Dreams of Love

Chapter 21: My Brother, Your Brother

Meredith let Derek enfold her tightly in his arms. He kissed her softly on the cheek and the lips, before he had to answer a page from one of his residents. She turned her face into his throat and immersed her senses in his scent for a mindless, timeless moment. Her lips clung to her lover's again and she wished she could hide in his arms a little longer. His body pressed to her front felt so good – warm and hard and male – all of him. He was engorged hard and hot just from holding her. Her body immediately dampened for him. She mentally laughed at her own response. He hardly had to try anymore. She was just too easy for him. Her body eagerly anticipated her love and made her ready. She squeezed him to her, still not wanting to separate. She felt suffused with him, yet wanted more. He crooned a soft note deep in his throat as they swayed, holding each other. She tried to give him a little space since they couldn't act on their mutual state. He stepped back trying to let his body relax.

"Thank you... thank you for being there for me again. I don't mean to be such a bother," she said, a little worried that she was putting Derek through too much trouble all the time.

"Hush, you didn't cause Ellis Grey to make the decisions she made. You didn't create even half of this stuff. It all just gets dumped on you at the end." Derek smiled his tender, proud of her, smile, "You're amazing. You've handled everything that's come along – Alzheimer's, brain tumor, lies, loss. Zachary. Everything." Derek's momentary masculine impatience with her vacillation was gone. She'd done as well as she could.

"Listen, I'll try to make it for lunch at one, but I may not be able to. I'll text you." He kissed her again, running a caressing hand over her soft hair, hugging her super tight one more time, before quickly walking down the hallway towards post-op. Mer turned to join Mr. Sandage and Zachary in an on-call room.

Meredith settled Zach in the top bunk. He was barely able to keep his eyes open now that he was fed, warm, and safe. He looked so sweet and little, his defensive snottiness somehow melted away as he snuggled his pillow. Meredith's heart turned over. She felt a pang of... what? She shied away from her unfamiliar feelings.

It shook her, this sudden feeling of warmth and protectiveness for an almost unknown child. Then Zach, in what was apparently an old bedtime ritual, startled her by circling her neck with his skinny arms. With the confidence of a once well-loved child, on the verge of sleep, and with his defenses down, he expected her to cuddle him before he slept. Meredith pressed her face to his curls and breathed in his unique little boy scent, charmed.

"'Night, Meredith," he yawned and dropped into boneless sleep instantly.

She melted into mush at the sound of her name on her little brother's lips for the first time. Meredith's heart swelled. The roller coaster of Mer's emotions dropped into a sudden dip and the bottom dropped out of her stomach. It startled Meredith to realize she was on the precipice of falling in love. Just like that. He was her brother, her child now. She stroked his long, soft, black curls, fighting tears again. The stray thought crossed her mind that he had a softer child's version of Derek's hair. She imagined Derek's children would have this hair too, just like both Derek and Zach.

She could scarcely tear herself away from Zach now, even though her work was piling up and she really needed to get to it. She'd missed his babyhood, his toddlerhood, and his little boy stages. She didn't want to miss anything else. She was being foolish, she knew. What could he do while he slept? She made herself be a grown-up and turn away from the sleeping child.

Mr. Sandage smiled at her, watching Dr. Grey awaken to her budding maternal instincts. He was amused at her surprise at herself. It was as if she had suddenly discovered she could speak Swahili, when she'd never studied it. She'd never expected to feel this way. Certainly her mother had never felt like this, she knew that. She had to talk to Guiseppe about the boy, but if Zach was unwanted by the Giordanos, Meredith would keep the child with her in a heartbeat. Zachary became more precious to her with every moment that passed.

This is weird.

Mr. Sandage wasn't surprised at Meredith's aroused maternal, protective state. He'd experienced her care and consideration many times towards himself and his wife. He'd also witnessed her abiding love against great odds for both her mother and Dr. Shepherd. He'd come to understand that since she always compared herself against her mother's difficult pattern, she never measured up in her own mind, no matter what. No one could.

"Thank you,again, Mr. Sandage. I'm not sure how I would have handled this if you hadn't been available," she whispered to the old gentleman.

"You're welcome, Dr. Grey," his eyes shone merrily in the dim light, still amused, "I have sons and grandsons and great grandsons of my own. A sleeping boy is no problem."

"Well, you have my pager and my cell. I'll be back at lunch time to check on Zach. Don't hesitate to page if there is a problem," Meredith laughed softly at his shooing gestures. She knew she was over-reacting. She just couldn't help it.

"I'll be primarily on the fifth floor with Dr. Sloan's patients," she said to the closing door. Then she was left facing the firmly shut door feeling ridiculously foolish. She shook her head at herself when she imagined what Cristina would say to her if she could see her now.

McMamaBear, McMommy, McSappy, McCorney, McFoolish, McMush, OMG, Mer thought.

Meredith hurried down the hall to the elevators speed dialing Alex to let him know she was back on the floor. In the crowded elevator, she pulled out her notepad and went over Dr. Sloan's orders and comments for her patients. Every few seconds her mind would dart to Zach and Guiseppe, trying to work out what to say to both of them. Each time she forced her focus back to her patients. She read her notes for the third time from the top. She quickly made her way to Myra Dixon's room. The terribly assaulted woman was still unconscious. With every passing hour that she remained so, her prognosis worsened.

Come on, Myra, you can do it. You made it this far. You're a fighter.

Meredith made the routine checks and adjustments on all of Sloan's patients. She charted carefully and then ran to the labs and radiology, picking up all the reports and films she knew he'd demand the moment he saw her. She also managed to drop off a sample of Zach's blood and a sample of her own blood for routine comparative testing, although she was sure of the results. She headed back up the stairs to Mark's office carrying a stack of folders and paperwork, thinking about getting the blood test proof that she had a brother.

Her heart suddenly lightened as her volatile emotions once more swung to wonder. She had a brother. One of her own. All kinds of possibilities opened up to her. Guiseppe was bound to be restored to her in some ways even though he'd never be restored altogether. Thank you, thank you. Breathing deeply, Meredith made herself focus again and rounded the corner heading for Sloan's office.

Mark sat with his back to the door, leaning precariously back in his desk chair, with his feet propped up on a credenza behind his desk. He casually, comfortably read the latest journal article on reconstructing a crushed mandible. He considered the author an amoeba, having met him at a conference last year, but some of the ideas put forth here were very interesting. He narrowed his eyes as he considered which parts were worthwhile and which were worthless.

There was a knock at the door, "Dr. Sloan, I brought the labs and films from Ms. Dixon and your others patients," said the very sexy ex-dirty-mistress standing at his doorway. Hm, and now she had a rugrat. How was Derek going to deal with that? Life in Seattle was wet and mildewy and miserable. It was also fun in a perverse way. He'd got a kick out of watching Derek win his way back into the ex-mistress' bed. He was such a goody-two-shoes. He had been his whole life, always doing the 'right' thing, the expected thing – until, that is, he came to Seattle and fell in instant love-lust with a first year intern, for God's sake.

Mark thought of Addison. He wanted Addison back – back in his life, back in his bed, and back in love with him. He hadn't known how much she really meant to him until she'd left him. Then, when she'd gone to Seattle, he'd panicked. She gave him no time to clean up the mess he'd made with her. She'd just left and headed straight back to Derek. Derek had neglected her for years and Addison took it. Mark made one tiny mistake, well okay, that babe wasn't so tiny, and Addison was out of there.

How fair was that? he asked himself. Addison was barely giving him the time of day, and now Derek has the sexy little intern, damn his luck.

Of course, Derek had run to Seattle in the first place, giving Mark no chance with him either. He hadn't loved or wanted Addison for years. He'd treated her like a forgotten, used up toy, yet he acted like she was all important when he caught Mark with her.

Addison had screwed Derek's best friend in their marriage bed, knowing Derek was coming home at that time. Then she'd cut up stiff with Mark when he'd had someone just to entertain him on the side three months later, even though she knew it wasn't serious and he loved her, Addison. What was up with those two? He'd known them both for years, but he was obviously missing something about them.

He studied the girl at the door. He liked her, when he'd never liked too many people – not really – including himself. He'd liked her on sight, funny that. Word had it that Derek had taken to her immediately too. She had a certain... something.

"Dr. Sloan?" Meredith asked, uncertain when he said nothing.

"Come in, come in," he said gruffly, dropping his feet off the credenza,

"So how're you feeling, Mommy?" he asked wickedly, "That had to be a jolt. How did the boyscout take it?"

"Sister, Dr. Sloan, I'm his sister, and I'm fine, Derek's fine, we're fine," she pressed her lips together and shook her head at him. She did like him and his wickedness. He always made her smile and somehow she understood him, "And we're not talking about Derek, remember?"

"Aw, why not? You're together now, right? What harm can there be in us talking, just talking?" he ended on a seductive note with an eyebrow raised and a cute look on his face.

Meredith laughed and indicated the folders in her arms, "I'd rather talk about these. I'm concerned with Ms. Dixon's reports. She hasn't regained consciousness yet. I'd like to go over her treatment plan."

With feigned reluctance he took the reports she was extending and perused them, "Oh all right. All lab reports and no fun will make you a very dull girl, Dr. Grey. How would that look to all the other dirty mistresses in the world? Our club will lose good standing."

She smiled with just her eyes, not giving him the satisfaction of a real smile. Then she leaned forward and took copious notes as he rapidly went through his plans for each patient. That afternoon he would perform breast reconstruction surgery for a woman who was having a double mastectomy due to cancer. She was only forty one. Meredith would assist. The next morning, if Myra Dixon regained consciousness today, Sloan planned on taking her into surgery again. Sloan also had a cleft palate surgery on a child scheduled for the morning.

"I hate the disruption switching interns causes, so I want you assigned to me all week. Inform Dr. Bailey," he said a little testily.

"Yes sir," Meredith hid her smile. She'd long suspected that Sloan, like most of the attendings, was a little intimidated by Bailey, and kept his interactions with her as limited as possible. He tended to communicate with her via intermediaries.

Mark was distracted from her by two residents, so he waved her away, back to the floor without even one inappropriate personal demand. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief as she sped away. She checked in on Myra first and noticed she was starting to show signs of awakening. Even as she watched, Myra opened her battered eyes for the first time since she'd been brought in.

Meredith said softly, "Ms. Dixon, you are in Seattle Grace hospital. I'm Dr. Grey. You're going to be fine."

She turned to Nurse Olivia, who was assisting her and said, "Please page Dr. Shepherd. He wanted to examine her as soon as she woke."

Myra Dixon managed to ask what happened and where she was. Dr. Grey reassured her again, choosing her words carefully. Olivia helped the girl to a sip of water with a bent straw. She reassured the patient again while Meredith took her vitals and updated her chart. Ten minutes later Derek came bounding into the room charged with the energy he always seemed to get when he worked. He smiled at Meredith and picked up the patient's chart.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Shepherd. How are you feeling?" Meredith watched him charm his battered and broken patient. His appeal reached right through her trauma. She submitted to his exam and she answered his questions as thoroughly as she could, but they could all see that her pain was increasing. Shepherd adjusted all her meds to his satisfaction, slightly increasing her pain meds.

"Ms. Dixon, the police would like to speak to you about what happened. I know you are in pain and you are having trouble remembering some things, but I think it best for you to talk them now, rather than later," Dr. Shepherd said firmly and encouragingly. She nodded her bandaged head.

"Dr. Grey, please let the detectives know that Ms. Dixon is ready to give an interview," Derek said.

"Yes, sir," Mer turned and hurried to the phone at the nurses' station just outside Myra's room.

A few minutes later Derek joined her and gave her the updated chart and the treatment plan he expected her to follow. Meredith scribbled in her notebook and then smiled up at Derek, her professional demeanor relaxing.

"I like seeing you in the middle of the day."

"Same here," his face softened and he brushed a hand over her hair, "Stay nearby Ms. Dixon's room through the police interview. Make sure she is as comfortable as possible afterwards. Then...," he paused and a wicked grin crept over his face.

"What?" she asked, her stomach clenching at the look in his eyes.

"My noon appointment canceled. Just as well. Meet me then at the on-call rooms to check on Zach and we'll have an early lunch."

"Derek? Wha...?" he'd already run for the elevator. Meredith craned her neck to catch the last glimpse of his backside as he slid through the closing doors.

"Dr. Grey, busy with my patients, I see," drawled a lazy voice.

"Yes, I have been," Meredith answered Sloan smartly, not letting him rattle her, "Ms. Dixon is awake and cleared by neuro for a police interview. They'll be here soon. Here is her updated chart."

Sloan read over the chart leisurely, slyly watching Derek's little hottie out of the corner of his eye, "So... you could help me."

"Help you? How?" she knew he wasn't talking about his patients.

"You could help me get my best friend back," when she glared at him suspiciously, he said, "Ah, come on Meredith! Addison will barely speak to me and Derek won't even look at me, if he can help it. Even though Derek dumped Addison, he still acts as if I'm the scum of the earth, who committed the crime of the century. He didn't want Addison. I did him a favor, really," he had the grace to look abashed at her appalled face, "Well, okay, not a favor, but I didn't stab him in the back the way he thinks I did either."

Meredith raised an eyebrow and asked, "Have you mentioned to your therapist the wings of denial you're currently flying high on?"

"Help me, help me get him to at least start to think about forgiving me," he implored.

"Why? Why does it matter so much to you? You seem to go through people rather easily," Meredith inquired pensively.

"Derek...," Sloan paused and it actually seemed painful for him to gather his thoughts, "Derek has always been the exception to that rule. I always made sure I was careful with him. He's a ... brother, you know?"

"Mark, really, this isn't my business, but how can you say you were being careful of Derek when you were having sex with the Adder?" Meredith used the name without thinking.

"The Adder?" Mark laughed surprised, "Whoa, you like to live dangerously."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was juvenile. I keep trying to stop. At least I didn't say McAdder," she mumbled, then back on topic, "How could you have sex with Addison?"

Mark shifted uncomfortably, "Just help me, okay?"

"No, I won't. Derek and I are just now back together and I won't risk our relationship for someone who won't be honest with me."

"All right," Mark pulled Meredith into the office behind the nurses' station, away from the curious looks they were beginning to attract, "Look, I love Addison, you know that. I've been in love with Addison since before they were married, I admit it. It didn't matter that women came and went. They weren't Addison. I went to her before the wedding and asked her to consider me. She laughed at me. Thought I was joking, I guess. But, I think, somewhere inside she knew, she must have known that I wasn't kidding. I wanted her. I stayed away the whole time – eleven years. Never mentioned it again. Then, one day she found me in the cocktail lounge I always went to after work. Addison, of all people, asked to buy me a drink. The next thing I knew we were drunk and she was talking about how it had been so long. She'd show him. It was like I won the lottery. Addison wanted me. She wanted me. I ... I wasn't thinking of Derek. I was feeling -- hoping – that Addison might love me after all." He paused and looked at the floor before looking at the non-judgmental green eyes in front of him, "Addison doesn't love me. She never did. I wanted to believe she did. I think she wanted to believe she did. She just used me to punish Derek. I'd lay odds she knew when he'd be home that night. She wanted to hurt him and I was the stupid convenient weapon."

"She thought it would shock him into doing something in their relationship?" Meredith asked softly, "She must have been so desperate."

He gave a bark of bitter laughter. The only other time Meredith had seen him this real was in the bar the night after she first saw her father again, "It did that all right. He left Addison that night and New York a week later. He was through. Through with her, me, New York, his family, everything."

"I want a second chance, Meredith. I know I don't deserve it. Hell, I'm everything everyone says I am. But, Derek, he's my brother, and I want to know him again."

The words "he's my brother" got to Meredith. Today, she had a brother. She wanted to know him and she was feeling the loss of all the years of their separation. She wouldn't wish that on anyone – especially Derek – especially Mark. She found herself wanting to help Mark, and then she saw the covert look he was giving her out of the corner of his eye.

"Manipulator! The timing of this so tender request wouldn't have anything to do with Zachary showing up today, would it?!" she demanded, not knowing if she should feel incensed or admiring over his cunning.

"Okay, so I chose the timing well," he shrugged unabashedly, "It doesn't mean I'm not serious. I do want my brother back."

"So you'll owe me, right?" Meredith asked, determined not to let him feel like he was getting away with something.

"Ye-ah," he slowly, suspiciously answered.

"What are you willing to trade?" she boldly asked, chin up.

He looked amused and surprised and a little admiring of her, "What do you want?"

"I'll promise to mention you to Derek, and to mention the possibility of forgiveness. You promise to take Alex Karev as your intern for the next two weeks and really teach him. No baloney. No harassment. No personal demands. And while you're teaching him that first week, when I'm there, I'll get to learn too."

Mark gave another bark of laughter at her boldness. But, this time it wasn't bitter. He really liked Derek's baby girl. The little intern had chutzpah.

The seminar I was teaching finally ended on Sunday, so I actually had time to write today. I was so happy to be writing again. I'm a little tired and blue, so I hope it doesn't show in the writing. I also hope the story entertains you. sam