King Rat, No Mercy

Author Notes: Chapter 18 summary:

After watching Aka disintegrate in front of him, Gojyo drops to the ground with labor pains. Hakkai and Sanzo quickly make ready for the birth as best as they can on empty stomachs and exhausted minds. Goku is told to start a fire away from the scene, cover his ears, and avert his eyes. Hakkai discovers that he cannot feel the "baby's" head or feet. Sanzo pins Gojyo down as Hakkai tries to force everything inside of him out. Sanzo insists that Hakkai knock Gojyo out so that he does not have to watch, but Gojyo, panicking, refuses to be numbed again. With considerable pain and effort, Gojyo begins to produce a disjointed set of child-sized human parts, much to the horror of all three. In spite of what is clearly a hopeless situation, Gojyo continues to labor, and Hakkai pulls away more and more of a broken body, including proof that the pieces belong to Ryuji. The last thing to emerge is a small heart that beats three times in Hakkai's palms before ceasing motion and disintegrating. Horrified, Gojyo can only scream mindlessly until Hakkai knocks him out. Hakkai orders that any remnants of the birth be destroyed in the fire, along with Gojyo's and his clothes. Mortified at the turn of events, he begins to rend his own clothes away. Sanzo silently mourns the fate that has befallen Gojyo, pitying him his grief and what they are certain is the loss of Ryuji.

… This was the only logical conclusion I could draw to the events that had befallen our heroes. We have found our new low. I know, I'm a twisted bastard, and I hated myself when I saw what I had wrought. Editing it made me sick to my stomach. Hell, even running over the events in my mind when trying to write the summary gave me the shakes. But I can't unwrite something; once I determine a path, I can't diverge. The good news is, the only place we can go from here is up.

Review responses:

RodiSquall: Your question from chapter 16 is answered as of chapter 18. Ryuji's soul did not accept King Rat's interference, which is half of why the rebirth failed. Remember, what he was doing to Gojyo was a test run, he did not know how it would turn out. Also, I would probably say that he was infusing his soul into Ryuji not to keep him safe, but instead to be able to call him 'son.' Nezuoh wanted to have children of his own, but even with the Callback to Spirits allowing him to revive the lost souls, they would not be his biological inheritors. Ryuji would have been his son if he had managed to put himself inside of him. As for the boys and their ultimate fate... patience. I promise, no stone will be left unturned; what happened to the boys will be made clear soon enough.

And yes, Hakkai is scary. You know it'd only take a second for him to have his way with the genetic code!

KakashiisWifey: Hakkai would be the logical conclusion if the Goddess were to randomly decide to knock one of them up, as he is the most motherly (maybe that contributes to the whole "scary" thing!) but I could never make Hakkai the uke. I don't know why, but I just don't think it'd work. But his mood swings would be terrifying, if only for the huge change. One second, incredibly happy because he loves children and babies and he's happy to be having one... and then "Get out of my way or I'll kill you."

D-chan: I don't think Sanzo would ever let it get that far. Sure it'd be cute, but I'd hate to see Sanzo's mood swings! Gojyo was bad enough; "Ahh, morning sickness sucks, my back hurts, this sucks..." Sanzo would be more like, "I WILL MURDER EVERYTHING YOU LOVE AND EAT IT." Except that wouldn't be a mood swing, that would be him for nine months straight.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!

19: Rest Calm

The sky was its usual cerulean blue, the road its usual tawny brown. The dusty plain stretched out before them like a lion in the sun. Plant life was fairly sparse, and getting thinner the further they drove, but the air was fresh and the water running through the brook near where the Jeep had parked smelled sweet and clean. However, enjoying the scenery of the world they knew was the furthest thing from the Sanzo party's minds. Goku briefly turned to the back seat as he waited in the shotgun seat. Sanzo was carefully fastening Gojyo's seat belt, and Gojyo was still catatonic and gone from even the slightest semblance of consciousness. Hakkai drummed his fingers impatiently on the wheel. "Is he sleeping soundly?" he murmured. Sanzo nodded, and clambered back into the rear passenger's seat. "Let's get underway again." Goku felt his heart shiver with dismay. He folded his hands, and prayed silently.

Gojyo, please stop screaming. Please stop crying. I'm so scared of what's going on in your head. Your eyes are wide open like you're seeing everything, but you're blind and deaf and numb. I know you're sad, and I know why, too. You just watched both of your kids die. My little cousins... it hurts my heart to think about it. I loved them too, and my heart hurts because of that. I don't really understand it, but I still feel it.

But I know Hakkai loved them too. And I know that's why he's upset, at least I'm pretty sure. His knuckles are white from gripping the wheel so tight, his elbows are shaking because he keeps locking them. I keep getting scared he's gonna crash, because he hasn't slept since it all happened and he swerves around like crazy. It's like if he drives fast enough and long enough, he'll blow everything from his head, or at least have an excuse for plowing us through a rock.

Sanzo's upset too. I can tell from the look in his eyes. He's not crying, I don't think he knows how, but I see him rubbing his nose on your shoulder when you shake, and I saw his hand rubbing your stomach in his sleep. Like his dream-self is trying to ask them to come back, telling them, 'Right here, right here. It's where you came from, it's where you belong.' I bet Sanzo would even do it for you, just the way you did for him. He'd put them in his tummy and pull them back out when they were fixed. But we can't. None of us can.

We all want them back. I think we'll settle for having you back. I believe in miracles, though, and I bet if we look, we'll find them out there, somewhere. Aka-chan was still smiling at me, so I know he must know something we don't. They must still be with us, somehow. But we won't be able to look if you're blind and deaf and numb. So I'm asking you, as a friend: please, please, please wake up!

Hakkai revved the engine into high gear. Hakuryu whined in complaint, but he simply patted the dashboard. "The further away we are, the happier I'll be," he murmured to the Jeep. Hakuryu cooed sadly, indicating understanding but certainly not approval. He shook his head, staring at the vast, open road again. His mind drifted:

I held his beating heart in my hand, and it spoke to me.

"Field Marshal? What are you doing here?"

I don't know what to say, how to respond, but my heart speaks back anyway. "I'm not a Field Marshal."

I find myself pulled into a dark void somewhere in either my head or someone else's, staring at the back of a blonde-haired boy. He's thin and frail, his shoulders are bony. The boy won't face me, and I can't ask him to.

"I'm sorry. I was mistaken. You just seem like someone I know. I don't think you and I have ever met." His shoulders slouch.

"Not until now, no. I believe you're dying in my arms."

"Ah, is that so?" He sounds intrigued, but not surprised. "I thought I was already gone. I know I've never really been all here for a while, not since I last touched the Goddess' hand. I think I was in the dark for a while, I suppose I thought I was dead then. I don't remember much of the last day or so- just the feeling of someone trying to touch me and me saying no. But you know? There are worse ways to go." I can read his expression as easily as if his nose were ten centimeters from mine; he's smiling, laughing at himself. "I do remember being warm, up until a few seconds ago. And I'm in no pain, really. And I have your voice to see me off. Can I just ask you one favor?"

"Anything."

"Please tell my father that I'm not mad at him. That I do forgive him whatever little wrongs he did, those little lies he told. And I hope he'll forgive me for dying. I'm sorry. I love him. I knew him for four days, and I love him."

"I'll try and pass it on."

"Thank you. Good bye."

He's gone, the darkness is gone, and a tiny, still heart sits in my palms. I want to retch and scream and tear my hair, I want to pull my befouled skin off, I want to rip the scenery to ribbons. But I know none of that will do me any good. I push that haunting little voice from my mind, I shut down everything I don't need, I take control in demolishing the tainted clothes and what's left of Ryuji's body. That little heart will never beat again, and I wish it weren't so. I did love that heart, the boy attached to it, the unassuming, flat sea inside it.

No screaming, no weeping, will benefit any of us. I will push it under and push forward. And yet, in my determination, my old scars start to ache.

Kannon, why? Didn't you love them? Aren't they your children too?

Hakkai shivered as he realized he'd begun to drift off the road again. He focused his mind and glanced into the rear view mirror to the back seat. Sanzo was tearing a piece of bandage off their roll to make a fresh compress for Gojyo. Gojyo was exactly as he had been for the past two days. Hakkai was certain Sanzo's thoughts were unfathomable, so he could only wonder about Gojyo.

How can I drive on without knowing where you've gone? Dear friend, where has your mind been these past two days?

(Suggested Track: "Rest Calm," Nightwish)

Two days. Two hours. Two minutes. All of those concepts were nothing but nonsense words to Gojyo. So was any other word, for that matter. He could only vaguely remember a hand over his eyes, and he was off into the darkness. He couldn't tell if he was rising or falling, if he was in water or air. He wasn't even entirely certain he was anything at all.

After an indeterminate amount of unmeasurable time, it became clear to him that he was upside-down. He could feel blood rushing to his head, but it never made him dizzy. For what little will he had to move his eyes, he could see nothing above or below him, and he was barely able to comprehend that those concepts even had a meaning. Above, below, up, down, it was all the same. The universe around him was gray-blue, fuzzy like white noise. His mind was completely and entirely empty, but for an insistent reminder from a voiceless somewhere to keep breathing.

It occurred to him- perhaps I am dreaming again. Perhaps I should wake. He tried to do so.

The sky vomited blood and rage at him. The universe was made entirely of stabbing knives and squeezing vices and hatred. There was a terrible, dissonant scream echoing in his ears.

His eyes closed again, his mind emptied, and returned to the blue-gray nothing. It may have been void, but it was at least peaceful. A face appeared in front of his- or had it been there all along?- eyes at level with his, feet drifting a meter away from his own. It took him a moment, but he recognized Kanzeon Bosatsu. He didn't- couldn't- react. She reached for him and held his shoulders as though to keep him steady.

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes awash with pity. "I wish I could ease your mind, but as it is, there is far too much there to deal with all at once. Numbing you and keeping you numb is the kindest thing that can be done." He was certain he wanted to ask her something, but he couldn't recall what. He also wasn't certain he could move his mouth. She smiled sympathetically. "Why don't we try to sort some of these things out while we're here? Your friends want you to know how they really feel."

She vanished, but another face replaced hers. He wasn't sure how he recognized Goku- at the moment, he wasn't sure what a Goku was- but he did. Goku seemed to be right-side up, grinning into his face, his hands perched proudly on his hips, feet above his head. He spoke, in his usual, casual way; "Seriously dude, you thought I was dead? Come on!" He laughed. "You actually thought a bunch of alcoholic wash-ups could touch me? Man, you shouldn't worry like that. You'll give yourself a hernia." He beamed a little wider. "I'm fine, I promise you. I was never even in that stupid fortress until the day we came to rescue you. And I'm not mad at you, not even a little bit." His smile subdued; he looked more earnest. "I don't blame you. Stuff happens, y'know?"

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing Gojyo could find to say. Goku shook his head.

"Don't be. Just feel better. My little cousins need their dad back." His grin vanished, replaced by a more sober look. "We all need you back." His smile spread across his cheeks again, and he was gone. Gojyo knew nothing, felt nothing, until another familiar face appeared, upright and smiling, eyes open and looking into his.

"You still fear the dissolution of our friendship, and it's understandable. You've been abandoned before, and Heaven knows that no matter how long I stay by your side, you will always fear that I'll turn away the moment you inconvenience me." Hakkai focused a calm, reassuring gaze directly into Gojyo's eyes. His smooth, calm voice was almost hypnotic. "You didn't want to believe I would betray you, turn my back on you, and you were correct. But I suppose if it's beaten into your head, if you're given evidence you can't ignore, you must believe."

"I'm sorry," Gojyo murmured. He knew no other words, could not force his mouth and tongue to make anything but those. Hakkai shook his head the same way Goku had.

"Did you really think I'd blame you? None of this is your fault, this was nothing you asked for. Our bonds are stronger than that. I will simply have to prove that to you when you wake." Hakkai turned his head away, hiding a somber expression. "Please, do wake."

"I'm sorry." Gojyo blinked his eyes shut into darkness. He shook his head and tried to rouse himself once more.

He could see nothing. All he could hear was his own voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He felt like he was being set on fire, he was sure he could smell his skin burning off. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!" His voice kept screaming it, frantic and panicking, and the universe roared at him, deep darkness approaching like a diving hawk to swallow him. He knew it would rend him and tear him and chew his entrails, and he just kept screaming and screaming and screaming...

Eyes closed. Blue-gray. Peaceful. He was certain now that he was falling, and falling slowly. A new face appeared in front of his, one that Gojyo would not have been able to place before. General Kenren, upside-down like he was and only a few centimeters away, smirked at him.

"Yohei and Eiji. I like those names. It kinda suits the boys, y'know?" Their feet were level, their eyes at the same height. "Look, I know nothing I can say is gonna make you feel better. You're kind of a dumbass like that- believe me, I know. But I can tell you this." He poked one finger into his chest. "Your friends are good to you, and your kids need you."

"I'm sorry," was all Gojyo could say. He wanted to try and explain and apologize, but couldn't.

"Quit that," Kenren scoffed. "Ain't none of this your fault. That rat of rats. He tries to ruin my life again." Kenren folded his arms and snorted. "No wonder I kept that name locked away in my head. I wanted to remember the guy who took something that precious to me. I never wanted revenge, but I never wanted to forget, either. I just wanted to hate him, wherever I was, whatever I did, until I could get my boys back and forget he ever took them. But instead, you gave that name to yourself. So did he- you know, the guy, the blonde one. I guess King Rat can mean a lot of things. I wonder if he knew that when he picked it." Kenren looked away in thought. "Guess you wouldn't know."

I'm sorry. That was what Gojyo wanted to say. I'm sorry I took your boys. Did they come back to you safe? I'm sorry we couldn't protect them. I'm sorry I lost them. Are they okay? Are you there for them? What are you doing here with me?

"You want to know about me, huh?" Kenren smirked and cocked his brow. Gojyo could say nothing, but the surprise registered- how did he know? "Look, you were right when you told the kid I probably wouldn't be there waiting for them. I, uh, couldn't really stay in Heaven. They never really wanted me there anyway." He grinned sheepishly. "That Konzen guy, the one who said he was gonna take the boys, he an' I met again, a few years down the line, but face to face and proper-like. Don't think he bothered remembering my dumb ass anyway, but by that time, Konzen'd found a new kid. Nice kid, too, definitely needed our friendship. Long story there, anyway, you probably wouldn't believe it if I did tell you. Konzen, though..." Kenren's lips twitched with irritation, and he leaned a little closer to Gojyo and lowered his voice.

"When the two of us actually started to walk the same circles, he never once brought the boys up. I don't think he forgot 'em, I think he either really didn't remember I'd been their guardian, or he knew it'd just piss me off. But believe me when I say that I spent those years searching for a way to get them back. Hell, I even ventured down to the lower world a couple dozen times and tried to see if I could repeat the circumstances of their birth, if you know what I'm sayin', but none of the ladies I 'circumstanced' with ever turned up nothin'. Look, bottom line is, I had my chance. It's gone now. I ain't gonna be there. I'd apologize, but I don't think it'd mean a damn thing." He sighed. "Anyway, one last thing."

He looked Gojyo squarely in the eye, gripping his shoulder to try and keep his attention. "Ryuji's got a bad temper. You probably figured that out. It's just because he doesn't know what to do with himself when his head says one thing and his heart says another. You just gotta help him take it slow and sort it out. Aka's a crybaby, and for the same reason as his brother- when he doesn't know what else to do, he cries. From what I can tell, he grew out of it after he was tortured, but I'm pretty sure I preferred when he cried instead of getting angry. Let him express himself, he needs it. They're both good boys, they're eager to please, and they're just as cute as hell. Be good to them. I'm counting on you now."

"I'm sorry." Gojyo tried to shake his head 'no,' he wanted to explain- Ryuji's dead, I think Aka is too. Go back, look for them, they won't come to me, they need you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Kenren only laughed, shaking his head sagely, and Gojyo doubled over.

His view turned, and he could no longer see Kenren. His body righted itself, his blood flowing naturally. His feet landed on solid ground. It was soft, forgiving ground, though he couldn't see it properly. The scenery seemed to paint itself in around him. A riverbank, late at night, high tide creeping up the shore. A few trees, a dirt road. A rolling river. A man in a muslin robe standing in the middle. Gojyo's instinct was to run away, far away, but he couldn't; his legs wouldn't move. Sanzo turned, noticed him, and reached one hand out.

"Either you will come here or I will come to you." It was not a threat, it was a promise. He was wearing a very strange smile, a look he'd never seen on Sanzo's face before. It was subtle, small; it didn't warp or twist his features, but it looked unusually kind next to his unusually soft eyes.

"I'm... I'm sorry." Gojyo shook his head.

"Don't be like that. You're confused, right? You're wondering if I'm real or not. You're wondering if I'm King Rat, stepping into your dreams to begin his torture anew." Sanzo hung his head. "And you know... you're right to wonder. But this I promise, I won't lie to you. Yes, I'm another illusion. I'm a figment of your imagination." Sanzo chuckled and looked back up, still smiling. "I'm only in your head." Gojyo didn't know what to say or do- Sanzo didn't chuckle. And he certainly didn't smile. Still, Gojyo could tell he wasn't lying. He took a few tentative steps towards the river.

Sanzo's smile spread wider, though only a little, and he continued, "The difference is, I'm not springing from your insecurities. Kanzeon Bosatsu communicated our sentiments to you. Those things you heard our friends say, those are their feelings. So, perhaps this is something you will never truly see or hear from me, if only because I don't have the power to say these things myself. I don't think the Sanzo you see in the waking world has this kind of strength. Please come to me." He held his hand out again, and this time, Gojyo had the courage to move towards him, his feet splashing into the water. Sanzo approached, water dripping from his belt down, and though Gojyo tried to take his hand, Sanzo instead wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his hands on his hips. Gojyo pulled back, but Sanzo kept him at arm's length. "Let me try and dispel some of these fears. All I ask is that you be honest with me."

"I... I'll try." Gojyo was relieved he still had other words in his vocabulary, but he resisted the urge to celebrate it.

Sanzo took a deep, anxiety-filled breath, and began. "You have had doubts, doubts you've been afraid to bring up to me. You doubt my intentions." Gojyo nodded. "You're right to do so. I don't honestly know what I'm doing with you. I don't know what I'm doing in a relationship with you. Perhaps I shouldn't be. But I can't stop." Sanzo's odd smile was surprising. "I don't know where we're going, but I do know that for whatever idiotic reason, I don't want a future without you in it." Gojyo didn't know what to say, instead staring weakly at Sanzo's pale collarbone, so Sanzo continued. "You think I'm only interested in you because of our sons."

"What other reason do you have to be interested in me?" Gojyo's tongue was moving faster now, his lips able to form more sophisticated words, and he was starting to feel his energy come back to him. Sanzo shrugged.

"Dozens. But perhaps yes, I do want to try harder for the boys' sake. Perhaps their presence jumped things forward. Perhaps without them, I'd frustrate with you more easily. They may tie us together, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't want you otherwise."

"Sanzo, they're dead. Aren't they dead?" Gojyo pushed Sanzo away and turned away, folding his arms tight across his chest. "I killed them."

"I asked you to be honest," Sanzo reminded him sadly. "Aka and Ryuji... Eiji and Yohei..." He lowered his eyes. "No, I don't know the truth there. But there's nothing we can do about that right now. I do know that you would never hurt them intentionally. Whether or not they are dead, you did not kill them. I will not be angry, no matter what the truth is."

"S-Sanzo..." Gojyo glanced back to Sanzo, lost for words again, and he hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"Please stop saying that. You've nothing to apologize for." Sanzo lifted his hand, and Gojyo flinched. Sanzo chewed his lip- he looked hurt- and instead reached to caress Gojyo's cheek. "I won't hurt you. That would be wrong. I still ache for the times I did hurt you. I ache for all the hurt I know you've felt, because it has made you feel insecure- or worse- near me. All I ask is for you to let me a little closer. You trust me, don't you?" Gojyo felt like a small child as Sanzo came a step closer. His expression was now full of sorrow. "I suppose that's a silly question. I don't think I've given you a reason to, and I don't know how to. But if you did trust me, then you wouldn't have seen those images of me."

"Sanzo-" Gojyo tried to interrupt, tried to protest, but the sad smile crossing Sanzo's face told him any comfort he offered wouldn't be accepted. Sanzo sighed, and the sadness cleared from his face as he looked back into Gojyo's eyes and slid his hands around the small of his back.

"You think I hide our relationship because I'm ashamed. You are right and wrong at the same time. I don't want to subject you to ridicule. I know you were uncomfortable with admitting a relationship with a man, and I know I'm your only exception." Sanzo moved one hand to rest on Gojyo's shoulder. "And you're mine. I have never pretended to be interested in women as anything more than humans. Truth be told- and you probably knew this- I don't care much for people of any kind. For the most part, men and women are all the same to me. Friends are different. You're special. But... I'm uncomfortable with public displays of affection."

He lowered his head, suddenly looking shy. "I'm not really used to showing anyone affection at all. But if you really want, you can try. Something small, at first- touch my hand, or my shoulder. You can take my hand if you're scared- but then again, how often are you scared?" He smiled- he was laughing at himself! Gojyo couldn't even imagine that Sanzo could have ever made a face like that. "If we go slow, and if you're patient, I might be brave enough to kiss you in front of Hakkai by the time we get back from India." Sanzo looked up, looked him in the eye again, and slid his hand up to Gojyo's waist. "I want to hold you like this." Gojyo couldn't keep it bottled up anymore.

"Sanzo, why?" Sanzo frowned at this.

"Why what?"

"Why do you bother? Why do you want to?"

"Why do you mean anything to me at all." It wasn't a question. "Perhaps your greatest insecurity of all." Sanzo ran his hand through Gojyo's hair, smoothing his bangs back and tucking a stray strand behind his ear. The water was starting to creep from their knees up towards their chests. "That's not a question easily answered- it's hard to explain why I feel a certain way. There's no measurable quantification, no rubric by which to judge it, no logical reasoning that would be sufficient. I suppose..." Sanzo thought for a moment. "I suppose it's the way you make me feel. I feel good when we're together, I feel good when we're alone. I... I actually feel happy when you touch me. Perhaps I can't show it, but I do."

He slowly entangled himself around Gojyo, and Gojyo listened, dumbfounded. "But it's more than that. You have this strange aura about you; it's magnetic. It used to annoy me, how well you could fit in with anybody even if you didn't want to, but I don't think I'd have you any other way. There's something about you... those eyes, the way they look at night. The shape of your body against the moonlight. It's funny to say, but whenever I look at the shadows on the moon's surface, I only see your smile. It's the smell of you, too. You smell like cigarettes and spice, and it makes my hair stand on end. And you know what?" He tousled Gojyo's hair again, and Gojyo felt dizzy. "You're nice. You're friendly, you make others smile. I envy that. But you, just you, make me feel whole. You spur your passion in me. I didn't always like it, because I didn't know what to do with my feelings, but I do now. I may still be learning, but I am learning. You make me happy. That's why you're important to me." Sanzo gently pushed his hair back, leaning just a little closer to Gojyo. "Is that enough?"

Gojyo had no words. Instead, he felt his knees weaken, his heart start skipping beats. But Sanzo held him up, even as the water rose ever higher. After a minute of thought, he replied, "Does... does that mean...?"

"That's not for me to say." Sanzo rubbed his cheek to Gojyo's, his mouth beside his ear, and intoned gently, "But you know, don't you? You know the truth. Is it any comfort to know that I am here, that Sanzo has this sentiment?"

Gojyo didn't know when the water had gotten so deep, nor when he had waded deeper into the river. Sanzo still touched him, still stroked his back and caressed his cheek as the cool water rushed past his waist. A crisp, fresh wind caught his hair as it whistled past.

"I'm still scared," Gojyo answered after a long moment of thought. He felt smaller than a child. Sanzo embraced him fully, his damp chest pressed against his breast.

"Don't be. I told you; I'm here for you. And so I will remain. I won't ask you for any more answers, I won't push you any further. I know there are some things even I can't make better. For now, I'm only asking you to rest."

"I'm sorry." Gojyo felt his consciousness slipping away again. The world looked blurry; everything but Sanzo's smiling visage looked like it was underwater. "I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm sorry." He felt his body begin to sink again, to tumble forward, but Sanzo sank with him.

"Don't worry anymore. Rest calm, until you need rest no more." Sanzo's image faded from view, and Gojyo felt the water rise over his head. He heard one last echo of Sanzo's voice: "I, and all your answers, will await you when you rise."

The water covered him completely, and he was back in the blue void. Though he could feel the water, he could feel nothing else. Finally secure, his mind found solace. He knew it wouldn't last, but it was what he needed.

End Notes: If you really want to twist my arm, this chapter is probably my favorite. Well, okay, maybe this one or the next one- OW OW OW NOT THE ARM. Fine, this one is a close- VERY CLOSE- second.

And yes, I may have purchased the new Nightwish album shortly after I started writing the story, and this may be my favorite song off of it. (Crazy disappointed the lead vocalist left the group, though. Hope they find a new one soon.)

Next time, we follow Gojyo on his road to sanity back to the waking world! And I will say that he's not the only one on this road. But for now!

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Until next week!