Yay some update type thingy!!!
I told you I would try…
RECAP
Tuesday
Dave's Birthday
Big Luigi Thingy
7.30 am
Must be EXTRA gorgey today for Dave's birthday. I have even straightened my hair. That is the kind of loving person I am. I burnt my ear though. Ouch. But all is fair in love and war. Some old bloke said that I bet. What is the date anyway?
2 seconds later
Hmmmmm…
1 minute later
Oh my giddy Gods jumpsuit. I don't bloody well believe it. Why does no fule north of the equilateral or whatever bother to tell me? I swear I might as well be a piece of old sock for all I'm treated like. Do you know what today is? It's the 16th of August. And do you know what is on the 16th of August? Dave's birthday. But do you know what the 17th of August is? Noooo because some people are too foolish to bother with those sorts of things. ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
8am
Gorgey Sex Kitty thing has landed. And I am nearly 16. So yayay! Must eat shirt…
1 minute later
Where the hell did that come from?!
2 minutes later
Walking quite fast to Jas. I suspect Dave will run past again. But I will have the upper arm and surprise him. I am le genius.
5 minutes later
El Fringo is not even on her bloody wall. What in the name of Soma the Peruvian Somathing is wrong with her? Does she not realize I need company?
2 minutes later
I see some fool on the horizon.
10 seconds later
Running.
5 seconds later
For all you slow people yes it is Dave the Laugh.
1 minute later
In Superman jammies!!! Flaming potatoes!
1 minute later
Snogging Dave. In his Superman jammies. What fresh hell? I may be forced to call the Men In White Coats on my own betrothed. Which is a pity since he really does have a fantastic snogging technique. I don't want to have to call the big guys on him.
1 minute later
Perhaps I could hide him in my attic like that one guy did with his mad wife in some book.
10 seconds later
Hmmmm we don't have an attic.
5 seconds later
Maybe in the airing closet…
2 minutes later
We were so rudely interrupted by Her Royal Voleyness blathering on about the 5 Deadly Snogging Sins. According to her we have:
Scared the innocent children trying to get to school
Not greeted her because of snogging
Most probably made each other sick (noooo…)
Have paid good money to snog in the dark (not now)
Some other pointless thing that no one cares about
Dave and I just did tandem snogging then pushed her in a bush.
"Oh my giddy God!!!! DAVE!!!! GEORGIA!!!!"
Dave said, "Ah you cannot be mad with me since I am Jack the Biscuit and it is my 16th birthday. And Gee Gee is my Sex Kitty. Therefore immune to your fringey wrath."
Jas looked like she wanted to strangle him or stab him with some sharp twig she had dislodged from her bum-oley (Erlack!) but instead she smiled (scary bananas) and said, "Dave, happy birthday. But why are you wearing Superman pajamas?"
He nodded, "Ah yes it is the traditional birthday wear for a Biscuit of my authority."
Jas said, "What?"
"Well I may have overslept, now I have to go get changed. In your house. Toodles!"
He ran like a running thing into Jas' house. Jas looked horrified and stormed off. I sat on the wall like Humpty Dumpty and waited for Dave.
5 minutes later
Finally. He looks scruffy-er than before. But still gorgey-porgey. He linked arms with me and we walked off to school.
NEW STUFF!!!
Stalag 14
What larks, Hawkeye has-eth a new hair cut! It looks like a some fule has put a salad bowl over her head and shaved the rest off. She is standing there looking all mean and menacing. Like an Alsatian with a crap hair cut. Which is what she is.
2 seconds later
NO you loons! I don't mean she magically turned into a mutt before my peepers. I simply mean she LOOKED fierce. Not literally looked. I mean figuratively. It's a meta-whatsit. Ask some kindhearted dimwit to explain. I have better things to do. Ask Jas.
Assembly
Oh rave on rave on. Like I really care about your years as a Hitler's mustache trimmer in the war. On the plus side Miss Wilson has foregone the never-ending sack dresses in favor of something more… corduroy. And by that I mean a bright pink dress made entirely out of corduroy with a red tartan trimming. Honestly. You just can't make these things up. Herr is just as bad. He has a lederhosen on and his matching tartan tie and sock set. But to top the crapposity of it all he has tartan suspenders. The pain school puts me through. Who sells this crap anyway? Not even the circus people would wear it. And they are certifiably insane! I think Miss Wilson makes her dresses. What a wonderful life she obviously leads.
15 minutes later
BEST NEWS EVER! SCHOOL ENDS THIS FRIDAY!!! HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN! AFTER THAT NO MORE LINDSAY! AND ELVIS IS RETIRING! SO IS SOME OLD SMELLY FART TEACHER! We all started do some improvised Disco Dancing but had to change it into a sort of group seizure since Slack gave us the evils. Ah well. Alls well in Kansas.
A century later, after school
When we got out of school we all saw the lads wearing party hats and singing the well known song 'Nunga-Nungas!!'. Quite, quite literally horrific. Then Sven came up to us and put Rosie on his shoulders. She seemed to be enjoying it though, mind you. We all linked up with the lads in a long chain and marched off to Luigi's singing the tune from Eastenders. But the very dim (ie pensioners) kept not moving when we made our chain and kept getting caught in it, complaining and mumbling BUT NOT MOVING so eventually we just walked off with them still being herded. They complained like billio but its their own fault. Each to their own, I say.
Luigi's
The final count is 3 pensioners, one toddler and very mangy looking dog that kept following us. All the pensioners have reached ballistimus stage with us and one even hit Dec with their shopping bag. But we just marched on. Soldiers of the pants, fighting in the French Rev.
5 seconds later
Speaking of the Froggy folk, where is Rollo?
10 minutes later
Rollo is already sitting at the table with Jas'n'Tom being 'mature'. Charlotte is there as well. Yay. Not. The customers are all giving us strange looks. I wonder why…
5 seconds later
Oh right. Party hats and a big guy from Lap Land snogging Rosie. She is still on his shoulders. I don't know how they do it but quite frankly I don't think I want to. But still! Let the celebrations begin!
2 minutes later
Who ever thought it would be a good idea to let Sven order is indeed very dim.
"Meed!!!"
"No sorry sir, we don't have meed here.
"Jah!!! I want meed! Now!"
"Sorry we don't-"
"I will bring down your house, jah!"
"Um ok. What would you like to drink?"
"Herring!!!"
"Drink, sir."
"Meed and Herring for me and my chicky!!! Vikings!"
The waiter smiled at him then ambled over to Dave.
"Sir, what would you like to drink?"
"Yes rather wise of you. My friend there is not entirely sane…"
We all looked at Sven who was now doing some sort of 70's disco dance to a delighted Ro-Ro. The waiter nodded.
"So I'll have the traditional drink of the Biscuit for me and my KittyKat. And I think some coke for everyone else."
"Biscuit?"
"Yes."
"Errr, what is that?"
Dave looked at the poor bloke. Then he said really slowly, "We want coke."
"Ah right away. And for a main?"
"Break open the fattened calf!"
The waiter looked a bit scared but scurried away.
Half an hour later
Good God. We have been kicked out. And Sven has been banned for life. He did get a bit shirty with the waiter when he didn't get any meed, but really. The are just trying to kill our spirit and so forth. Fascists. Dave doesn't seem to mind though. He's still in a ridiculously good mood. Rollo has gone home to, er, garden. Yes that's it. Me and Dave are right up in the front. I don't know where we are walking to.
Dave said, "Hey KittyKat. Do you want to come to my special birthday dinner tonight?"
"Yes please. Finally some food."
"I should warn you though my WHOLE family is going to be there."
"Why is that a problem?"
"Well, you see… never mind I don't want to scare you."
Scare me? Pardon?
I said, "Pardon?"
But Dave just wiggled his eyebrows at me.
Home
It turns out Dave was just walking me home and like the loons they are everyone followed us. Oh the things I have to put up with. Now I just got to get ready. Dave is meeting me at 7. He did like his shirt.