A/N: so here is the next chapter. Thanks for reviewing I'm glad you all liked the prom. My prom sucked so at least Bella had a good one :-) please review this chapter as well.
This chapter might be a little hard to read so you've been warned… PLEASE REVIEW.
Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyers…. Thanks!
Chapter Song: I Surrender by Celine Dion
Second Chances
I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you; I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams, I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I'd give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything; I surrender all to you
Right now
I'd give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything; I surrender all to you….
BPOV:
"Why won't you leave him?"
Well I definitely didn't see that one coming. I felt my heart speeding up and suddenly my food felt like it all wanted to come back up. I pushed my cup of tiramisu aside and looked at Edward. He had a guarded expression on his face, almost as if he was waiting for me to get angry. I wasn't.
I thought about our night. It had been magical. I had really enjoyed tonight even though we had spent most of the time on our duties as chaperones of the prom. Edward looked amazing and according to him, I didn't look so bad either.
Tonight my confidence had been at its highest and it had been a while since I'd felt this good. Every now and then my mood would be crushed when I received a text message from James, but other than that, my night had been perfect and I couldn't have asked for anything more from Edward.
Now that he asked the question that I could no longer keep denying an answer to, I saw our night taking a different turn than what I had planned.
When Alice informed me that Edward and I would have the house to ourselves for an entire night; I was initially nervous but after thinking it through I saw it as my opportunity to just be with Edward. We didn't have to do anything; I just wanted to be with him, alone, enjoying a great night. We could've watched a movie for all I cared, as long as I got to spend the night in his arms everything would have been all right.
But now it was time to tell Edward the truth. I couldn't just keep on hiding the other part of my life from him. He deserved to know the truth; he had been there for me, it was the least I could do.
"You really want to know?" I asked the obvious.
He looked at me with weary eyes, "I want you to want to tell me Bella. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I want you to feel that you can trust me enough to tell me what it is that it's holding you back from me and keeping you attached to him." he said the last part as if it was almost a derogatory term or some word that was not part of his vocabulary.
I thought about how to tell him and how our night had really not gone as I had anticipated.
"Hmm can we just enjoy our night for a little bit longer..?" I muttered.
"Bella…"
"I promise I'll tell you everything Edward, I just want to enjoy tonight; please?" I pleaded.
He took a deep breath and finished his tiramisu "Ok" he sighed.
"Thank you" I looked him in the eye.
"So what do you want to do?" he asked as he got up to throw away the plastic container he had been eating from.
"Hmm do you want to watch a movie?" I asked him.
He smiled sweetly at me but at the same time I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. "That's perfect baby"
We went up to his room and settled for a movie to watch on his laptop. We were cuddling together on his bed and I felt so safe and so warm, as I had never felt before. For some reason I felt like trying Edward's patience and asked him if we could watch Pride & Prejudice, one of my favorite movies ever and surprisingly enough, he accepted and went to fetch it downstairs.
I don't understand why I was surprised but I blamed it all on habit. James threw a fit any time I wanted a movie I liked. Either he said they were too cheesy or that I was stupid for believing in fairy tale endings or whatever shit the movie was about. Edward was nothing like that. He admitted to have read the book before and also commented that the movie was for the most part pretty accurate so he enjoyed watching it from time to time.
As we sat there I couldn't help but wondering how to tell Edward the truth. I knew I wasn't going to leave anything out but it was still making nervous and I didn't know how to say it all. I wish I didn't have such a sad and pathetic story to tell him but I didn't; all I had was the painful truth that I have been trying to hide even from myself.
When the movie ended Edward asked if I wanted something to drink and I said yes. He went downstairs and I made a quick trip to the rest room. When I was coming back I looked at the clock and saw that it was now past midnight. We had to start talking already or Alice and Jasper were going to catch us in the middle of my tears and Edward's rage, which I was sure, would not be absent during this conversation.
"Here you go baby," Edward said handing me a cup of raspberry ice tea. I took a tentative sip and then set it down on his bedside table.
I took a deep breath and then sighed, "Hmm can we talk now?" I looked at him and his face quickly registered what I said. I saw him swallow hard and fear was palpable in his eyes. He just nodded and placed the cup on the table also.
He came near me and took my hand, his eyes never leaving mine. He then started pulling me towards the deck outside of his room. When we stepped outside it was really chilly so he went back inside to get some covers and pillows for the both of us.
He still hadn't said a word and I was having a nervous breakdown on the inside. I knew he was going to be furious about the things James had done to me, but would he be mad at me for allowing it? Would he be angered at me for not doing a single thing about it? I hope he doesn't hate me.
He finally sat down in the chair next to me but moved it so that he was facing me. He took my feet and placed them on his lap and started pressing them soothingly with his hands.
"Bella you look really tense; you know you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to right?" he finally spoke. He looked nervous but pained at once.
"I want to Edward, I'm just scared you'll be angry at me and won't want to even look at me anymore" I confessed.
He pressed my feet once again and sighed, "Bella I could never hate you, no matter what you have to say, I promise I will try to understand your view and I swear that I won't hate you for It." he said.
His words comforted me and gave me the courage I was lacking to tell him my sullen story.
"Ok," I muttered. "I'm going to start from the beginning then?" I asked
"Whatever you need baby" he told me earnestly.
And it was with that, that I started telling Edward my story.
"I was in high school still when I started dating James." I started.
"I met him at church and though we barely spoke, the few words we shared always left me curious about him. I've always been shy so I never said anything. Then as time went on he told me he liked me, and at the time all I saw was how kind and amiable he was. He talked to my mom and dad and he got on their good side. They saw a boy who had a job and attended church so he was on their good graces. So we started dating and things were great for a while." I paused
"He was funny and dorky but I liked that; he was also a gentleman, and he took me out to eat and we went out to places and had fun with a bunch of his and mine friends. He gave me gifts and told me things every girl wants to hear from a boy. We got along great and I was overjoyed that someone liked me. I fell in love with him-or who I thought he was" I chuckled sarcastically.
My heart was aching as I was replaying all this memories and knew that the worse was to come. Please God help me!
Edward was looking at me intently almost like I would vanish if he even blinked. His eyes were focused, but I could see curiosity, anger, and love all at once in them.
I loved him for that.
"As we got to know each other and time started passing James got… more demanding" I continued. This was it… this would make us or break us. Please let us be ok. I prayed once again.
EPOV:
My heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. I was scared to hear this next part; to have all of my fears confirmed all at once… I didn't know how I would take this.
"What do you mean more demanding?" I asked softly. My voice sounded hoarse from how quiet I had been and for the lack of swallowing.
Bella's eyes were filled with pain and I knew how much she hated telling me this and it was killing me to see it all in her eyes.
"James wanted us to have sex," she continued and my blood started to boil but I remained immobile and reined all my fury in. She was no longer looking at me but at her lap instead and I knew that the worse was to come.
"He felt that if I really loved him I shouldn't have had a problem with it. Honestly I didn't. I wanted to show James my love but I didn't feel like sex was the answer to that. I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want that.
"So we did other things instead. I'm not going to go into details because I really value your sanity Edward and because I don't want to hurt you," she muttered still not looking at me.
"Bella, please spare my feelings, I want you to unload all the pain I see in your eyes Bella; please help me carry your burden, I want to help you" I begged her.
I saw a small tear roll down her cheek and as much as I wanted to wipe it away and stop this so she wouldn't cry any more, I knew this is what she needed. She needed to cry all of her anguish and pain out.
"Whenever we would go on dates he would stop at some random place and ask me to do things with him. When I refused him, he then told me he would settle for other things, and that's how all this mess got started. He wanted sex but I didn't so he settled for a hand job or for a blow job or any other degrading thing you can possibly think of. He always found a way to find a lonely place and he would guilt me into doing sexual favors for him. If it wasn't that then it was a picture or some video of me with little clothes on and stuff like that.
"Apart from that, James also started becoming jealous. At first I thought it was cute when he would tell me that other guys were checking me out and he didn't like it; no one had ever been jealous and protective of me before and it felt nice. But then, his jealousy started suffocating me. He started checking my phone, my email, and even started being selective about who I spoke with. We started arguing a lot and then we eventually stopped going out to places because I didn't want him to embarrass me in public with his jealousy. He got angry when I didn't want to go out and that led to more arguments." She continued.
"He then started complaining about how I dressed. He didn't like me wearing fitted clothes so I was reduced to wearing t-shirts all the time. It then got to the point that he would go to spy on me while I was at school since he had dropped out at the time. He didn't want me talking to any guys and not even my male teachers because they apparently had a thing for me. He alienated me from all my friends and from everyone I knew and in order to avoid fighting with him I eventually gave up all my extracurricular activities and all my friends. I resigned my position as the president of the teaching club and didn't attend my Honor Society meetings anymore." She wiped one more tear from her face and that tear was like acid that was slithering slowly and painfully through my body.
"That seemed to make him somewhat happy but his insistency for sex didn't wane. He kept on insisting and I kept on denying him. The arguments got worse and he blamed it all on me and my denying him. I felt guilty but at the same time I was scared. I didn't want to end up pregnant at such a young age and I also didn't want to disappoint my mom and dad. They had always told me that they expected me to be smart about guys and to not have sex before getting married. But I was sick of arguing with James so… I eventually gave in. "
She was now sobbing. The tears hadn't stopped and I could feel my own eyes watering. Why her? Why did this happen to her? She doesn't deserve this!
I got up and pulled her against me. She sobbed even louder but hugged me with great strength. I pulled her with me as I sat back down. She was now sitting on my lap and her head was buried in my chest.
"It's ok beautiful, I'm right here" I comforted her. My heart hadn't slowed down and just imagining all the suffering she had gone through made my heart constrict to the point that I thought it would stop functioning. I was amazed at how strong this beautiful girl in my arms was. She put on a strong face every day and never once complained about her life. She had me in awe.
I draped the blanket on top of her and rubbed her back softly and her sobs slowed down a bit. I was looking straight out to the woods in front of my deck but everything was so dark, just like how I felt.
"I'm so stupid" she muttered quietly. I pulled her away from my chest so I could look at her.
"Why do you say that?" my tone sounded harsher than I had intended.
"Because I believed him!" she screamed as she got up from my lap and walked off to the side of the deck. She was looking out and I could only see part of her face from the little light that came from my room.
"I believed every single thing he ever told me, I believed him when he said he loved me, and I believed him when he said he would never hurt me" she said as she wiped away her own tears.
He said he would never hurt me
Those words resonated in my head. What did she mean with that?
"What do you mean Bella? I asked not getting up from my seat… I was so scared to hear the next part.
"I mean exactly that Edward. He promised he wouldn't hurt me and I believed him and what did he do? He's hurt me every step of the way. He has broken me down and beaten me to a pulp and reduced me to nothing by humiliating me. And what have I done? Nothing… so you tell me, which one of us is the pathetic one? Him for doing it or me for allowing it?" she asked and looked at me with anger on her face but I didn't register much. I wasn't processing much; I just had to get one fact straight…
"He's hit you before Bella?" I muttered softly trying to contain every single thought that seeped into my mind. Please say no, please say no… I was looking at her straight in the eye and she didn't need to verbalize her answer for me to understand it.
I couldn't possibly put into words how I felt at that moment when everything I ever feared was being confirmed right in front of me. I felt despair, sadness, hopelessness, but above all, I felt anger. I wanted more than anything else to have that asswipe in front of me so I could beat the living shit out of him and then rip him to shreds.
I felt myself trembling from the anger and before I even realized it, I got up and walked back inside my room. I went straight to the rest room and starting washing my face. I felt like I was boiling from so much anger and the cool water was an attempt to burn out the fire but it wasn't working. My eyes were burning and even though I was splattering myself with water, I could also feel the tears falling down my face.
Images of Tanya started rushing through my head and I was realizing that this was all too much to take in. I suspected that Tanya's story was repeating itself in Bella but to have it confirmed was just too painful. The wounds I had from Tanya's death weren't sealed yet and I could feel each one of them opening back up as I heard Bella's story.
Bella…. Shit she's outside!
I went back out to the deck and found Bella sitting on the floor still facing the trees. She had her knees drawn up against her chest and she looked really calm but I knew if I looked in her eyes, she would be everything but.
"Bella?" I called.
She didn't look at me at all she just kept staring toward the trees and I was just standing there looking at her. We were both quiet until she spoke again.
"I understand if you're mad at me Edward, believe me, you couldn't be madder than I am. The saddest part of it all is that I would give anything to go back in time and be the girl I once was. Even if I were to be lonely all over again, I would take that any time of day just to forget the last two years of my life. But I guess I can't do that. I got myself in this mess and everything that has happened has been my fault so now I need to deal with the consequences" she said with a saddened voice.
I walked to where she was at and sat next to her. I took her hand and looked at her. I waited for her to look at me and when she did I tried to convey my feelings to her.
"Bella, I want you to please, please, get this through your head: what he has done to you is not your fault ok? He is just manipulating you so that you feel that way. Bella there's nothing wrong with trying to be you! If you want to dress how you want to dress then that is your right. No one can tell you any differently, not him and not me. People like James like control Bella, they want to dictate every aspect of your life, and they are overly jealous, even of the people closest to you. They force you to do things you don't want to do and to top it all off they make you feel like you are the insensitive one, but Bella you aren't any of those things. You are sweet and calm and at the same time you are independent and in control of your actions. You don't have to be with him Bella!" I pleaded.
I didn't want for Bella to act too late; I wanted her as far away from that asshole as possible. Her life was at enough risk as it was already. I wouldn't be able to take it if something were to happen to her.
"Edward I know all those things about James already. I've known them all along" she whispered but she still looked sad.
"Bella, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah"
"Why don't you tell your parents?" I asked. She immediately looked away and wiped another tear from her face. I rubbed my hand with hers and tried to warm it up. It was cold outside and she still had the blanket wrapped around herself but she was shivering but I figured the shivers had nothing to do with the cold.
"You don't understand how my parents would react to all of this Edward" she said still looking away. I waited for her to continue talking.
"My mom and dad adore James; they think he is the perfect boyfriend. He has a job, loves talking to them, goes to church, and adores his girlfriend, what could possibly be wrong with him? On top of it all if my parents ever found out that I had sex with James they would kill me themselves. My mom would probably disown me and my dad would never talk to me again. I can't live with that Edward. I can't hurt my parents like that. Do you have any idea how disappointed they would be to find out that their baby girl had sex with some guy before she even got married? They would hate me for the rest of their lives!" she finished.
"Bella they're your parents, they would understand if you tell them what's been truly going on" I pushed. I couldn't imagine any parents who would disown their daughter just because she had sex with some guy who turned out to be an abusive asshole.
"Edward he threatened to kill my dad" she whispered.
My heart started accelerating once more. "What do you mean?" I asked
"He told me that if I ever told anyone about him hurting me that he would hurt my dad. Edward, I know James, I know he's capable of doing just that and more. I'm so scared and I don't want my dad to get hurt. I couldn't possibly live with myself if something happened to him."
"Bella you have to get away from this guy, he's no good for you" I muttered the obvious.
"I should've thought about that before getting involved with him" she whispered back.
We both sat there in silence and I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to get Bella to say something. It was then that it all hit me.
"Bella let's go back inside, I want to show you something" I told her getting up and helping her up. She looked at me with questions in her eyes and I just started pulling her behind me. I was trying not to think too much about what I was going to do next but I had to make Bella see that being with James would kill her one way or another. I couldn't live without her and this was the last option I had available.
We got to my bed and I told Bella to sit. She followed my instructions while I walked into my closet. I looked in some of the coats and then leaned down and picked up the box where everything I needed was at.
I would show Bella what silence did to my life, and even more, what it did to my Tanya.
BPOV:
Edward came back to the bed with a box and something else in his hand. I was confused at how randomly he had changed the conversation. How did we go from me telling my story to him showing me something?
He sat in front of me and placed everything in between us. I looked at him and he looked nervous but determined at the same time. I wanted to know what he was trying to show me but at the same time he's nervousness scared me. Was this the part where he told me to get out?
"Bella I want to show you something that I've been having for a while now. These are some of my most treasured memories and they are very special to me. They hold my past with them. A past that I hadn't been able to let go of for a very long time but thanks to a special girl I was able to leave behind." He finished with a nervous smile.
I looked at him and then looked down at the box and then back at him.
"Open it" he encouraged but now I could almost see a trace some sadness in his face.
I slowly lifted the top of the box and what I saw in the box was not exactly what I was expecting.
The box contained some dried flowers, some envelopes that obviously contained pictures in them, some ticket stubs, and a white envelope that was now stained red. I looked back at Edward and in his face I saw something that I hadn't seen in a very long time.
I had a flashback to when I first met Edward. He was quiet, reserved, and serious. But what I had noticed the most was the pain that was reflected in his eyes. It was that same pain that I had seen that day that was now in Edward's face.
"Edward what's wrong?" I asked. My heart was accelerating and I was scared because I understood what was happening right now. Edward was going to tell me what I had wanted to hear for so long now. He was going to tell me about his past.
He took a deep breath and looked down at the box once more. "When I was in California I had a girlfriend named Tanya. This is she" he opened the envelope with the pictures and took out a picture and handed it to me.
I took the picture in my hands and looked down. The girl in the picture was beautiful. She was a strawberry blonde with sparkling blue eyes. She was the kind of girl every other girl would be jealous of; she was the epitome of perfection. She also reminded me of Rosalie our English teacher… just beautiful.
"She's beautiful" I muttered and then looked back at Edward. He had a small smile on his face and I felt a pang of hurt because it was when I met his eyes that I saw something new: Edward loved this girl.
My heart started working double time and now I was wondering why Edward was showing me this. Would he be getting back with her?
"Yeah she is beautiful" he sighed. "She always was beautiful" he muttered.
"Was?" I asked with great curiosity.
Edward once again got serious and then looked at me in the eye. "Tanya was killed by her ex-boyfriend." He said while looking away with a far-away look.
I didn't know what to say to that. Holy shit didn't even start to cover it.
"I'm sorry Edward" I told him looking at him in the face.
Just by looking at Edward I could tell how much Tanya's death had affected him and I could see the pain etched on his face from all that he must have suffered when she died.
"Don't be sorry Bella. The reason Tanya is dead is my fault" he said in a low voice.
I was now totally confused and couldn't make any sense of what Edward was saying. Why would it be his fault that her ex killed her?
"Edward can you please explain what you mean please?" I asked calmly. I didn't want him to think that I was judging him without knowing the story behind all this mess.
"Tanya and I had been dating for about half a year whenever she told me about Marcus. She and Marcus had dated a while before she and I got together and he had been very abusive with her. He mistreated her and forced her to do all kinds of things that she didn't want to do. She suffered so much with him and it took her a long time to finally leave him. When she did, he took it the hard way and gave her a hard time. When she told me that stuff it was hard for me to believe that she had been through so much, she seemed so serene and calm and not how I would have thought a person who had been through so many traumas should be. She was eventually ok and had moved on. We were both in love and getting ready to graduate" he paused and started looking for another picture.
He gave it to me and in the picture was Edward wearing a baseball hat, cargo shorts and no shirt. He looked handsome as only he can and his smile was enough proof of how happy he was. He also looked much younger even though his age couldn't have been less than 17. In his hands, though he was holding a stuffed teddy bear that was wearing a tuxedo. I looked at Edward for an explanation.
"I gave Tanya that Teddy bear and asked her to take him to prom but that I had to come along as well" he laughed and I giggled.
"What did she say?" I asked.
Edward looked at me and he seemed happy but I knew he was smiling because he was remembering that day.
"She said that she really liked the teddy bear so she would put up with me at prom if it meant that she could keep it" he smiled.
"Lucky you" I muttered.
His face lost the smile and I knew the hardest part was coming up. This was the part where his happy ending messed all up.
"Not so much." He said and then he took out the object he had been holding in his hand earlier. It was a blue box and I immediately recognized what it was. Tiffany's! He opened it and inside was a beautiful necklace. It had a heart pendant that said I love you in it.
"A week before prom we were about to celebrate our one year anniversary and had made all the arrangements to go out to dinner. I told her I would pick her up at her house but I wanted to wrap this box in a couple of bigger boxes so that it would take her forever to open it, so I called her and told her that we could meet up at the restaurant instead and she agreed. When I finally got to the restaurant an ambulance was there and Tanya was on the floor." He said.
A teardrop rolled down his cheek and I wanted to wipe it away but wisely held back. Edward's face changed to one of anger and I was confused once again.
"Tanya had been shot in the parking lot of the restaurant when she was getting off the car. She was rushed to the hospital and was pronounced dead about two hours after arriving. No one knew what had happened just that she had been shot. When the police started interviewing people and they got to me they asked me if I knew of anyone who would be holding a grudge against Tanya and I remembered Marcus. I told them and they immediately went looking for him but couldn't find him. He went missing for a couple of weeks but then I started receiving threatening letters from him. That was when my family and I moved to Forks because the investigators couldn't find Marcus and he was a threat to us. Two months after we arrived at Forks Marcus confessed to everything and shot himself before the police arrived to the place where he was hiding."
Edward was still looking down at the necklace and was now passing his finger through it. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much pain he must have been in just by telling me all of this.
"You have no idea how hard it was for me to attend her funeral and to see her casket. It has been the hardest and the most painful thing I have ever done in my life. What made it even worse was to know that it was my entire fault. If it wasn't because of me, Tanya would still be alive" he muttered, closing the box in his hand.
"Why do you think it's your fault?" I asked still not understanding why he kept on saying that.
"Because, I should've picked her up at her house like we agreed to in the first place! I should have kept her as safe as possible once I knew that Marcus still hadn't let go of her. Tanya and I both knew how Marcus was and what he was capable of and yet I did nothing to protect her. I just left her unprotected for him to do as he pleased with her and when he found the chance, he ended her life." He sobbed.
"I deserve to be dead not her. She was so full of life and was the most innocent girl who didn't deserve an ounce of all the suffering that asshole made her go through. You see this envelope here?" he asked picking up the envelope that was stained with red.
"This is all that is left of Tanya's life. This is her blood. I had bought her flowers and a card to give her that night and when I saw the commotion at the restaurant and figured out it was her, I dropped everything on the floor. After they declared her death I went back to the parking lot. I didn't know what I was looking for, maybe I thought that if I went back to it everything would go back to normal, I don't know; but when I got there all I found were the flowers that had all been trampled on by the paramedics and the crowd and the envelope that now has Tanya's blood all over it." He could barely finish the last part.
Edward was now sobbing and I had never seen him this way. I could feel the tears dripping down my cheek. Edward was in so much pain and there was no way I could make it better.
"Oh Edward" I said throwing myself at him and hugging him. He sobbed into my shoulder and hugged me back.
"Bella I don't want you to be next" he muttered through his sobs.
When he said that it took me by surprise, so I didn't respond.
He pulled away and put everything back in the box. He got up and went back to his closet. When he was coming back he was still wiping away his tears. He got on the bed and kneeled in front of me.
"After Tanya's death I was left broken and empty. I didn't smile, I didn't eat, I didn't go out, and I might as well have been dead. I started drinking a lot to numb out the pain but even then, I just wanted to die for a really long time. My parents wanted me to see a shrink but I refused and just kept drowning in my pain." He then looked at me straight in the eyes.
"But then I met a certain girl who was nothing like the others. She was shy and quiet but at the same time confident and courageous. Believe it or not this girl got me out of my funk. I don't know how but she just did" he said.
His hand reached out to caress my cheek and I let him. I leaned into his palm and closed my eyes.
"You saved me Bella" he said.
"Bella I've been given a second chance. I have the opportunity to do something this time, not to just be quiet and let things happen, no! I can do something this time. Bella you also deserve a second chance. You deserve to find love and to be happy with just being you. You deserve to be cherished and never to be mistreated. You deserve better than him Bella" he finished.
I looked at him and saw everything I had ever wanted and dreamed of. I saw a guy who was caring, compassionate, respectful, kind, loving, funny, intelligent, and yet unique. He was perfection and I loved him with every cell in my body and I wanted to tell him just that.
"Edward?"
"I know you think that Tanya's death is your fault but it isn't" pain crossed his face but he took a deep breath.
"Bella I should have taken better care of Tanya. I knew how Marcus was and I shouldn't have been as careless and leave her unprotected, or even better, I should have told someone about it, but I never did and now it has become one of the biggest regrets of my life."
"Edward, I understand why you decided to tell me all about her. Tanya chose to not say anything and as harsh as this may sound, that was her decision and those were the consequences that she was dealt. The same thing applies to me. I have chosen to not say anything about James to anyone and the consequences are all mine to deal with; not anyone else's" I argued.
"Bella but you don't have to do this alone. You have to tell someone! How do you think I would feel knowing that something happened to you and I said nothing? Is it not enough that I already lost someone I cared about because of the same reason? Do I have to go through that again? I don't want to lose you Bella! You have been the only person that has been able to get me back from the dark and the walking dead; I don't want to go back to being that person all over again. I know that if something ever happened to you I would never resurface from that hurt." He said looking down into his lap.
His sincerity caught me unguarded and my heart started hyperventilating. I didn't want Edward to suffer because of me; he had enough suffering for a lifetime already. I thought about everything that this meant. I have to leave James, and I have to tell my parents everything! But the more I thought about it the more I came to the same conclusion: anything that my parents told me or did when I told them the truth would be worth it as long as I got rid of James and I still had Edward with me.
I took Edwards hand with mine and looked at him in the eye. "Edward I promise I'll tell my parents everything as soon as possible ok?" I asked him.
His face registered surprise in my statement but then a little sad smile played across his face. "Are you sure beautiful? I don't want you to feel like you don't have another option" he said.
"Edward I can't take living this way anymore, it's unbearable. I have felt imprisoned for almost 3 years now and I can't take it for one more second. At some point in time my parents will find out about everything and that will make it even worse so I might as well tell them now. And above all Edward, I don't want you to be worried about me. I don't want you to have to hurt because of me; you have had enough sufferings to go through already, I love you and I can't do that to you." I finished.
Before I could even know what was happening, Edward had pushed me back against the bed and was kissing me with a passion I had never seen before in him.
I immediately threw myself into the kiss and dug my hands into his hair. His tongue caressed my lower lip and I gave him the entrance he wanted. When his tongue entered my mouth I felt a wave of heat go through my body and I wanted more. One of my hands stared traveling up and down his back and feeling his whole weight against me heightened the experience.
When he finally allowed me to breathe, his mouth went down to my neck where he was placing open mouthed kisses. I threw my head back in order to give him more access; I didn't want this sensation to go away.
"Oh Edward!" I panted, and he just kept up the slow but amazing torture. With as much force as I could use, I pushed Edward off and forced myself on top of him so that I was now straddling him.
I looked at his eyes and we were both panting crazily. "Oh Bella, I love you so much" he panted.
The moment he said that some switch went off in me and I just wanted to be as close as possible to Edward as I could.
I leaned down and kissed him with all the passion I could muster and my hands attacked his wild hair once again. Edward's hands were now exploring my body. He was moving them up and down my legs and his touch felt amazing.
I moved down to kiss his neck and I started trying to pull up his shirt. When I had his shirt up to his torso already I felt his hands stop me. I sat up and looked at him with what I'm sure was a puzzled expression.
"Bella" he started as he sat up as well. I was still straddling him so whenever he sat up I could feel the proof of his arousal on my back.
He was looking at me now while we were both still breathing hard. "Gosh you're fucking beautiful" he muttered and smiled, while looking away.
"Then why are we stopping?" I complained.
"Bella I love you and whenever this happens" he said pointing between me and him "I want us both to be completely rid of all this mess. I am not going to make love to you and then send you back to him, that would make me feel like I'm using you" he said.
"But you're not, I know better" I argued.
"Yeah well humor me would you? I don't want to feel like a jackass. Plus how cliché is it to have sex the night of prom?" he chuckled. When I thought about it I started chuckling myself.
"Yeah I guess you're right" I conceded.
"Duh I always am" he teased.
We were looking at each other now. I thought back at how our night had gone and even though we both had been crying over our misfortunes in life, I had a good time tonight and I wouldn't change it at all.
"I love you" I muttered.
"I love you too" he answered back as he leaned and gave me a sweet kiss on my lips.
"Now let's hit the hay young lady, my sister will be here early in the morning and you know she's going to question you about every little thing we did tonight" he smiled sadly.
We both lied down and cuddled together. I lied there thinking about everything that had been said tonight and I was quietly strategizing about what I was going to do with James. I knew I had to get rid of him, not for Edward as much as for me. I needed to this for me!
After a while of just thinking I was ready to get knocked out but I wanted to say something.
"Edward?" I called.
"Huh?" he mumbled.
"Tanya would be so proud of who you have become." I told him.
He stayed quiet for a while and I thought he had fallen asleep so I closed my eyes and started drifting off to sleep as well. I think I heard Edward mutter though but I couldn't be sure.
"I hope she is" he muttered.
And with that I drifted off.
I was happy right now but I knew that the hardest part of it all was ahead and I had to figure out my game plan. I need to get rid of James before he completely destroys my life like Marcus did with Tanya. I wanted to start living my life again and like I had told Edward, I would give anything to go back and be happy again and in order to do that I needed to break free from James. There's simply no other way out.
A/N: so there you have it folks… was it what you thought it would be? What do you want to see happening next? There's also some things Bella left out of her confession don't you think? Please Review!