Sorry this took forever but between school, work, family, swimming competitions, writer's block AND an emotional breakdown, I found very little time to write. My apology is a longer chapter with a confession from Merida and a few characters introduced.

I actually asked you guys this last chapter but I got no replies 'bout it, so I might as well ask it again. How do you guys like to the idea of me converting this fanfiction to a novel? I realize that I have to do a lot of converting to prevent being sued for copyright but in general?

Now in this chapter, William does some stuff in this chapter that might prove that he isn't a 100% sane. Most of what he does I based off of what I had seen in Da Vinci's Code. Enjoy the chapter!

Warning(s): Self-harm (in a way) and one swear/mature word.

Chapter #19: Pain

Merida's POV

The week went by faster than I had expected. In that time, I had gotten to know William a bit better. I never realized how talented he was until now. He was a master of falconry and horse riding, an excellent swordsman, he spoke Gaelic and Latin flawlessly, he played several instruments, wrote music and much more. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized that he wasn't as bad as he thought he was.

Any time he could spare was with me but today was one of the mornings that he wasn't at the castle and I decided to explore the still mysterious castle. In less than a few hours, I had discovered the laundry room, servant's quarters, and the largest library I had ever seen. I was now walking down a hallway that clearly wasn't used often as everything was covered by a thin layer of dust. I stopped when I found the only door the hallway possessed. I grabbed the old handle and turned it, the metal squeaking. The room was very small with whitewashed walls and no windows, the only light coming from a small candle perched on a stool. The only other objects were a crucifix that hung on the wall, directly above the stool, and a small whip next to the candle.

I had no time to examine as I heard footsteps down the hallway. I quickly hid in the shadows of a corner just as the door opened. I heard the lock click and the one that had entered move towards the stool and kneel down in front of the crucifix. In the faint candle light, I saw William. He began to mutter in Latin, a language I barely understood, holding his hands in prayer. He continued to mutter for a while until he made the sign of the Cross. He lifted his right leg and pulled his kilt up. I couldn't see his thigh but I heard him undo something and a pained gasp escape from him. He put his leg down and lifted the other, pulling his kilt up. Then I saw what he was holding in his hand, a gasp almost escaped from me. In his hand, he held a cilice. I looked away as he wrapped the cilice around his thigh and tightened it, a loud groan of pain escaping from him.

I dared to look again when he stood up, a line of blood slowly moving down his left leg. He looked at the crucifix and took his black shirt off. My hand flew to my mouth when I saw his back. It was covered with thousands of cuts; most of them weren't even fully healed. He muttered something in Latin again but this time, I understood. He said Me a peccato mundare ut verberibus animam meam which roughly translates to "purge me from the sin that plagues my soul."

He grabbed the whip. I looked away and covered my ears as he began to whip himself, the groans and yells of his pain still penetrating my ears. I knew what William was doing: self-flagellation. It was a religious practice where one hurts themselves for penance. After an eternity, William stopped. He breathed heavily through his nose. He just sat there, stiller than a statue as blood trickled from some of the wounds on his back. He grabbed his black shirt and put it back on. He neatly placed everything back to its righteous spot and visibly limped out the door.

It was an eternity before I moved. Still in shock, I left the room and headed towards the stable my pace slowly speeding up.

What had William done that he'd consort himself to this?

Still Merida's POV

The horror of what I saw didn't leave me no matter how hard I tried. I rode fast on Angus through the forest, low branches snapping at me. When I stopped, I knew I was lost. This wasn't the forest at home; I didn't know this forest. I looked around me nervously. The canopy of trees were so close together that hardly any light reached the forest floor. An owl hooted in the distance and birds fluttered away in fear in the distance

A branch snapped in the brush nearby. Angus threw his head in panic,

"Easy!" I yelled as I stroked his mane but he didn't calm down. Whatever had caused the branch to snap was moving closer, and fast! The thing emerged from the woods before I could even turn the Clydesdale around.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" The man in front of me said. I could tell he was a foreigner. His voice had a clear accent and his clothing was unfamiliar. His blue tunic seemed to be wrapped around him and held together by a belt at his waist. His black pants were slight baggy and stuffed into black bucket-top boots. Over it all, he wore a red coat that reached to the top of his boot with black fur on the cuffs. His face had a young, healthy complexion but his hair betrayed he was old. Gray hair had found its way into the brown hair but not yet into the thin moustache or the small pointed goatee. He was starting at me with large, icy blue eyes. I met his gaze briefly before I turned my head at the sound of another voice,

"Looks like nobility to me." A younger man had emerged from the forest, walking into the direction of the older man. He also spoke with an accent but this one I recognized. It was the same as Jack's and Rapunzel's. This man was Anglo-Saxon. The younger man had similar qualities to the other male but not enough to suggest that they were related. The younger man had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a scruffy goatee. His clothing would be good for a quick escape but not very well for blending in with one's surroundings. He wore a white shirt with a light blue vest over it and dark beige pants tucked into brown bucket-top boots

"I wonder what brings a high standing lady to the deepest part of the forest." He spoke with his enchanting voice. I held my tongue. It wouldn't be wise to speak to bandits. Both of them stared at me for a while, the older man playing with his goatee. He sighed and looked at the younger man,

"You'd think that after what she did with the suitors, the Princess would be quite the chatterbox." They knew who I was!

"How do you know I'm the princess?" I demanded, turning Angus to try to make him look frightening but the men were unfazed, unafraid of the grown Clydesdale. The younger man crossed his arms,

"With that hair? Not too difficult to find out." I gave him an angry frown but he cocked his eyebrow.

"Who are you?" I asked,

"Oh, where are my manners?" The elder man exclaimed. He gave me a large, sweeping bow, "Nicholas St. North at your service, Vashe Velichestvo, but please, call me North." He straightened up, "And this," He grabbed the young man by his vest and turned him to face me, "Is Flynn Rider."

"You're the bandits William keeps talking about!" I yelled, sounding more scared than I actually was.

"Ah, our reputation precedes us!" Flynn laughed, North joining him while I watched them. Angus turned his head and I looked into his eye. Eventually, the two men stopped laughing. North nudged Flynn in his arm,

"Come on. Let's get out of here." They turned around and headed to the bushes but I called out to them,

"You're not going to rob me?" It was a rather odd question to ask but these men were bandits. Why didn't they do what most bandits would do: pull me off the horse and hold me at knifepoint until I gave them what they wanted? Both men stopped and looked at me,

"What's there to rob?" Flynn asked, "The horse is useless to us, you're not wearing any jewelry, and I doubt that a Princess would carry money with her." He crossed his arms again, giving me a look that held the pride of knowing that he was right. I wasn't wearing any jewelry, money I never had with me, and what good was a grown Clydesdale to a group of bandits that each had their own horse? I looked around the forest, realizing that I was still lost.

"Um, how do I get back?" I asked shyly. I expected that they would ignore the question but Flynn pointed towards a nearby dirt path,

"Just follow that path. It'll lead you right back to the castle." With that, the two bandits entered the bush and walked away. I stared at the path back for a few minutes, my mind saying I should go back, my heart telling me I shouldn't. I looked at the two heads that were walking away from me. I kicked Angus and the Clydesdale trotted into their direction. The turned around when they heard the approaching beat of Angus' hooves,

"Can I come with you? I don't want to go back." I said, maybe a little too fast. North and Flynn looked at each other, probably having expected anything but what I just asked. Flynn shrugged his shoulders.

"Follow us." North said before he continued walking. We walked silently, the only sounds coming from Angus and nature. After a moment, a small clearing appeared. In the center settled the remains of a fire and two horses were tied to nearby tree. One of the horses had a beige color with a black mane while the other, the smaller one of the two, was white with a slightly darker white mane. The clearing was quiet and peaceful but something wasn't right about it. It wasn't large enough to house the 20 bandits North led and, even more strange, the other bandits were nowhere in sight.

"Where are the others?" I asked as I got off of Angus.

"What others?" Flynn replied

"The other bandits." I deadpanned to him. My reply caused a chuckle to escape from North,

"There are none."

"What?" North sighed,

"What do they teach in that castle?" He muttered to himself "Those bandits that I supposedly lead are hired thugs."

"Hired thugs?" I asked. North nodded, "How do you get them to listen to you?" Thugs are extremely violent people and getting them to listen to anyone was difficult,

"It's easy. Just promise them money and threaten to cut off their cock if they don't listen to you and they'll obey you without question." HIs completely blunt answer caught me off guard a little and I simply gave a small and nervous smile. North walked to the fire pit and placed some nearby chunks of wood in it and lit it with some flint and steel. I sat down beside him,

"Can I ask you something?"

"Didn't you just do that?" Flynn yelled as he tended to the white horse. North yelled something at him in a language I didn't understand. He sat down beside me,

"Just ignore him. What's your question?"

"Where are you from? I don't recognize your accent." He smiled,

"Guess." He said with a joking hint in his voice. Guess. Seemed easy enough if you knew many countries

"Ireland?" North shook his head,

"More to the east." He hinted

"France?"

"Further." He's from a place further than France? Travel to France alone was several weeks, anything further would be a few months! I didn't know any lands beyond France. With a sigh, I shook my head,

"I don't know." I said in defeat but to my relief, North gave a comforting smile,

"I come from a land called Rus. It's several months travel from here. Far beyond France, beyond the Holy Roman Empire." As he lay down on the grass, placing his hands behind his head, I stared at him in awe,

"You've seen so much of this world."

"My dear lady, I've seen more of this world than you would've in 10 lifetimes." As much as I wanted to deny this, I knew that it was true. I spent all of my life in DunBroch. The furthest I had ever been from there was London.

"Why did you decide to come here?"

"My life has hardly been stable. I was abandoned at a very young age on the slope of a mountain. I taught myself how to survive. I was probably somewhere in my teens when the most savage tribe of all Rus found me: the Cossacks. I stayed with them for several years but I left as I couldn't abide with their bloodthirsty demeanor." He sat up slightly, his arm keeping him from falling. He continued his story with his hand motioning along, "I wandered around, slowly moving my way west. I stowed away on a ship bound from the low lands to England and worked my way north. Next thing I knew, I found him." He pointed towards Flynn, who jumped back when the white horse pounced, "A little 11-year-old orphan, lost in the forest and scared of his own shadow."

"So you weren't always a bandit?"I asked as he lay back down in the soft grass,

"More of a vagabond but I hardly stole. I was too experienced in living of the land to bother stealing."

"Then why did you start stealing?"

"You really like asking questions, don't you?" I shrugged "I started stealing because I found a greater purpose here." He chuckled, "Well, it found me in the shape of Aileen Fletcher."

"You work for Aileen Fletcher?"

"Yes. How else do you think she has enough money to pay for her operation? Flynn and I steal money, from one of the richest men from these parts, and give it to her."

"But that's high treason! Why do you help her?"

"Aileen helps the Vikings escape and reunites them with their loved ones. I help because I don't want them to lose their loved ones. I know what it feels like to lose a loved one."

"Who did you lose?" He shook his head,

"Doesn't matter. You wouldn't understand anyway. You've never been in love."

"No." I quietly retorted, "I've been in love." It was the first time I had ever admitted that out loud, to anyone. I had been in love and he was not what I had expected. North looked at me,

"You really want to know? It was my wife and my daughter." He sighed deeply and looked at the ground, "My wife was a Rajput from Northern India. I fell madly in love with her and she with me. When we finally had the blessing of her family, we got married and I took her with me to see the world. I took her from the most northern peak of Rus to the most western port of Cathay to the mightiest castles of Europe. When she discovered she was pregnant, we decided to settle in a village. I'd still ride out sometimes but I never went far." A smile played on his face as his went to his throat, playing with something around it. "The other villagers were uncomfortable with us; none of them had ever seen a woman with brown skin." He continued, "They also didn't like it that I treated her as an equal. When our daughter was born, they grew even more uncomfortable, all because of her skin color. It was lighter than her mother's but darker than mine." His smile disappeared and the light happy tone his voice displayed disappeared, "Their paranoia grew and grew up to the point that they thought my wife and daughter were children of Satan!" He closed his eyes and I could see a rim of water by his eyelashes, "One night, I came back late from a ride and the house was empty. I ran to the village center where the villagers captured me. They held me back and forced me to watch as killed my wife and daughter. They slaughtered them." I could suddenly see what he had been fiddling with around his throat: a necklace. From where I sat, it looked like it was made of a dark green string with a circular white stone that had a striking resemblance to a full moon, "You said you were in love?" His baritone voice caused my gaze to return to his reddened eyes, "Try to imagine watching your love die before your eyes! Imagine yourself standing there helplessly! Unable to reach him, unable to help him!" He looked at me, "When you can imagine that and feel the pain, you'll understand!" He sighed loudly, stood up and disappeared into the bushes. I watched the spot where he disappeared until Flynn spoke,

"Don't take it personally." I looked at him but he was staring in the same direction as I had only moments before, "He's been through so much." He looked down at me, "Come on. I'll lead you back to the castle." I went to Angus. The trip was in complete silence. Flynn brought me back to the same spot as he and North had found and turned without another word,

"Thank you." I called out to him. He stopped his trek and faced me with a charming smirk,

"Don't mention it." I returned the smile and kicked Angus lightly but Flynn stopped me, "Also," He said, "if you ever need allies, North and I will be here to help."

Ohhhhhh, Merida said she was in love. The question is: with who?

The wife concept for North I took from another fanfiction of mine, though the daughter I just created to make North's past even more sad. My guess for North's age would be late 30's, early to mid 40's. Now, I know some of you will probably be unhappy with what North said about getting the thugs to listen to him but think about it for a sec. He was abandoned in the wild, grew up under the wing of a savage tribe and pretty much wandered around for most of his adult life away from society so he would probably be a lot more honest and much more blunt than most men and he wouldn't really know what is appropriate to say around high standing people like Merida.

Anyway... Review, favourite, follow.