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Chapter 21
I swear my feet have a mind of their own. The moment they land on the ground, they start walking in the path of Tris' house. As much as I want to give her the space she needs, I can't leave her defenseless. She needs to be ready for what is to come. Nita will never back down until her opponent is gone. As eliminating Tris would make me want Nita even more... She really is sick in the damn head. Why can't she see that Tris is what grounds me? If I was to loose Tris again, there will be no stopping me and the rage that I will carry. She will learn to fear me, the true me, if I was to loose Tris.
My legs never stop to let me think what to say. They walk straight up to the door, practically skipping up the three step to the door. I raise my hand and knock three times, I hear scrambling inside. I know she is home. I knock again. More thuds. Am I too late? I try to calm myself. Could be that she still is stubborn and doesn't want to see me yet. I look down and realize I am still wearing black. Black in daylight, where anyone can see me.
"Tris, come on I need to talk to you. Open up." I say loudly.
"Tobias, I really am not in the mood to talk right now." She says loudly.
"Tris, unless you want me to break this door down. I suggest you open it. It's important. I am not going anywhere til you listen to me." I threaten hoping I am not pushing her too much.
A few seconds pass and I prepare myself to kick the door down, she will listen to me. One way or another. It all happens at once, the door swings open, causing me to loose my balance as my leg swings into nothing with full force. That's right, Tobias. What a way to make a entrance, falling flat on my face.
"Ouch." I say not sure exactly what hurts seeing that I did have one leg on the ground while the other was flying in the air. I hear laughter coming from Tris' mouth and I look up. Her face is tomato red, her lips are pressing into a line trying to hide her smile and laughter. She than tried even harder by raising her hand to cover her mouth but her body shaking is a dead giveaway.
"So glad I can the comedian for you. I say letting out a laughter of my own. I can't help it that was a fucked up way to enter her house.
"Serves you right, trying to kick down my door." She says still laughing while wiping the tears that fall from her eyes from laughing so hard.
"Thanks." I say finally able to get up and close the door behind me. "Tris, we need to talk." All serious now.
"No." She says turning around and heading for her kitchen.
"Tris, love, listen to me. You don't want to believe me. I get that. But please take this." I say. Reaching into the bag and pulling out the gun. Her eyes are shocked at my offer.
"You have been placed on a hit list, Erica... Nita... what ever you want to call her. She wants you eliminated. I over heard her talking to Marcus about it. She won't stop until..." She cuts me off.
"Til I'm dead." She finishes for me. She bites her lower lip, and closes her eyes tightly wishing for all of this to go away.
"Tobias, you know I can't." She says.
"Tris, you have two options. Rather one I train you to defend yourself. OR two I never let you out of my site. But keep in mind even if you pick option one, I will still worry about you there for option two will be placed automatically by me. I'm not leaving you this time." I say. This time our eyes meet, and I try to express what I am feeling through my eyes. Love, worry, devotion, loyalty and even pleading.
"You're not going to drop this, are you?" She ask. Noding her head.
"Not a chance." I say taking a closer step towards her. It's been more than a week since I have had her safe in my arms and with the threat at hand... I want nothing more. To feel her warmth, safe and alive. I slowly and cautiously place my hand on her waist, she doesn't protest. Than choosing to take another chance I slowly pull her towards me, pressing our bodies together. She still doesn't protest. I wrap my arms around her body tightly and I feel her relax in my arms. She leans her head into my chest, and her arms snake it's way around me. I let out a deep breath that didn't know I was holding.
"Tobias, I-" She begins to say but I cut her off shushing her silent. "Tobias, I can't do this. I'm sorry." She says.
"Tris, please. Stop shutting me out. Baby, I love you so much. Please can't we talk about this. Figure it out together." Why can't she let me in, let me help her come to terms with her inner demons. This is killing me.
"Tobias, I love you too. That's why we can't." She says. Alright now she lost me. "Tobias, think about what you told me... We love each other but we... I continue to hurt you. You and countless of other people. I can't believe that. My mind won't except that. I have to hope that I am better than that." She says shaking her head. My heart breaks even more than what I thought could be possible. I run my hand through my hair. What should I do? What can I do? I can't keep this up, can't keep torturing myself. But I need to keep her safe. I need to do what ever I can. But how can I? She won't let me. I am still holding her gun in my hand. I bang it loudly on the kitchen counter.
"Take that everywhere you go. No mater what. Ok?" I show her quickly how to use it. The safely, aim, pull the trigger. When she nods, I place the gun back on the counter this time I don't bang it. I turn to walk out feeling more defeated than we I came in. "No mater what, remember I do and always will love you. Nothing will ever change that. If anything happens you know where to find me." I say as I reach for the knob of her front door. She doesn't stop me, and I don't turn around. Before the door closes completely behind me I hear the most agony sound come from her... The sound of her own heart breaking as I leave her in the kitchen to sob alone.
I walk behind the houses of Abnegation on my way home. No one can see me, I am still dressed in Dauntless clothing. I walk fast, keep my head down, and stop and hide if I hear anyone in ear shot. When I get home, I go for a shower, and change back in the gray clothing of Abnegation. What should I do? I can't just leave her alone? She is left defenseless for crying out loud. I need to think my next step clearly... But what are my options if she doesn't allow the help?
