I wasn't planning on updating this chapter so quickly but you were all so freaked out because of the teaser that I took pity on you so here you are. Enjoy.

Thanks again to my beta, faite-comme-moi because without her you would get random references about French culture in this chapter and you wouldn't understand a thing about it. She's here to make it all perfect so you can thank her.

Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed yet, none of these characters belongs to me. I do own a cute wolf toy, though.

2O. What Sam Wanted.

Thursday, December 11th.

Jacob's POV.

I would like, just once in my life, to get a white Christmas, a white December. But snow didn't seem to like La Push. All that we got here was frost, one hell of a wind, and plenty of rain. It was a sort of frozen rain but it was rain nevertheless. Not snow. I may have been acting like a kid but I wanted to get snow, even if it was just for a few hours. I would trade all the stupid rain that fell in a week for just one single, tiny snowflake. The rain didn't upset me I was used to it. But it was December. I wanted snow.

Someone in the room turned on the radio, filling the space with loud music. I turned away from the window I had been staring out to come back to reality. The day was over for us. It was time for the guys to chill out, open some beer and talk about girls. I still had a bit of time to spare before going to meet Sam. I could use a beer, too. I crashed onto the couch next to our new apprentice, who looked kind of lost. We weren't intimidating but we were sort of close to each other. We'd been working together for years now and I could understand that, for a newcomer, it must be hard to blend in easily.

"Here, take this," I told him, handing him a beer accompanied by a slap on his shoulder. He would get used to the guys. They weren't scary, just a bit crazy. He looked at the can with apprehension, not sure if he had to really accept it. "It won't kill you. I promise."

"It's just that…I'm only…nineteen," he admitted in a whisper, which made all the other men in the room burst into laughter. Great. That's the perfect way to make him feel better: let's all make fun of him. The poor kid really looked scared now. I wasn't sure he was going to come back tomorrow after all. Was it so hard to be cooperative and more welcoming to a new co-worker? I worked with a bunch of stupid people.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I'm sort of their boss, you know," I reassured him, kicking Tommy's leg in reproach when he passed in front of us. The new boy hesitated another minute but finally grabbed the beer before I could suggest a Coke if he really was uncomfortable with the alcohol. I'd been drinking alcohol since I was sixteen, except when I was with Charlie. I might be an idiot but I wouldn't have courted disaster. I guessed some people weren't the same as me and really cared about the law. He took a hesitant sip of beer and I heard his heartbeat slowing down. The guys were teasing him because he was shyer than any of us but that wasn't fair. I lived with someone who used to be shy when she was younger - hell, Bella was sometimes still shy. It wasn't something to make fun of.

I took a long sip of my beer, almost chocking in the process when I realized something. Wait a minute. What's going on here? It suddenly felt like the scene in front of me was in slow motion and I was only a spectator. The guys were making fun of the boy; he didn't have the courage to answer back to them. And I defended him. I defended him because he was a kid surrounded by idiots. Because he was a kid. I defended him because he was defenseless against them. Because he was a kid. And I took up his defense just as if he was…oh, God. Guess that paternal instinct really exists after all. I had it. It was coming to the surface, right now. My beer was empty a few seconds after this realization hit me.

"Don't listen to them. I think the boss hires people only if they have a low IQ. With the exception of you and me," I said to the boy. I needed to talk to prevent the smile on my face when I thought that I was responding to the fact that I was going to have a baby. I was going to be a father. It was scary as ever; yet, at the same time, I had the feeling I was going to love it. Plus, I already knew I wouldn't let morons make fun of him, or her. I had to tell Bella. She was going to be thrilled. Talking about Bella, I needed to go meet Sam now, so I would be able to get home sooner. Whatever Sam wanted to talk about shouldn't take a long time even though I didn't have a clue what it was about.

"I'm leaving. D'you need a ride home…Andy?" I asked, rapidly scanning the badge on the boy's shirt to refresh my memory of his name. If nobody else wanted to give a damn about him, I was going to take him under my wing. I didn't know how it felt to be a new employee but I needed to make it easier for him to integrate into our group.

"No, thanks. I've got my bike."

It turned out that Andy's bike wasn't the 'bike' I thought it was. It was the kind of bike with an engine, the same kind of bike as mine. I shouted good bye over the roaring of the two motorcycles and I was off to Sam's.

To say that Sam's call last night surprised me was an understatement. He didn't say anything more than that he wanted to talk to me and that it had something to do with the pack. I'd kept wondering what I'd done wrong but there was nothing I could come up with. I'd missed some patrols lately, right, but I had a good reason to do so. Bella was pregnant. She was tired because she couldn't sleep well at night. So, it was only fair for me to help her as much as I could, which meant that I'd met the vacuum cleaner for the first time in my life, along with the stuff to clean the bathroom and kitchen. I didn't miss patrol because I was lazy or because I didn't want to go. The day I wouldn't want to phase and go on patrol wasn't going to arrive any time soon. Believe me.

If Sam was mad at me because of this, I wasn't going to accept his criticism. Bella was as important to me as the pack was. Sometimes, I just needed to make her first on the list of my priorities. Sam was married; he knew what I meant, what I was going through. Plus, when Kim was pregnant with Mark and on bedrest for more than a month, Jared was off duty the whole time. No. Sam wouldn't blame me for making my wife my priority. Then, what was wrong? Why did he need to talk to me? Or maybe he didn't want to talk just to me? Maybe everybody else was coming. I should have given Embry or Quil a call to ask them.

Yet, when I parked my bike in front of Sam and Emily's house, there wasn't any other car except for Sam's. I was a bit late so it wasn't likely that anybody else was going to arrive. I took off my helmet before walking to the front door. I could hear Jason's laughter from inside, along with Emily's voice asking the boys to calm down. All right. So, now, I was looking forward to this, too. Funny how something that didn't exist six months ago could make me so happy and so impatient all of a sudden. My knock on the door was answered within seconds by a very tired Emily.

"Hi, Jake. Come on in," she said, motioning me inside with a movement of her head, her arms being taken up by her baby girl. She looked so tiny in her mother's arms that I didn't want to imagine how tiny she would be in my arms. I would probably crush her.

"Sam? Jacob's here," Emily announced in the general direction of the kitchen. She closed the door behind me but I was still looking at the little girl. I wanted my own. I wanted the baby to be a girl, a baby girl. I knew Bella had the feeling it was a boy but I would prefer if it was a girl. We were going old-fashioned on this so it was fun to discuss all the possibilities with Bella. A lot of people wanted to know the sex of their baby before it was born but back like, a century ago, people didn't have the opportunity to know in advance and they got along pretty well with this fact. I simply didn't see why it should be different for us. Keeping it a surprise was even better.

Some guys feel nothing when their wife, or girlfriend, are expecting a baby. They just sit around, watch the belly grow (and grow and grow) but they don't feel a pull. They don't feel anything different except for the physical part. I was definitely feeling something, even when I wasn't around Bella. I was beginning to imagine all the things that were going to change soon with the baby in my life and I wanted them all. Badly. I wanted them like I'd never wanted anything before. Well, no. Not as much as I'd wanted Bella, but it wasn't the same thing. I wanted to get to do all the fatherly things even though a baby meant the end of freedom as I knew it. A few weeks ago, I thought for a couple of hours that Bella had lost the baby. It had been scarier than I could have thought. I truly realized then that the baby was real, it existed, but not on its own. It needed Bella to be healthy so it could be, too. Like Bella said, she wasn't expecting a baby. We were.

Jason ran into the room, bringing my daydream to an end. Sam followed him, a big smile on his face. Yet, when he saw me, the smile disappeared and he was all serious again. I must have done something wrong. He wouldn't look like this if everything was all right. He asked me to come into the kitchen and talk so I did, and there I was, sitting at the kitchen table while he paced back and forth in front of me, apparently thinking deeply.

"How long have you been my second, Jacob?" Sam finally asked, stopping his walk abruptly to look at me. His question caught me off guard but I still managed to give an approximate number.

"Seven years, I guess. Why?"

"You know I promised Emily I would stop phasing soon after Leah's birth and maybe you think it's crazy, but it would make a good Christmas present. I just need to discuss it with you." He paused, an intense look in his eyes which made me hold my breath against my will. "If I stop phasing, the pack needs a leader. And that means that it would be you, Jacob."

I didn't expect this at all. Was he really asking me to take charge of the pack? Was he asking me to step up? We weren't in wolf form so it shouldn't have affected me so much but I couldn't help the huge wave of pride that washed through my whole body when Sam said these simple sentences. The pack would need a leader. And it would be me. I liked being a wolf, despite everything I used to say when I was younger. True, it wasn't something I had chosen. It'd been imposed on me. If I could have lived without it, I would have been fine, but phasing was a part of me now, it was a part of my life. I couldn't deny it. And I liked it. I liked the fact that I could defend my tribe, my people, my family, my friends, and the whole local population. I liked the idea that I was doing something useful even if few people knew about our existence.

Sam had been the first of us to phase. At the time, there was no point in denying his authority. Moreover, I hadn't wanted to. I didn't want the responsibility. I didn't want to give orders. I didn't want to have anyone's death on my conscience if something went wrong. I was just a kid and following Sam's orders was simply perfect for me. I knew Sam would have stepped down without problem if I'd wanted to take his place sooner but I hadn't so we'd worked out just fine. But now, it was different. I was going to be 24 in a month, I was a grown-up. I had grown up. I was more mature now, no matter what Bella said. I may sometimes act like a kid but, when it came to the pack, I was deeply involved. I'd known for years that I was ready to claim what was mine but I hadn't wanted to. It would have been awkward. As much as I wanted it, I didn't want to have to ask Sam to give up his Alpha position.

But now Sam was giving it to me. I didn't have to ask him for it. He was going to stop phasing. He was leaving the pack. The pack needed a leader. And it was going to be me. I'd been born for this. I was ready for this. I was ready to embrace the destiny which had been chosen for me. I should have been mad, considering the fact that I had no control over my destiny, but my fate was in my hands. Sam wasn't imposing this on me. He was just offering it, stating that no one was better than me for it. I could say no if I wanted to. The position would go to Jared if I'd say no. But I wasn't going to say no.

"If you think that you're ready for this, you can step up." Sam's voice brought me back to reality. I straightened up in my chair to look directly at him. I was more than ready for this. And he knew it.

"I'm ready, Sam." I expected my voice to be rather rough, given that I hadn't talked for a few minutes but it was the contrary. My voice was loud, clear and it echoed throughout the whole room. It wasn't a tone I usually used. I'd actually never spoken like that before. Sam looked as surprised as I was but he said nothing. Instead, he simply nodded and sat down opposite me. I wasn't even Alpha yet, but I already felt superior to him. Sam would never be under my orders given that he was going to completely stop phasing but I couldn't help the sensation that he was inferior to me. He had always been meant to be inferior to me and now, he truly was.

"I'm telling you this now to get you prepared because I want to try to stop phasing soon. I know it will be difficult so I don't want to be in charge of the others while I'm dealing with my own issues. I don't think I need to teach you much. You've been born with all of this already in you. You're a natural leader. You won't have any difficulty handling the bunch of idiots that they sometimes are. And if I had something to teach you I think you've already learned it by being my second."

"Thanks, Sam."

"You don't have to thank me. It should have been you from the start. I was just keeping the place warm for you."

"That's not what I meant. Thanks for what you've done for me. I know it's been mine since before I was even able to phase but you taught me everything I know. It's going to be weird without you putting everyone back in place."

Sam smiled and sighed at the same time, which brought his shoulders up and then down again. But it wasn't just breath leaving his body when he did so. It looked like a huge responsibility was off of him, like he looked lighter. We used to make fun of him, teasing him that he was making it too hard on himself but we were wrong. There was more to being Alpha than getting on our nerves. And now, it was my job. Wow. If it had this effect when I was in human form, I didn't want to imagine how powerful it was going to be when I phased the first time as the leader. It was going to knock me off my paws.

"I should be going home," I realized when I saw Emily entering the kitchen to get a bottle of milk ready for the baby. The simple mention of 'home' reminded me of something I completely forgot while I processed the fact that I was finally getting what was mine. Bella. Bella didn't like the fact that I was still phasing. She didn't say anything nowadays but I knew it nevertheless. She wasn't going to like the fact that I was becoming Alpha even if it wasn't going to change much for her. To her, I would still be phasing no matter if I was Alpha or not. Maybe I didn't need to tell her I was going to step up. She didn't need to know. No. That wasn't fair. She had to know.

I said goodbye to Sam and his family, got back on my bike and was off to my house. To my home. Our house wasn't in the main section of the little town; we were a bit apart from it. It was basically to be closer to my dad but also to be closer to the forest. I had direct access to the cover of the trees from our back yard. Plus, it was quiet. I couldn't live in a big city. Too much noise, too much agitation. La Push was just perfect. Our house looked perfect, even in the rain. It was completely dark outside but the living room window showed a little square of light from the inside. Because inside, it was all light. Thanks to Bella's mother.

She had spent the last weekend with us and it was kind of good. Bella surrendered to the fact that people could help her, which meant that the only thing left for her to do was cook. She would never have allowed her mom to step into the kitchen or even touch an utensil. But Renée found other occupations while she was with us. She was crushed to find out that at the beginning of December, our house didn't look like Christmas was less than a month away.

When she asked for our decorations and Bella admitted that we didn't have any yet, her mom had simply looked outraged. This meant that we spent the whole Saturday afternoon in Port Angeles, ending up buying the whole store. Now, our house was all Christmassy. There was green and red all over the place. We had this big crown of holly on the front door, candles on the fire place, along with the stocking with our name on them. You can't imagine how many names they had in stock. There was a long string of little lights flashing all around the living room, driving the dog crazy. We had a new tablecloth with Santas all over it on the kitchen table and the quilt with snowflakes on the couch. We even had a little Santa sled with reindeer on the coffee table. Renée had completely gone over the top but, in the end, it looked nice. The best thing was the Christmas tree. She had wanted us to buy a real one, one direct from the forest but we didn't. A real Christmas tree meant needles, needles that were going to fall down. And Bella didn't need the extra cleaning. So Renée reluctantly bought us a plastic Christmas tree. Even if it wasn't as perfect as she wanted it to be, it felt better for me. We were going to use it for years. I liked the idea that I was going to spend many, many Christmases with Bella. We could always buy a real tree (with real needles) another year.

When I stepped into the house, I didn't even have the time to take off my jacket that Bella was already at my side, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing like her life depended on it.

"Thanks God, you're home!" she exclaimed, her voice trembling. "The heater's gone crazy again and I don't know how to put it back on." Now that she mentioned it, it felt relatively cooler than usual inside. I didn't really feel the cold any more but even I could feel that it wasn't supposed to be that cold indoors. I looked down at Bella to see that her lips were all blue. I bent down to kiss her because these, I could warm them up pretty rapidly. It wasn't a simple 'I'm home'-kiss; I kissed her for way longer than I'd planned. I knew she wasn't going to like the idea that I was stepping up within the pack and I was being selfish. I wanted to take as much of her sweetness as I could before she decided that I wasn't worth kissing for the rest of the night.

Even with clothes on, I could feel that her body was colder than it was supposed to be. Without taking my lips off of hers, I broke my arms free from her embrace to bring them to her shoulders. From there, I slid them down to rub her back. Bella moaned before pulling closer to my side as if to get as much heat as she could. I knew I had to stop but…just another minute. I would stop in another…minute.

"I think I'll start considering breaking the heater if that's the way you react when I'm cold," Bella joked when I finally decided to let her breathe again.

"You wouldn't know how to break it. It's too technical for your literary brain." Without letting go of her waist, I turned around to put the heater back on. This little box had been the death of me for the past three weeks. It was brand new so it shouldn't shut down all the time. I had to go see the guy we bought it from.

"What about using a hammer? There's nothing technical about that." Bella tiptoed to kiss my cheek softly, before kissing the smile that stretched across my face at her joke. I wasn't a good influence for Bella in the bad jokes department. "So, what did Sam want?" she asked, tucking behind my ear the lock of my hair that the rain had glued to my forehead.

I felt so proud and ecstatic that Sam had given me his place as leader. Unfortunately, Bella wasn't going to like it. I told myself it didn't really matter but now that she was next to me and I was looking into her eyes, it mattered. It was something big for me but for her, it basically changed nothing. She was going to take it fine, right?

"He's thinking about…retiring." I couldn't find another word to say it and this one sounded just fine. Bella's body tensed suddenly when I spoke. A second later she was breaking away from my arm to go back to her ironing board in the middle of the living room.

"Oh. That's nice," she finally said, not looking at me. "Emily must be relieved. But…what does it have to do with you? Was it a pack meeting or something like this? Do you have a protocol for retiring?" Even her voice seemed tense. She was sensing that there was something more to the story. Plus, she was making fun of it and I didn't really like this. I could accept that she didn't like the fact that I was phasing but she couldn't make fun of it.

"No. It was just Sam and me. He offered me to…step up." Bella's body completely froze, but this time it wasn't because it was cold in the house. She dropped the iron, almost missing the board in the process. When she looked up at me, her whole face was white. She met my gaze and held it for a moment. She looked hurt.

"What? I mean, no. No, you can't do this." With that, she was back to the task at hand though I wasn't sure that my tee-shirt was going to be wearable after she was through with it.

"Why not?" I asked back, trying not to get angry. It wasn't anything that bad. I wasn't confessing that I was an alcoholic or a drug addict. I wasn't confessing that I'd gotten a job on the other side of the country. I was just taking Sam's post. It was a big deal from my side but for her, it was like nothing. At least, it was what I thought.

"Because if you take his place it means that you won't stop phasing soon and you promised you will. Why should Emily be the only one to get her husband all to herself? You can't step up. You promised."

"I've never promised that I'll never step up. I know you don't like it, the wolves and everything, but it's what I want. It's part of life, a huge part of it. It's my inheritance, my heritage. It's my life, Bella." She had to understand that.

"I'm part of your life, too! I'm your wife. I'm your family. I'm having your baby!" She stopped ironing my shirt, not that it needed it anymore, to look up at me again. I could see her eyes glistening with tears but this time I wasn't going to become a stupid puppy because she felt bad. I wanted this. I wanted to become Alpha. I just didn't want to have to choose between Bella and the pack. I didn't want to. "Please, you can't be serious. I know you don't want to be Alpha. You refused it the first time. You…"

"The first time I was 16! I was a kid. I was too young to understand what it meant. My whole life was changing so all I wanted was to rebel against this fate. But you've got to understand that it's in my blood; I can't deny it. It's my pride, it's my destiny. I want this. I won't deny it."

"So we won't get to decide this together? I live with you, Jake. This affects me as much as it affects you. You promised you'd stop phasing! You promised!" She screamed the last two words while slamming the iron back on the board. Her hands were shaking and the tears which were in her eyes seconds before were running down her cheeks. Why was it such a big deal for her? It didn't change anything at all in her life!

"Bells…I'll stop phasing…someday. I promised it and I promise it again. I'll keep my word. Isn't this enough?"

"Someday isn't enough! Can't you understand what it's like for me? I'm scared as hell each time you go chasing one of them! And being Alpha means phasing more often. Being out most of the time. It means more responsibility. It means going to kill every single vampire coming close to this area. I don't want to lose you to a vampire! I won't! Besides, when was the last time you killed a vampire? I think they got the message, Jake. They don't come here anymore. You could stop phasing altogether!"

Just because the last time I had killed a vampire was a month and a half ago and we hadn't seen another one since then didn't mean that we were safe to stop phasing! We had to keep on protecting our people, no matter what. Now that we were here, that we knew we could kill as many of these bloodsuckers as we could, we weren't all going to stop phasing. Maybe one day, one day, when all of the guys had families, nobody would want to phase anymore. But right now, I didn't want to stop. We still killed vampires on a regular basis. I wasn't going to stop.

"This is what I'm supposed to be, Bella! As much as I love you, I want to do this! Why can't you get it? I was born for this. It's something greater than me. Something I'm ready for now! Something I've been ready for since I became Sam's second! And now I have the opportunity to do it. You should be more supportive!"

I was angry now. We were both angry. This discussion wasn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped. It apparently was a big deal for Bella, too. She stepped closer to me, her hands on her hips hidden under the big hoodie she was wearing because she was cold. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She closed her mouth, frowning like she used to do when she was thinking very hard about something.

"Wait a minute. What was that? About being Sam's second?" Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! No! I didn't say it, right? Oh, shit. There was no going back now. "Jared is Sam's second…Oh my…Did you…Tell me you didn't lie to me."

She wasn't supposed to know. She wasn't supposed to find out. I should have lied again and not told her that Sam offered me the Alpha position. Everything would have been fine if I had lied again. I'd already forgotten about my previous lie. Jared being Sam's second was never something that popped into our usual conversations. It felt like, sometimes, I wasn't even lying. But she'd gotten me angry and I didn't watch my words. Now, she was really going to be mad at me. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, because I was the one in the wrong.

"Bella, listen. When you asked for us to give it another shot but your condition was for me to step down, I was just so happy to get you back. I thought it wasn't going to kill us if I didn't tell you that…"

"You've been second-in-chief for all these years? You…you…" In a few seconds, she closed the space between us and her small hand collided with my jaw. The slap didn't hurt me; I didn't feel anything. Not on the physical level, anyway. On the emotional level, it was the worst slap I'd ever received in my life. I betrayed her. All these years, I had lied to her. At the time it didn't seem like something big but now, I realized that it was. I shouldn't have lied. I'd been torn in two; I still was. I didn't like it. It was killing me. I couldn't bring myself to look at her again. But I had to. She was so close to me that her trembling body reverberated on mine.

"You're a liar! A dirty liar!" she shouted, pushing against my chest to make me back away from her. There was no amount of force in her fists that could make me move but I did, nevertheless. "How could you? I trusted you! We're supposed to make decisions together. Not lie to each other!"

"You should calm down, Bella. The doctor said…"

"I don't give a fuck about what the doctor said! You make decisions on your own, behind my back! You don't care about what I feel! You lie to me! You…Let me pass!"

She tried to push me away from my spot between the living room and the hallway. I stepped to the side so she could go to the bedroom. She clearly needed to be alone to calm down. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry for everything. For a split second, I even considered not taking Sam's offer if it meant that she would forgive me. But it wasn't in the bedroom that Bella intended to go. Faster than I thought her capable of, she grabbed her bag and her coat.

"You're not going anywhere, Bella. Not in this state of mind," I stated, catching her wrist and yanking her carefully away from the front door. She was mad but she was also pregnant. She needed someone to look after her. I wasn't going to let her go who-knows-where. "I understand that you must hate me right now, but you can't go. It's…"

"I can't go? I can't go? You got me stuck in this place, Jacob! And now you want to get me stuck in this house, too? Move!"

The slap was bad but this was the worst. I was simply dumbfounded by what she had just said. I let go of her arm without even noticing it. She closed the door with a loud noise, and a few minutes later, I heard the car leaving the driveway. But I hadn't moved from where I was standing, my arms to my side, and tears in my eyes. She didn't mean that, right? She didn't mean it. She couldn't. She liked it here. She liked La Push. She always said she did.

I didn't even have the strength to go after her. I crashed to the floor.

A/N:

Bad, bad, bad Jacob. I know. Don't hate him just yet. There's a good explanation behind every bad decision.

Reviews are always wonderful :)

You may have to wait some time before another update because instead of beta'ing Chapter 21, my beta had to work on a one-shot for one the contests I wanted to participate too. So you'll have plenty of time to wonder what's going to happen. And, because I like you all anyway, Chapter 21 will go with a brand new outtake. How cool is that?

Chapter 21: Will you all stop ruining my life? (Bella's POV)

Seth squeezed my shoulder to comfort me. I felt a bit better when I was next to him because I knew he would never let me down. Never.