A/N: Okay, my priorities are all screwed up! Instead of doing my paper for school I have been consumed by this chapter! After hearing Maxwell's version of This Woman's Work and I broke down in tears, I just couldn't shake the thoughts that were coming to me in my dreams, so I've been working on this for the past week! My longest chapter yet!
Thanks so much to everyone who continues to read and review! I sincerely appreciate it! It's the fuel that lights my writing fire!
Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
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Pray God You Can Cope [Bridge] [Chorus] Give Me These Moments,
I'll Stand Outside
This Woman's Work
This Woman's Worth
Ooh, It's Hard On A Man
Now His Part Is Over
Now Starts The Craft... Of The Father
I Know You've Got A Litte Life In You Yet
I Know You've Got A Lot Of Strength Left
I Know You've Got A Little Life In You Yet
I Know You've Got A Lot Of Strength Left
I Should Be Crying But I Just Can't Let It Show,
I Should Hoping But I Can't Thinking,
All The Things We Should've Said That I Never Said,
All The Things We Should Have Done That We Never Did,
All The Things We Should've Given But I Didn't,
Oh Darling Make It Go,
Make It Go Away...
Give Them Back To Me . . . .
Sung by Maxwell, MTV Unplugged- Written by Kate Bush
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Bella
I woke up to the sound of Edward's voice.
"No, she hasn't awakened yet. No. Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes. Were they able to get clearance? Okay, no that's perfect. Thanks,"
He was having a cryptic conversation with someone on the telephone. The telephone.
"Jacob! My dad! Where are we going? I've got to go see my dad," I shot straight up in the seat and began to panic. I grabbed on to the dashboard and glared at Edward.
"I know. It's okay, calm down we're on our way to the airport," he announced calmly as he placed his phone in the console.
"The airport, but how- wait, this is not the way to Sea-Tac!" I shouted. He was wasting time, my father would be dead by the time I made it to see him.
"We're flying out of Boeing Field. We've got a slot to takeoff at 6:45," he announced.
I stared at him. "Why are we flying out of Boeing Field?" I asked confused. I didn't have time for this.
"Private jet," he remarked casually.
I looked at the clock on his dash. It was 6:22.
"Where is my purse? I need to call Jacob. I didn't get the entire story. I don't even know what hospital he's in," I tried not to hyperventilate as I rummaged through the purse on the floor in front of me. My hands were shaking and I had a headache.
He reached over and placed a hand on my wrist and squeezed. The warm touch of his hand seemed to instantly calm me.
"He's at Olympic Medical Center, fifth floor. A car will be waiting to pick us up when we arrive,"
I sat back in my seat and stared at him wide-eyed. Why was he doing all of this? He glanced at me and offered a sad smile. I clenched my fists to my side and tried to steady my breathing. I did not want his pity!
"Edward, look I really appreciate you going through all this trouble but I don't want you to feel obligated to go with me," I said strongly.
He parked the car and looked at me with a frown on his face.
"Bella, don't be ridiculous. We don't have much time,"
I opened my door and got out before he could open it for me. I stared at him defiantly as he glared at me. I pulled my purse on my shoulder and held on tightly to the strap as he extended his hand to me.
I sighed. I was more than capable of walking through the airport by myself but I didn't want to fight with him. I reluctantly slid my hand into his. He gave me a disapproving look as he squeezed my hand and led me through the parking lot. After a short walk through the terminal we were outside again on the tarmac.
"Shit," I remarked.
"What's wrong?" he asked with genuine concern.
"I- I need to call Alice. I need some clothes from my house. I need to call my office also to let them know-,"
"I called Alice and she is going to take care of everything. She said she'd call Mike and let him know what happened,"
"How long was I unconscious?! How did you get Alice's number?" I yelled.
I was being a total bitch and I had no idea why. Well, I guess if I was honest it was because I never had anyone take care of me and I didn't like feeling helpless. Not to mention in less than an hour Edward was going to come face to face with my past and this was not the way it was supposed to happen, if it was supposed to happen at all. Bottom line, I needed to focus on my dad and having Edward there was going to be a big distraction.
"You were out for about twenty minutes before you woke up in the car. When you first fainted out my mom took your phone and talked to Jacob. I called Alice while my dad put you in my car. He checked your vitals and said you'd come around soon so I made the decision to leave instead of wasting precious time, which is what we're doing right now. I know you're probably still in shock and your emotions are overruling your common sense-," he started.
"How dare you! So, now I have no common sense?!" I screeched.
."Bella, sweetheart, that's not what I meant. Please don't do this. We've got to go," he pleaded.
"I don't want you to go!" I blurted out.
His eyes widened and a look of hurt flickered across his face. A second passed before he stepped close to me and grabbed my arm.
"Too bad. Get on the plane," he said calmly but his eyes were dark and angry. A chill ran down my spine as I realized the discussion was over.
I turned to see a man waiving at us from the door of the plane. "Mr. Cullen, we need to board now if we're going to make our take off," he announced.
I held my head down and walked passed Edward up the stairs to board the plane. I could feel his hands on the small of my back guiding me forward.
Once we were on board, Embry, our pilot informed us the flight would be a quick forty minutes and we should remain in our seat belts for the duration since we were bound to encounter a few rainstorms.
The plane was really nice and lavish but also small. Very small. I had never flown on a plane that small. If my mind wasn't so consumed with my father and Edward's introduction to Forks, I would have probably been scared shitless. But I had bigger problems than worrying about whether or not this model plane was going to make it to Port Angeles safely. Surely the universe didn't hate me that much.
I bit my nails and stared out of the window. My left leg started to shake involuntarily as I stared at Edward. I sat across from him and watched him as he stared out of the window also, his face in deep concentration and his jaw tense. I unbuckled my seat belt and moved to the seat next to him.
"What if I'm too late?" I asked quietly.
He turned to look at me, his expression softened.
"What if I'm too late? I've wasted years hating him for something that wasn't his fault and now-," my voice shook and I started to sob uncontrollably. He unbuckled his seatbelt and practically pulled me into his lap as he hugged me tightly and rubbed my back.
We made it the hospital at 7:51 and rushed up to the eleventh floor. I was overwhelmed by the faces of people from my childhood who lined the waiting room. My father's best friend, Billy was the first to approach me.
"Bella, thank God," he said as he hugged me tightly. "Go, he's in room 522, right on the corner," he pushed me in the direction of the room. Jacob stood and made his way towards me.
"Bells, do you want me to go in with you?" Jacob asked.
I could have sworn I heard Edward growl behind me. I squeezed Jacob's shoulder and shook my head. I sighed as I walked past Billy and Jacob. I could feel all eyes on me as I made my way down the hall. There was probably only ten feet between where I stood and my father's room but it seemed to take an eternity.
Once I made it to the door, I turned and looked over my shoulder. Edward and Jacob both stood there keeping their distance from each other but ready and waiting to help me face this. I knew in that instant there was only one choice to make. I stepped forward and entered the room alone.
I wasn't all that shocked to see Sue Clearwater sitting close to my father's bed holding his hand. Every since her husband, Harry died she and Charlie had become really good "friends". However I was shocked to see how much Charlie had deteriorated in the last two weeks. His skin was dry and sallow. His hair was graying and he look liked he had lost twenty pounds. I covered my mouth as a sob escaped.
Sue looked up and Charlie turned his head upon hearing me enter the room.
"Hey, kiddo! You made it," he gave me a weak smile. Sue let go of his hand and smiled faintly at me before dropping her head to her lap.
"Hey, dad. Hi Sue," I said as my voice quivered. I was frozen halfway inside the room afraid going to him would make this real.
"I'm going to go get a cup of coffee and give you two some time alone," Sue announced. When she walked past me, I reached out and squeezed her hand. She made eye contact with me and squeezed back before leaving the room tearfully.
"Come on over, I don't bite," he joked.
I walked over slowly and stood next to his bed. He held his hand out palm up. I placed my hand in his and he gave me a feeble squeeze.
"I'm so glad you're here. I've been hanging around waiting on you," he smiled. And I fucking lost it. I flung myself to his chest and cried harder than I ever cried in my life. He just held on to my hand and gently patted my back with his other hand.
"How- how- how did this happen. You were fine when I saw you,"
"Cancer is a son-of-a -bitch, Bells," was his reply.
"Well, where is your doctor? Can't they do something?" I tried to reign in my tears but it was useless.
He brought his frail hands up to cup my face.
"No, Isabella. There is nothing they can do. We talked about this. Please," he pleaded. He was pleading with me to let him die in peace with as much dignity as possible. But I couldn't, I wasn't ready to let go.
I sat in the chair Sue had occupied and continued to hold his hand. I looked up briefly and noticed Edward pacing outside the door with a pained look on his face.
"Dad. I've met someone," I announced.
"Really?" he said not masking his surprise.
"Yep. He is wonderful and much more than I deserve," I admitted.
"Bullshit. You deserve nothing but the best and so much more," he said with that trademark Charlie gruffness I loved.
"He's here. He came with me from Seattle. His name is Edward and he's an attorney too. I love him dad, so very much. I'm just so scared I'm going to mess this up," I whispered.
"Bella, you just don't see yourself clearly at all. You never have. Where is he?" He grimaced as he turned his body towards the door. "Is he the uptight looking guy pacing in the hallway?" he frowned.
"Dad" I laughed. For a split second everything seemed normal. I was a girl who was concerned about what my father would think about the man I loved and he was the dad who would say he wasn't good enough.
"Can I meet him?" he asked hopefully.
Tears streamed my face.
"You want to?" I whispered.
"I would have liked to look a bit more presentable and had my gun," he teased.
I let go of his hand briefly and rushed to the doorway. Edward stared at me with a look of concern and confusion. I held out my hand towards him. He wordlessly placed his hand in mine and followed me inside the room.
"Dad, this Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my dad, Charlie Swan," I smiled meekly. I suddenly realized this would be the last time the two of them would ever see each other. He would never walk me down the aisle and threaten to take Edward within an inch of his life if he didn't treat me right.
I was apparently starting to lose touch with reality. My father was dying and I'm planning my wedding to Edward in my head. I was sure there wouldn't be a wedding. Hell, there probably wouldn't even be a relationship after we returned to Seattle. Certainly, my winning personality was bound to drive Edward away from me.
"Chief Swan, it is an honor to meet you," Edward extended his hand. I appreciated him showing my dad some respect by addressing him as "chief" I think it provided him with a last shred of dignity.
My father sat up straighter in bed with a grimace and shook Edward's hand.
"Bells, can you give me a minute with Edward," he asked.
My eyebrows shot up. What? A minute? He could be dead in a minute!
"Dad, I don't think that's-," I started.
"One minute. I promise," he smiled.
I looked up to see Edward smiling as well. I sighed deeply and sulked out of the room.
Edward
When we first arrived at my parents house Bella was so nervous. I was grateful to my parents and even Emmett for making her feel so relaxed and at home. Whenever Bella's attention was diverted, my dad would give me a thumbs-up and my mom kept mouthing "I love her". Emmett on the other hand was trying to goad me as much as possible by winking and mouthing "she's hot". All in all it was just another fun filled afternoon at the Cullen's. But then the evening took a horrible turn. I watched Bella from across the room on her phone and when she turned to look at me, I knew instantly something was wrong. She was paler than usual and her eyes were fluttering. She was about to faint.
I yelled her name and rushed over to her and caught her just before she made contact with the travertine floor. My mother grabbed her phone and spoke to the caller to see what happened. It was Jacob and the news was not good. Her dad was dying. Soon. Very soon. My dad examined Bella and determined she had merely fainted from the news. He moved her to the couch and wanted to wait until she woke up, but it didn't sound like we had that kind of time. I told him to put her in my car while I got the information from Jacob. I called Alice and hurriedly explained everything to her before I peeled out of my parent's driveway. I promised to call them with an update.
Our family had a private jet at Boeing Field that my mother and Emmett used primarily for business but we've also used it for vacations. But this trip would be the most important flight I'd ever taken. Bella awoke startled and totally panicked. I tried to reassure her that everything was fine and I'd taken care of everything which seemed to infuriate her. I chalked it up to her emotional state and tried not to take it personally but when she told me she didn't want me to go with her, my heart broke. For a second, I almost relented. I didn't want to push her. But I knew I had to do this, she needed me and I wasn't going to allow Bitchy Bella to make me run away from her.
I knew I had made the right decision when she broke down sobbing on the plane. I vowed to be strong and help her get through the next few days. When we arrived to hospital the waiting room on the eleventh floor was packed, the majority of the people were there for Chief Swan, including Jacob. I had to resist the urge to punch him in his face when he asked Bella if she wanted him to go into the room with her. Hello! That's my job douche bag!
Bella decided to go in alone to see her dad and I heard her crying almost instantly. I felt so helpless. I paced the hallway nervously. I wanted to be a call a way if she needed me. After a few minutes she came to the door and extended her hand. I was confused for a second but then it dawned on me. She wanted me to meet her dad. He asked her to leave us alone for a minute and Bella hesitate but eventually yielded. She had his eyes and his sarcastic wit. He didn't mince words or make small talk; there was no time for that. Instead he told me how much he loved Bella and that I must be really special if I'd gotten this close to her. He went on to implore me to not to give up her when she started being stubborn and to take care of her. He also said his biggest regret would be not being able to walk her down the aisle. A lump formed in my throat and I had to fight back the tears. We talked for another minute after I assured him that I loved his daughter and planned on doing nothing but making her happy for as long as possible.
Bella barged back in to the room and told us it was time to end our "man talk". I kissed her forehead and excused myself not wanting to take up anymore of her father's time. I decided to go to the cafeteria and get a cup of coffee. When I came back and introduced myself and made small talk with a few of the people in the waiting room. About two hours had passed since we first arrived to the hospital, my legs were getting stiff. I stood to stretch when I heard the blood curdling scream from Charlie's room. I stopped mid-stretch and immediately proceeded towards the room. Everyone was on their feet; Sue and Billy were sobbing and consoling each other. Jacob stood at the door motionless as a team of nurses and doctors rushed past him.
"No, no! What are you doing? Do something! He's not breathing!" Bella screamed as the nurses tried to pry her away from her father.
"Let go of me!" she yelled.
"Ms. Swan, your father had a DNR on file. Do Not Resuscitate. There is nothing more we can do. I'm sorry,"
"Nooooooooooooooo!" she wailed.
I rushed into the room and grabbed her around the waist to keep her from launching herself at her father.
"Let go of me!" she shouted. She turned around and her eyes met mine. I didn't try to hide the tears that streamed my face.
"Edward," she gasped. "Your dad. He's a doctor. Tell them, they can call him, he'll know what to do,"
"Bella, sweetheart. . ," my voice broke as I tightened my grip around her waist.
"No, Edward, no," she cried. She tried to pull away from me but I held her tighter.
"Why are you doing this? Let go of me! Do something! Edward, goddamn it! Do something!" she screamed as she pummeled my chest with her fists.
"Please, Edward, my dad, please," she said as her grief over took her. She fisted my shirt and clung to me. I brought my hands to her back and hugged her tightly while she wept.
We remained in the room for another ten minutes; thankfully one of the nurses had drawn the curtain so that Bella could no longer see her father's lifeless body. She slowly pulled away from me. Her face was red and blotchy, her eyes were bloodshot and swollen and her hair was matted to one side of her face. She stared up at me and I could tell by her expression she had no idea what to do next. I took a few Kleenex from the table behind her and began to dab her face before she snatched them away from me to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.
She turned towards the hallway.
"Is there a back way out of here?" she muttered.
"No, I don't think so, love,"
She sighed and slowly walked towards the door looking over her shoulder to make sure I was following her. Jacob was the first person to approach her. She allowed him to hug her tightly for a few minutes. She then quickly made her way through the group accepting their condolences. Every now and then she would look over her shoulder to make eye contact with me. Once we left the hospital, I suggested getting a room in Port Angeles for the night but Bella wanted to drive to her dad's house in Forks. I drove while she stared blankly out of the window at the passing trees and vegetation, which were illuminated by a full moon.
When we made it to her father's house, Bella hesitated for almost five minutes before she pulled a spare key from under a potted plant on the porch. I followed closely behind her. She stood idly in the small foyer and looked around.
"I can feel him. . .here," her voice was hoarse from crying.
She walked around and inspected the house as if she was seeing it for the first time. There was a jacket thrown across the couch, she picked it up and inhaled the scent. She walked over to the big overstuffed chair, I assumed it was probably her dad's favorite, and sat down. She curled her feet underneath her and draped the jacket over her.
"Do you- can I –can I get you anything?" I asked unsure of what to do.
She shook her head before she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. I sat on the couch next to her and watched her for almost thirty minutes before I got up to make myself somewhat useful. I wandered upstairs to the only bathroom and washed my face. I looked like I had been on a drinking binge. I noticed a pink bottle of body soap on the counter behind the tub and figured Bella must have left it here on her last visit. I decided a hot bath would probably be good for her. I started the tub and searched around for something for her to wear until Alice arrived in the morning.
I found Bella's old room with no problem since there were only two to choose from. There was a blue terry cloth robe hanging on the back of the door. I took it to the bathroom before I headed back downstairs. I picked her up from the chair and started back up the stairs, she stirred and opened her eyes when we were halfway up.
"Wh-what are you doing?" she asked disoriented.
"Taking you upstairs,"
"Edward, put me down. I can walk," she frowned.
"Okay," I put her down on the landing in front of her childhood room.
"I ran you a bath and found a robe in your old room," I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair.
She hugged herself and shook her head as she stared at the floor.
"I'm too exhausted to take a bath," she protested.
I took a step towards her and she took a step back. I ignored the sharp pain her action caused in my heart and I reached out to gently rub her cheek.
"Let me take care you," I pleaded softly.
She briefly leaned into my touch and sighed. "What are you talking about?" she asked before moving away from me again.
I grasped her hand and led her inside the small bathroom.. She looked at the bathtub full of bubbles and back at me with a frown on her face.
"I told you I-," she started. I placed a finger on her lips to silence her. I started to unbutton her shirt.
"Edward-," she grabbed my hands to halt my actions.
"Do you trust me?" I asked not knowing what I would do if she said no.
She hesitated but nodded her head in the affirmative before dropping her hands to her sides.
I undressed her and helped her into the tub. I sank down to my knees next the tub and proceeded to bathe her slowly. She stared at me for a while before leaning back against the tub and closing her eyes, crying silently.
"I've got to tell my mom" she whispered.
"Will she be allowed to come to the funeral?" I asked softly.
She shrugged. "I doubt she even remembers him-," she said as a sob ripped through her chest.
I leaned over and gathered her in my arms and held on to her tightly.
"I'm get-getting you all wet," she tried to pull away.
"I don't care," I assured her.
She settled back in the tub and stared at me.
"Why did you come with me?" she asked.
Not this again. I sighed a little harsher than I intended. She placed a hand on mine.
"No, I meant, after I - after what I said?" she flinched.
"Because I wanted to come and because I'm in love with a woman who is too scared to admit that she needs me," I smiled faintly.
She smiled but then a deep frown marred her features.
"I'm not used to this Edward. I've never had anyone take care of me and you're right I am afraid to need you. Everyone I've ever come to rely on has left,"
I continued running the towel over her arms and neck. "I'm not going any where," I promised.
She looked at me doubtfully and relaxed again in the tub. After the water turned cold I helped from the tub but she refused to allow me to dry her off, insisting she wasn't a child. Stubborn has a new name and it is Isabella Swan. She walked into her old bedroom and immediately got into bed. I walked around and looked at the childhood pictures on her wall. I smiled faintly at the one of her in a ballerina outfit with her mother.
"I was the worst ballerina in the history of the world," she chuckled.
"Well at least you looked adorable," I teased.
She patted the bed next to her as an invitation. I slipped off my shoes and joined her in the twin sized bed. She turned so that her back was against my chest and she pulled my arm over her. I held on to her tightly and she sighed contentedly before she drifted off to sleep again.
The next morning I heard someone knocking on the door downstairs. I untangled myself from Bella and tried not to wake her. I hurried downstairs and opened the door and came face to face with Alice and my mother.
"Hi Edward," Alice hugged me tightly. "Where is she?"
"Upstairs," I yawned running my hands through my hair.
Alice brushed past me and bounded up the stairs. My mom smiled and gently stroked my cheek. Although I was always glad to see my mom, I wasn't sure how Bella would react. I hoped my moms presence didn't set her off.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked as I kissed her cheek and allowed her inside. I noticed a young boy unloading groceries from my mother's rental car.
"Good morning darling, how is Bella holding up?" she asked coming further into the house. "Just put those things in the kitchen," She smiled.
She turned her attention to me. "That's Seth, his mother Sue and Bella's father were good friends,"
"Hi Seth," I managed politely. I stepped back in to the hallway and peered up the stairs.
Seth gave me a slight wave before heading to the kitchen.
"Mom, I don't think Bella really wants all this attention. You being here might make her uncomfortable," I said gently.
"Nonsense," my mother scoffed as she walked past me and followed Seth.
She started to empty the bags and place things in the refrigerator.
"Does Bella like scrambled eggs?" she asked.
I sighed. What the hell was I going to do? I knew without a doubt Bella was going to fly off the handle if she found my mother cooking breakfast in her father's kitchen. I did not want to be torn between the two women I loved the most in the whole world.
Perhaps I'd let my mother cook and I could take credit for it and send her off to a hotel or something. Almost ten minutes later, I tried again.
"Mom-," I started.
"Mrs. Cullen?" I heard Bella's breathless voice behind me.
She stood in the doorway of the kitchen fully dressed with Alice close behind. Her face marred with confusion.
Shit.
"Bella, I-," I tried to do damage control but was stopped short as Bella rushed past me and into my mother's outstretched arms.
She sobbed as she clung to my mother.
"There, there sweetheart. Everything will be okay," my mother soothed as she stroked Bella's back.
She pulled away and gently cupped Bella's face. "I know this is probably the most painful thing you've ever had to deal with but you should take comfort in knowing he's in a better place and he is no longer suffering," my mother said tearfully.
Bella nodded her headed quickly in agreement and sniffed.
I stood there with my mouth hanging open. What the fuck? I mean, I was glad my mother was able to provide soothing words and comfort Bella but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit pissed I had to work three times as hard for that same privilege.
I was about to interrupt their moment when I felt a pair of small hands on my arm pulling me. I looked down at Alice.
"Let's talk," she said cryptically as she led me out the back door.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"Edward, I've known Bella since freshman year of college and she told me about her mother a little less than two years ago. She has built this wall around herself trying to keep from being hurt or judged or whatever and I honestly don't think she knows how to break free from it. She is a very smart, strong and independent woman but she's also insecure and vulnerable, especially now, especially with you here-,"
"I'm not leaving," I said strongly.
Alice smiled brightly as tears filled her eyes.
"Thank God. Bella hasn't told me everything but I gather she hasn't been very nice to you, grief notwithstanding. It's a façade. It doesn't excuse her behavior but I think deep down she still has some trust issues. It's like you'll see her life behind the curtain and run away,"
"That is ridiculous. I swear she is the most stubborn woman I have ever met in my life," I gave a frustrated sigh.
"It's not ridiculous to her. Keep in mind this has been her reality for most of her life. She never had any friends or boyfriends for that matter and she feels like her mother is a that the root of everything. She does not want you to go with her to see Renee today but you should. You need to. So, she can get past this. But I must warn you, it is not going to be pretty,"
Alice and I talked for a few more minutes before she informed me she brought me a change of clothes and that I should hurry and take a shower before Bella tried to leave without me. An hour later a few people had stopped by the house to pay their respect and bring food. Bella and I left them in my mother and Alice's capable hands as we headed off to visit her mother.
Her mother had been committed to a small mental hospital on the outskirts of Forks nestled back in the woods. I parked the car and turned off the engine as Bella stared at the building and then back at me.
"We should go in," I suggested.
"Yeah, of course," she agreed not looking at me. She had brought her father's jacket and planned on leaving it with her mother. She held on to it tightly and trembled slightly.
I exited the car and walked around and opened her door for her. She held her head down and didn't meet my eyes. I gently lifted her chin.
"The good and the bad, Bella. Nothing is going to ever stop me from loving you," I said strongly.
She swallowed and blinked rapidly trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She moved my hands from her face and held on to them as she squeezed tightly searching my eyes, probably to assess my sincerity. Once she found what she was looking for she smiled ruefully and held my hand as we walked in to the hospital.
We checked in at the front desk and were escorted to the community room where Bella's mother was painting. Bella's mother was very beautiful. Her reddish brown hair was a bit disheveled (reminding me of Bella's after a long night's sleep), her dark blue eyes were alert and bright and she wore a look of concentration on her face, which looked exactly like Bella in that moment, as she focused on the canvas in front of her. She looked so innocent and childlike with smudges of paint on her forehead and chin.
Once we approached her, I stepped to her side to see her painting. It contained a partial face of a little girl but was mostly covered with dark angry strokes of black paint.
"Renee you have a couple of visitors," One of the orderlies announced.
"Hi," she smiled brightly as she acknowledged us.
Bella's face lit up. Perhaps this would be one of her more lucid days.
"Hi, um, I'm Bella. Do you remember me?" Bella asked hopefully.
"Bella, Bella, let's see. Doesn't ring a bell. Did you and I go to school together?" Renee smiled.
Bella's face fell.
"Um, no- no we didn't but I knew you from a long time ago," Bella said sadly.
"Oh. Who are you? You look like Bobby Johnson. I had the biggest crush on Bobby Johnson in the third grade," Renee focused her attention on me and she blushed. Bella's blush.
I smiled. "My name is Edward,"
She gasped. "Are you the same Edward that steals shoes to give to the little orphan kids?"
I never took my eyes off Renee but I could see Bella drop her head in her hands.
I kept a gentle smile on my face. "No, I'm afraid that's another Edward. I'm Edward, Bella's friend,"
She looked at Bella again.
"Why are you sad? Have they given you your medication?" She asked concern laced her voice. She gingerly placed a hand on Bella's shoulder.
Bella placed her hand on top of her mother's relishing her touch. Her mother recoiled.
"You should never do that. Never touch someone's hands. There are germs that can crawl inside your fingertips and-,"
"Renee, Charlie died. I came by to tell you. I don't know if you remember him-," Bella blurted out painfully.
Renee's face contorted in agony and for a moment I think we both thought she remembered.
"No, no that's a lie. I saw Charlie this morning. I fed him this morning!" she shrieked.
"Charlie! Charlie!" she began to yell.
A couple of the orderlies came over to do damage control.
"Renee, calm down, what's wrong?"
"She, she killed Charlie!" Renee cried as she pointed at Bella.
The orderly frowned in confusion and walked to the other side of room. He reached down in a box and returned with a small kitten.
"Charlie!" Renee sobbed as she gently grabbed the kitten and began to stroke him. "Why would you make up a lie like that? You are evil! Go away!" she yelled.
"I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you to leave," the male orderly said apologetically.
Bella shoved her father's jacket at Renee and ran out of the room.
"You should stay away from her, she's crazy," Renee advised. I smiled faintly.
"I can't, I love her. It was so very nice meeting you,"
Renee smiled and sniffed the jacket Bella gave her. I would have bet everything I owned there was a flitter of recognition when she sniffed that jacket. She closed her eyes and sniffed again before mouthing the word, "Charlie,"
I found Bella on the sidewalk sitting on a bench with her head in her hands. I sat next to her and allowed her to take as much time as she needed. She looked up at me hesitantly.
"Are you okay, love?" I gently rubbed her back.
"I told my mother that my dad died and she thought I was talking about a fucking cat. Oh, yeah I'm peachy," she said angrily as she swatted away tears from her eyes.
I sighed. I was intent on not turning this into a fight or pushing her too hard.
"So, go ahead let me have it? What did you think?" She asked.
"About what?"
"Edward don't play dumb okay! And please do not insult my intelligence. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me that little episode didn't phase you?" she asked incredulously.
"You know what I get the feeling regardless to what I say, it won't matter. You've already got your mind made up as to how I should react,"
"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, Bella. Are you ready to head back?" I stared up at the sky and the looming rain clouds.
"Not until you tell me!" she demanded.
"Fine! I thought she was adorable even in her state of mind. You have her smile and her blush. I was picturing her as a young woman with you on her lap and her loving you and making you feel safe. I was hoping, praying that she would have even one second of lucidity and she would recognize you because it is killing me to watch you in so much pain and I'm not able to do a damn thing about it!" I yelled.
She just stared at me with her mouth open.
"Why do you do that?! Why do you always say what you think I want to hear?!" she cried.
I stood. "Fucking insane," I muttered under my breath. "Let's go" I said harshly.
"Did you call me insane?" she whispered.
Shit, talk about total wrong choice of words.
"Bella, please-," I moved to grabbed her hand.
She jerked away from me.
"Well, as you can see I get it honestly," she bit as she stomped towards the car.
The ride back to her father's house was excruciating. The silence was deafening. Bella was pressed so closely to the passenger door, I was certain she was going to jump out at any minute.
When we made it back, she ran inside and straight upstairs ignoring the house full of people who had gathered. My mother caught my arm and pulled me aside.
"I take it, it didn't go well," she said sadly.
"That's an understatement," I ran my hands through my hair and played with the hem of the flannel shirt I wore courtesy of Alice.
"Is her mother-," my mother started sadly.
"She's not nearly as bad a grandmother was," I said as I recalled the horrible year before my grandmothers death.
She frowned. "Then what happened?"
"Mom, I've been thinking maybe I should probably go and-,"
"Go where?" She frowned.
"Home. She doesn't want me here. I'm making this even harder for her by being here,"
"Edward Anthony Cullen," my mother hissed. "You will do no such thing. She needs you!"
I sighed. "No, mom she doesn't," I said sadly.
End notes: Keep the faith. . .part 2 coming soon!