A/N: Greetings! Well, I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear (well I'd like to think you'd be pleased) that I got very carried away andstarted writing reeeeaaallly early this afternoon and so had loads of material written and rather than cutting it down I decided to give you two chapters today... so here is the first which includes Jack's return and KKBB and the second which'll be up in a couple of hours once I'm finished with the ending and editting etc. is the first part of Jack and Ianto's date! The very lovely Sunlime has just brought it to my attention that I may have made a bit of an over sight... I completely forgot about Gray! So I am adding in a paragraph ASAP (sorry!) Hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx
Eventually, I lost all hope whatsoever. If I was being honest with myself, I think that I had pretty much resigned to the idea that I would be trapped in this infernal hell forever, that I would never again see day light or the Doctor or Martha, or Cardiff, or the team, or Ianto… or anything other than this for the rest of my days. I'd given up on being able to express my affection for that young man, completely given up on the idea of Martha coming to all of our rescues – not that I didn't think she was capable, just that it had been so very long now and there had been no more sign of her since, that I had simply assumed the worst; that he had got to her before she got to him.
But today, everything changed. Today in this pit of darkness there was light as Martha Jones came and set me free, and earning herself my everlasting gratitude and causing me to feel guilty for ever having doubted her; I should have known better really, after all she is a Jones.
She'd passed on the message of the Doctor across the entire, surviving members of the human race and the whole world united to reverse the effects of the Master's Archangel Network. Together we reversed the conversion of the TARDIS and destroyed the paradox machine, resetting time back to where it all went wrong, erasing all traces of this last year and undoing everything that had happened.
For the majority of the population at least, for us, those up there on the Valiant, in the 'eye of the storm' as it were; we would never forget. I could never forget those 12 long months of days and night imprisoned and tortured and lonely, I'll always remember each and every way I was sentenced to die again and again at his hand. But, though I won't forget, it will cease to matter, because none of that matters now, not now that we are all safe and back where we belong and that means Cardiff and Torchwood for me.
I don't think that the Doctor had wanted me to leave in the end, despite are rather anti-climactic reunion and his obvious disdainful opinion of what I had become, I think he had managed to see me for my old self again. He offered to take me with him, travelling the worlds and galaxies like we did back in the old days, and something about that offer was so tempting that I almost accepted. But I couldn't do it to them, to him… I've waited a year to come back and hug them all like there's no tomorrow to settle back into our strange little family, to that safe (most of the time) environment and how vowed to never run off again once I was back. Maybe twenty years ago, or even ten, if the same offer had been made to me I might have accepted, but right now the team and Ianto were what I want.
To tell the truth, I'm a little worried about how the team are going to take my sudden reappearance. I may not have been gone a year, but I certainly haven't only been gone for a few days or so; the Doctor reckoned that it was within three month or there abouts of when we took off and that was as accurately as he could time it, so I am just hoping that after the initial anger and fury they'll forgive me. In a way, it might actually be easier for me to explain to them exactly what happened whilst I was away, then maybe they wouldn't hate me so much for abandoning them without warning, their rage might soften with pity a little as I explained it all. But the idea of reliving, retelling everything that happened to me in this past year, makes me feel just a little nauseous, I just want to move past it and carry on as normal, and if that means I have to be the selfish-runaway-bastard for a little while yet then so be it.
Initially after leaving the Doctor and Martha's company I ran straight towards the water tower, ready to jump onto the invisible lift and offer them all a surprise greeting; but I chickened out. I ended up going for a long walk around Bute Park trying to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do, to try and calm the unfamiliar nerves which were running through me. With the aid of some Dutch courage, I finally found the bottle to do it and, no longer caring about grand or surprising entrances, I ran straight to the tourist office entrance hoping that this would be one of the days that Ianto had chosen to work up in there in order to keep up our rouse.
I flung back the wooden door and felt slightly disheartened to be greeted with nothing but the familiar racks of dated travel guides and maps and activity brochures for the surrounding area, the slightly cluttered desk and an abandoned cup of coffee next to the computer monitor. Hoping that the coffee meant that Ianto might be lurking in the small 'staff room' behind that god awful beaded curtain that he hated, I leant down to the desk to have a cheeky sip whilst waiting for him to reappear; but it was completely cold – still delicious though, my god how I missed that man's almost orgasmic coffee in that year.
With a quick press of a button I opened the door to the secret passageway leading to the hub and continued to run down the labyrinth of corridors until I reached the beloved cog door. I couldn't help smiling to myself as the alarms triggered, picturing their puzzled faces which were about to be filled with, well anger, but hopefully a hint of pleasant relief too. But as I stepped through the entrance way there was no one there; no Tosh working away dedicatedly at her work station, no Gwen trying to keep Owen in line as he hid out on his autopsy bay, shirking his responsibilities, no Ianto looking fabulous in one of those suits preparing a brew at the coffee machine. Just the hub, the empty hub. Don't get me wrong, the hub itself was a most welcomed sight after such time away in such awful conditions, but a room is just a thing, it can't talk to you or deliver a well-deserved slap or an eventual hug and a kiss, not like people can.
Sighing to myself I had a quick glance around to see if I could try and work out where they had gone to, when I noticed that one of the computers had been left switched on and it appeared to be tracking something which had now come to a halt. After another quick glance around I came across some transcripts of intercepted police calls and some case notes on a Blowfish that seemed to have a particular fascination with joy riding. Anticipating that the others would be where ever this thing was, I took down the co-ordinates of its location, checked that I had a fully loaded gun and drove off to meet them. It felt strange driving my own car rather than the SUV which they had already taken, I realised that even if you discounted this 'year that never was' then it had to have been at least 18 months since I'd actually used it. At first it seemed a little reluctant to get back into the swing of being driven, but it got me there in the end and that's what counts.
It was rather surprising to find that there was actually a domestic residence, and even furthered surprised to walk quietly into the scene of a walking, talking blowfish holding up hostages at gun point and with none other than our Ianto Jones pointing a gun towards his head, our Ianto who hates guns. I was simultaneously proud and saddened and a little turned on in that moment. Here he was, the man I had been waiting to set eyes on again for over a year now and he was more spectacular than my memories did justice, and more to the point he had developed, become more adept with field work and fighting. But I'd missed seeing the process happen and more to the point the whole reason that he had needed to take to using a gun was because I had left, leaving them a man down. And the other part well… can you blame me? The most beautiful man in Wales was stood before me, holding a gun, wearing a perfectly fitting suit and had just the tiniest sheen of sweat moistening the back of his neck.
I wanted to do something for him then, so I pulled out my own gun and shot the alien on his behalf, blowing my cover along with its head. For a minute he looked to his gun in confusion, as did the others, before turning around to see me stood there gun in hand. I really had no idea what to do or say, all I wanted to do was express my apologies and tell them how much I had missed them all and promise that I would never leave them like that again; but I couldn't find my tongue to say any of that. So instead I went for the uncomplicated, larger than life, confident approach.
"Hey kids, did ya miss me?" I said and grinned, swallowing back any nerves now.
No one said anything back and whether were stunned into silence out of shock or disbelief or anger I have no idea, but in that moment in which no one spoke, the uncomfortable silence seemed to last almost as long as my entire year away.
Before it became entirely unbearable and choked us all to death, Ianto finally spoke out.
"Hello Sir" He said, in a small uncertain whisper.
Still unable to find my words I simply laughed back, as convincingly as I could.
The journey back to the hub was insufferably quiet, no one spoke to me or to each other and worse still Ianto refused to meet my eyes for the entire journey, not that I can really begrudge him for that. I just sat there and told myself that at least nobody had lashed out yet, they hadn't rejected me out right they were just shocked.
Being back with them all in the hub was even stranger, in fact surreal is probably closer to it. Hearing Gwen dish out the orders as I used to do, and the others just carrying them out in their same old ways, all of them clearly well settled into this new routine without their Captain. Again I felt a conflicting set of emotions as I watched them, admiration for the way they had all carried on so well and kept it all together in my absence, but at the same time regret that they clearly didn't need me as much as I had thought.
Gwen was the first to break, attacking me with words and her hands as she released all of the pent up emotion and anger that she had been silently concealing for the past half an hour or so. She had questions, they all did, and they one that they most prominently wanted an answer for was 'where the hell did you go?' So I told them, that I found my Doctor and that I couldn't be fixed, nothing more than that though.
Ianto's first and only question sent a fresh wave of guilt and a twinge of heart ache running through me: "Are you going back to him?" I wanted to read more into it than just idle curiosity, but as usual he was using that tone and that mask which conveyed absolutely nothing but neutrality. For all I know he could be completely over whatever we had, or so angry with me that he can't stand the thought of being with me again.
"I came back for you" I said directly to him and then chickened out of that significant gesture, worried that he would no longer want me, "For all of you".
We barely had time to think again before the rift alarm sounded after picking up traces of rift radiation surrounding the body of a murder victim. I was back in command, their anger – if not gone all together – had certainly faded slightly and we quickly loaded up the SUV and set off to check out the situation. It was all systems go and things were just like old times again; for about thirty seconds.
Well, I suppose by a long stretch of the imagination you could argue that things suddenly became exactly like old times, very old times indeed. Old times with the time agency and my ex-partner in work, in crime and in romance: John Hart, the alcoholic, sex obsessed, murderous, violent, passionate man who I hadn't seen in well over 100 hundred years now, not since back before I met the Doctor. I was so surprised to get his message, especially after the Doctor had once again disabled my vortex manipulator, and my instincts should have been to ignore it, ignore him and under no circumstances to try to find him because all that man brings with him is trouble. But I think that dreadful year away from it all has softened me, I just wanted to give him chance, I wanted to believe that he needed my help for none other than honest purposes and, quite honestly, a little part of me was aching to see him again after such a long time without human contact I wanted to see as many of my friends (even dangerous ex-friends) as possible.
I didn't want the others to come with me to meet him, though I knew that they would most likely follow, mainly because he was after all a dangerous lunatic of a man, but also because I sort of wanted a little private reunion with him. Which of course was naïve of me to think such a thing even possible, and as we fought our way across that empty bar in a mass of punches and kisses and rage and passion I realised this.
We started to help him look for those radiation canister things, and I deliberately partnered myself up with Ianto, needing to be alone with just him to try and talk to him and gage his response to my return and his current feelings towards me. It was important that I found out if we were still what we were before I left, if what we had could be recovered, and I needed to do it now before John threw in anymore stupid remarks about our past relationship.
What I really wanted to do was to tell Ianto just how much he means to me, how much I adore him, how much I missed him and longed for him while I was away, and to ask him out on a proper date – not just a quick fling in the hub after work. I tried testing the waters with a little flirtation, nonsense about offices and misuse of photocopiers etc. Nothing that should have put me out of my comfort zone, but there I was quite the jabbering idiot. Ianto didn't seem to respond to any great extent, kept re-focusing the conversation on the task in hand, and I couldn't tell if that's because he was no longer interested, or if he was playing hard to get or… if I had just hurt him too much, and he needed a bit of time.
I still asked him out on a date though, somewhat awkwardly: "Dinner… a movie?" so unlike my usual self. He deflected at first, but when I pressed him he said yes, twice in fact, so I took that to mean that there was hope.
After several gruelling hours later we sent John back through the rift, and I was relatively glad to see him go, despite being initially pleased to see him, the sense of a joyous reunion had long worn off during tonight's mayhem. But then he menioned Gray, he quite clearly said that he had found Gray. What the hell did he mean by that, he couldn't be serious could he? I mean he just said it and then walked straight into the rift, not even glancing back at me let alone offering me an explaination. He had to be joking, one of his sick and twisted attempts a humour, because surely he couldn't have... I mean Gray died. He died and it was all my fault... I let go of his hand, I wasn't there for him like the older brother I should have been. He died a vey long time ago, or is it that he's going to die in a very long time? I get so confused with my messed up timeline I don't know what's relly happened and what's still yet to happen. Mayeb that's just it, maybe it hasn't happened yet and John has found a way to stop it, a way to save him... maybe he really was telling the truth for once in his life. Anythng can be re-written, why not his death, perhaps my little brother's still out there somehow... I wasn't quick enough to stop him from leaving, I suppose it's my own fault really after all we couldn't wait to see the back of him, he was either telling me the truth but not allowing me to know where or how to contact him out of pure spit, or it was John being the childish attention seeker might and using it as a device to make me regret forcing him to leave... was he tellig the truth? could you really still be alive Gray...
I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind to be drawn in later, as we realised that the evening had reset itself, just like that year had, after the rift sealed up and we had a chance to do things over again, have a proper 'catch up'; I thought it wold be a good idea to get everyone back to the hub so that we could sit and talk it all out over some Chinese. But I changed my mind when we got there, wanting to be with him and only him, so I sent the others home.
After a quick litter sweep of the hub and after eyeing me up nervously, he seemed to undergo a small internal battle before he also made to leave, but I pulled him in to an unexpected hug from behind.
"Are you ready for that date now, we have the chance to re-do this evening, we might as well do it well" I asked softly, not wanting to put any pressure on the young man but so hoping he would say yes.
"I'm sorry Jack, I'm not ready, I need time to process everything, to work out where things stand. I can cope with this evening not going well, but I can't stand the thought of our first date going badly" He replied, much to my disappointment, but he was offering me an apologetic smile which wiped most of this dissatisfaction away. Of course, it was all too soon, I had recklessly abandoned him, knowing how he felt about me, leaving him here broken and confused and hurt… I couldn't just expect him to jump straight back in, as much as I wanted it.
"I suppose I can forgive you Ianto Jones seeing as you managed to use my name" I replied, noting the fact he had addressed me as Jack, it felt nice.
I sighed as he pulled away from my arms and left the hub. I have a feeling that tonight will be a long and sleepless one.