and all the rest of them. And, whether you choose to believe it or not, you are a fine looking man. So it's not crap, Daryl, it's the truth." Shit! How did a person respond to that? He picked up his side of the bag and started walking again, drawing her along behind him. Right before camp came into view he said. "I don't think I could survive without you lot. Maybe once I thought I could, but not no more. Got no reason to keep going without you anymore." He hadn't stopped walking as he said it, and though he knew she'd heard he half hoped she would have anything to say. But of course she did. "You've got each and every one of them. They count you as family now."
He was struck by how she referred to the group as 'them' instead of 'us' and his curiosity got the best of him. "What you mean 'them'?" He demanded. When she looked confused he prompted. "You said I cared about them and that they needed me. What about you?" When he'd started he hadn't meant to be so intense, but he had to know. She smiled at him like he was crazy, but said, "Of course I need you Daryl. I'm not a survivor like you. I'd have been dead a long time ago if it wasn't for you. And I know you care about me, but sometimes you make it hard for a person to believe it." It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear, but he knew he didn't deserve more and she was right. He made things so much more difficult than they had to be. He thought of Glenn and Maggie. It seemed so easy for them to be together, to trust each other. Daryl trusted Carol, he recognized that now, but he didn't know how to close the distance between them; the distance that he had put there and reinforced at every turn. But he knew now that he wanted to break down the walls. So he said, hesitantly and without looking her in the eye, "If there's anyone in the group that I need, it's you, and I know I ain't no good at bein' nice an shit, but you remember that."
As they reentered the camp, he comprehended that things wouldn't get any easier for him. He was a loner by nature, content to be on the outskirts, but he determined that he would try his damnedest to make sure Carol knew just how he felt. He'd let her make those embarrassing, flirtatious comments and he'd let her baby him and badger him about his whereabouts. And maybe he'd find a way to communicate to her that he cared for her more and more each day.