Here We Stand

I don't own Cowboy Bebop.

Just a short chapter ... Lyrics quoted are from the song "Comes and Goes" by Dan Fogelberg.

The woman's like the night, she comes and goes
She breaks my heart each day and never knows
And the time I spend in sorrow
Will match the time I live
And the time that's left is all I have to give

Spike grabbed her shoulders, towering over her. She tried to pull away, but he pulled her closer. "I don't want to be just friends," he said angrily. "Don't pretend that you don't know that … "

"You only want me because someone else has me now," she retorted. "I have someone who cares about me, who does everything he can to make me happy. What can you do?"

"Faye will you shut up for just a minute and let me talk?"

She stopped squirming for a moment. "You're hurting me," she said.

He looked down at her through his bangs as he loosened his grip on her shoulders.

"You have a knack of finding ways to hurt me every time I see you."

Spike dropped his hand. It had never been his intention to hurt her, but he should have known that she would see it that way. Whenever he was around her, some part of him deep inside needed to push her away. Because if he let her get too close, she would see the real him; the darkness in him, the cruelty in him that was molded by the streets, by Mao, even Vicious. And she would see how much he enjoyed it. She was like a light that illuminated that dark side in him. And he didn't want her to see it.

But every day it was getting harder to ignore the fact that his life was missing a piece when she wasn't around. It was like Julia all over again.

But Julia was gone, and, well, Faye was not.

Faye belonged with him. Now he had to figure out how to make her see it.

The woman's like an ivy on a pole
She wraps her twisted love around my soul
There will come a sudden winter
When she'll seek the warmth of day
And there'll come a time when she will come to stay

"Faye, I meant what I said," he said quietly. "Come stay with me."

"Why should I? So I can suffer more abuse from you?" She stared up at him, challenging him to refute her words.

Spike looked at the floor, a bitter smile etched across his face. "So, what, I'm your little secret? I told you before, you belong to me."

Faye eyed him mistrustfully. "Really? You said I'm no good for anyone else but you." She smirked. "Pierce likes me just as I am, thank you very much."

Spike ignored the jibe. "Does he … know about me, about us?"

"There is no us, Spike," she said furiously. "There never was. Only you and your …"

"I love you."

She studied him for a few moments, her eyes searching his. "I don't care," she said with a forced casualness.

"Faye." Spike took a deep breath and looked down at her. He held her gaze as his hand traveled up to her face. She flinched, but he ignored it, rubbing his finger across her lips before dropping his hands to his side. "I needed you to know," he murmured. "That's all."

"I can't do this again," she said softly.

Spike leaned against the door frame, arms folded across his chest. His eyes wandered to the dancers in the ballroom, his expression hidden by the shadows of the dimly lit balcony.

Faye was silent for a minute. "Well, thanks for the cigarette." She turned to go.

He followed after her and caught hold of her hand. "Faye, listen to me -"

She cut him off. "No, Spike. I can't … Riley and I-"

"He doesn't need you like I do." Hot tears burned his eyes, and he turned away as he fought to keep them from falling.

She stared at his profile. "You don't need me," she said. "You don't need anybody, remember?" The remote expression on his face made her eyes fill with tears. "Please don't make this so ..." She looked for a reaction from him, but he stared blankly into space. "I finally have someone who accepts me for me."

He closed his eyes briefly and clenched his jaw, his face grim.

"When you left that night to fight Vicious," she said, clenching her small hands into fists, "I felt my sense of belonging slip away with every step you took. That was when I realized that I would be lost without the Bebop, without-"

He turned his head to look at her. Something flickered in her eyes as they held each other's stare. He blinked slowly, his eyes searching hers for meaning.

"I miss the stupid lunkhead, the stubborn, crazy asshole who lived on the Bebop with Jet and Ed and me. Ein, too." She looked away. "But that stupid lunkhead doesn't exist anymore. You're a syndicate leader. You'll go to work every day, and then one day you won't come back!" There were tears in her eyes, but her voice was steady. "I can't go through that again. Pierce is respectable and safe. And he has plenty of money for me to spend …"

Spike regarded her, his expression softening as her eyes kept looking at him, unseeing. "I can't change who I am, Faye." He lifted a hand to her cheek, gently wiping a tear away.

She nodded and gave him an unsteady smile. "I know." After a pause, she whispered, "Good bye, Spike."

His heart was heavy inside his chest, aching with need and longing as she turned to leave. He caught her wrist, holding her in place before she could take a step. Slowly she turned around, not daring to look into his eyes.

"Stay."