Harry Potter and the Portents of Doom 21/?
Rated: M contains violence and hints of non-con. Slash of the HP/SS variety in later chapters, also HG/RW.
Authors Notes: I do not own Harry Potter or it's characters, that would be JKR. Subject matter not for children, although nothing too graphic, but be careful when reading just to be on the safe side. I will put appropriate warnings up when we get to the violent Death Eater scenes though. Please heed the warnings.
The Talk Snape-Style
Harry was expecting any number of extreme reactions, from a hexing to expulsion, but was shocked when Snape began laughing genuinely in amusement. All three students were staring in shock as their potions professor actually bent over holding his ribs in seeming hilarity.
"Um... Professor Snape, sir. Are you alright?" Harry asked quietly, so as to not interrupt Snape's mental breakdown.
"Forgive me Potter, but the mere idea that one of my Slytherins would deign to speak to you let alone date you was... hee...erm... amusing to say the least."
Seeing as Harry was getting angry that his hypothetical love interest wouldn't even speak to him Hermione decided to intervene. She stepped into Professor Snape's direct line of sight in front of Harry and put on her most innocent expression.
"That's why he needs your help sir. You better understand the Slytherin mindset then we do. It would be a great help-"
"And just what precisely in all of our long and varied history would lead you to believe I would help the famous Harry Potter? Let alone help him toy with one of my snakes? If it is a dalliance you wish for may I suggest Terry Boot. He seems a proper sycophant. Now if you will excuse me." Snape turned swiftly away and began heading toward the dungeons.
"Harry."
"Harry mate, what about the vision?"
"Shut up!" He snarled at his two 'friends' as he began following Snape's hurried steps. "If all I wanted was a quick tumble do you really think I would be asking you sir? Even so, just who exactly would I discuss, er, sex with anyway? Professor McGonagall?"
Snape continued stalking away without even acknowledging Harry's question causing him to get desperate, and quite a bit annoyed as well. Now that he was actually asking it was a valid question, after all there was no sex-ed in Hogwarts.
"Professor Dumbledore perhaps?" Harry practically snarled in frustration, not even noticing that Snape had stopped retreating. "My dead parents? Just who am I supposed to ask about this kind of thing?"
If he ever did become interested in someone enough to disregard such safety concerns as death eaters and Voldemort, let alone subject them to all of the media attention; which was assuming they were actually interested in him rather than the-boy-who-lived, that still left his utter inexperience. Maybe he should just accept that he would forever be alone and move on. Happy everafters were for other people it would seem to him, not boys who had madmen after them and their families.
"-tter. Potter!"
"What?"
"Come."
Without another word of explanation Snape continued on his way to the dungeons obviously expecting Harry to follow him without comment or complaint. Harry looked back at Ron and Hermione in confusion but then followed his retreating professor down the stair. As they got deeper into the castle Harry pulled his wand from it's holster and held it consealed in his sleeve but ready to be used if need be. He was so busy watching the shadows for an attack that he was surprised when Snape took an unknown hallway, moving away from his classroom into a part of the castle that Harry was unfamiliar with.
"Where are we going?"
"Do stop blathering and hurry up. I do not wish to waste more of my time than nessessary with this folderol."
Harry stuck his tongue out at Snape's back and rolled his eyes in exasperation at his continued barbs.
"I saw that Mister Potter. That shall be ten points from Gryffindor."
"Bloody git." Harry jeered under his breath as he once more picked up his pace, only to stop suddenly as he turned the corner and saw a portrait swing open.
The end of Snape's black cloak was just visible from the enteranceway. On a second glimpse Harry thought he might recognize the painting, as he entered the room he was sure of it. At the time when Snape forcibly dragged him into this room, Harry was otherwise preoccupied with Snape's menacing attitude. This time he took the time to look around as the portrait closed behind him. There was a fireplace directly across from the door and two comfortable looking lounge chairs near it. A few feet away was an oak bookshelf that took up the rest of that wall. There was a desk mad of oak as well as a clear glass case on the far wall. Upon closer inspection Harry noticed a few quiditch cups from years previous as well as the house cup, all in Slytherin's name. Next to those were numerous certificates all in Snape's name from the Potion Guild as well as his mastery plaque.
"Are these your rooms?" Harry asked in surprise. This was the first he had ever heard of students being allowed in professors private quarters, let alone even knowing where they were.
"Since this conversation promises to be excruciatingly personal in nature, I thought it appropriate that it took place away from the classroom setting."
With a wave of his wand the fireplace was lit giving the whole room a comfortable glow. Without further ado Snape sat in the armchair on his right and gestured to the other for Harry to sit in. Harry sat down gingerly on the very edge of the seat, barely even touching his professors furniture. He was ready to spring up on the off chance this was a misunderstanding on his part and Snape really didn't invite him to sit down.
"And put your wand away. You wont need it."
Harry hurriedly put his wand back in his arm holster then sat quietly in hopes Snape would ignore him completely. This whole situation was completely out of his comfort zone and Harry had not the vaguest clue how to deal with it.
"Anytime you wish to get started Mister Potter. You are the one with questions after all and I do not have all night."
"Right...um..."
"I'm waiting."
"Okay, so do... guys expect romance like girls seem to?" Harry asked curiously.
"Romance?"
"Like chocolates, flowers that kind of thing. I just figured if that was the case I would save you the time."
"How so?"
"Well I'm useless with that kind of thing. Ask Cho she'd tell you."
"As much as I am thrilled to hear about the tribulations of your celebrity love-life-"
"I'm being serious here." Harry interupted, only after he spoke did he realize he was. It seemed he was always a step behind his yearmates, who were always talking about dates and snogging. He didn't see the attraction frankly when his one date, hell his one kiss, was an unmitigated disaster. Since he was forced into having this embaracing conversation anyway, he might as well ask the questions that he'd been wondering about for a while now. It wasn't like he was getting any hands on experience and no one seemed to be beating down his door in interest, so obviously he just wasn't the romance type. The only strong feeling he seemed to envoke in others, besides his best friends, was hatred. "So if you could please for the duration of this conversation stop sniping at me and answer my questions. I really don't have anyone else to ask these thing to."
"Very well then. As long as you curb your tongue I will attempt to impart my knowledge into your brain... As to romance that greatly depends on the man you are trying to woo. It seems a prevailent characteristic of most relationships amongst your peer group. I think it depends on what type of relationship you are looking for, and the amount of work you put into building it."
"You said you were not looking for a one-night stand. May I assume by that that you want a lasting relationship with Mister Zambini?"
"Er..." Having never actually spoken to Blaise Harry was caught off guard by the question.
"The truth Mister Potter."
"Well... I'm not sure if Blaise is interested. I know that were I to enter into any kind of relationship I don't do casual very well. So whether with Blaise of not I would want a lasting relationship." Harry was proud of himself. He had answered truthfully without directly lying to Snape. "But that's about the only thing I do know. By the way I am assuming since we are even having this conversation that homosexuality is acceptable in the wizarding world?"